Friday, 24 February 2017

My Top Ten Science Songs Volume 3: Biology

Here's the last of my three science lessons... for the time being. I may get the test tubes out again at a later date. If I still have any readers after this one...

10. Brook Benton - I Don't Know Enough About You

Brook knows a little bit about biology...

9. Girls Aloud - Biology

Since both JC and Jez have come out as Girls Aloud fans, I think I can probably get away with this.

Yeah, musos: deal with it!

8. John Cougar - American Dream

Taken from his 1976 debut album, which was before he started using his real name after the Cougar (and long before he dropped the Cougar altogether). I like the way he sings bi-ol-ogeee on this one.

7. Vic Chestnutt - Arthur Murray

Contains the line: "emasculate me with your biology"... but that's not the only reason you should listen to it. The rest of the lyrics are pretty brilliant too.

6. OPM - Heaven Is A Halfpipe

It stands for Other People's Minds, apparently. I loved this back in the year of 2000AD. Which is odd, because I never set foot on a skateboard. (Oh, she skips biology to do that. In case you were wondering.)

5. Joe Jackson - Biology

So when Joe gets caught out for cheating on his girlfriend "with some whore out in Germany", he blames it all on biology. He goes on to give her a very detailed lesson in Biology...

Her reply is classic:
She said, "thanks
I'm so relieved
What you're saying I can well believe
Now I know, I feel no shame
About Dave and Tony and Phil and James,"
I said,
"Baby baby this can't be true!"
She said, "well what's right for you
Has to be
Right for me
In any case I'm sure you'll see
It's nothing to do with our hearts
It's nothing to do with our heads
It's nothing to do with our homes
It's nothing to do with our beds
It's just be-I-O-L-O-G-why..."
4. The Smiths - I Want The One I Can't Have
On the day that your mentality
Decides to try to catch up with your biology...
...pop round and see Morrissey, because he wants the one he can't have... and it's driving him MAD!

3. Sam Cooke - Wonderful World

History, Biology, French... Sam doesn't know much about any of them, and he certainly doesn't claim to be an A student. (Don't even start me on that, Sam, as someone teaching the new GCSE this year... there are no more As: just grades 1-9, which nobody - and I mean NOBODY - understands. Thank you, Michael Gove.)

Still, Sam does know how to make it a Wonderful World. Just play this tune... 

2. Billy Bragg - The Warmest Room

Yes, Billy Bragg, at Number 2, again. Last week he shared his qualifications, this week he regrets never taking Biology. I didn't take Biology either, Billy. I hated the teacher. (Or she hated me.) I dropped it after the Third Year...
I wish I'd done Biology
For an urge within me wanted to do it then...
Also contains the following gem from brother Barry...
My wife has three great attributes:
A Swiss Army Knife
And charm...
1. The Bloodhound - The Bad Touch

The first track I thought of when I started planning this Top Ten. Makes Girls Aloud sound like Shostakovich.

At heart, approximately 75% of pop songs convey this same message... usually with a little more finesse.

I have nothing else to add.


  1. And you mocked me for my love of the Aloud...

    1. And I still will. I have my cake and I eat my cake.

  2. Very funny and its probably closer to 90% of songs that (some more subtly than others) convey the same message. Easy then for Joe to blame it all on the biology - we are all indeed mammals although some of us are better behaved than others.

    Can't think of any more - you've got them all covered.

    1. Thanks, Alyson. I'm sure there are plenty more...

  3. "Makes Girls Aloud sound like Shostakovich."

    The Bloodhound Gang will steal that for marketing purposes!!

    Superb line.


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