When I was a kid, I thought that an oxymoron was an idiot with spots. Then I went to an English lesson and learned that an oxymoron is actually "a figure of speech in which apparently contradictory terms appear in conjunction". Like Biggie Smalls, above... or Fatboy Slim, who introduced yesterday's post.
Here are ten songs that feature oxymorons in their titles...
10. What do you get if you cross a Folksinger and Man U?
I called this series Self-Help For Cynics because I've always been very cynical about most kinds of Self-Help. The dictionary tells me...
The words misanthropic and pessimistic are common synonyms of cynical. While all three words mean "deeply distrustful," cynical implies having a sneering disbelief in sincerity or integrity.
I reckon I'm all three of those, but I'm trying to change... and writing this series is a big step towards doing that.
That said, I'm willing to accept that my cynicism has taken a bit of a back seat in recent editions of this feature. In fact, beyond the odd "that might not work for you, but it could be worth a try" sort of comment, I've pretty much gone along with everything I've read.
Today though, we cover an idea that has me raising an eyebrow like Roger Moore and scrunching up my face like Les Dawson. You might argue it's not possible to do both at the same time, but in my head at least, that's what I'm doing.
In the last few nail-biting editions of SHFC, we've discussed how it's best to confront your emotions head on rather than avoiding them, bottling them up or trying to distract yourself from them. The more I read, the more I see this advice given as a way of rewiring our amygdala / monkey brain, teaching it not to panic or feel anxiety in certain situations and gradually becoming a lot more chilled in the process.
"Feel the fear and do it anyway!" was the mantra that I rebuffed in my younger days. Now I'm grudgingly having to accept there might be something to it. However, there's a school of thought that takes this idea one step further and suggests we take time to actively welcome negative emotions. Monkey Brain Guru Dr. Jennifer Shannon explains...
When you experience fight-or-flight sensations but there is no immediate threat, it is a false alarm. Regardless of how urgent these sensations seem, resisting them will only prolong them. Pointless as they seem to be, uncomfortable sensations, like negative emotions, are necessary. The more we can welcome them, the more easily they will metabolise.
At best, this sounds to me like wallowing. At worst? Could it be a form of sadomasochism? Not according to the New York Times...
...researchers found that people who habitually judge negative feelings — such as sadness, fear and anger — as bad or inappropriate have more anxiety and depression symptoms and feel less satisfied with their lives than people who generally perceive their negative emotions in a positive or neutral light.
I took a moment to think about this in terms of music, and I wondered about famously "miserable" lyricists like Leonard Cohen, Townes Van Zandt or The Pope Of Mope himself, Stephen Patrick M-Word... were they actually happier because they "welcomed" their negative emotions? Although if that's really the case, welcoming didn't work for Nick Drake, Elliott Smith or Kurt Cobain, did it?
What came first, the music or the misery? People worry about kids playing with guns, or watching violent videos, that some sort of culture of violence will take them over. Nobody worries about kids listening to thousands, literally thousands of songs about heartbreak, rejection, pain, misery and loss. Did I listen to pop music because I was miserable? Or was I miserable because I listened to pop music?
...and I thought... I thought... actually, maybe this provides an answer to that conundrum. Why do I like miserable music? Because it allows me to welcome negative emotions, thereby lessening their hold on me.
Look! I found a website called "HAPPIFY"! Pour your cynicism on that, fellow misanthropes! But first, let's hear their advice...
When you feel out of sorts, centre yourself with a few deep breaths and connect inward to the emotion you're experiencing. Give it a name, and allow it the space to simply be. Say, "Hello, sadness" if that's what you're feeling, and let it roam freely until it's ready to leave—because emotions are fleeting by their very nature.
Scientists have done a variety of studies to back this up, because that's what scientists do. One involved getting volunteers to dip their hands into an ice water bath. Half the group were told to try to ignore or deny the uncomfortable sensations they felt, while the other half were told to accept the discomfort of the freezing cold. Guess who managed to keep their hands in the bath the longest?
You might argue that actively seeking to accept or even prolong uncomfortable feelings could be rather counter-productive... or even self-destructive... but not according to that New York Times article I mentioned earlier.
“What one resists, persists,” said Amanda Shallcross, a naturopathic physician who studies emotion regulation at the Cleveland Clinic. When you avoid your emotions, “you’re bound to experience longer-term negative mental and physical health.”
Dr. Jennifer Shannon calls negative feelings "necessary feelings" and invites us not only to welcome them, but to provoke them. She suggests practicing by welcoming everyday anxiety-causing situations such as arriving late, listening to someone complain about you, or being in a long queue. I actually tried this final one last week when I was stuck on the M1 for an hour on my way to work. I sat there and I paid attention to what I was feeling, how my body was handling the anxiety... and I can honestly say that it did help, I didn't get as wound up as I normally would. It didn't stop me badly needing a wee though.
Taking this one step further, Dr. Shannon suggests "actually triggering your own negative feelings to welcome". Here are some of her suggestions...
Listen to a political candidate you dislike (to be fair, that could be any of them, but Trump's imminent return is enough to cause any sane person sleepless nights)
Watch a movie you know you won't like (life's too short for Tom Hanks, I'm sorry)
No. I'm sorry. This is too hard. Why would I want to do this again?
You are getting good at feeling bad.
Ah. Well, in that case...
Watching those three videos - welcoming the music of U2, you might say - did enable me to properly understand my reaction to this band. I realised it's not so much the music that causes me an unpleasant reaction... it's just Bono's smug, supremely punchable face. And that's useful, because as this series has proven time and time again, the more we understand our emotions and reactions, the easier they are to accept.
Here's something nice to wash that unpleasant taste out of your ears: Norwegian Americana hero Harald Thune, doing his own bit of welcoming...
Last week, we looked at songs that mentioned Corrie. But what about the characters in Corrie? Some of them have been around so long, or made such an impact on popular culture, that they too have been immortalised in song. Let's start with Weatherfield's longest serving resident, the only one who's been there from the very start...
Ken Barlow
At 91 years of age, William Roache is in the Guinness Book of Records as the longest-serving television star in a continuous role. Which just goes to prove that charisma is not a prerequisite for TV success. Here's Harry Hill's reverential tribute...
My name is Ken And I will see you on Monday, Thursday and Friday Mountains may crumble, Rivers may run dry, But I will always be here For I am your friend - Ken!
Ray Langton - saw him off Len Fairclough - never stood a chance Mike Baldwin - ha ha, Poor Mike.
Elsie Tanner, Hilda Ogden, Ena Sharples - all gone Yet I remain...
But the last word on Ken has to go to Nigel Blackwell, who always fancied himself as the frontman of American indie band Sebadoh... sadly, it was not to be.
I could have been like Lou Barlow But I’m more like Ken Barlow
From Ken, we obviously have to go to his long-suffering spouse, Deirdre. Ken and Deirdre got married twice - firstly in 1981, a day or so before Prince Charles married Princess Di. More people watched the fictional marriage. Their second marriage, in 2005, happened the day before Charles married Camilla. Again, more people watched Ken & Deirdre.
The biggest upset in the Ken and Deirdre's marriage was when Deirdre had an affair with rag trade J.R. Mike Baldwin. The Toy Dolls are still recovering from the trauma...
The Band Name Of The Week award goes to Bleeding Heart Pigeons. They're from Ireland and appear to be named after Luzon, an actual breed of pigeon that has a big red patch on its chest, also known as a "stabbed pigeon".
I can almost smell the burning It's all overloading The plot goes in circles and the Characters are possessed Deirdre throws a trifle across the room Richard drives in a river screaming 'I love you' Small trifles coalesce Into one big mess And it's fucked up
Pat Phoenix was, of course, one of the show's iconic Grand Dames...
Elsie Tanner
So iconic that Elton John placed her at the end of a very distinguished list...
Marlene Dietrich Marilyn Monroe Brigitte Bardot Doris Day Billie Jean Samantha Fox Joan Collins Kiki Dee Katharine Hepburn Vivian Leigh Grace Jones Priscilla Presley Vanessa Williams Dusty Springfield Nancy Reagan Rita Hayworth Petula Clark Julie Andrews Superwoman Annie Lennox Mata Hari Anouska Hempel Shirley Temple Tallulah Bankhead Linda Lovelace Little Eva Natassia Kinski Princess Caroline of Monaco Miss Pat Verness Elsie Tanner
It always made me laugh when you heard Jean Alexander talk in real life, how posh she was.
Now... which Coronation Street character do you think I found mentioned in more songs than anyone else... if it's not one of the big names above? Rita? Gail? Jack and Vera Duckworth? Sadly, I couldn't find anything for any of them. No, the true Queen of Corrie (according to the TV On The Radio Jukebox, anyway) is...
Ena Sharples
Look, life is very intricate, when you're in the crowd
Jeymes Samuel is Seal's younger brother. He makes music under the moniker Bullitts. He was born in 1979, one year before Ena Sharples left Coronation Street for good. So he must have been watching the show at a very young age...
Even younger that The Bullitts though is Connecticut "Indie Rapper" Armando Acevedo II, aka Sketch Tha Cataclysm. The mind boggles as to where he came across the name Ena Sharples, although he does pronounce her first name "Enna", which makes me think he's just done a google search for words that rhyme with metacarpals.
Our final Ena mention comes from Richard Jobson and Stuart Adamson in a glorious punky list song that celebrates a number of Corrie (and Crossroads) stars, including Annie Walker and Stan Ogden, while Hilda, Bet and Eddie Yates get a mention on the Peel Sessions version. But the chorus belong to one man and one man only...
Albert Tatlock
So the last word goes to Albert... but being the sole focus of a chorus by The Skids is not this Corrie character's greatest claim to pop immortality. Oh no! Because actor Jack Haworth, who played Albert for almost a quarter of a century, was also responsible for the spoken word introduction on this...
After some of the lengthier posts this feature has enjoyed recently, I find a certain satisfaction in identifying a celebrity who's only ever featured in one pop song, especially when it's a song so obscure that even the lyrical search engines don't suggest it.
Selina Scott was a TV journalist from Scarborough, famed for her Princess Diana smile, who rocketed to fame when she was chosen to co-anchor the BBC's fledgling Breakfast TV output. I never watch breakfast TV, but it seems odd to think that such a thing didn't even exist in the UK until 1987. She went on to cover Wogan and present The Clothes Show before flying across the channel for a lucrative role on US TV. She also once auditioned for the role of Miss Moneypenny in Timothy Dalton's James Bond. Scott has been a frank critic of sexism in the media (especially against her co-host, Frank Bough), and it's worth watching the Jimmy Saville documentary on Netflix to see her candidly discuss her uncomfortable onscreen encounters with the "Now then, now then" Monster.
In 1986, The Subway Organization signed 16 year old Rodney Allen and soon after released his first and last solo album, Happy Sad. There's an undeniable Billy Bragg influence to the songwriting, and anyone who loves early Bragg should definitely hear this record. Sadly, Allen's solo career failed to take off, and he soon after joined The Chesterfields, before becoming one of The Blue Aeroplanes in 1990.
As well as Billy Bragg, there's a huge debt to Paul Weller on the title track to Happy Sad. Better still, it immortalises Selina Scott in song. What's not to love?
