Sunday, 12 July 2015

My Top Ten Hoover / Vacuum Cleaner Songs

Ten odes to the humble vacuum cleaner (and other Hoover-related thingamabobs). Unfortunately, I couldn't find any songs named after the Dyson. Sorry, Sir James.

Special mentions to Hoover, Hooverphonic, the extremely tantalising Jimmy The Hoover (lost classic!), Mindless Drug Hoover (swearily hilarious) and, of course, Freddie's greatest drag moment (above).  

Extra special mention to the Shake 'n' Vac ad. Because.

Sadly, I couldn't find The Yodelling Hoover by The Soft Boys anywhere on t'internet, but I'm sure it's great because it's Robyn Hitchcock.

10. The Candyskins - Mrs. Hoover

 Forgotten Britpop 15-minuters give it their all in this cheery ode to women in their underwear vacing up.

9. Glen Hansard - Broken Hearted Hoover Fixer Sucker Guy

A tiny lo fi delight from the soundtrack to busker's love story Once.

8. The Toy Dolls - Her With A Hoover

Despite only ever having one UK hit (a punked up version of Nellie The Elephant, very popular in 80s school discos), The Toy Dolls are, surprisingly, still in the go and still releasing records. This year's is called Olgacoustic, presumably because lead singer Michael "Olga" Algar is busking on it. Their previous record surely had the best title ever though: The Album After The Last One.
One more, two more
Fleas on the bedroom floor
No ones ever seen her, with a vacuum cleaner
Three more, four more
Mice unite at the kitchen door
It weren't no rotten rumour,
He could never move her,
And I never saw her with a hoover.
7.  Pere Ubu - Vacuum In My Head

One for the John Peel fans. David Thomas has a vacuum cleaner in his head and it's sucking up everything he knows.

6. Edwyn Collins & Bernard Butler - Can't Do That (The Hoover)

A laidback psychedelic groove that shows what happens when you spill Orange Juice on Suede.

5. Arctic Monkeys - I Wanna Be Yours

Alex Turner is a great lyricist, finding  grubby romance in the everyday mundanity of old man's pubs, pick 'n' mix bags and late night taxi journeys. But here, he bows down to a true master, reworking John Cooper Clarke's poem of the same name...
I wanna be your vacuum cleaner
Breathing in your dust
I wanna be your Ford Cortina
I will never rust...
4. Sugar - Hoover Dam

Bob Mould goes all 'To Be Or Not To Be' on the edge of the Hoover Dam. No vacuum cleaners, but a damned fine tune, nevertheless.

3. 'Til Tuesday - Love In A Vacuum

Before going on to a superlative solo career, Aimee Mann was the lead singer of synth-heavy 80s new wave band 'Til Tuesday. This is one of their best,but it's not as timeless as her later work.

2. The Christians - Hooverville

A politically charged anthem from the mighty Christians... nothing to do with cleaning up your house, unless they're asking crooked politicians to do just that.

1. Elvis Costello - Hoover Factory

Elvis pays tribute to the distinctive Art Deco design of London's Hoover Building... now owned by Tesco.

I don't think I'll be compiling a Top Ten Tesco Songs anytime soon.
Five miles out of London on the Western Avenue
Must have been a wonder when it was brand new
Talkin' 'bout the splendour of the Hoover factory
I know that you'd agree if you had seen it too...

Which is your dustbuster?


  1. Quite frankly I'm amazed at how few of these actually suck.

  2. Plato the Greek or Rin Tin Tin
    Who's more famous to the billion millions?
    News Flash: Vacuum Cleaner Sucks Up Budgie


    (The Clash - The Magnificent 7)

  3. surprisingly, still in the go and still releasing records. This year's is called Olgacoustic, roomba reviews

  4. Absolutely epigrammatic. Everything is communicated so smoothly and with no defect.


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