Thank The F-Word It's Friday #3

It's Friday, and it's our work Christmas do tonight. Sadly, we're not going bowling. We are doing shuffleboard though, which is almost as good. I won't be sticking around after that for the drinking. I'm taking my advice from Liz...

Next up today, we have an Aussie punk band from 1980, with a message that I wholeheartedly endorse...

And finally, New Yoik's own Ed Hamell. Not so much a song, this: more a cut scene from a Scorcese movie set to a minimalist backing track. The opener to Ed's excellent 1999 album Choochtown...

Enjoy your Friday.

Celebrity Jukebox #79: Mary Tyler Moore

My knowledge of Mary Tyler Moore is somewhat second-hand as I was just too young to have watched her groundbreaking sitcoms, though I do remember watching spin-offs such as Rhoda and Lou Grant with my mum. Mary's reputation as a feminist icon appears well-deserved though: as one of the most successful female stars in American TV, the joint head of the production company that gave us everything from Newhart to Hill Street Blues, a prominent campaigner for social rights... and the woman who put Dick Van Dyke in his place long before Julie Andrews.... MTM is clearly a legend.

Her jukebox legacy is pretty legendary too, starting with Prince...

Skip the Remy and let me have some Mary Tyler Moore of that new power soul

Comin' from the Midwest passin' every test with a fuzz tone remote control

Prince - Mr. Happy 

Then the artist formerly known as Tin Tin...

Like Mary Tyler-Moore

She stares across the yawning tide

Out of love and terrified

Stephen Duffy - Sunday Supplement

This blog's only claim to fame is that, many years ago, the lead singer of Bowling For Soup once left a comment here. This is BFS's version of the Mary Tyler Moore theme tune... which REM have also played live, but I can't find their version anywhere on the interweb.

Bowling For Soup - The Mary Tyler Moore Theme

Next, we find Ian Hunter hoopling his across the channel...

Well I'm an All American Alien Boy

Look out Mary Tyler Moore

Ian Hunter - All American Alien Boy

The Hold Steady are firm favourites here at Top Ten Towers, and they've got a new album out this week. Here's one from their 2005 classic Separation Sunday...

I was half dead then I got born again

I got lost in all the lights but it was okay in the end

And when we hit the Twin Cities, I didn't know that much about it

I knew Mary Tyler Moore and I knew Profane Existence

The Hold Steady - Stevie Nix

In a similar sonic vein, here's a lost classic from an album I was very much into back in 1999, Ed Hamell's song about a sleazy Private Eye...

So I ditch these guys quick, I take a cab to the address

And the housemaid gives up the photos with very little stress

But as I round the corner something dawns on me

I recognize from these photos, this old actor from TV

And he's having sex with children, now this would close the door

On future shots on Bay Watch and Mary fuckin' Tyler Moore

So I visit this old actor, firmly explain my situation

And he gives me 90 G's to show his appreciation

Hamell On Trial - Choochtown

OK, how about a couple of songs that mention MTM in their title? Starting with a 90s Christian alt-rock band from Texas...

Lloyd - Mary Tyler Moore

Then some 80s Aussie indie from Whangarei...

Able Tasmans - Mary Tyler Moore

And now, from the "Never Heard Of 'Em But Still Not Bad" file, here's a San Francisco band "that plays original indie rock music with hints of progressive"...

I've got a face for radio 

And a voice that's meant only 

To sing drunken karaoke 

Singing ooh-ee-oo 

I look just like Buddy Holly 

And you're Mary Tyler Moore 

Everywhere Now - Sounds

Hey! Wait a second. I recognise that lyric! And that's not the only place I've found it referenced...

Need a tall girl, '70s Jane Fonda

Or Mary Tyler Moore, Iran, no war

I look just like Buddy Holly, no I don't, "Oh, Boy!"

Smörgåsbord - The Damn Loudness 

Yes, I guess the true proof of a legendary hit single comes when other bands start referencing your song in their own tunes. There was only ever going to be one winner today... but the question is, did Mary ever meet Buddy in real life?

And the answer is... no, though she was apparently a fan. MTM began appearing in The Dick Van Dyke Show shortly after Buddy's death in 1961, and when she got her own show, Sonny Curtis from the Crickets was given the job of writing and performing the theme tune we discussed earlier.

So that answers that. The only question remaining... What's with these homies, dissing my girl?

My Top Ten Detective Songs (Volume 1)

Here's one I originally ran on the old blog, ten years (or so) ago. As very few people remember the old blog, I don't mind re-using posts from it every now and then... although whenever I do, I inevitably end up wondering what I would add to the list if I were to compile it again today. Hence 'Volume 1' above, giving me the option of doing a Volume 2 soon.

From Sam Spade and Philip Marlowe to Morse, Addison & Hayes, Monk and Sherlock, I've always loved detective stories. Here are ten tributes in song...


10. Hall & Oates - Private Eyes

Always good to start with a bit of Hall & Oates. Weed out the musos before we go any further.

9. Reverend & The Makers - Armchair Detective

Armchair detective, what you surmising?
A fountain of knowledge in times of crisis
Opinions like arseholes on days like today; everyone's got one
You'd best say it quick while it's fresh in your mind, say it before it's forgotten

Just 'cos you shout loudest don't mean that you're right

Sage advice from a right gobshite.

8. They Might Be Giants - (She Was A) Hotel Detective

She's got her ear to the walls and she's tappin' the calls
If you've got a secret boy, forget about it!

VI Warshawski would approve.

(A prize to anyone who remembers VI Warshawski.)

7. The Thompson Twins - We Are Detective

I put this on a mixtape for Sam the other week and it still sounds great.

6. Arab Strap - Love Detective

A man plays detective on a cheating lover. Don't ever read her diary, you're bound to regret it. From the undisputed kings of sleazy bedroom angst.

5. Robert Palmer - Looking For Clues

I'd been hired to track down a lead on why Robert Palmer was still considered uncool when he left us so many great songs like this one. File that one under 'Unsolved'.

4. Superman Revenge Squad - Been A Private Detective For 17 Months

Been a Private Detective for Seventeen Months
Don't do it for money, just do it for love
Like last night when my client got over excited
When his wife had an orgy and he wasn't invited
We sat in the car taking pictures and smoking
My client just sat there eating mini cheddars and hoping
His wife was thinking of him every time she kisses someone else's lips
She's thinking of him, and in her mind's eye those groping eyes are his
And in her mind's eye those peeping hands are his
And in her mind's eye every ounce of flesh, that gets inside her dress, is his...

Superman Revenge Squad win points for writing the only song I can think of that namechecks Mini Cheddars.

3. Dire Straits - Private Investigations

And what have you got at the end of the day?
What have you got to take away?
A bottle of whiskey and a new set of lies
Blinds on the window and a pain behind the eyes

Mark Knopfler is obviously a Chandler fan.

2. Elvis Costello - Watching The Detectives

You may have expected this to be #1.

She's filing her nails while they're dragging the lake.

Your investigation ends here...

1. Hamell On Trial - The Long Drive

My favourite detective song, from the Chandleresque mind of Ed Hamell. Pure bottled noir in a song.




Mystery solved - but which clues did I ignore ten years ago? Who should feature in Volume 2, when I re-open the case?

The Hot 100 Countdown #95

This is Sam's biggest hero. Number 95. Lightning McQueen. The perfect start to this week's Hot 100 Countdown. #95 was a much tougher nut to crack than #96... but thanks for having a go.

Chris set the ball rolling with The Ramones - Durango 95. And let's face it, those guys will always be in with a chance. The song's named after another car too... this one:

Nice as that is though, it's an instrumental and it's only 55 seconds long, so hardly the Ramones at their most memorable.

But then came Alyson (who's currently in the lead in this quiz, if anybody's counting) with her most amazing suggestion yet. Digging back into the hidden treasures of her record collection, she reveals one of her favourite tracks of the 80s... prepare yourself to be rocked!

Much respect to Alyson: she knows how to play this game. But she doesn't get any points this week, I'm afraid. My actual choice is far less nasty...

There were three songs in my collection that referred to this famous American highway. And they're all winners... even if none of them is W.A.S.P.

Jimmy Buffett - I-95 (The Asshole Song)

Hamell On Trial - 95 South

But in the end, it had to be the Fountains of Wayne, taking a 9 hour drive just to see you...



Next week: #94. And if I'm to avoid using a year, I might have to drive really fast to find a song that only references the number 94 in its lyrics. Unless you have a better suggestion that I can pretend was mine all along.

My Top Ten Songs About Driving At Night

When songwriters can't sleep... they go for a drive.



10. Rialto - Drive

A noirish tale from the much-missed Britpop band, always a cut above many of their contemporaries.

9. Tom Petty - Night Driver

Tom's drifting home with headlines in his eyes, fighting sleep... WAKE UP, TOM! Phew. Nearly left the road there for a second. How about pulling over at the next rest stop, buddy?

8. The Cars - Drive

Who's gonna drive you home tonight?

The Cars' biggest hit (twice) comes loaded with so much extra meaning, it's hard to just listen to it as a song anymore. Plus, it was played to death on the radio when I was a teenager and I think I OD'ed on it. Good song, but Rick Ocasek & co. made far more exciting records.

7. Dion - Drive All Night

From Mr. DiMucci's late 80s comeback album, this keeps the hand-clapping doo-wop feel of his earlier hits filtered through more contemporary production courtesy of Dave Edmunds and Bryan Adams.

Well, when I say "contemporary", I mean "contemporary: 25 years ago". Sigh.

6. Roy Orbison - I Drove All Night

Fun fact - although everyone thinks Cyndi Lauper recorded this first (she made the charts with it before Roy), The Big O actually recorded it two years before Cyndi. It wasn't released as a single (with a little help from Jeff Lynne) until after his death in 1992. Anyway, much as I love Cyndi's sultry take on the tune, there's only one Roy O. Plus, although Cyndi's video features a car projected onto her naked body (not as exciting as that might sound), Roy's video guest stars a young Jennifer Connelly (and Jason Priestley, ladies). Ah, you decide. (Just don't suggest the Celion Dion version.)

5. Hamell On Trial - The Long Drive

Ed Hamell's Chandler-esque tale begins with a long drive in which his private detective hero leaves at midnight... worth a listen for any Philip Marlowe fans out there.

4. C.W. McCall - Convoy

Doubtless if I ever get round to compiling a Top Ten Trucking Songs, this'll be Number One. Although McCall's convoy (the inspiration for Sam Peckinpah's movie starring Kris Kristofferson, Ali McGraw and Ernest Borgnine) trucks on through both day and night, it nudges its way into this chart because of the hour it begins:

It was the dark of the moon
On the 6th of June...

3. Tom Robinson Band - 2-4-6-8 Motorway

Having already hurtled to the top of My Top Ten Motorway Songs, it was tempting to give Tom's trucker anthem a miss in favour of his other night driving anthem (a European retelling of the quintessentially English 2-4-6-8,) Drive All Night. But although that's a very fine song - and its title suggests it deserves a place here more than its more famous sibling - I just can't bring myself to choose it over 2-4-6-8. Plus, iffypedia informs me that the chorus of 2-4-6-8 is pilfered from a Gay Lib chant "2,4,6,8, Gay is twice as good as straight... 3,5,7,9, Lesbians are mighty fine". Brilliant!

2. Golden Earring - Radar Love

I can't think of many Dutch rock bands, and I can only think of one other record by this bunch... but this song is good enough to have been covered by everyone from REM to Def Leppard to U2... and none of them came close to matching the original. Close your eyes and this could be Led Zep. It begins with some amazing power chords before the chugging drum rhythm kicks in and then Frans Krassenburg's Robert Plant-esque voice chimes in with those masterful opening lines.

I've been driving all night
My hands wet on the wheel

By the time Brenda Lee starts coming on strong on the radio, I've almost driven through the central reservation. Just one fantastic rock record. Apparently Golden Earring had over 30 top ten hits in Holland. I might just have to splash out on a best of compilation...

1. Bruce Springsteen - Drive All Night / State Trooper

Although I feature Bruce a lot on this blog, I'm always wary of giving him the Number One because it reeks of favouritism. (Strange, I know - after all, it's my blog, I can do what I want. And it's not as though anyone's reading...) Here though is a double bill of two of his finest songs, both involving driving at night, albeit from completely different perspectives.

Simply put, Drive All Night is one of the greatest love songs ever written. I'd rate it just a step below Wichita Lineman, and there's no finer compliment in my book.

I swear I'll drive all night again
Just to buy you some shoes
And to taste your tender charms

The simplest of gestures, yet it speaks of true love in my book... and I'm sorry if that's perpetuating the "all women like shoes" stereotype... but Louise's wardrobe is one step away from Imelda Marcos's, and she's not the only woman I know like that. (Not that I'd ever dare buy her some shoes... I'm totally clueless in that department... as so many others. I'm no Bruce.)



State Trooper, on the other hand, is a much darker proposition. From the epically lo-fi Nebraska album (famously recorded on a 4 track cassette deck in Bruce's back bedroom), it's a tale of late night desperation. A man on a long, lonely drive across the states begs a policeman not to pull him over. It's creepy, brooding and compellingly tragic.

New Jersey Turnpike, ridin' on a wet night 
'Neath the refinery's glow, 
Out where the great black rivers flow
License, registration, I ain't got none, 
But I got a clear conscience
'Bout the things that I done
Mister state trooper please don't stop me...

Which one would you flash your headlights at?