After writing over a hundred posts dealing with what we laughingly call the "Mid-Life Crisis", it occurred to me that at no point have I addressed the clichés of the male mid-life crisis - specifically getting yourself a sports car (and a hairpiece) and dressing in an unfashionably fashionable style to enable you to chase younger women. Or, as Jerry Lee put it...
Today he traded his big 98 Oldsmobile
He got a heck of a deal
On a new Porsche car
He ain't wearing his usual grey business suit
He's got jeans and high boots
With an embroidered star
An' today he's forty years old going on twenty
Don't look for the grey in his hair
'Cause he ain't got any
He's got a young thing beside him
That just melts in his hand
He's middle aged crazy
Trying to prove he still can
He's gotta a woman he's loved for a long long time at home
Ah but the thrill is all gone
When they cut down the lights
They've got a business that they spent a while coming by
Been a long uphill climb
But now the profits are high
But today he's forty years old going on twenty
And he hears of sordid affairs and he ain't had any
And the young thing beside him
You know she understands
That he's middle aged crazy
Trying to prove he still can
Where do I begin?
Would I ever want to own a Porsche or any other expensive, high-powered automobile?
No. I'm not interested in driving faster than everybody else on the road or in collecting the associated speeding tickets. I don't want to become a target for car thieves or boyracers who fancy a challenge. And I've never liked the idea of drawing attention to myself. See also personalised registration plates.
Am I about to start dressing ostentatiously in clothes that are far too young for me?
No. Although I will continue to buy T-shirts with obscure movie, TV and music references on them that will only be understood by about 1% of the people I meet. Despite what Mark Radcliffe believes, that men over a certain age should only wear plain T-shirts. That's just dull, Mark. Maybe I'll even get one of these, to celebrate the detente...
As to the greying hair... it's distinguished, right? I like that it starts at the sideburns, like Reed Richards. Just For Men will not be required...
As to the idea of chasing after younger women... besides the fact that Louise would kill me, after chopping up various parts of my anatomy for dog food... I'm sorry, why would I want to be with someone who constantly reminded me of how old and knackered I am? At least when you're with someone your own age, you can be old and knackered together.
With all that in mind, I think I'll pass on the clichés of the male mid-life crisis, after noting with some chagrin the final verse of Jerry's ode in which he identifies the star of his story as being "forty years old going on twenty"... ah, to be forty again!
Let's close with a song that perfectly encapsulates the dangers of succumbing to the MMLC, from a band many of you won't like because they're funny. Humour plus music? How dare they? The debut album from Wolves of Glendale is out now...
It's a Sunday on the strip
My divorced ass moved to Vegas
My wife left and took the kids
And it’s a good thing that she did
'Cuz they were annoying as shit
The thing I don't get about the MMLC is ... if you're 40 (or 50+) and have a dalliance with someone much younger, well, what would you have in common with someone in their 20s? What would you even talk about? Wouldn't it just be painful for all concerned? And simply serve as a constant reminder that you are so much older than the young person? Like I would need more reminders about getting and feeling old...
ReplyDeleteYeah, as I get older I struggle to even like people of my own age... but younger people!? The very idea!
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