Showing posts with label Belle Stars. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Belle Stars. Show all posts

Tuesday, 27 April 2021

Conversations With Ben #14: Mr. Blobby & The Super Gonorrhea


Rol: One of my greatest musical heroes just died.

Ben: The man who wrote the Mr Blobby song?

Robert Blobbert?

Obviously.

I always imagined it was BBC interns in the Blobby suit that Edmonds played some weird fetish game with by making them wear the suit...

Who was the death?

Jim Steinman.

The Footloose guy? Wasn't that the other day?

I only saw it today. He didn't write Footloose. That was Kenny Loggins. He did write Holding Out For A Hero, but that's a lesser work. He also wrote all the good Meat Loaf songs, plus Total Eclipse of the Heart and some stuff that Celine Dion murdered, but was done far better by others.

Chuck Berry + Phil Spector + Springsteen + Wagner + a shameless sense of melodrama and hyperbole = Jim Steinman.

Wagner as in...?


Or Wagner as in...?


Richard.

Seems like it could be a little of both, actually.

I think that's a fair point.

Did I ever tell you about how one of my old best mate's girlfriend's parents were Rod Stewart and Tina Turner tribute acts? Big ones.

They had a house in Penistone. One of the massive ones on the river.

We used to stay over a lot. They were really nice and loved hosting us all the time. They had a recording studio in their garden where they, and other tribute acts would record. 

One of the most surreal moments in my life is waking up, hungover, walking into their kitchen and seeing Rod Stewart, Marc Bolan and Meatloaf smoking weed.

Sounds like that Pulp video...


I don't think I've ever seen the video. I thought it was the video to Disney Time. No idea why.

And now I remember that Disney Time is on Cocker's solo album.

I'd forgotten that track completely.

Some forgettable tunes on that album. Especially when it starts with the swagger of Don't Let Him Waste Your Time. It definitely trails off.

Maybe. I love that final Pulp album though.

It's the one I've listened to the least. Listening priority in order: This Is Hardcore, His N Hers, Different Class, PULP. Does anybody even count the first two?

By Pulp do you mean Intro?

There were 4 albums before Intro / HnH. All contain interesting material, but not up to later standards.

Fairground is a terrible song and that's all I can think about with their old stuff.

Separations is the best of the early albums. Countdown, My Legendary Girlfriend in particular.

For me, We Love Life is the perfect coda to their career. I love TIH (favourite album of 90s) but I prefer that they went out on a happy note.

Scott Walker too. Pop sensibilities SW, not mad old hermit making unlistenable twaddle SW. Quite an achievement.


First text from the boss this morning came through at 6.20.

Tell her to leave you alone. That is not just not on, it's absolutely pathetic.

I have.

Send her an envelope full of flour. Make her think it's ricin or anthrax.

She'd only ring me up and ask her what I thought she should do with it.

Well, this week's Taskmaster should hopefully cheer you up. A very funny one.

One word.

Casserole.

I await the vague upward curl at the edge of my mouth.

In reply, Ben sends the following video...

I think that's the least hip song you've ever sent me. I respect that.

No. That would be this one...

I found this record in a shop years ago. And I'm still not positive that Tennille is not actually attracted to muskrats.

Nah. Captain & Tennille are acceptable kitsch.

That song should never be acceptable. And The Cap is a prick.

*Was* a prick

I didn't realise you knew him.

We used to go to the same milk bar.

I've never been able to hear Secret Smile in the same way since someone told me it was a metaphor for a vagina.

That's uncomfortable.

Maybe you're mixing it up with the film, Teeth?

Was that the Barry Gibb biopic?

That's what I thought I was settling down for...

That film would have been even scarier if her nether regions had Barry Gibb's face. And maybe a big medallion and huge white collars.

That needs to be optioned as soon as possible.

My Saturday night treat this week is my Covid jab.

Well, you're lucky. I'm still here without one.

Just got down to the under 50s. But I thought you might have been fast tracked because of your history.

Nah. That'd involve competence at a national level.

Maybe they have you down as an insurgent. You'll be last on the list, after Putin's undercover agents.

On a more positive side of all that, last year this week I was sat gasping for breath walking up stairs. Today I ran 10k for the first time in my life.

Marathon next?

I think I'm going to try for a half marathon next year. Maybe Manchester, which is flat compared to Sheffield.

Rol replies with the following image... which Ben chooses to ignore.

I wish I could grow a 'tache like that man in the background.

I have a weird obsession with middle age men and moustaches.

My hair is too blonde otherwise I would definitely just have a 'tache.

Has to be like an 80s businessman 'tache, though.

When I was a child, I used to watch the Thin Blue Line. I was too young to understand it but it had Mr Bean and I liked the moustache man.

That's a real generation gap thing. For my generation, Mr Bean was a betrayal of Blackadder, and we never forgave Atkinson.

My early years were spent watching the Three Stooges, Tom and Jerry, Looney Tunes etc, so Mr Bean was right up my alley. As was Baldy Man.

I had to Google Baldy Man. Never knew he had a TV show. I only remember the Hamlet ad.


I don't remember much of it, just that I used to find it hilarious.

I miss the Hamlet ads. When I was a little, my dad smoked cigars. I loved the smell. Eventually he graduated onto pipes. Then one day, in my late teens, the doctor told him: they're killing you. So he quit. Cold Turkey.

That's admirable.

I think I'm too young to remember smoking ads.

I feel like I've seen them but not sure how much of that is due to seeing them on shows later.

I remember the billboard ads for Lambert and Butler.

TV was pretty much all smoking ads and booze ads when I was a kid. And scary ads warning us all not to die or get murdered.

And only one channel could show ads.

Indeed.

Have you seen The Offspring's Covid inspired song? It defies belief.

I last listened to Americana.

I know the singer got his PhD in infectious disease over the past few years though.

That probably explains the covid germs flying around in the video.

Why would anyone want a PhD in infectious diseases?

Dunno. A mate of mine has.

He studies super gonnarhea.

Genuinely what it's called.

But spelt correctly.

Still. Could be worse.

Could have my job.

Or he could have super gonnarhea.

It's a toss up.

Tuesday, 12 June 2018

Hot 100 Countdown #80





French indie dream-pop band Tahiti 80 give us our image this week... but which 80 song will be the winner?


Lots of you thought I might have to go down the 1980 or eighties route, but I managed to get away with avoiding the year (or the decade!) again this week. Still, good suggestions from...


Alyson: The Belle Stars - 80s Romance


Rigid Digit: Manfred Mann's Earth Band - Lies (Through The 80s) / Tori Amos - Glory Of The 80s


Jim Dubai: The Strokes - 80s Comedown Machine / Calvin Harris - Acceptable in the 80s (liked that more than I expected from a Calvin Harris track!) / The Vox - Bored Of The 80s (couldn't find that one, I'm afraid) / Milky Wimpshake - Blow out at 80 MPH (could only find a dodgy live version but how could you not like a band called Milky Wimpshake?)


The Swede: Dream Syndicate - 80 West (great guitar sound on that one) / Otway & Barrett - DK 50/80 (Mental! But I like mental.)


C: Killing Joke - Eighties (the first one so far this week that I actually own... hence a contender, if I'd been forced to use a year / decade song).


Lynchie: K.T. Oslin - 80s Ladies (always got time for a bit of country... I'm surprised nobody suggested George Strait - 80 Proof Bottle of Beer Stopper).


However, I'm going to ignore all of those, I'm afraid... because I have to go classic this week.


The song Around The World was written for the 1956 movie Around The World In 80 Days and recorded by lots of the usual suspects, including Bing Crosby, Frank Sinatra and Nat King Cole. The track was also recorded by Diana Ross & The Supremes (under the film's full title of Around The World In 80 Days) in 1965 for an album that wasn't actually released until 2004.Anyway, here it is... I can't ever resist the Supremes...




So... 79 next week - what can you offer me?

Thursday, 8 March 2018

My Top Ten Contraception Songs



I'm sure there are hundreds of pop songs which have caused a conception or two (Barry White's entire back catalogue?) but here are ten that might help stop you getting pregnant...


10. Gang of Four - At Home He's a Tourist

According to iffypedia, "Gang of Four's music brought together an eclectic array of influences, ranging from the neo-Marxist Frankfurt School of social criticism to the increasingly clear trans-Atlantic punk consensus". Fortunately, the music they made was nowhere near as pretentious as some of their fans! Plus, they were from Leeds, so extra marks for that.

Down on the disco floor 
They make their profit 
From the things they sell 
To help you cob off 
And the rubbers you hide 
In your top left pocket


I was ten when The Belle Stars released The Clapping Song. Oh, the fun we had on school trips singing "And she won't buy me a rubber Johnny" on the coach home... much to the consternation of our teachers. It was right up there with "Charlie had a budgie".

9. The Beautiful South - Mini-Correct

They say always use a condom , 
I say always use a whip 
They say be careful where you come at night , 
I just shoot straight from the hip 

These neatly folded corduroys 
Hide rubber underneath 
But the only rubber you have worn 
Is that useless rubber sheath

Who knew Paul Heaton was so kinky? No one, actually. This is him playing the role of a sexist oaf to criticise mile chauvinist wankers who sew their seeds wherever they can and care little for the consequences.

8. The Flaming Lips - She Don't Use Jelly

Of course, "jelly" is what the Americans call jam, so this might be a song about that...

She don't use jelly
Or any of these
She uses Vaseline
Vaseline
Vaseline...

Or perhaps not.

(Of course, like many Lips songs, it could just be utter nonsense.)

7. The Clash - Protex Blue

Condoms are often accused of stripping the romance out of lovemaking. Enter the anti-romantic Mr. Strummer...

It's a fab protective for that type of a girl
But everybody knows that she uses it well
It's a therapeutic structure I can use at will
But I don't think it fits my V.D. bill

6. Prince - Little Red Corvette

This is only Number 6 because it also featured in last week's Top Ten. Otherwise, it'd be a shoe-in for #1 in any chart.
I guess I must be dumb
'Cause you had a pocket full of horses
Trojan and some of them used
But it was Saturday night
I guess that makes it all right
And you say what have I got to lose?

The very fact that Trojan is the name of a brand of condoms... you could write a thesis on that.

5. Bruce Springsteen - Spare Parts

Bobby said he'd pull out 
Bobby stayed in 

Yeah, how effective is that withdrawal method anyway, Bobby?

Janey had a baby 
It wasn't any sin 

Exactly.

4. Arab Strap - Packs Of Three

Hated having to vote against this in this week's ICA World Cup. But you've got to go some to make me vote against Lloyd.

(Do I need to put a "Not Safe For Work" or "Not For The Easily Offended" sticker on this one?)

3. Loretta Lynn - The Pill

Could also have been Number One, had it not already enjoyed that honour in My Top Ten Hotpants Songs.
There's a gonna be some changes made 
Right here on nursery hill 
You've set this chicken your last time 
'Cause now I've got the pill
You tell 'em, girl!

2. The Specials - Too Much Too Young

"You're married with a kid when you could be having fun with me": as chat-up lines go, Terry & Jerry, that takes some beating. Got anything else to add?

Take control of the population boom 
It's in your living room 
Keep a generation gap 
Try wearing a cap!

(I know a radio station that edited the last line off this track if they ever played it on air.)

1. Madness - House of Fun

It had to be really, didn't it? Arguably Madness's finest moment: getting to the top of the charts with a song about a 16 year old trying to buy condoms from the chemist. Genius.

I'm sorry, son
But we don't stock
Party gimmicks
In this shop.
Try the House of Fun
It's quicker if you run
This is a chemist
Not a jokers' shop!



Any planned parenthood anthems in your pack of three?

I'm waiting for someone to suggest This Mortal Coil.

And I'm ready to argue that Rubber Ring is about vinyl records...


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