Snapshots #376: The Snapshots Sale Is Now On!

Now that the Snapshots Sale has officially been started by Robin Zander, lead singer of Cheap Trick, you can all bag yourself a bargain - while stocks last! 

20. Tony Pollard is very confused.

Hard as it may be to believe, "Tony Pollard" is an anagram for a very young...

Dolly Parton - The Bargain Store

19. Don't tell your other half about these guys.

Keep that affair secret, whatever you do...

Secret Affair - I'm Not Free (But I'm Cheap)

18. Foibles.

The Kinks - Massive Reductions

17. Mr. Loverman (not Shabba).

He's the man from Love...

Arthur Lee - You Can Save Up To 50% But You're Still A Long Ways From Home

Short but sweet, that one.

16. Wayward Prince, initially Jesus, every one famous.

Prince Harry is rather wayward, the first letter of Jesus is J, but they're all stars...

Harry J. All Stars - Liquidator

15. Octopus Alfred wearing a hockey mask.

Alfred Molina played Dr. Octopus... Jason wore a hockey mask.

Jason Molina - It Costs You Nothing

14. Eastenders without a cause.

Cockney Rebel - Big Big Deal

13. The riddle of who's steering the ship.

Jimmy Riddle at the Helm...

Jimmy Helms - Gonna Make You An Offer You Can't Refuse

12. Four sub-par Stewarts fly high with mock King. 

They're a quartet of B-Rods in the Sky... with an Elvis who's not the King.

Elvis Costello & The Brodsky Quartet - This Offer Is Unrepeatable

11. Use your powers of deduction to describe Cilla's laughs.

You needed a lorra lorra logic to figure this one out...

Lora Logic - Wonderful Offer

10. Overweight and covered in spots.

Fats Domino - What A Price

9. Tired / Hippocampus.

Hippocampus is the Latin name for seahorses. If you're tired, you need a Sleeper.

Sleeper - Sale of the Century

Seahorses - Sale of the Century

8. Useful for chipping away at the igloo.

Cold Chisel - Cheap Wine

7. Better than Steve Mason and Gordon Anderson.

Steve Mason and Gordon Anderson were the Beta Band.

T-Bone Burnett, Steven Soles, and David Mansfield were...

The Alpha Band - Cheap Perfume

6. Senegal Intelligence Agency.

That would be the SIA...

Sia - Cheap Thrills

5. Crazy boys.

The Mad Lads - Don't Have To Shop Around

4. An insult to the Irish, and a Young man who talks to walls.

Faron Young sang Hello Walls, Mick is a derogatory term for the Irish...

Mick Farren - Half Price Drinks

3. Desperate / not depressive.

Desperate (Steely) Dan and the Manics (not depressives).

Manic Street Preachers - Everything Must Go

Steely Dan - Everything Must Go

2. What a Doctor and a Baker do at the bus stop.

Tom (Baker) Waits...

Step right up
Everyone's a winner!
Bargains galore!
That's right you too can be the proud owner of...
The quality goes in before the name goes on!

Tom Waits - Step Right Up

1. Get her out of the other way and you'll hear a crazy organ playing in your new build home. 

Remove "her" from "other way" and you get Otway. A crazy organ might be a wild willy... in a Barrett home.

John Otway & Wild Willy Barrett - Really Free

The Snapshots Sale Must End New Year's Day! Join us then for our final crazy reductions!

Snapshots #318: A Top Ten Songs To Save Your Life

Thank you for playing this weekend.

Here are ten songs that will save your life...

10. Wearing thin.

Looking a bit frayed round the edges...

The Fray - How To Save A Life

9. Bright-eyed, yet still crazy.

Bright-eyed, yet still crazy.

Simon & Garfunkel - Save The Life On My Child

8. This tortoise only goes backwards.

Ask Roald Dahl...

Esiotrot - My Chemical Romance Saved My Life

7. Buried inside enthusiasm, aphrodisiacs and amnesia.

EnthuSIAsm, aphrodiSIAcs and amneSIA.

Sia - Saved My Life

6. From Sweden to a Home County.

They come from Sweden, so it's anybody's guess why they named their band Kent.

Kent - Lifesavers

5. Not your right hand man.

He's definitely a lefty.

Lefty Frizell - I Can't Get Over You To Save My Life

4. Came out of a belly.

Belly was her band. On her own, she's just...

Tanya Donnelly - The Night You Saved My Life

3. When Joel met Simon.

When Billy met Paul.

Billy Paul - Thanks for Saving My Life

2. Avoid by staying in the shallow end.

Don't venture in deep.

Indeep - Last Night A DJ Saved My Life

1. Roman Superman.

His middle name is Hercules, you know...

More life-saving Snapshots next Saturday...

Product Placement Friday #1: Mars Bar

Louise has made us sign up to Paramount+ so that we can watch Yellowstone. I've got a lot of time for Kevin Costner, but this show is basically Dallas with more random plotting, and Costner is hardly Larry Hagman. Actually, he's more of a Jock. His daughter Beth is probably the closest we get to J.R. It's moderately interesting, but there has to be a big unexpected drama in every episode that's completely unrelated to the main plot. I'm not sure I can handle 5 seasons of it, though I'm a little more intrigued by the prequels, one starring Harrison Ford & Helen Mirren, the other featuring the great Sam Elliott.

The reason I mention this is because it's inspired my new Friday feature. Every episode flashes up a parental warning at the start, informing us that the show will likely contain: Sex & Nudity; Violence & Gore; Profanity; Alcohol, Drugs & Smoking; and Product Placement. I kind of like that they've started warning us about that, since it's the only one on the list above which really bothers me. (To be honest, you get very little of any of them.)

Anyway, a series of songs featuring blatant product placement will follow. Starting with the greatest product placement song ever, naturally.

The humble Mars Bar was created by Forrest Mars Sr, son of American candyman Frank C. Mars. I know you think I'm making this up, but I'm not. Honest. 

I used to like the occasional Mars Bar, but nowadays I find them too sweet and don't like the way they stick to your teeth. Mick Jagger was a big fan though, as gets referenced in a number of rap songs I won't include as I don't want to bring the tone down. 

Here's a few lyrical mentions to whet your appetite for the main event, starting with a band that were very big down under...

Skyhooks - This Is My City

Well, I'm back in the land of second chances

And rock'n'roll shows where nobody dances

Back in the land of chicken and chips

Mars bars and roadside tips

Here's Sia. (I think that rhymes.) She wants to warn us against buying chocolate bars from other companies...

Sia - Sweet Potato

He brushes thoroughly

He knows she likes fresh breath

He rushes to the station

He waits atop the steps

He's brought with him a Mars Bar

She will not buy Nestle

And later he'll perform

A love-lorn serenade, a trade

Meanwhile, I'll take any excuse to play this one...

I, Ludicrous - Preposterous Tales

I once ate six Mars Bars in half an hour

Slightly less full of themselves...

Get Cape, Wear Cape, Fly - A Song For

And I've got a Mars Bar that says

That you're never going to write a song as good as the one that's on the internet

And here's an ode to the place where Mars Bars are made, John Betjeman's favourite town...

The Tiger Lillies - Slough

Well it's grim up north

But it's grimmer than that in Slough

I'll sing you a song

If you drop a bomb on Slough

Driving about in your car.

Making another box of Mars Bars

In Slough, Slough.

Finally, a smattering of titular mentions, starting with one for all my Scottish pals...

Sqeepo - Battered Mars Bar

The Pre New - The Mars Bar Within You

Smile And Burn - High Five At A Mars Bar Party

Now, before we get to the one you've all been waiting for, a little trivia.

Gerry & The Pacemakers were originally called "Gerry Marsden and the Mars Bars"... until a certain chocolate manufacturer objected. 

Gerry & The Pacemakers - I Like It

I'm surprised Mars Incorporated didn't get onto Feargal and his mates. On the other hand, why did Mars never pay them to use this in all their advertising?

There's glucose for energy

Caramel for strength

The chocolate's only there

To keep it the right length!

To anybody out there who still eats Twix

Anybody on packets of Buttons

I gave them up when I was six

I hope your teeth are rotten!

Work, rest and play

Time to raid the Spar...