Wednesday, 22 April 2026

The Enigma of CD87: Part 6

Here we go with the final four songs from my in-car CD #87. The purpose of these CDs has always been to introduce my son to as a wide a variety of pop music as possible, not to steer him down any particular musical road or inculcate tribalism, which I’ve always believed to be a Very Bad Thing when it comes to musical appreciation.


Track 19: Vampire Weekend - A-Punk

Way, way back in the first decade of this disappointing millennium, Vampire Weekend were the Next Big Thing for all of three weeks or so. That said, this appears to be the average duration of Next-Big-Thingness in a world that constantly craves something NEW and rapidly loses interest in any artist with more than a couple of albums under their belt. 

A-Punk is the second single from VW’s eponymous debut album, and it’s a perfect example of their early “Paul Simon meets Talking Heads” sound. Or, as iffypedia puts it, “they bonded over a shared love of punk rock and African music”… so the Paul Simon bit is actually Graceland-era Simon, where he was nicking all his rhythms (and more) from South Africa. Of course, there’s a whole political / cultural appropriation argument to be heard when anybody brings up Graceland, but it was and still is one of my favourite albums of all time, so I’m not opening that can of worms here… other than to say that it was nice to hear a New York indie band doing something in the same style. That’s what drew me to Vampire Weekend more than anything.

The lyrics here are barked out at such speed that I’ve never stopped to ponder what the song is actually about, but there’s a rather confused examination to be had on Genius if you’re into that sort of thing. The closest thing A-Punk has to a chorus is the repeated line, “Look outside at the raincoats coming, say: Oh-oh-oh-oh”, which the Genius interpreter suggests might be a reference to “the redcoats are coming” (i.e. British soldiers in the American revolutionary war) or The Raincoats (the British postpunk band, one of the band’s musical reference points). Or it could just be that the song involves a character driving slowly into New York on a snowy day, and so everyone she sees is wearing a raincoat. Is that too literal?



Track 20: Them - Gloria

“G-L-O-R-I-A”, sings Van The Man, in a song he wrote when he was 18, back in 1963, and it was only a B-side… but it still went on to become one of the most famous songs in the history of rock. The Shadows of Night had a bigger hit with it, but they didn’t sound like they were making it up as they went along like Van did (especially live, where this 2 ½ minute pop song was often stretched to 20 minutes of pure madness).  And that was long before Patti Smith got a hold of it and really blew the doors off.

I’ve never seen the early promo video Them recorded for Gloria before… but watching it now, I'm surprised to find subliminal cuts of a donkey popping up every now and then. The interweb tells me that these were added after a music critic said that Van’s voice sounded like his neighbour’s ass… which only goes to prove that The (Grumpy Old) Man must have had a sense of humour once, even if it seems to have long since deserted him.



Track 21: The Clint Boon Experience - Comet Theme Number One

I was rather obsessed with The Clint Boon Experience back in the late 90s. Clint’s organ may well be the greatest thing to ever come out of the Madchester scene, and by all accounts he was a much nicer guy than the likes of Ian Brown or Shaun Ryder. (I was listening to Guy Garvey on 6Music a couple of weeks back and he told a story about how Elbow wanted to record their first album in France, but they couldn’t afford flights, so Clint Boon drove them all there in his van… then came back and collected them when the sessions were over). 

I probably like the Clint Boon Experience even more than I like the Inspiral Carpets, partly for their DIY aesthetic, and partly because I was more ready for this kind of music in 1998 than I was ten years earlier. Comet Theme Number One was one of a string of catchy singles Clint and co. released towards the end of the last century. None of them were hits, but they all were in this house. CT#1 is also one of a couple of Clint Boon records to feature guest vocals by “Opera Dude” – better known these days as acclaimed singer Alfie Boe. 



Track 22: John Waite – Missing You

Let’s finish this CD with a classic, shall we? (How many of you just spit out your tea? I claim a point for each ruined shirt-front.)

I was 12 when Missing You was on the radio, so obviously I loved it. Here was a big rock ballad in the “methinks he doth protest too much” vein, a sub-section of songwriting that always appealed to me because as a young man I was often laughing loud and hearty while deep inside, I was blue. I was also regularly infatuated with girls who didn’t even know I existed, and there’s definitely a sense of that in this song. 

John Waite hailed from Lancaster but made more of a name for himself in the US, first as lead singer of The Babys with two Billboard Top Twenty hits in the late 70s. Missing You was his only UK solo hit, and even then it only scraped into the Top Ten, unlike the States where it knocked Tina Turner off the top spot. Waite later reunited with some of his Babys pals to form Bad English… which makes me wonder if he was casting aspersions at the UK record buying public? I’m sure he made more money in the States than he ever could have back home. 

The video, which I've somehow reached the age of 54 without ever seeing before (we never had MTV when I was a kid) deepens my nostalgia. It feels like an episode of a soft focus US TV drama, and there's an amusing moment where the girlfriend John is stalking (there were a lot of stalking-based pop videos in the 80s) opens the door into his face and appears to break his nose. There's also a bit where a larger lady tries to chat him up in a bar, but obviously he's having none of that. And to top it off, he smashes up a payphone too. Kids these days, they wouldn't even know what a payphone was.


That's it for CD87... but I'll be back soon to examine another of your random selections.

Tuesday, 21 April 2026

Namesakes #185: Black Lace


Ah yes, the secret promise of black lace. The illicit temptation. The forbidden erotic thrills. The... Conga.

Agadoo I really want to listen to a bunch of bands called Black Lace? 

Haven't I got anything better to do with my life? 

Haven't you?


BLACK LACE #1


We start today in Australia with an Aboriginal band formed in 1972 by Mac Silva... but still going strong well into the 80s.



BLACK LACE #2


Bettye Sweet, aka Black Lace, sang backing vocals on Gary Wright's big US hit Dreamweaver in 1975. A couple of years later, she teamed up with White Satin (Julie Lucero) for an album of funky disco tunes, most notably...



BLACK LACE #3


Steve Scholey, Alan Barton, Colin Gibb and Terry Dobson. They sound like the kids who used to muck around in Maths lessons, don't they? In 1979 they won A Song For Europe and went on to represent the UK in the Eurovision Song Contest. They came seventh (which these days would be a win!), and that really ought to have been the end of it. Except... it wasn't.


Because in 1981, Colin and Alan held a coup and chucked the other two guys out, reinventing Black Lace as "the ultimate party band". That's when the horror really began, especially if you went anywhere near a school disco from 1983 onwards. Superman. Do Tha Conga. The Hokey Cokey. Aga-bloody-doo. In 2003, Q Magazine voted it The Worst Song of All Time. There's more to the story. Much more. Members came and went. There were scandals, fall outs, bankruptcy, benefit fraud and worse (you can probably guess)... honestly, it made depressing reading. If you're desperate to know more, there was a documentary released late last year which the Grauniad reviewer described as "melancholy".

Anyway. Here it is. If you need extra incentive to watch the video, I'm told that one of the dancing fruit people is actually future TV star / Cruise singer Jane MacDonald. Push pineapple. Shake the tree...



BLACKLACE #4


Wash your ears out with a New York heavy rock act from the mid 80s.



BLACK LACE #5


Sometimes you look at a band photo and there's one member who seems to have wandered in from a completely different group.

Here's some more hard rocking types (plus Peter Andre) from Greece in the year they called 1990.



BLACK LACE CLUB #6


I'm bending the rules to allow this "alternative rock trio from the heart of Siberia" in here because they're better than any of the other acts I've heard today. Then again, I set a low bar.



Which Black Lace makes you feel sexier?

And which ones put you off sex forever?


Monday, 20 April 2026

Snapshots Spillover: More Record Labels In Song


A few more record labels I had left over after this weekend's celebration, starting with the obvious one...

Followed by some more beloved... and not so beloved labels...

Kamikaze Pilots - Sharon Signs to Cherry Red

Woody Guthrie - Roll On, Columbia

Graham Central Station - It Ain't Nothing But A Warner Brothers Party

Hugh Cornwell - Blue Note

Jimmy Buffett - Ace

Faith No More - Epic

Kiss - Charisma

Jazzy Jay - Def Jam

Rick Wakeman - Stax

Godley & Creme - Rhino Rhino

Bertie Higgins - Casablanca

Box of Frogs - Asylum

Gregg Diamond - Arista Vista

Richard Strauss - Elektra

The Verve - Reprise

(That was kind of a two-for-one deal.)

Joni Mitchell - The Sire Of Sorrow

Thinking about Sire Records also reminded me of this...

Belle and Sebastian - Seymour Stein

While Joni also led me to this song about Record Company boss David Geffen...

Joni Mitchell - Free Man In Paris

And while I couldn't find any songs with Parlophone in the title, I then remembered this...

Just when the Beta Band was about to start
It all started in London town
When we gave our demo to Phil Brown
Then we met Miles at Parlophone
And let him hear "Dog's Got a Bone"
He said go to Chalk Farm and put it on wax
The next few weeks was spent cutting four tracks

The Beta Band - The Beta Band Rap

Some of those were clearly not about record labels... but a lot of them were.

For balance, considering how many pop stars end up slagging off their labels in song... here's someone who loves his. (I think.)



Sunday, 19 April 2026

Snapshots #444: Songs About Record Labels

As Half Man Half Biscuit reminded us on Friday, yesterday was Record Store Day. And so, to celebrate, rather than taking out a second mortgage (the first one's bad enough), I dug out 15 songs about record companies. They're rarely complementary...


15. Soft focus.

I know, I know, these guys only featured here a couple of weeks back, but I couldn't not include this...

Blur - The Universal

Or this...

Blur - B.L.U.R.E.M.I.

14. Inflexible pinkies.

Stiff Little Fingers - Rough Trade

13. Pigswill company loses a litre, but finds a band inside. (Presumably a rather smelly band.)*

(*This clue was inspired by the latest edition of Ernie's Pun Fun.)

Pigswill company... minus one L.

Wilco - Capitol City

12. Spidey unmasked by Norton!

Graham reveals that he's Parker!

Graham Parker - Mercury Poisoning

11. Paints pictures about how it's gonna be... home, kitchen, earthen.

Joshua Kadison told us that Jessie paints pictures about how it's gonna be. Homeware, kitchenware, earthenware...

Jessie Ware - Swan Song

Swan Song was Led Zeppelin's own record label.

10. Dragon Lady.

The Lockheed U2 aircraft was nicknamed "Dragon Lady".

U2 - Vertigo

9. BAD boys.

Big Audio Dynamite - Sony

8. Egyptian life force, German affirmation, Iris's Dolls.

Ka is the Egyptian life force. Ja is German for yes. Iris was a song by the Goo Goo Dolls.

Kajagoogoo - Big Apple

7. Austrian poet.

Rainer Maria - Atlantic

6. Polish sextets in disarray. 

"Polish sextets" was an anagram.

The Sex Pistols - EMI

5. Ape king found in whale.

Jonah was found in a whale. The ape was King Louis.

Jona Lewie - Be Stiff

Originally by Devo, who also started out on Stiff.

4. Sistine, Lady, Fallen. 

The Fallen Madonna with The Big Boobies, for anyone who remembers 'Allo 'Allo. My dad used to work with Gordon 'Renee' Kaye, before he became famous.

Madonna - Like A Virgin

3. Clear victors in the Dads Vs. Lads match.

Boys: 2, Men: well, I'm guessing nil.

Boyz II Men - Motownphilly

2. Winners of the 1973 "Longest Band Name Without Any Vowels" competition. (Semis not counted.)

Lynyrd Skynyrd - Workin' for MCA

Some people class 'y' as a semi-vowel. I do not.

1. Found confused, but only after rehab.


"Only after rehab" was an anagram.

Two Record Labels for the price of one in this tune...

Harry Belafonte - Island In The Sun

More of this tomfoolery next Saturday.


Saturday, 18 April 2026

Saturday Snapshots #444


You know it's a wonderful life when you can turn on your computer on a Saturday morning and find some Snapshots to identify.

Who are the folks below and how are their songs connected? 


15. Soft focus.

14. Inflexible pinkies.

13. Pigswill company loses a litre, but finds a band inside. (Presumably a rather smelly band.)*

(*This clue was inspired by the latest edition of Ernie's Pun Fun.)

12. Spidey unmasked by Norton!

11. Paints pictures about how it's gonna be... home, kitchen, earthen.

10. Dragon Lady.

9. BAD boys.

8. Egyptian life force, German affirmation, Iris's Dolls.

7. Austrian poet.

6. Polish sextets in disarray. 

5. Ape king found in whale.

4. Sistine, Lady, Fallen. 

3. Clear victors in the Dads Vs. Lads match.

2. Winners of the 1973 "Longest Band Name Without Any Vowels" competition. (Semis not counted.)

1. Found confused, but only after rehab.

Look out your Rear Window tomorrow morning and you might just see the answers!


Friday, 17 April 2026

Thursday, 16 April 2026

Mid-Life Crisis Songs #134: Honeymoon


We were lucky that Sam and I had misaligned holidays this Easter, so while he's back at school this week, I'm still off... allowing Louise and I the rare luxury of getting away to the Peak District for a couple of days peace and quiet. (Sam is being looked after by appropriate adults, in case you're on the phone to Child Services.)

So this is what passes for our Honeymoon. Appropriate (and inappropriate) tunes will follow...



















Paul Hampton - Two Hour Honeymoon (Definitely the most bizarre thing you'll hear today!)


I will, of course, be following the advice below to the letter...

Don't ski naked down Mt. Everest
With lilies up your nose
Don't punt up the Ganges in a vest
And holler 'Thar she blows'
Don't fish for tunny in Meat Madras
With blotting pads as bait
Don't converse with shrimps of higher class
About the church and state

Don't dance the polka in a dhoti
Arid whistle the right of Spring
Don't recite Hamlet's soliloquy
While munching onion rings
Don' t plant a stickleback in a field
On St.Augustine's Day
Don' t sharpen your sword and beat your shield
And somersault up a brae

Don' t build a pyramid on the pole
With Frosties packets and glue
Don' t serve rubber bullets in a bowl
And call it Irish Stew
Don' t change all the water into wine
And walk on the Dead Sea
Never sing the Song of the Golden Rhine
With an augmented flea



Wednesday, 15 April 2026

Modern Life Is Rubbish #7: Only The Names Change

This post was inspired by a new song from Stephen Wilson Jr., an Americana artist I’ve only recently discovered. He’s worthy of further investigation if this sort of thing is your bag.

Anyway, the chorus informs us, “There ain't a lot of boys named Gary these days”, a reminder of how birth names fall in and out of fashion. (Amusingly, they’ve got the actor Gary Sinise to star in the video… although it doesn’t end well for him.) This got me thinking about the names of the kids Sam goes to school with… versus the ones I went to school with.

I have a nephew called Gary. He’s about ten or twelve years younger than me. But there are no Garys in Sam’s school. Neither is there a Neil or a Sean, the names of my other nephews.

I started to think about the most common names of kids I grew up with.

Sam doesn’t know any Richards. No Ricks or Rickys either. And while he probably knows a few dicks… there are definitely no Dicks.

Billy Bragg - Richard

He also doesn’t go to school with anyone called Paul.

Landspeed Loungers - Paul

Steven? Stephen? Steve? Stevie? Not a one.

Billy Reeves - Steve

Andrew… he knows one Andy. There must have been a dozen in my school.

Fantastic Negrito – A Boy Named Andrew

Most shocking of all though… Sam doesn’t know anyone called David.

No Daves!?!

Everyone knows a Dave – surely?! Two of my best mates are called Dave – and I only have three and a half friends.

Boomtown Rats - Dave

No Darrens, no Phils, no Jasons, no Brians, and definitely no Kevins.

The Undertones - My Perfect Cousin

He does know a heck of a lot of Georges though… he told me he could count 15, but he might have been exaggerating. Slightly.

Edwyn Collins - Gorgeous George

Other common boys’ names in Sam’s school?

Harry.

Sham 69 - Hurry Up, Harry

Arthur.

The Kinks - Arthur

Albert.

Essential Logic - Albert

Isaac.

Bear's Den - Isaac

Frank.

The Monochrome Set - He's Frank (Slight Return)

Eli.

Three Dog Night - Eli's Coming

Alfie.

Dionne Warwick - Alfie

(Sorry, Cilla's version goes right through me.)

The weird thing is, I didn’t go to school with a single one of those. In fact, if you’d asked me when I was a kid, I would have told you they were all old men names. Harry Bamforth was an old farmer who lived across the fields from us. So was Arthur Lockwood. And Frank Shaw. Albert Tatlock and Alf Roberts were old blokes on Coronation Street. Eli and Isaac were names I only read about in Old Testament RE lessons.

I wonder if, in another 20 years’ time, the classrooms will be full of Garys, Darrens and Daves again? There probably won't be many Donalds... but I could be wrong.

A final word today from Nigel (no Nigels in Sam's school either)...

A woman who described herself as "a little bit 'Bridget',
A little bit 'Ally', a little bit 'Sex and the City'"
And chose to call her baby boy Fred
As a childishly rebellious attempt at a clever reaction
To those who might have expected her to call him Julian or Rupert
Bit of advice, call him Rupert, it fits, and besides it's a good name
Don't be calling him Fred or Archie
With all its cheeky but lovable working class scamp connotations
Unless you really do have plans for him
To spend his life in William Hills waiting
For them to weigh in at Newton Abbot

In case you're wondering - yes, there will be a follow-up to this post about girl's names.

Probably next week some time.


Tuesday, 14 April 2026

Namesakes #184: The Times


Boo, Rupert Murdoch, right wing rag, etc. etc. 

But unlike the paper, I'm not here to tell you how to think... you can make your own mind up which band called The Times is best.

Have you got The Times for all these? Let's see...


THE TIMES #1


We start this week in Australia, with a three piece beat band on Perth label Clarion Records in 1965.



THE TIMES #2

The Warrington Times, from 1966, featuring Alan Taylor, Gordon Struthers, Kenneth Crank and Malcolm Unsworth. Proper rock star names, all of them. This was their second, and presumably last, single. Where did all the good Times go?



THE TIMES #3


Dennis Burlage and his two brothers (plus a couple of mates) came from Norfolk, Virginia in 1967 and produced this "psychedelic masterpiece" / ripped off The Byrds.



THE TIMES #4


Irish "show band" (not sure what a show band is - presumably a band that plays shows... but don't they all?) from the late 60s and early 70s.

 

THE TIMES #5


I first became aware of Edward Philip Albert Tome Ball when he released the solo track The Mill Hill Self Hate Club, a Brit pop favourite from the glorious year of 1996. It was only later that I realised Ed Ball had been at this pop music lark for quite a while, starting in 1977 when he was a member of Television Personalities. As the 80s arrived, he formed his own band called The Times, featuring a rotating membership of musicians from the Wham! Records label (run by Ed and his mate Dan Treacy). The Times continued to release records on and off for the next 20 years. This tribute to The Prisoner is probably their most fondly-remembered tune...



THE TIMES #6


Also known as The U.S. Times, this Louisiana "dance band" were a'changing with the times in the early 80s.

The Times - Hip Isn't It


TIMES #7


Post-punk electronic band Venus In Furs hailed from Sussex in the early 80s. They started out as a four piece, then came back as a two piece, before eventually becoming a one man solo project. The man behind all these ventures occasionally called himself Jeremy Christ, but most of the time he went simply by the name: Times.

TIMES #8


Good times from Cleveland, Ohio in 1982. 



THE TIMES #9


Knock Three Times! More power pop from 1982 - this time via Nashville.



THE TIMES #10


South African soul group, and part-time jeans models: a sign of the times from 1990.



THE TIMES #11


And finally today, this Malaysian indie rock band were practising their Times tables in the noughties.



Eleven Times to choose from... but do you agree that Even The Bad Times Are Good?


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