If anyone wants to take me to task that Metal Mickey isn't holding a camera in the above image (as is customary for this feature), I have but one retort: he has an in-built camera, of course!
Here are ten songs featuring precious, and not-so-precious, metals.
A red lynx would be a bobcat. Marley was a naughty dog in Marley & Me... with a sad end.
(This was actually a photo of Bob and a couple of the future Wailers in their first band, The Teenagers. But you try to find a photo of Bob Marley that isn't instantly recognisable!)
Bob Marley & The Wailers - Iron Lion Zion
Snapshots will be back next Saturday. I'm not taking the Mickey!
It's been a particularly busy week and I've been worrying about the fact that I didn't have a post ready for today. I know that's ridiculous. It's really not worth worrying about...
Oh, would some
Power the gift give us To see ourselves
as others see us! It would from many
a blunder free us, And foolish
notion: What airs in dress
and gait would leave us, And even devotion!
So ends one of Robert Burns' most famous poems (well, the English translation of it anyway, which I'm sure will horrify some of you), in which Burns writes about seeing a louse crawling on a woman’s bonnet in church. At first
he’s disgusted by the sight, though by the end of the poem he turns more
philosophical. If we could see ourselves through other people’s eyes, he argues,
we would lose all our pretensions and realise that no one person is better than
anybody else…
Nice idea, Rabbie, but many of us spend far too much time
worrying about how other people see us. Welcome to FOPO – Fear of Other People’s
Opinions. Here’s a for instance…
Someone I know – we’ll call him Tiberius – finds it hard to
make small talk with colleagues or discuss his life outside work. He can handle
more formal discussions about work-related matters in a relaxed fashion, making
jokes when appropriate, and generally feels like his opinion and experience is
valued in those circumstances. But when everyone starts chatting about what
they did last night, what they’re doing at the weekend, what they’re watching
on TV or what music they like… he clams up. If someone raises a topic he has an
opinion on – say they mention a TV show he’s actually watched or a band he has
some knowledge of – he’s not afraid to chip in. What he won’t do is set the agenda.
He won’t mention a show nobody else has been talking about, and he certainly
won’t tell them he’s been out to see Craig Finn or Lucinda Williams over the
weekend. (In case you’re wondering, Tiberius goes to a lot of the same gigs I
do. We don’t go together because, to be honest, I find him rather tedious company.)
Why won’t Tiberius tell his colleagues about the great time
he had watching Craig or Lucinda? Why would he rather pretend he’s done nothing
at the weekend? Why won’t he ask them if anybody’s watching the final series of
Curb or if they saw Fargo Season 5 – the best one yet? Well, only Tiberius
would be able to answer those questions for sure. But here are a couple of
suggestions…
1. Tiberius doesn’t feel that his own life would be of interest
to anybody else. (There’s a huge irony here in that Tiberius spends a great
deal of his time chronicling said life on a blog that very few people read – I’m
not linking to it, to spare you the agony. But he does that, he claims, purely
for his own mental health, and it’s a bonus if other people read it, though he
really can’t understand why they would.)
2. Tiberius does not wish to be judged by his own interests
or opinions. If he tells people he watches Curb, they might think he’s a sociopathic
misanthropist like Larry David. And mentioning any kind of musical interest
outside the mainstream is a certain way of finding yourself stereotyped or
pigeon-holed, labelled and tagged. You like country music, Tiberius? Yee-haw!
You like ROCK? Do… I… need… to… talk… more… slowly… so… you… understand? You
like Taylor Swift too? Sad old man desperately trying to cling onto his youth
by appearing hip? Bruce Springsteen? I never liked Born In The USA… too
jingoistic for me. No, expressing any kind of musical preference just opens one up to stereotyping, prejudice and general all-purpose ignorance… and the last
thing Tiberius wants is to get into an argument defending his tastes… because
that would just make him look touchy.
Why does Tiberius care what other people think? To answer
that question, I turned to our old friend Mr. Google, who directed me towards psychologist
Michael Gervais at The Harvard Business Review. Gervais has written a couple of
articles that jumped out at me, one called How
to Stop Worrying About What Other People Think of You and one called Stop
Basing Your Self-Worth on Other People’s Opinions. The first of those is a
bit too Inspirational for me – it concludes by suggesting we tackle self-esteem
issues by cultivating our own “personal philosophy” or mission statement… but
then, this is The Harvard Business Review, and Gervais’s clients do include “world
record holders, Olympians, internationally acclaimed artists and musicians,
MVPs from every major sport, and Fortune 100 CEOs”… so what do you expect? (Clearly he's overcome any of his own self-esteem issues a long time ago.)
Still, best
not to consult Dr. Gervais if you're a mediocre loser like Tiberius. His article did
however reiterate something we’ve discussed here before – how the monkey brain
fears being ostracized by the “tribe”.
Unfortunately, FOPO is part of
the human condition since we’re operating with an ancient brain. A craving for
social approval made our ancestors cautious and savvy; thousands of years ago,
if the responsibility for the failed hunt fell on your shoulders, your place in
the tribe could be threatened. The desire to fit in and the paralyzing fear of
being disliked undermine our ability to pursue the lives we want to create.
The second article was more enlightening, particularly when
it discussed the core principles of self-worth, and how everybody judges
themselves by a different yardstick. For some, academic prowess trumps everything
else. For others, it’s physical appearance. It could be financial stability or sporting
ability or just being a nice, caring person… we all have an internal barometer
of success, and they’re all attuned to a slightly different wavelength. Which,
when you think about it, makes seeing ourselves through other people’s eyes a
bit of a non-starter. Someone with an athletically-attuned mindset might look
at Tiberius and think, you’re getting a bit flabby, mate, isn’t it time you hit
the gym? But if that doesn’t match Tiberius’s own metric… he'd rather people thought he was a good writer and a genuine human being... so what’s the point in
even trying to make a comparison?
Other people's lives Seem more interesting 'cause they ain't mine
Gervais gets to the crux of the matter when he discusses “externalising
your self-worth”, in other words, trying to conform to other people’s metrics.
Externalizing our self-worth,
when it works, can yield short-term benefits. We get emotionally and chemically
rewarded when we succeed. Our hypothalamus produces dopamine, often referred to
as the feel-good neurotransmitter. Our self-esteem gets lifted, leaving us
feeling safe, secure, and superior.
But dependency on external validation
and social approval has a dark alter ego that reveals itself over time because
outsourcing our self-worth undermines the basic human needs of competence,
autonomy, and relatedness.
Woah. There’s quite a lot to unpack there. I fear we may
have to return to Tiberius next week…
In case you've just arrived from another planet, iffypedia tells us that, "Jelly Babies are a type of soft sugar jelly sweets in the shape of plump babies, sold in a variety of colours." Something about the use of the phrase "plump babies" in that sentence makes me consider Jelly Babies in a far more sinister light than I ever have. If you have just arrived from another planet, please note that we do not eat human babies, no matter how plump and tasty they might look.
To make matters worse, Jelly Babies were originally called "Unclaimed Babies". I'd like to reiterate... we do not eat human babies, claimed or unclaimed.
Jelly Babies were a big favourite of Tom Baker's Doctor Who...
When Beatles fans found out that George Harrison liked the odd Jelly Baby, they started chucking them at the band. But they didn't have Jelly Babies in the USA, so when the band went over there, people chucked Jelly Beans at them instead. Which were a lot harder.
Beyond those guys, who else likes their Jelly Babies in the world of pop...?
Let's start with a classy B-side from Hot Chip...
You're choosing something sweet, you chew on something sweet A fleshy rubber made of me A packet does contain a beautiful refrain Least when the two of you stand free
I always thought Babs was such a sweet young thing. Like butter wouldn't melt. Then I saw the cover of the album that came from...
...which has surely got to be one of the worst album covers ever. You call your album ButterFly, and that's the image you decide to go with, Babs?
I subsequently learned that the album was solely produced by her then-boyfriend, Jon Peters... so I'm guessing clear heads might not have been involved in the cover selection process.
Guava Jelly was originally recorded by Bob Marley. And somehow, his version seems a lot less sordid...
But I've gone off on a tangent as I'm pretty sure neither Bob nor Babs were thinking about Jelly Babies when they sang that song (although the white powder the sweets are often covered in might have been of interest to Jon Peters).
Here's a whole shop full of sweets, including Jelly Babies, Rhubarb & Custard and a quarter of Sherbet Lemons...
But today's best tune comes from Ipswich punks The Adicts (originally known as Afterbirth, until wiser minds prevailed), from their 1985 album, Smart Alex. If only because it includes the lyrical couplet below...
Why do you have to be such a party-pooper? You wouldn't even dance to Alice Cooper!
There was another One D... band I could have chosen to illustrate the final edition in the Hot 100 Countdown... fortunately, Swiss Adam saved me from having to go there when he suggested One Dove.
I've been dreading this week since I started this countdown, way way back in January 2018. (Yes, I've been at this for more than two years.)
Partly because I knew there would be thousands of potential ONE songs.
Partly because I knew it'd be impossible to find them amidst all the BlutONES and UndertONES songs, and all the songs about bones and phones; everyone, anyone and no one; money and baloney.
I didn't dread it because I wondered what the winner would be though. I've known that since January 2018.
Before you dismiss it completely, let's not forget that it was written by Nik Kershaw, and came from a movie in which Roger Daltrey played Chezzer's dad.
And, while we're on the subject of Ones & Only... and Only Ones, for that matter... I may as well re-direct you back to this, from way back in 2013...
George will be disappointed to see that Huey Lewis only got to #2 in that countdown. And he was beaten by The Charlatans, for Pete's sake... what was I thinking?
I think it's fair to say I haven't heard that since 1982. However, I was 10 in 1982, and I seem to recall being quite a fan. If you'd asked me, I'd have said this actually won Eurovision that year, but it didn't. It was beaten by Nicole. Still, neither of them were in the same league as the 1981 winners. Witness my nascent sexual awakening at 1 minute 32 seconds on that video.
You may have noticed I'm holding off on the lists this week, folks. There's a reason for that. Over to C...
Blimey Rol, incredible stuff. This must be like a full-time job - perhaps you should charge us for your services to blogging? I'm not even going to add anything, happy just to see what comes up.
The truth is, C, last week nearly broke me. And the prospect of copying and pasting all the one suggestions... and then finding links for the bloody things... I just couldn't take it!
And then Lynchie said this...
Rol - I think you should turn this series into a book.
I would ask who'd read it... but I guess you guys have answered that question over the past two and a half years. For which, I will be eternally grateful... but not so grateful that I could face the colossal workload of this final post.
And then, after whittling his shortlist down to 600, The Swede came to my rescue...
Here's what's left from my hard-drives. Sorry there are so many - for gawd's sake don't post them all!
Do you know what, Swede? That's the best advice I've been given in all my blogging career.
What I'm going to do instead is choose ONE song from each contributor... beyond the ones suggested above.
If anybody cares to see the full list of suggestions, you can do so here.
(Part of me thinks I should have instituted a filtration policy such as this weeks ago.)
Finally, as seems only fitting, here's my Number One contributor... at least in terms of the number of suggestions he's submitted during the lifetime of this series... The Swede.
Just pitching the one this week, mostly because it must surely be the winner...
How right you are, Martin.
(Special mention to Lynchie who guessed the original version, a worthy runner-up.)
As I said at the start, I knew this song would be the winner of the final week of my Hot 100 even before I published the first post. It is, quite simply, perfect...
Which brings us to the end of this feature.
I sometimes wondered if I'd ever reach the end, but I'm glad I did. Chalk it up as another of life's little accomplishments... and thank you all again for playing along. It wouldn't have been half as much fun... and I definitely wouldn't have made it this far... without your contributions.
Final word goes to The Swede...
A thought occurred whilst mulling... I trust you'll be doing a final entry the week after next for zeroes?
Now I don't like to be one to disappoint, Swede, but I just can't face that right now. (Neither can I face "Half Songs" or "Quarter Songs" or anything else, for that matter. If I never see another number again, it'll be too soon.)
However - that's not to say I won't welcome your contributions. If anyone wants to compile a Top Ten Zero Songs and submit it for Guest Post Thursday, I will be happy to let you have the space.
I have got an idea for a feature to replace this one, and I'll be kicking that off in a couple of weeks' time. I've been itching to get to it for at least a year now... and it will require your suggestions (though I'm hoping it won't lead to quite so many as the last few weeks of the Hot 100 has). I hope you'll join me and play along...
