Record Collection Recollections #5: Charity Cheek

I was off work for the last couple of weeks, dealing with the bureaucratic bunglings that accompany a bereavement. The last doctor to see my dad alive was off ill, so his death was referred to the coroner. There was lots of back and forth in order to get a death certificate sorted so that the funeral could go ahead as planned last Thursday (it did, thankfully). On top of that, the DWP (an initialism that always makes me picture Ian Paisley) recorded my dad's date of death on my mum's pension account, then tried to deny having done so and blame the mistake on "an external agency". Being that they were the only government agency I'd informed at this point, that was impossible. But once again, it took rather a lot of sorting out.

To take my mind off such matters, I went on a brief tour of the area's lesser-visited charity shops. It looked like slim pickings for a while (as opposed to Slim Pickens: I would have happily bought a copy of his 1977 album if I'd come across it); the first couple of shops I visited didn't have any CDs at all!

After a while, things started to improve. Hard times have forced me to sell off large sections of my CD collection over the years, so I'm always on the look out for cheap replacements... or even better, things I've never owned before. I hit a pretty good seam towards the end of my expedition, including albums by Michelle Shocked, the U.S. Girls, Cud, Kate Rusby, Lou Reed, Loretta Lynn, Emiliana Torrini and - best of all! - Gavin Osborn! Charity Chic would be proud.

I had a couple of amusing experiences along the way, including the lady who asked a colleague how much the CDs were (£1 each) who then tried to charge me £2 for an excellent condition copy of Jeff Wayne's War of the Worlds because it's a 2 disc album.  I would have paid it, to be honest, but her colleague soon stamped down on that. And then, in the very last shop I visited (where I picked up some like-new compilations by Josh Rouse, Van Halen, Prince and John Fogerty), the young girl behind the counter was also unsure what to charge. I showed her the sign that clearly read "£1 each - 2 for £1.50" which soon cleared that up. As I was handing over my cash, she smiled and explained, "we don't sell a lot of these DVDs anymore".

Young people nowadays, eh? They don't even know a CD from a DVD... what hope is there?

Here's a track from the best of the bunch...

My Top 22 of 2022: #7

7. Gavin Osborn & The Comment Section – Scrolling Home

I owe Martin a pint for this one. If he drinks pints. I don’t drink pints, except maybe a pint of coffee every now and then.

If you’ve never heard of Gavin Osborn, you’re probably wondering What Kind Of Thing he does. Luckily, he answers that very question on the opening track...

I play guitar in front of an audience
Mostly in the minors and the majors
It’s just four chords but they’re played in different orders
And I’m prone to too much self-deprecation

Sign me up!

It’s acoustic folk with the emphasis on rhyming
With well-worn and tried and trusted tropes
I’m a cut-price atheist pound-shop Paul Simon
With a rolling cast of awkward misanthropes

Seriously, how much of my money do you want, Gavin?

It’s like if Billy Bragg had swapped Barking for Bedford
If Jim Croce met John Hegley in the shower
If you cross Pat Sharp with some early Robert Redford
That’s what’s it’s like to sit and watch me for about an hour

You’ll have to come to Huddersfield though, otherwise I’ll just stick to buying your records.

What else can I add?

Well, Gavin also introduced me to the word “weltschmerz” (I’ve had it tattooed on my forehead) in a song that proves he’s a Springsteen fan…

And this world might never turn out how I thought it would at 18
But through tinny café speakers I hear the sound of Springsteen
Thunder Road trying to break through clink of spoon on china
And that restless inner voice that’s a constant reminder
That magic can occur in the most unlikely places
Sit back and take hold, as Mary’s dress keeps waving

Gavin Osborn - Weltschmerz

Remember when you were a kid and the songs that meant the most to you were the ones where the singer was channelling your own thoughts and feelings and putting them to music? Well, that’s what Gavin Osborn does for me on pretty much this whole album. 

Always wanted to be on the Top of the Pops
Now I order CDs from all the online shops
The most joy that I get is from opening the box
And I could’ve been a contender

Gavin Osborn - Contender

He’s even got a song about radio phone in shows. Takes me right back to my days on the switchboard...

Gavin Osborn - Balance

So my first Gavin Osborn album was a great success. I'll be buying more in the New Year. You should do the same, so he can start playing venue's a little larger than Caroline's Kitchen...

Mid-Life Crisis Songs #85: To Be Frank

I lay my head on the railroad tracks

And wait for the double E

The railroad don't run no more

Poor poor pitiful me

Warren Zevon always has the answer.

It's been a bit of a miserable week on this blog, and I'm not going to harp on about that any more, other than to thank you all for your kind and supportive comments. They're more appreciated than I can say without sounding insincere.

Thanks also to Frank Turner, who appears to understand this weltschmerz very well...

I got a brand new name for an old, old friend

The doctor said it's anxiety

And it makes a lot of sense 'cause I've been so tense

Some days, I find it difficult to see

'Cause I've been hemmed in, penned down, struggling to find myself

Caved in, cut down, scared of everybody else

Dragged in, dragged down, searching for a reason to live

Don't you ever wake up and suspect

That you were simply never cut out to be

The kind of person they expect

The person you intended to be?

And I keep it all in with my idiot grin

And I'm doing my best but there's very little left

So cut me some slack if I crawl back into my shell

I haven't been doing so well

Couldn't you tell?

And if self-loathing was a sport, I'd be Muhammad Ali

'Cause I can sting like a butterfly and sink like a bee

But they don't hand out medals to monsters like me

Oh well

I haven't been doing so well

Mid-Life Crisis Songs #81: Contender

Martin turned me onto this guy a few weeks back. After hearing one track on New Amusements, I ordered the album. I listened to it in the car for the first time yesterday. Twice. 

Usually when I hear a new record, I give it a few spins before I decide which tracks to feature here, and what I want to say about it. But I was so knocked out by this "Pound Shop Paul Simon", I felt I could easily have written a post about half the songs on the album. Then I flicked back to Martin's post and noticed he'd said the same.

The album has some corkers on it, so you might see more Osborn-related posts in the near future.

With that in mind, I've got to get in quick with this one, because - while I never wanted to be a rock n roll star, just a writer - it could well be the story of my life.

But there’s got to be something much better than this

Should’ve been someone’s choice on Desert Island discs

Ah but I was too scared to take too many risks

And I could’ve been a contender

Always wanted to be on the Top of the Pops

Now I order CDs from all the online shops

The most joy that I get is from opening the box

And I could’ve been a contender

In the rain at my son’s game on Sundays

Stand with other Dads, getting drenched

They shout ‘”GET STUCK IN”, I say “Football’s the winner!”

I’ve lost my competitive edge

More on this guy soon. Unless Martin beats me to it.

Meantime, here's a line from another of his songs...

And I make records, but I can’t seem to sell them

Why not go prove him wrong by buying his record here?