Neverending Top Ten #7.5: Eurovision

Sam and I visited The National Media Museum (or whatever they're calling it these days) in Bradford this week. Among the attractions was an exhibition about the Eurovision song contest. It was pretty fascinating, even for someone who lost interest in Eurovision post-Bucks Fizz. I even got to perform myself.

Here are a few appropriate tunes, only one of them a Eurovision contender...

Roxy Music - A Song For Europe

Suede - Dancing With The Europeans

The Blades - The Last Man In Europe

Magnetic Fields - Eurodisco Trio

Ed Kuepper - Also Sprach The King Of Euro Disco

John Foxx - Europe After The Rain

Lydia Loveless - European

Pavement - Sensitive Euro Man

Manic Street Preachers - Miss Europa Disco Dancer

Bis - Eurodisco

The Necessaries - Europe

T Bone Burnett - Euromad 

LIFE - Euromillions

Cleaners From Venus - European War

The Divine Comedy - Europop

Landscape - European Man

I know you won't have time to listen to all those, but there's some cracking tunes in there. More reasons to go back into Europe!

Celebrity Jukebox #61: Terry Hall

Having prepared my Top 22 of 2022 well in advance, I took a little break from blogging over Christmas. Hence I didn't get to comment on Terry Hall's departure... though many of you guys did a fine job in eulogising him. I've not much more to add. Except...

I shared a birthday with Terry Hall. We were both born on March 19th. Granted, he was born 13 years earlier than me... but 13 years is nothing, is it? These days, I feel far more kinship with people who are 13 years older than I am than with those who are 13 years younger. He meant a lot to music fans of my generation, and to many of his fellow musicians too. Here are a few songs that mention Terry's various musical projects...

George Michael - Round Here

Music fell like rain to the streets
The Specials and The Jam, to The Beat
Even though I think I've seen everythin'
There is to see of this world
I gotta be thankful that this crowded space
Is the place of my birth

Scroobius Pip - 1000 Words 

Then I'd put on The Specials to hear their social commentary
You couldn’t help but get drawn in, sometimes even involuntary

Grace Petrie - I Wish The Guardian Believed That I Exist

I know you miss the good old days of picket lines and flags
When the Specials and the Jam all ruled the charts
but if you're really looking for this generation's Billy Bragg's
We are all here with a fire in our hearts

The Sprites - Following Her Around

I followed her to Vinyl Ink
Though I kept my distance I followed her through the stacks
These were the records she found and she held and she later bought:
The Fun Boy Three, Air Miami and Kraftwerk
Considered The Soft Boys but opted for Bandwagonesque
George was still around then and he said
"Have you heard the Hit Parade record yet?"

To finish, here's one that mentions Terry by name. A beautiful track from Tracey...

Here is the street and here is the door
Same as it was before
And up the stairs and on the wall
Is Doisneau's 'Kiss' and Terry Hall
And Siouxsie Sioux and Edwin too
And Bobby Dee in '63
And everything I knew was good
And like it was just understood

As none of the above mention my favourite Terry Hall incarnation, The Colourfield, here's a track from the band themselves which does so eponymously.

Rest in peace, Terry.

Snapshots #270: A Top Ten Suburban Songs

Here's what the internet suggested when I typed "suburban camera" into my search engine.

Slow down. Here are this week's suburban answers...

10. The Offspring?

The Descendents - Suburban Home

Who doesn't want to be stereotyped?

9. Zealots.

The Fanatics - Suburban Love Songs

The Fanatics were Simon Fowler's band prior to Ocean Colour Scene.

8. Sulphuric Children.

The chemical symbol for sulphur is S. So these are the S-Kids.

The Skids - Sweet Suburbia

7. Euphemistic initialism used to express frustration.

FFS!

That's an amalgamation of Franz Ferdinand & Sparks, in case you were unaware.

 FFS - Little Guy From The Suburbs

6. US Quiz Rota found to be all messed up

"US Quiz Rota" was an angram.

Suzi Quatro - Official Suburban Superman

5. Wogan’s entrance room.

That would be a Terry Hall.

Terry Hall - Suburban Cemetery

4. Bassett, between two blokes.

Fred Bassett. Remember him?

Manfred Mann - Semi-Detached, Suburban Mr. James

3. Prisoner remembers the good times inside.

Prisoner reMEMBERS the good times inside.

The Members - The Sound of the Suburbs

2. Where you can buy a Geordie term of endearment, lads.

In the "pet" shop, boys.

Pet Shop Boys - Suburbia

1. What Spider-Man’s Uncle does with his sheets. 

Uncle Ben always folds his sheets. With great bed linen comes great responsibility.

More next Saturday.

Hot 100 #11

And so we reach the end of double digits on the Hot 100 Countdown, with lost 80s postpunk pioneers (they might not have been pioneers, I just couldn't resist the alliteration), Eleven Pond. Here they are in all their glory...

Eleven Pond - Portugal

I'm actually surprised by how few 11 Songs I (and you) could find. Somehow, I expected there to be more. Still, we start the official Top Ten next week, so I imagine we'll be spoilt for choice then.

As is often the case, The Swede was first out of bed last Tuesday morning... with a selection of tracks I struggled to find any audio for on the interweb...

Bill Wells & Aidan Moffat - The Eleven Year Glitch

Hatfield and the North - Elevenses

Thin White Rope - Eleven

Then came Lynchie, who broke the first rule of Hot 100 Club with his first suggestion...

U2 - 11 O'Clock Tick Tock (The lyrics are crap but the guitar's pretty neat)

Sadly, I struggled to find a link for that anywhere on the interweb either. The difference being, I did at least try to find links for all The Swede's suggestions.

Fortunately, Lynchie redeemed himself (slightly) with this...

Nine Below Zero - Eleven Plus Eleven

Not my fave Nine Below Zero track, he adds. I bought "Don't Point Your Finger" in 1981 and it has the mega awesome "Ain't Coming Back".

Nine Below Zero - Ain't Coming Back

That is pretty cool, thanks.

George crawled out of the woodwork next with three top suggestions...

Blondie - 11.59 from Parallel Lines

(Worth watching that video for a supremely Debbie Harry performance by Debbie Harry.)

Hank Locklin - Seven or Eleven... surely this week's winner?

Surely not, but a fine song anyway.

Before Charity Chic gets to it, what about...? 

Buck Owens - A-11

As it turns out, Charity Chic only had the following this week (which he called "My entries for this week and next!", though I'm sure he'll come up with something else for 10).

Terry Hall & Mushtaq - Ten Eleven

Lee Hazlewood - Ten or Eleven Towns Ago

I tell you what, that Lee Hazlewood could have been in with a shot... if I'd heard it before today. What a tune!

Swiss Adam dropped by next with an excellent (hidden) suggestion...

The last song on REM's Green is sometimes called the Eleventh Untitled Song...

REM - Untitled

...which is definitely better than the REM song I was going to put forward this week...

Oh, hang on... Last Minute Arrival: here's Douglas McLaren with the same idea as me...

Late to the game again. I'm going with "Rotary Eleven", the b-side to r.e.m.'s Losing My Religion. I bought the cd single back in the day and was disappointed that it was an instrumental, but now after many years I have grown to really like it.

REM - Rotary Eleven

We're on the same wavelength again, Douglas... just not a winning one this week. Thanks anyway.

And then came Alyson...

Tin Tin Out - Eleven To Fly

...featuring Wendy Page, apparently.

No, me neither.

Starting to wonder if we're going to get to No. 1 whilst still in lockdown.

I seriously hope not, Alyson, or I might be compiling this feature from a rubber room by then.

Time for Jim in Dubai...

Momus - Eleven Executioners

Sigue Sigue Sputnik - Love Missile F1-11

I like that a lot more now than I did when it was actually out. Very bizarre to find the cover version below in my collection though...

David Bowie - Love Missile F1-11

Dead or Alive - Number Eleven

Julian Casablancas - 11th Dimension

Pete Wylie - Four Eleven Forty Four

James Dean Driving Experience - Dean's Eleventh Dream

Rigid Digit found most of his songs had been chosen by others this week, leaving him with only this...

Paul Weller - 111

...which I'm not sure counts. However, knowing how stroppy Mr. Weller can get at times, we'll let him have it. Although... I'm sorry, Paul, but it's hardly Down In The Tube Station At Midnight, is it?

And finally, there was Brian, who also felt rather limited this week...

Like Saturday's quiz, you gotta get in early around here. All but one of mine taken already. I'll leave you with:

The Wondermints - Project 11

All in all, it wasn't a great week for this feature, was it? I expected more from eleven. Here's the rest of my own findings...

Daisy Chainsaw - Room Eleven

Scritti Politti - E Eleven Nuts

Cold Seeds - By 11 O'Clock She'd Left

Moss - 11-11

Transvision Vamp - W11 Blues

Hamilton Leithauser - 11 O'Clock Friday Night

Lifter Puller - 11th Avenue Freeze Out

Having listened to all of the above... well, had that Lee Hazlewood track been in my collection, I might well have given it to him. And I was tempted by Sigue Sigue Spitnik, I really was... but 14 year old Rol kept screaming 'Nooooooo!'

In the end then, I went for this. I haven't listened to it in years, but I really enjoyed the first Magic Numbers album, and this was a favourite...



Next week - it's Bo Derek running towards Dudley Moore on a beach. Contemporary references my forte, as always. What's your pick of the Ten Songs?

My Top Ten Nursery Rhyme Songs

The music I hear more often than anything else at the moment is nursery rhymes. Sam is particularly fond of The Grand Old Duke of York (popular gay icon - after all, he had 10,000 men), The Muffin Man (do you know him?) and Pop! Goes The Weasel (as close as Sam gets to pop music right now). Because my head is full of little else - I even wake up in the night with them drilling their way into my dreams - here are ten songs inspired to some degree or other by traditional nursery rhymes of yore...

(Special mention, for those of you who remember the 80s, to Cock Robin... who sound better than I remembered, despite their unfortunate name.)


10. Frank Zappa & Captain Beefheart - Muffin Man

Enough to give Sam nightmares till his 18th birthday: I don't think I'll be playing him this in a hurry.

And if you think that was scary...

9. Green Jelly - Three Little Pigs

Not by the hairs on my chinny chin chin.

(Spoiler: in this version, The Big Bad Wolf gets killed by Rambo-Morph. I shit you not.)

8. Raydio - Jack 'n' Jill

And this is why I thank the pop music gods I was born when I was. Because, yes, today's teenagers may pride themselves on their love of the "classics" from the 60s, 70s or 80s... but how many of them will ever even hear this choice cut from Ray Parker Jr.'s original band? You could trawl youtube for decades and never stumble across this gem: cheesy 70s soul at its finest.

7. The Offspring - Come Out And Play (Keep 'Em Separated)

OK, so the old English nursery rhyme "Boys and girls come out to play" probably wasn't much of an influence on The Offspring. Sue me; I wanted to hear this again.

6. Terry, Blair & Anouchka - Ultra Modern Nursery Rhymes

Stretching the theme a little, though this is the only song I can think of to mention Nursery Rhymes in the title. One of Terry Hall's less successful recording ensembles, yet just as wonderful as anything else he's ever lent his vocal talents to. Ha, happier times, ba, ba, better days.

5. Tom Waits - Little Boy Blue

What happens when nursery rhymes grow up and become chain-smoking, whiskey-guzzling lounge singers? The answer is for adults only.

4. Aimee Mann - Humpty Dumpty

Another of Sam's favourites... and I will wean him off the original and onto Queen Aimee's far superior reinterpretation.

All the king's horses and all the king's men
Couldn't put baby together again

See also The Humpty Dumpty Love Song by Travis. Because if I don't mention it, somebody else is bound to. (And still might.)

3. Run DMC - Peter Piper

I'd be prepared to hear an argument for this being at Number One, considering it not only involves the titular pepper-picker but also Jack 'n' Jill, Jack B. Nimble, Pinocchio, the Three Little Pigs and many other childhood favourites. They even throw in a reference to Weebles: "the turntables might wobble, but they don't fall down".

2. The Shangri-Las - Past, Present & Future

I wasn't familiar with the nursery rhyme "A-tisket, A-tasket, A green and yellow basket" as a child. I only discovered it through the epic, melancholic melodrama of the Shangri-Las, a band with a truly unique sound. If you're only familiar with Leader of the Pack, give this a spin... I doubt you'll ever have heard anything walk the tightrope between aching beauty and high camp hysteria quite so bewitchingly.

1. The Bluetones - Solomon Bites The Worm

One of the Bluetones' best, wherein a mightily chunky guitar riff supports a playful retelling of the story of Solomon Grundy, bundled up with a joyful "grab life while you can" message because "you've only got 7 days". Which only goes to demonstrate that Mark Morris and chums were always a far more interesting Britpop prospect than the Blunder Brothers of Oasis. (BTW, Britpop is 20 years old this year. What does that make us?)




So, those were the nursery rhymes Sam can investigate when he's a little older... and I managed to avoid all mention of Mary Had A Little Lamb by Wings.You owe me for that.

But... which one bites your worm?

My Top Ten Fairground Ride Songs

Although I was a fan of the Ghost Train, I was generally too chicken to go on any of the scarier fairground rides.


Special mentions to Chairlift, Fairground Attraction (again) and Rhubarb's Ill-Maintained Fairground Contraption.Oh, and if you must have a song about the dodgems... try this.


10. Siouxsie & The Banshees - Carousel

There's a gorgeous Thea Gilmore track called Carousel Queen which would have beaten Siouxsie onto this list if I could have found it anywhere. 

See also carousel songs by Blink 182 and The Hollies. 

9. Gaslight Anthem -  The Patient Ferris Wheel

"Maybe I should call me an ambulance" is an excellent chorus line... though I'm never entirely sure what makes this Ferris Wheel so patient.

See also Big Wheel by Laura Cantrell.

8. Elvis Costello - Ghost Train

There were a number of Ghost Train songs, including those by Madness, The Stranglers, Gorillaz, Counting Crows and Marc Cohn. But only one was about characters called Maureen and Stan... 

7. Steppenwolf - Magic Carpet Ride

Seriously psychedelic.

6. Morrissey - Speedway

Morrissey + chainsaw = magic. Seriously, though, imagine how much better Texas Chainsaw Massacre would be if Morrissey was Leatherface. It'd bring a whole new meaning to 'I would go out tonight, but I haven't got a stitch to wear'.

And when you try
To break my spirit
It won't work
Because there's nothing left to break
Anymore

I seem to remember the Speedway was even scarier than the waltzer. I've been on a waltzer once in my life and I thought I was going to die. Hence, I've never been on a speedway.

The only waltzer song I could find was by Jethro Tull. It's not one of their best.

5. The Beatles - Helter Skelter

One of the Beatles' more interesting records (it must be a good one if I place it higher than Moz), many serious musos claim it as a stepping stone towards the creation of heavy metal, though it latterly became more infamous as the inspiration for Charles Manson's insanity. 

4.  Richard & Linda Thompson - Wall of Death

You're going nowhere when you ride on the carousel
And maybe you're strong
But what's the good of ringing a bell?
The switchback will make you crazy
Beware of the bearded lady
Oh let me take my chances on the wall of death

REM did a cracking cover of this too.

3. Dire Straits - Tunnel Of Love

There are three great Tunnel Of Love songs... and one by Westlife.

Knopfler's is the longest, and on many other lists it may even have taken top spot. Competition was fierce in this particular fairground though...

2. Bruce Springsteen - Tunnel Of Love

Fat man sitting on a little stool
Takes the money from my hand
While his eyes take a walk all over you
Hands me the ticket
Smiles and whispers 'good luck'
Well, cuddle up angel
Cuddle up, my little dove
And we'll ride down, baby
Into this tunnel of love...

'Nuff said?

1. The Fun Boy Three - Tunnel Of Love

Tunnel of Love is one of my favourite Springsteen albums and I adore the title track beyond blueberry ice cream... yet as much as Bruce will always be Number One for me, I have a special affection for FB3's Tunnel of Love: one of Terry Hall's finest kitchen sink dramas.

You gave up your friends for a new way of life
And both ended up as ex husband and wife
There were 22 catches when you struck your matches
And threw away your life in the tunnel of love

Which one would you buy a ticket for?

My Top Ten She Songs

Ten great songs called "She"... and nothing else.

Interestingly, there are absolutely NO songs in my music library just called "He".


10. Edie Brickell & The New Bohemians - She

Edie Brickell knows where her head is at.

9. The Misfits - She

1 minute and 19 seconds long and it sounds like it was recorded on the back of a fag packet. That's proper punk for you.

Apparently this particular She was Patty Hearst.

8. Suede - She

No education, it's the arse of the nation

Must be one of my students.

7. Laura Mvula - She

One of this year's best new female voices. Keep an ear out for her.

6. Wicked Lester - She

Before Gene Simmons and Paul Stanley became Kiss, they were Wicked Lester. They recorded one album in 1971 that wasn't ever officially released. This track was later re-recorded by Kiss themselves with more guitars and less flute, but I quite like the folkier original.

5. The Sundays - She

Remember your old school discos? Harriet Wheeler does...

Just to be one of a crowd
Feet scuttling across the floor
Spinning lights round and round
And it’s adolescent war
Shoes grind kick like crazy
And arms tangling up with hair
Shaking them up and down again
And hearts pounding everywhere

Ah, Harriet. Isn't it about time for a Sundays reunion?

4. Green Day - She

From the days when Green Day looked like spoilt brat 12 year olds. Forgotten how much I loved this album...

Are you locked up in a world
That's been planned out for you?
Are you feeling like a social tool without a use?

3.  Gram Parsons - She

Get out your dictionary. Look up the word "mellow". This song is playing.

Hallelujah.

2. The Monkees / The Colourfield - She

Normally if there's more than one version of a song, I can choose the best. But Mickey Dolenz vs. Terry Hall? That's too tough to call. Although the Phil Spector kettle drum and the ironic video almost tip it in Terry's favour.

1. Elvis Costello - She

On the other hand, with all due respect to Charles Aznovoice (and even though it comes from a sucky Richard Curtis film), nobody sings this one quite like Elvis.




So - how was it for you? She... or sheeeeit?