I've been planning this one for a while, but Charity Chic finally forced my hand.
Ten songs about killing (or at least seriously wounding) pop stars. Shoot!
Special mention to Mark E. Smith, who once memorably sang...
And if I ever end up like Bono,
Slit my throat with a kitchen knife...
10. Altered Images - Dead Pop Stars
An obvious place to start, although this one doesn't go so far as to name names. The rest aren't so coy...
9. The Cranberries - I Just Shot John Lennon
The most famous of all murdered pop stars. The Cranberries give a voice to his killer, Mark David Chapman, but their sympathies remain with the Walrus.
"I just shot John Lennon!"
He said, "I just shot John Lennon!"
What a sad and sorry and sickening sight
It was a sad and sorry and sickening night
8. Keith Top Of The Pops & His Minor UK Indie Celebrity All-Star Backing Band - Two of the Beatles Are Dead
My favourite line in this goes...
Don't count Stuart Sutcliffe or the original Paul
...which always makes me smile.
7. Chumbawamba - Slag Aid
I never quite got Chumbawamba's message here, other than that - in their opinion - famous pop stars are hypocrites for getting involved in charity appeals. (By their calculations, Live Aid, Band Aid and Sport Aid raised less than half of Michael Jackson's "personal amassed fortune", "or about the same as the world spends on arms every two hours, forty minutes".
Most of the lyrics just do what it says in the title, but they do nail Cliff Richard to a cross towards the end... and there's another version where they do the same to John Lydon, for balance.
6. Jackie Balfour - Sting's Dead
An amusing anecdote, if not an actual song. Still...
5. The Wonder Stuff - Rick Astley In The Noose
Poor old Rick Astley. Back in the late 80s, I hated him in his role as SAW poster-boy, but I've developed a weird respect for him over the years. Even Nick Lowe feels bad about writing these lines in All Men Are Liars now...
Well do you remember Rick Astley?
He had a big fat hit it was ghastly
He said I’m never gonna give you up or let you down
Well I’m here to tell you that dick’s a clown
4. Leonard Cohen - A Singer Must Die
Here's Leonard turning the gun on himself... in reaction to his own critics.
"This song is for my critics and for my judges and for those who give marks to us everywhere, who evaluate our performance whether it is in the courtroom or the cloakroom or the bedroom. This is for the judges."3. Paul Heaton & Jacqui Abbott - When I Get Back To Blighty
Paul Heaton's trick is to get someone with a much sweeter voice to sing his most poisonous lines, hence Jacqui Abbott's the one who gives voice to this hugely topical song (even more so today than when it was written 5 years ago) about the perils of Little Britain's fake-nostalgic jingoism which ends up making a figurehead of Mr. Collins, esquire.
A white T-shirt and faded jeans
Just, just an ordinary guy
But prisoner to his tax returns
Oh, Phil Collins, Phil Collins must die
2. The Indelicates - Waiting For Pete Doherty To Die
Simon & Julia don't actually want the notorious Libertine to drop dead. This is more a comment on media vultures and a public over-obsessed with celebrity death. Apparently.
1. Chris T-T - Dreaming Of Injured Pop Stars
A similar sentiment powers Chris T-T's somewhat dated (pop-reference wise) yet still ESSENTIAL Number One (sorry, CC). Always raises a smile in this house anyway...
The bit about the Stereophonics is my favourite. Poor old Kelly Jones.
Got any pop star hit lists of your own? Share with the group.
