Why did nobody tell me XXXXX had a new album out last year?
I could start a whole new series with that title. Forget the algorithms, they're useless. When I "LIKE" an artist, I'd expect the streaming service to tell me they've got a new record out. Maybe give it priority over another bloody Van Morrison live recording from 1969?
It's just so hard to keep up.
Anyway, this time it's Jens Lekman, my favourite Swedish pop star, with apologies to Benny, Bjorn and Robyn. Songs for Other People's Weddings reveals that since 2004, Jens has been moonlighting as a wedding singer, and here he chronicles so of the bizarre experiences that's led to, with his customary wit and wisdom...
Waiting by the urinal for my turn behind two guys who are taking their time since they are dressed in an oversized tuxedo that combines their bodies into one Two arms, three legs, a bowtie A smile as bright as the sun As if they’ve been conjoined twins since time begun
Their names are Jun and Arthur, they’re getting married today I’ve been hired as their wedding singer, they know me by the letter J They’ve just learned that with a suit like this it’s hard to pee So while one guy does his business, the other turns to me And says sorry they couldn’t pay much and I say it’s fine Cause I’m having the time of my life The drinks are free and after all I make a fortune from my streams on Spotify And we laugh and they struggle to zip up their fly
If I'd known, I might have asked him to play at my wedding. Yeah, like I'd have been able to afford that...
I was largely unaware of the story of Alan Bates and his fight to clear the names and reputations of hundreds of Post Office employees. The recent TV dramatisation starring Toby Jones came as quite the eye-opener... and I'm still reeling. It's the sort of story that proves reality can be far scarier than fiction. If it wasn't true, I wouldn't believe it. Surely there must have been...? Why didn't...? What sort of people...? How could they...?
Words fail me.
Here are some songs that feature the Post Office. The warm and welcoming local high street institution that we all grew up with... not the evil, autonomous Mega-Corporation that took it over.
Robert Arthur "Tut" Taylor Sr. was a champion and preserver of old time bluegrass music who once sold a Hank Williams guitar to Neil Young. Here he reminds us of a Post Office to be proud of...
Buccaneer is from Jamaica, but his real name is Andrew Bradford. He was stuck in the Post Office back in 1994.
As soon as I started thinking about songs featuring the Post Office, two sprang immediately to mind. The first is just a mondegreen though. Still, if Michael really was singing...
Keep on to the Post Office
Don't stop till you get enough
...then there wouldn't be a better song to support Alan Bates's 20+ year fight.
What the world needs now is another tribute to one of the most important musicians of the 20th Century. From his peerless work with lyricist Hal David to later collaborations with Carole Bayer Sager, Neil Diamond and Elvis Costello, Burt Bacharach created an unparalleled songbook of timeless classics. What can I say that hasn't already been said by far more erudite folk than me?
How about sitting back and listening to a few tributes from the Celebrity Jukebox? And who better to start with than... The Quo?!?
Hardly going to beat that, am I?
Maybe not, but I was pleased to find that a number of my favourite artists happily name dropped Burt B. in their lyrics. For example...
I would like to keep this vision Of you intact, When we'd hang around and listen To Bacharach And you loved the world you lived in And it loved you back
It's closing time And the drunks sing some stray lines of Bacharach It's too late now to even out the score You drain the glass and raise your hand for more So I'll take cover while you just take the floor
If you ever need a stranger To sing at your wedding A last minute choice then I am your man I know every song, you name it By Bacharach or David Every stupid love song that's ever touched your heart Every power ballad that's ever climbed the charts
Now that's the kind of room I'd like to fill with Burt Bacharach music The look of love Is in your eyes
Remember when Burt was married to Angie Dickenson Can't you see her Angie's in an evening gown Drinking scotch on the rocks Those rocks are clinking as she walks across the room "The Look of Love" rises from Burt's piano Oh, what a muse!
But oh you could fool me into staying Talking in the corner, hating all the music playing I like the Rockmes and Bacharach And I'd happily burn a playlist with an explanation Track for track
Meet me in the backwoods, we're going after dark We're digging a hole in the ground, there's no need to worry at all You ask too many questions like, "who's it for?" etcetera C'mon, you must know you're already gone Just think back to Bacharach & chocolate-covered strawberries Since you seem to think it's our only good memory You say you've been done around here No need to repeat, you've made it perfectly clear That you're already gone
All of which leads us back to where we started, songs that mention Burt in the title. Can anyone compete with the Quo? You decide...
Today's best discovery comes from "Withington's Burt Bacharach", Chris Keaney and his Electric Lovehandles. Let's just say that bandcamp purchases ensued. This is proving an expensive feature for me...
Emma Pollock or Emma's Imagination for the picture please, said Charity Chic, who's doing pretty well at picking our pictured artist lately, even if he can't supply any relevant tunes.
Ms. Pollock was always the Emma at the forefront of my mind for this post. I've been a fan since the early days of The Delgados.
The only other singing Emma in my collection is the actress Emma Caulfield, here duetting with Nicholas Brendon from the Buffy musical episode. I'm sure Alyson will appreciate this if nobody else.
Onto the songs then... although this week had less entries than usual. When I began this feature, I figured the girl's names would trounce the boy's names in song suggestions, but that hasn't been the case for the past few weeks. Anyway, here's what you had for me, beyond those that made the Top Ten...
...which was a bit too modern-Saxon. An older Saxon tune might have stood a chance.
Finally, you'll be pleased to know that my millennial hipster politico friend, Ben, was far too busy doing important things this week to devote much effort to the search, although he did offer the following, which he says reminds him of being 12...
I was 31 when that record came out. It reminds him of being 12. Grrr...
(Actually, I think he's a year or two older than your Maths will reveal... but I ignore him whenever he tells me his exact age because it makes me ill.)
Meanwhile, scraped from my own hard-drive, but still worthy of consideration...
And, from 1971, this curious tale of an Emma who...
...comes to see me
About 8 o'clock each night
And she throws her arms around me
And off we go in flight
Like an airplane
Moving up and down
Which, however sweetly sung, is a pretty terrible euphemism.
However, one night Emma is late... and Jonathan has his tea at 8.30, so frankly, don't mess me about love. I'm not sure this song is meant to make me laugh so much.
Within every city and town there's a madison Frozen lives for whom nothing's happening Hungry children is a mother's dilemma Dumpster diving to feed her baby Emma
That's a classic, though probably not enough of a lyrical nod compared to some of the ones that did make the final ten.
Big cheese down at the Tourist Information Come forth with your queries And I’ll wade out for miles Never trust a crown green bowler under thirty The future’s so dull I’ve gotta sing torch songs Dropkick the improv workshop mimeshow gobshite Facepaint Left Bank Kenneth Emma R-A-D-A Rainer Werner Cokeheads cokeheads cokeheads
From Rigid Digit and Walter. Lovelier than you'd expect from Chumbawamba, plus it's from an album called A Singsong And A Scrap. What else do you need?
Can I add one more, said Martin,because it's excellent. For Emma, forever ago.
Also, For Emma by Bon Iver,Alyson seconded, I only discovered them and the album of the same name when I started writing about the pesky virus in March. They had a song called Blindsided on that album which fitted the bill perfectly at the time.
Jury's still out here at Top Ten Towers on the whole Bon "I recorded this album in a cabin in the woods to get back to the roots" Iver experience, I'm afraid. Still, this was popular enough (on a quiet week) to make the chart.
Thanks to Emma, says C, I can recycle my comment from last week with the disallowed Teddy!
"...There's a sweet song: 'The Ballad of Marmalade Emma and Teddy Grimes' by Hard Meat, and I can give you a little background to the story too..."
The rather ambiguous-sounding name Hard Meat suggests all sorts – perhaps the title of an Andy Warhol film or a Scandinavian porn mag, maybe even the name of a militant anti-vegetarian group…so you may be relieved to know that the Hard Meat I’m referring to here is a 60s/70s band from Birmingham. Even then one might expect them to be Black Sabbath soundalikes, complete with controversial lyrics and dubious imagery - however, they had a far softer and more psychedelic/folk/acid rock sound and one does wonder why they chose such a name.
Their first single was a cover of the Beatles’ Rain’ (b/w ‘Burning Up Years’ which was covered by NZ band Human Instinct - many thanks to the reader who corrected the info stated on here earlier) released in 1969 on Island, and they went on to make two albums for Warner Brothers, ‘Hard Meat’ and ‘Through A Window’.
It is the last track on ‘Through A Window’ entitled ‘The Ballad of Marmalade Emma and Teddy Grimes’ (also released as a single in 1970), which has been on continuous play in my mind this week. I just love its uplifting feel, and an overall sound reminiscent of Traffic and early Faces. I was also intrigued by its subject matter because Marmalade Emma and Teddy Grimes were real characters who, through the late 1800s/early 1900s, resided in the historic town of Colchester, which is just a few miles from where I live.
It’s assumed that Hard Meat were spending some time in the Essex countryside when they heard talk of these legendary local characters in a pub and were so struck by the stories that they decided to write a song about them.
Marmalade Emma and Teddy Grimes, pictured below in 1910, lived as eccentric tramps and roamed the streets of Colchester begging and blagging all that they needed to live on, drinking beer slops from the local pubs, sleeping in ditches and hedges, and probably managing to get by very adequately on very little. The local community tolerated them in spite of some controversy and brushes with the law – on the 1891 Census Emma registered her occupation as ‘prostitute’, the only one on the list, and was also sent to prison briefly for swearing at a policeman. Story has it that on her return from the clink some local lads asked her where she’d been, to which she replied, “to college”.
Read the rest, and see Marmalade Emma and Teddy Grimes for yourself, here.
Blimey, it's a long time since I heard the name Beulah, Brian. Didn't know this one, but it wins the prize for Best New Song You Guys Have Introduced Me To This Week. Especially when the trumpet kicks in at the 2 1/2 minute mark.
You flirt, you drink, you can't stop your winking at the boys at the bar
All you need is a gun and a car
A country song if you don't have a heart
1. Hot Chocolate - Emma
Back when pop/soul (what they'd call r 'n' b these days) had proper guitar solos in it!
Suggested by Martin, Lynchie and Alyson, who adds...
They were so consistent over a period of about 15 years yet I never hear of them much nowadays - anyway, a beautiful yet really sad song.
Thank you also to Martin for reminding me of the Sisters of Mercy cover...
It won't mean much to most of you, but Friday's news that Disney & Sony have reached a new deal over the rights to Spider-Man was one of the few pieces of good news I've had lately. Thought I'd celebrate it with the image above.
J. Jonah Jameson is the arch-nemesis of the bloke in the costume at the top of the page. Considering I came up with this clue a couple of weeks ago, I call that synchronicity.
No prizes for guessing that week 42 of our countdown would be illustrated by Level 42, though Walter did suggest Love Games as a less obvious song choice than Running With The Family or Lessons in Love.
Level 42 took their name from Douglas Adams' The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy in which an enormous supercomputer called Deep Thought took 7.5 million years to work out "the meaning of life, the universe and everything". The answer it came up with was 42.
The songs my own giant super-computer (i.e. you guys) came up with for the number 42 were as follows...
C kicked us off with a certain lady whose measurements were 42-39-56 (I never understood lady's measurements, but very little imagination is needed here)...
It was Alyson, however, who raised the issue of 42nd Street, so certain I wouldn't be making a stop there this week. As she says...
Of course I know it's not going to be your pick, but the song 42nd Street has been around for nearly ninety years and was written by Harry Warren, who has been mentioned often over at my place as he certainly was prolific, and wrote many of the songs covered by other artists over the decades (I Only Have Eyes For You a favourite of mine). Also the Ruby Keeler story is one that never goes away, it just gets updated for a new generation.
Although Alyson is correct that the original 42nd Street song won't be this week's selection, I did find a number of other songs that stopped off on that particular thoroughfare, including...
These Renaissance girls know what they're saying There are whispers at night in the halls of paintings You think you're the first one to come untethered But we've been watching you forever
A former student used to tell me (every lesson) that I looked like the lead singer of P!ATD, to the point that he started calling me Brendon. I don't see it myself, but I've been called far worse things.
How many lovers does it take To put a light bulb into a socket? Why did Mona Lisa smile? I have the answer written down in my pocket.
But it's not as creepy as that might sound...
I know why Mona Lisa smiled Da Vinci must have been a really funny guy And laughter is the only way into my heart
1. Elton John - Mona Lisas & Mad Hatters
For all his latter-day sins, early Elton takes some beating...
I could probably have stretched to another ten. The Manics would have got in here had they not thrown acid all over the painting. Which one leaves an enigmatic smile on your face?
Witty melancholia meets lush indie pop - Jens takes on weddings, tumours and why we're here with panache.
At Babak's school, there is a 3D printer And he prints out a model of the tumour That was surgically removed from his back this winter In its rugged grey plastic, it looks lunar He puts the tumour in his breast pocket As we head out for a beer... More here.
2. Jens Lekman - Life Will See You Now
Next: a return to the top for the band who created my favourite albums of 2008 and 2010.
Seriously, you wouldn't mess around on Robyn. She would mess you up.
Somebody said you got a new friend Does she love you better than I can? There's a big black sky over my town I know where you're at, I bet she's around Yeah, I know it's stupid I just gotta see it for myself I'm in the corner, watching you kiss her, ohh I'm right over here, why can't you see me, ohh I'm giving it my all, but I'm not the girl you're taking home, I keep dancing on my own
I realise there are many out there who hate the fact that Marshall gave Dido a career as a result of this track, but if you can get past that it's both scary and hilarious. Plus it's the record that proves once and for all that Eminem is a Phil Collins fan...
Dear Mr. I'm-Too-Good-to-Call-or-Write-My-Fans This'll be the last package I ever send your ass It's been six months and still no word – I don't deserve it? I know you got my last two letters I wrote the addresses on 'em perfect So this is my cassette I'm sending you, I hope you hear it I'm in the car right now, I'm doing 90 on the freeway Hey, Slim, I drank a fifth of vodka, you dare me to drive? You know the song by Phil Collins "In the Air of the Night" about that guy who could've saved that other guy from drownin' But didn't, then Phil saw it all, then at a show he found him? That's kinda how this is You could've rescued me from drowning Now it's too late, I'm on a thousand downers now, I'm drowsy And all I wanted was a lousy letter or a call I hope you know I ripped all of your pictures off the wall I loved you, Slim, we could've been together – think about it!
And of course, I can't post that without also posting this*, which I still find hilarious. Your mileage may vary. (*Enjoy your holiday, Jez.)
It doesn't get more 80s than this. I was 15 when this song came out. It soundtracked my teenage desperation...
You don't know how long I have wanted To touch your lips and hold you tight, oh You don't know how long I have waited And I was going to tell you tonight But the secret is still my own And my love for you is still unknown Alone
You've no idea how much those lyrics still make the hairs on the back of my neck stand up.
I was reading a US article the other day that called Morrissey a "one hit wonder" and cited this track as said hit. What a bizarre world.
That aside, can you imagine anything more bizarre than being stalked by Mozzer? "Call the cops!", as Shaun Ryder would say.
Oh, by the way, while I like the new Morrissey single a lot and am looking forward to the album, I do wish he'd keep his mouth shut while promoting it.
Actually, I could probably devote a whole Top Ten to Wedding Present Songs wherein David Gedge ends up stalking someone. Here's one of the best.
Why do my steps get this small When I reach your front door And I wait outside for you to come back out And your light goes out You don't know me but I'm still here And God the last time I saw you You were, oh, this near And there's a thousand things I wished I'd said and done But the moment's gone...
The guys from Tommy Tutone employ a very similar pick-up strategy to Randy Newman.
Jenny, Jenny you're the girl for me You don't know me but you make me so happy I tried to call you before, but I lost my nerve I tried my imagination but I was disturbed
Jens gets stalked by a girl from the post office. They all fall for him, psychogirls.
She sent me an SMS But it felt more like an SOS, a cry for help I know your life has been a mess You cried yourself to sleep as a child In your mommy's dress and your summerdress But stop following me, psychogirl I have enough problems to deal with on my own Just turn around now, psychogirl Your eyes are like knives, cutting into my bones And if I'd be your psychologist, who would be the psychologist's psychologist?
Line up her if you'd like Debbie Harry as a stalker...
I'll walk down the mall, stand over by the wall Where I can see it all, find out who ya' call Lead you to the supermarket checkout, some specials and rat food Get lost in the crowd...
1. Elvis Costello - I Want You
Genuinely one of the scariest songs ever written. So good, they made a film out of it.
It's the stupid details that my heart is breaking for It's the way your shoulders shake and what they're shaking for I want you It's knowing that he knows you now after only guessing It's the thought of him undressing you or you undressing
There is plenty for a third volume. If I'm not arrested first.
I realise that's a pretty bold claim in March, but, boy, do I like the new Jens Lekman LP, Life Will See You Now. I've had it on almost permanent rotation in the car all week (along with one other new album which I managed to fit on the same CD and I'll be mentioning here soon). Usually when I take a new album to the car, I give it time to grow: one spin, then back to something more familiar, revisiting it later. But this one, I've had to fight to get it out of the CD player. 10. Jens Lekman - How We Met, The Long Version
It's been 10 years since I bought a Jens Lekman album, no fault of the artist because I very much enjoyed 2007's Night Falls Over Kortedala; all the fault of my pathetic inability to keep up with all the artists I enjoy. Good pre-release buzz about this record reminded me about Jens, and I'm glad I plunged back in, because there's so much to enjoy here, starting with lead "singles" What's That Perfume You Wear? and Evening Prayer. I will warn you not to listen to any of the other tracks from the album on youtube though as someone has uploaded a bunch of them slowed-down for some reason... and they sound pretty ropey.
Discussing my love for the album with my pal Steve last week, I made the mistake of comparing it to recent John Grant masterpieces... knowing full well Steve isn't really into John Grant. Lyrically, there's certainly that same attention to quirky detail you'll find on a John Grant record (as Evening Prayer ably demonstrates) as well as an obvious love of upbeat, poppy electronica. But there's much more to love here even if you're not a John Grant devotee (a.k.a. you're clinically insane), from a gorgeous duet with Tracy Thorn, Hotwire The Ferris Wheel, which goes all Pearlfishers / Paddy McAloon towards the end (I should have led with that, shouldn't I, Steve?) to the main track I'm concentrating on today, which is the first song this year I've fallen head over heels for on first listen. I love the attention to detail here, how Jens speeds through the creation of the universe and the beginnings of life on earth... only to slow things right down at the moment he asks the girl he fancies to "borrow your bass guitar...not that I needed one". And just listen to the trumpets!
