My first school teacher was Mrs. Kaye. She was a grand old dame, that's the only way to describe her. Posh, but lovely. Very theatrical. She wrote her own school plays, adapting Tom Sawyer, Charlie & The Chocolate Factory and The Lion, The Witch & The Wardrobe into scripts that could be performed by 8-10 year olds. I guess she saw some hidden talent in me as she cast me in major roles in the first two - Huckleberry Finn and Willy Wonka... though it was quite a come-down to only appear as Mr. Beaver in the latter. I've no idea what I'd done to deserve that.
I've probably mentioned this before, but years later, when I decided I wanted to be a DJ and a couple of people at the radio station suggested that my Yorkshire accent was a little strong, I went back to Mrs. Kaye for elocution lessons. She'd retired by then, but was happy to get me to read Keats over and over, softening my vowels and slowing my inflection. I can't think about Mrs. Kaye without remembering those summer evenings in her conservatory, picturing ripe fruit, plump hazel shells and vines that round the thatch-eves run... the words from the poem somehow transforming her home into an idyllic country cottage, when it was probably anything but.
Last week, we looked at songs that mentioned Corrie. But what about the characters in Corrie? Some of them have been around so long, or made such an impact on popular culture, that they too have been immortalised in song. Let's start with Weatherfield's longest serving resident, the only one who's been there from the very start...
Ken Barlow
At 91 years of age, William Roache is in the Guinness Book of Records as the longest-serving television star in a continuous role. Which just goes to prove that charisma is not a prerequisite for TV success. Here's Harry Hill's reverential tribute...
My name is Ken And I will see you on Monday, Thursday and Friday Mountains may crumble, Rivers may run dry, But I will always be here For I am your friend - Ken!
Ray Langton - saw him off Len Fairclough - never stood a chance Mike Baldwin - ha ha, Poor Mike.
Elsie Tanner, Hilda Ogden, Ena Sharples - all gone Yet I remain...
But the last word on Ken has to go to Nigel Blackwell, who always fancied himself as the frontman of American indie band Sebadoh... sadly, it was not to be.
I could have been like Lou Barlow But I’m more like Ken Barlow
From Ken, we obviously have to go to his long-suffering spouse, Deirdre. Ken and Deirdre got married twice - firstly in 1981, a day or so before Prince Charles married Princess Di. More people watched the fictional marriage. Their second marriage, in 2005, happened the day before Charles married Camilla. Again, more people watched Ken & Deirdre.
The biggest upset in the Ken and Deirdre's marriage was when Deirdre had an affair with rag trade J.R. Mike Baldwin. The Toy Dolls are still recovering from the trauma...
The Band Name Of The Week award goes to Bleeding Heart Pigeons. They're from Ireland and appear to be named after Luzon, an actual breed of pigeon that has a big red patch on its chest, also known as a "stabbed pigeon".
I can almost smell the burning It's all overloading The plot goes in circles and the Characters are possessed Deirdre throws a trifle across the room Richard drives in a river screaming 'I love you' Small trifles coalesce Into one big mess And it's fucked up
Pat Phoenix was, of course, one of the show's iconic Grand Dames...
Elsie Tanner
So iconic that Elton John placed her at the end of a very distinguished list...
Marlene Dietrich Marilyn Monroe Brigitte Bardot Doris Day Billie Jean Samantha Fox Joan Collins Kiki Dee Katharine Hepburn Vivian Leigh Grace Jones Priscilla Presley Vanessa Williams Dusty Springfield Nancy Reagan Rita Hayworth Petula Clark Julie Andrews Superwoman Annie Lennox Mata Hari Anouska Hempel Shirley Temple Tallulah Bankhead Linda Lovelace Little Eva Natassia Kinski Princess Caroline of Monaco Miss Pat Verness Elsie Tanner
It always made me laugh when you heard Jean Alexander talk in real life, how posh she was.
Now... which Coronation Street character do you think I found mentioned in more songs than anyone else... if it's not one of the big names above? Rita? Gail? Jack and Vera Duckworth? Sadly, I couldn't find anything for any of them. No, the true Queen of Corrie (according to the TV On The Radio Jukebox, anyway) is...
Ena Sharples
Look, life is very intricate, when you're in the crowd
Jeymes Samuel is Seal's younger brother. He makes music under the moniker Bullitts. He was born in 1979, one year before Ena Sharples left Coronation Street for good. So he must have been watching the show at a very young age...
Even younger that The Bullitts though is Connecticut "Indie Rapper" Armando Acevedo II, aka Sketch Tha Cataclysm. The mind boggles as to where he came across the name Ena Sharples, although he does pronounce her first name "Enna", which makes me think he's just done a google search for words that rhyme with metacarpals.
Our final Ena mention comes from Richard Jobson and Stuart Adamson in a glorious punky list song that celebrates a number of Corrie (and Crossroads) stars, including Annie Walker and Stan Ogden, while Hilda, Bet and Eddie Yates get a mention on the Peel Sessions version. But the chorus belong to one man and one man only...
Albert Tatlock
So the last word goes to Albert... but being the sole focus of a chorus by The Skids is not this Corrie character's greatest claim to pop immortality. Oh no! Because actor Jack Haworth, who played Albert for almost a quarter of a century, was also responsible for the spoken word introduction on this...
