Many child stars grow up to obscurity, but Hayley Mills somehow survived her Disney rites of passage to become a respected actress, if never quite a superstar. Apparently she lost 90% of her Disney money to the taxman, so she probably had to keep reinventing herself just to survive. Those 80s Parent Trap sequels probably helped the bank balance, and let's not forget The Flame Trees Of Thika.
A singing career goes hand in hand with Disney stardom, even back in the 60s. Hayley recorded quite a few tunes, though only one of them ever troubled the UK charts...
Calling your band The 1990s might seem like a really clever idea in 2007, but it makes you impossible to google search, and I had no hope of finding a link to the only song I know that's named after Hayley Mills (I'm pretty sure it was a b-side too). I don't know how this ended up in my hard-drive, but I uploaded it in case you're at all interested...
On safer ground, I'm pleased to report that Hayley pops up on the latest Half Man Half Biscuit album. I'm surprised it took me this long to link to the lyrical genius of Nigel Blackwell on this series, but it's safe to say it won't be the last time he makes an appearance here...
Well, now who’d have thought we’d both end up in here?
Meanwhile, here's the nicest pop star I ever met in real life (I'm contractually obliged to mention that every time I post a song by him), from his most recent offering, 2017's Woodland Echoes.
Sir John Mills was that certain kind of classy British gent you just don't get in movies anymore. Maybe you don't get them in real life anymore. And maybe if you scratched below the surface of that stereotype, you'd find all kind of unpleasantness that wouldn't be fitting with contemporary mores. But I like to think John Mills was above that kind of stuff.
Seven decades on screen is quite a career, from Ryan's Daughter to Quatermass, he certainly got around. He seems to have made less of an impression on the world of popular music though, beyond his famous grandson who famously divides opinion, even among those of us who felt Britpop was our salad days.
In fact, I could only find one lyric that mentions Sir John, and I'm not 100% certain that 80s alt-rockers fIREHOSE (whose CAPS LOCK button is obviously stuck on) are even referring to him, and not some other John Mills when they sing...
Facing with the racing and the mason and the dude
Sideways seeing John Mills on the sidelines talking rude
The temporal and the corporal set sights above the moon
Tweaking down the police sound by singing them a tune
I did wonder who The Mason and The Dude might be (especially as this is pre-Lebowski). I did discover that James Mason teamed up with Sir John on the movie Tiara Tahiti in 1962, and it looks like an absolute blast... and just the kind of movie where you might find John Mills talking rude.
Anyway, the fIREHOSE track is pretty cool, and I hope they've fixed their keyboard since this was released in 1987.
Those of you who understand the way my mind works will probably be able to guess who features in the next edition of Celebrity Jukebox. And she has a few more songs to her name than her dad does...
I thought I'd hate that, given how much I hate most dance music from that era. But I actually had quite a fond recollection, hearing it again after all these years. It's a lot more old skool than I remember.
I know it's Sunday morning, Denzel, but I expect people to at least change out of their dressing gowns if they're going to play Saturday Snapshots. Then again, if you got game... you probably don't need an Equalizer... to achieve Glory.
Can't believe I've never thought of doing this one before. Ten songs dedicated to The Dude... or his Dudeness... or Duder... or El Duderino, if you're not into that whole "brevity" thing. Because... he abides.
I don't know a lot about Scatterbrain and I've no idea where I first came across this track. Described by iffypedia as an "American thrash metal band", this is probably their most poppy and commercial number - a Top 20 hit in Australia back in 1990. They're a band with an obvious sense of humour... and that always wins my attention.
Who is it That ain't got time for foolish talkin'? Who is it That looks so clean you can't ignore him?
Featuring Michael Jackson, James Ingram and Patti Austin on backing vocals, they don't get much dudier than this one!
I'm a stone cold taker, I'm a piggy bank shaker, An' I don't waste my time talkin' trash... So if you go to my school, You gotta learn this rule — Don't let your mouth write a check That your body can't cash!
Poor old Crispian Mills, forever cursed to be known as Hayley's annoying Britpop son. Give Kula Shaker some credit, musicologists - they were far less derivative than Oasis! This is their biggest original hit (their only other Number 2 was a cover of Deep Purple's Hush) and it stands the test of time pretty well.
The album this came from, Pretzel Logic, is currently on rotation in my car. Great driving music - keeps the road rage at bay... unless you find yourself face to face with a wild squonk along the way.
Have you ever seen a squonk's tears? Well, look at mine The people on the street have all seen better times
A squonk, in case you're wondering, is a mythical Pennsylvanian creature that looks a little bit like a turd on legs (according to google images).
Originally titled 'Cruisin' For A Lady', Steven Tyler was persuaded to change the title by openly gay songwriter Desmond Child (Tyler thought it'd be offensive to the gay community, Child said 'bollocks' to that). Apparently the inspiration came when Tyler saw a hot blonde in a bar that he was about to hit on... until he realised it was Mötley Crüe vocalist Vince Neil...
Never judge a book by it's cover Or who you gonna love by your lover Sayin' love put me wise to her love in disguise She had the body of a Venus, Lord imagine my surprise!
The Dude's own personal favourite (until his car is broken into and they steal his tape deck AND his Creedence); some may dispute its inclusion here since the "dudes" of the chorus are often interpreted as "doo doo doos". But after The Big Lebowski, it's impossible to hear it any other way. I really hope The Dude got his tape deck back. And his Creedence.
1. Mott The Hoople - All The Young Dudes
If anyone ever pauses to question the prolific genius of peak period Bowie, consider this: one of his best songs, and he happily gave it away to save the career of Mott The Hoople. ATYD begins with one of the most memorable guitar hooks in the history of rock before the triumphant end of the world as we know it lyrics kick in - but we feel fine. A rallying call for a generation that rejects the Beatles & Stones in favour of T-Rex, this had to be re-recorded for BBC airplay because Wendy stole her clothes from Marks & Sparks. (It was the advertising they didn't like, not the shoplifting.) Apparently there's a version where Wendy steels her clothes from unlocked cars... but I don't think I've ever heard that.
Those were my favourite Dude songs. Which one takes you bowling?
Look, I know you were expecting Shut Up by Madness, but I just didn't have room for it. Call it #11. If you're wondering how this made the chart when that didn't, the simple answer is... I never fancied Suggs when I was 16.
Written by Joe 'Games People Play' South and originally recorded by Billy Joe Royal (no, me neither). You may be more familiar with the Kula Shaker version. I won't hold that against you.
The next time Morrissey says something designed to get the collective knickers in a twist, everyone should consider one of his most honest lyrical declarations...
Sweetness, sweetness I was only joking When I said I'd like to smash every tooth In your head
Oh ... sweetness, sweetness, I was only joking When I said by rights you should be Bludgeoned in your bed
Bigmouth strikes again And I've got no right to take my place With the Human race
One of my favourite Costello songs from his best album, Punch The Clock.
This town belongs to you and your tricks of confidence All the pavements for miles around are littered with your footprints Now every girl I get close to seems to be wearing your perfume And the clock strikes the letters of your name Both midnight and noon
I wish I'd never opened my mouth almighty...
1. Julian Cope - World, Shut Your Mouth
It may be flying in the face of fashion... but, beat this!
These are the songs I sing when I want someone to pipe down. Which one are you singing back at me right now?
