Another Day #21: World Teachers' Day

Today is the 60th anniversary of the official UNESCO World Teacher's Day.

A day to pay tribute to amazing teachers (like Swiss Adam) and wonderful former teachers (like George). I don't consider myself worthy of any accolades since my own teaching these days is far removed from the trenches.

Jim Bob - Mrs Fucking MacMurphy (Teaches Food Technology)

Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young - Teach Your Children

Wide Boy Awake - Slang Teacher

April Stevens - Teach Me, Tiger

Jethro Tull - Teacher

Prince - Teacher Teacher

Rockpile - Teacher Teacher

Leonard Cohen - Teachers

Snapshots Spillover - More Mags (For Ladies Only)

Here are some more songs named after magazines.

Today... some magazines for Ladies. Let's start with something for anyone who wants to make a 3-seater sofa for under £30 this weekend...

John Lennon - Woman

The Danse Society - Woman's Own

Big Country - Bella

OK, let's get a bit more up-market...

Blueboy - Elle

alt-J - Ms.

And let's not forget these guys...

Harper's Bizarre - 59th Street Bridge Song (Feelin' Groovy)

Now if you're getting on a bit, you might prefer...

Magna Carter - People's Friend 

But for younger ladies...

Paul Revere & The Raiders - Just Seventeen

And 3 ½ p was never better spent...

More of this nonsense on Wednesday. It's Magazine Week on this silly old blog...

Snapshots Spillover: More W-onderful Places

More places beginning with W, following on from this week's Snapshots.

Let's start where Alice ended up... no, not in a Big Country.

Next we go to the current World Capital of Corruption and Idiocracy...

The Magnetic Fields – Washington DC

Hopefully that won't always be the case... though there is a worry that Michael Martin Murphey might be correct...

Michael Martin Murphey – The Wild West Is Going To Get Wilder

And back home to a Country whose name appears in far too few song titles...

The Wedding Present - Wales

Drive East from there and you might end up here...

The Capital Letters - Wolverhampton

Or even here...

Go Kart Mozart - West Brom Blues

And if you were going South East, you could be going towards...

Bleech – The Worthing Song

And on the way, you might call in here..

The Candy Skins - Wembley

Just don't stop at the services - they charge a fortune!

Roy Harper - Watford Gap

Meanwhile... yesterday, Andy Bell sang us a lovely song about Weston-Super-Mare. Just be grateful I chose that rather than...

The Wurzels - Sunny Weston-Super-Mare

Now before we head back across the pond, how about a word about one of the oldest cities in northern Europe?

Porridge Radio - Worms

Ask Walter if you don't believe me.

So then, we finish our travels back in "the land of the free"... although these guys are from Melbourne, so what do they know about it?

The Lucksmiths - Wyoming

Now Winnemucca is clearly the best place name beginning with W. Sadly, I couldn't find any songs about it... but Richmond Fontaine did name a whole after after it.

Richmond Fontaine - Out Of State (from Winnemucca)

Then there's Waco, a town famous for its infamous siege... 

The Indelicates - Something's Goin' Down In Waco

Although other things have happened there.

Ethel Cain – Waco, Texas 

Charley Crockett – The Man From Waco

I had to finish today back in Canada though. Not exactly the best tune you'll hear today... but definitely the best song title.

Mid-Life Crisis Songs #123: Sad & Alone

Even though I'm not a football fan, I've been enjoying the show Ted Lasso very much. Louise got bored with it towards the end of the first season, she said it was trying too hard to recreate the "feelgood" tone of Parks & Recreation... and I can see what she means... but I'll take my feelgood anywhere I can get it these days.

Anyway, I finally had time to watch the end of Season 1 over the Easter holiday, and that last episode had me in tears on more than one occasion. I can see perfectly well that the show is emotionally manipulative, but so much TV leaves me feeling absolutely nothing these days, so I think it's worthy of note when something breaks through my cynicism.

There was one line in particular that made me hit pause until I had time to collect myself and carry on watching. It worked in the context of the show, but it spoke to me beyond that... and made me grateful for what I've got.

There is something worse out there than being sad, and that is being alone and sad.

The Beautiful South - Alone

Carly Simon - Alone

The Morning After Girls - Alone

Lee Hazlewood & Suzi Jane Hokom - Alone

Utopia - Alone

Richard Hawley - Alone

The Southlanders - Alone

Marc Almond - Alone

The Bee Gees - Alone

The Mighty Wah - Alone

Snapshots #249: A Top Ten Field Songs

Gracie Fields introduced this week's quiz yesterday. I was most disappointed that I couldn't find a photo of Sally Field holding a camera... so you'll just have to do with a picture of a camera in a field. 

Everyone who takes part in this quiz is Outstanding in their Field.

10. Steal in a pleasant or attractive manner.

Nick Nicely - Hilly Fields (1892)

9. What Electric Jeff uses to tie up Othello's people.

Jeff from ELO would use a Lynne Knot, when tying up a Moor of Venice.

Gary Moore & Phil Lynott - Out In The Fields

8. LSD + MDMA.

Apparently if you take the two illegal substances above, you will experience a candy flip.

Candy Flip - Strawberry Fields Forever

Even worse than the original, which is annoying enough as it is.

7. What the Great Duke of Hell goes home in.

One of the archdukes of Hell is Dantalian. Apparently.

Dantalian's Chariot - Madman Running Through the Fields

Look, if you think I'm making this quiz easy for you after 250+ weeks, you can think again.

6. Short, cherubic communications satellites.

The abbreviation of communications satellite is ComSat.

Comsat Angels - Field of Tall Flowers

5. A Ronnie and a Tina, with what the bargain basement angels are wearing this year.

Ronnie Barker and Tina Turner, with a Red Clay Halo.

Emily Barker & The Red Clay Halo featuring Frank Turner - Fields of June

4. Yeah, so, BBC?

Anagram!

Beach Boys - Cottonfields

3. Abstract expressionism, beginning with Rothko.

That's Colourfield, art fans.

The Colourfield - The Colourfield

2. Rugby Tonic.

Anagram!

Big Country - Fields Of Fire

1. A spate of super-absorbent avatars hides the answer.

A sPATe of super-absorBENt avATARs hides the answer.

Pat Benatar - Love Is A Battlefield

More fields of fun next week...

Cnut Songs #1: Shouting At The Sea

Time for a new series, because I seem to have reached the point where Mid-Life Crisis Songs doesn't quite cover everything I want to whinge about. I thought about calling this series Modern Life Is Rubbish, after the Blur album, since it seems to me that (especially in, although not only because of, the post-Covid world), the whole world seems to be going crazy. I also considered calling the feature Meldrew Songs, except as I've probably mentioned before, they used to compare me to Victor Meldrew even back in the 6th Form. 

In the end I settled on Cnut Songs, after the legendary king whose name is often spelled Canute, although the naughty schoolboy who still lives somewhere deep within these aching bones (at odds with the grumpy old man who's always been there) prefers the objectionable spoonerism. (Although if you think I'm just doing that as a joke, check iffypedia... Cnut is the official, olde English spelling.)

The story of Cnut carrying his throne down to the sea shore and shouting at the tide to stop coming in is interpreted in different ways. In some tellings, Cnut is an arrogant king trying (and failing) to demonstrate his supreme power over all things. In my preferred interpretation, he's smart enough to know that, despite being king, his power is extremely limited... and trying to stop the unstoppable is the best way to demonstrate his own impotence. 

I empathise with this version of Cnut more and more each day. I can scream at the tide of insanity that keeps rolling ever closer... but I know that I have no power to stop it. All I can do is grumble about it here. So that's what I'll do.

I'll start the whinging properly tomorrow. Until then, here's a song with King Canute in it...

  

Snapshots #197 - A Top Ten Eponymous Songs

Will Florence be celebrating tonight? 

I mean... did she get 10/10 and spot the link on this week's Snapshots? Let's find out...

Here are 10 eponymous songs, where the title of the song includes the name of the performer.

10. Turner, Becker, Trout.

Frank Turner, Walter Becker & Walter Trout.

The Frank & Walters - We Are The Frank & Walters

9. Morph did this.

Living In A Box - Living In A Box

8. Gloomy tomorrow.

Black Sabbath - Black Sabbath

7. Chemistry tools.

The Pipettes - We Are The Pipettes

6. Livingstone takes his vacations on a battlefield.

Dandy Livingstone goes on War-hols.

The Dandy Warhols - The Dandy Warhols TV Theme Song

Or you could have had...

The Dandy Warhols - The Dandy Warhols Love Almost Everyone

5. Captain's Happy plus Elvis & Dave's Girls.

Captain Sensible sang Happy Talk, Dave sang Girls' Talk, which was written by Elvis.

Talk Talk - Talk Talk

4. Nelson's company?

If Willie Nelson had a company, he would call it Will-co.

Wilco - Wilco (The Song)

3. Thanked, long ago.

Anagram!

Kool & The Gang - Kool & The Gang

2. Makes his own coffee.

Grinderman - Grinderman

1. Canada.

Canada is a BIG country.

(What the hell is going on in this video? It's like The Famous Five Go On An Outward Bounds Course.)

The football might be over tonight, but Saturday Snapshots will continue next week...

Saturday Snapshots #175 - A Top Ten Country Songs (Not By Country Singers)

Shirley you must have worked out the answers to yesterday's quiz by now?

Yes, it was...

A Top Ten Country Songs (Not By Country Singers)

10. Indistinct.

Blur - Country House

9. Bloodthirsty wenches.

Violent Femmes - Country Death Song

8. Russia or China, perhaps?

Big Country - In A Big Country

7. Smokey Trojans gets mixed up with runners.

"Smokey Trojans" mixed up is James Yorkston.

James Yorkston & The Athletes - Moving Up Country

6. Dark room. Small hole. Magic?

Camera Obscura - Let's Get Out Of This Country

5. Cultural ouroboros.

This is a ouroboros...

Pop Will Eat Itself - Black Country Chainsaw Massacre

4. Darkness falls.

Where the land falls away, you get a cliff.

Darkness is found in shadows.

Cliff & The Shadows - In The Country

3. Frauds.

Charlatans - North Country Boy

2. Like a small rapper.

The small rapper would be Li'l Bow Wow.

Bow Wow Wow - Go Wild In The Country

1. Fake laughing at Pacino & DeNiro.

Pacino & DeNiro faced off in Heat.

Fake laughter is canned.

Shirley you'll be back for more next Saturday?

Hot 100 #1

There was another One D... band I could have chosen to illustrate the final edition in the Hot 100 Countdown... fortunately, Swiss Adam saved me from having to go there when he suggested One Dove.

One Dove - Breakdown

The Swede also suggest these guys, who were only disqualified for being ones rather than one, which wouldn't have worked as well, image wise.

The Only Ones - Another Girl, Another Planet

OK, confession time.

I've been dreading this week since I started this countdown, way way back in January 2018. (Yes, I've been at this for more than two years.)

Partly because I knew there would be thousands of potential ONE songs.

Partly because I knew it'd be impossible to find them amidst all the BlutONES and UndertONES songs, and all the songs about bones and phones; everyone, anyone and no one; money and baloney.

I didn't dread it because I wondered what the winner would be though. I've known that since January 2018.

It's obvious is it not? says Charity Chic.

Chesney Hawkes - The One and Only

Well, quite.

Before you dismiss it completely, let's not forget that it was written by Nik Kershaw, and came from a movie in which Roger Daltrey played Chezzer's dad.

And, while we're on the subject of Ones & Only... and Only Ones, for that matter... I may as well re-direct you back to this, from way back in 2013...

My Top Ten Only One Songs

George will be disappointed to see that Huey Lewis only got to #2 in that countdown. And he was beaten by The Charlatans, for Pete's sake... what was I thinking?

Any other really obvious winners?

Swiss Adam?

The Stone Roses - This Is The One (There's your winner, right there!)

"Could be..." as they used to say on Hong Kong Fooey.

But wait... stop the clock! (As Anneka Rice used to shout.) Here comes Rigid Digit...

Bardo - One Step Further

I think it's fair to say I haven't heard that since 1982. However, I was 10 in 1982, and I seem to recall being quite a fan. If you'd asked me, I'd have said this actually won Eurovision that year, but it didn't. It was beaten by Nicole. Still, neither of them were in the same league as the 1981 winners. Witness my nascent sexual awakening at 1 minute 32 seconds on that video.

You may have noticed I'm holding off on the lists this week, folks. There's a reason for that. Over to C...

Blimey Rol, incredible stuff. This must be like a full-time job - perhaps you should charge us for your services to blogging?

I'm not even going to add anything, happy just to see what comes up.

The truth is, C, last week nearly broke me. And the prospect of copying and pasting all the one suggestions... and then finding links for the bloody things... I just couldn't take it!

And then Lynchie said this...

Rol - I think you should turn this series into a book.

I would ask who'd read it... but I guess you guys have answered that question over the past two and a half years. For which, I will be eternally grateful... but not so grateful that I could face the colossal workload of this final post.

And then, after whittling his shortlist down to 600, The Swede came to my rescue...

Here's what's left from my hard-drives. Sorry there are so many - for gawd's sake don't post them all!   

Do you know what, Swede? That's the best advice I've been given in all my blogging career.

What I'm going to do instead is choose ONE song from each contributor... beyond the ones suggested above.

If anybody cares to see the full list of suggestions, you can do so here.

Charity Chic...

Bob Marley - One Love

John Medd...

Weezer - The Angel and the One

Swiss Adam...

Suede - The Beautiful Ones

Lynchie (seconding Charity Chic)...

John Martyn - One World

Rigid Digit...

Big Country - One Great Thing

George...

Leo Sayer - One Man Band

Alyson...

Queen - One Vision

Jim in Dubai...

Haircut 100 - Love Plus One

Douglas in Canada...

The Tragically Hip - The Darkest One

(Part of me thinks I should have instituted a filtration policy such as this weeks ago.)

Finally, as seems only fitting, here's my Number One contributor... at least in terms of the number of suggestions he's submitted during the lifetime of this series... The Swede.

Bruce Springsteen - She's The One

Fitting, also, that it all comes back to Bruce. Thanks for that, Swede.


But wait! There is one more of you who gets a shout this week.

And interestingly, though he often provides multiple strong suggestions, he chose only one song this  time.

Over to Martin...

Just pitching the one this week, mostly because it must surely be the winner...

How right you are, Martin.

(Special mention to Lynchie who guessed the original version, a worthy runner-up.)

As I said at the start, I knew this song would be the winner of the final week of my Hot 100 even before I published the first post. It is, quite simply, perfect...




Which brings us to the end of this feature.

I sometimes wondered if I'd ever reach the end, but I'm glad I did. Chalk it up as another of life's little accomplishments... and thank you all again for playing along. It wouldn't have been half as much fun... and I definitely wouldn't have made it this far... without your contributions.

Final word goes to The Swede...

A thought occurred whilst mulling... I trust you'll be doing a final entry the week after next for zeroes?

Now I don't like to be one to disappoint, Swede, but I just can't face that right now. (Neither can I face "Half Songs" or "Quarter Songs" or anything else, for that matter. If I never see another number again, it'll be too soon.)

However - that's not to say I won't welcome your contributions. If anyone wants to compile a Top Ten Zero Songs and submit it for Guest Post Thursday, I will be happy to let you have the space.

I have got an idea for a feature to replace this one, and I'll be kicking that off in a couple of weeks' time. I've been itching to get to it for at least a year now... and it will require your suggestions (though I'm hoping it won't lead to quite so many as the last few weeks of the Hot 100 has). I hope you'll join me and play along...