Saturday Snapshots #348: A Top Ten Oxymoron Songs

When I was a kid, I thought that an oxymoron was an idiot with spots. Then I went to an English lesson and learned that an oxymoron is actually "a figure of speech in which apparently contradictory terms appear in conjunction". Like Biggie Smalls, above... or Fatboy Slim, who introduced yesterday's post.

Here are ten songs that feature oxymorons in their titles...

10. What do you get if you cross a Folksinger and Man U?

"Folksinger and Man U" is an anagram...

Simon & Grafunkel - The Sound of Silence

9. Otis, Bobby, Jennifer.

Otis Rush, Bobby Rush, Jennifer Rush...

Rush - Cold Fire

8. Jerry Lee meets another Piano man.

Jerry Lee Lewis meets Huey Piano Smith...

Huey Lewis & The News - Hip To Be Square

Or I would have let you have...

Huey Lewis & The News Some Of My Lies Are True 

7. Woody is a Plonker.

Woody Allen meets Rodney from Only Fools & Horses...

Rodney Allen - Happy Sad

6. 25th Century debtors. 

Buck Rogers went to the 25th Century, and came back Owen a lot of money...

Buck Owens - Act Naturally

5. Man, that's a jazzy label. 

Verve is one of the top labels for jazz records. Nice.

The Verve - Bitter Sweet Symphony

Incredibly, this is the first time the Verve have appeared on Saturday Snapshots. I probably thought Richard Ashcroft was just too easy to recognise.

4. What makes your writing distinct?

The Stylistics - Break Up To Make Up

3. Captive journalist.

Terry Anderson was an American journalist held hostage in Lebanon for 6 years. 

This isn't that Terry Anderson. Instead, it's the one who originally wrote Battleship Chains, among other fine tunes like this one...

Terry Anderson and the Olympic Ass-Kickin Team - Found Missing

2. I can almost remember their funny faces...

That's the opening line from Jet, obviously.

Joan Jett - I Hate Myself For Loving You

1. Theft of a Pet Shop Boy.

Who nicked Chris Lowe?

Nick Lowe - Cruel To Be Kind

A few others that I couldn't squeeze in...

Jim Steinman - Bad For Good

(That video never grows old.)

Hall & Oates - So Close (Yet So Far Away)

They Might Be Giants - Everything Right Is Wrong Again

Three Dog Night - Easy to Be Hard

Guns n Roses - Civil War

Parting is such sweet sorrow, but Snapshots returns next Saturday...

Title Fight #4: Angels, Bubbles & Bologna

Yes, that is Joan Jett. Yes, that is Mike Tyson. Best of friends, apparently. To the point that Mike used to insist that Joan called him up before every boxing match to ensure success. She was his good luck charm. The first time that didn't happen - in his bout against Buster Douglas on February 11, 1990 - he lost. 

Seems only appropriate that we kick off this week with a little Joan...

1. The Runaways - Neon Angels On The Road To Ruin

One of those song titles that reeks of sleazy rock & roll excess, just like the Runaways themselves. It prepares you for a debauched grindhouse B movie of a record, and the lyrics deliver that in spades. Jim Steinman would be proud.

2. Shirley Ellis - Ever See A Diver Kiss His Wife While The Bubbles Bounce About Above The Water?

A top notch suggestion from Ernie, although one that does beg the unfortunate question: which one of them farted? And I say that as someone who loathes fart jokes. 

Shirley Ellis recorded 3 albums then retired from the music business in 1968. I'm hoping she made enough money from The Clapping Song to keep her in the manner she deserved.

3. Norma Tanega - Walkin' My Cat Named Dog

When I feature an artist who's never appeared on the blog before, I like to to dig into their biography and find an interesting fact or two to enliven my leaden prose. Where do you start with Norma Tanega? She worked in a mental hospital and sang for the patients. She had a 5 year relationship with Dusty Springfield. After she stopped performing as a solo artist, she played percussions in bands called Baboonz, hybridVigor, and Ceramic Ensemble. Her song You're Dead (a comment on the competitive nature of the music industry) is used as the theme tune to What We Do In The Shadows. 

Even today's song has a wonderful story behind it. Tanega's New York apartment building wouldn't allow dogs, so instead she got a cat, called it Dog, and took it for walks on a lead. In 1966, Walkin' My Cat Named Dog reached the exact same position in both the US and UK charts: #22. It remains her most popular song, though title-wise, I was also tempted to go with A Street That Rhymes At 6am. 

4. The Isley Brothers - Cold Bologna

Hear me out on this one. On the surface, Cold Bologna isn't as eye-catching as most of the other titles in this series, but it is an excellent example of a title that doesn't set you up for something you're not going to get. If you call a song Cold Bologna, then I expect that song to be about a rather unappetising sandwich filling. And that's just what the Isleys deliver here... whilst also giving us a tragic metaphor for poverty and the class system filtered through the eyes of a child.

Talkin' bout that
Cold bolonga and mayonnaise and bread
If it wasn't for cold bologna by now
Y'all know I would've been dead

It also helps that I'm a big fan of words like "bologna" which don't sound anything like they're spelled. And the fact that "baloney" has a second connotation too... perfect.

5. Dougie Poole - Nothing On This Earth Can Make Me Smile

As usual, we close with a contemporary smash... although it sounds like it could be from an early 70s singer-songwriter. Jim Croce or even John Denver spring to mind. Dougie Poole is an alt-country singer from Brooklyn, once called "the patron saint of millennial malaise", which is a sobriquet to save for your tombstone if ever there was one. 

Which is your favourite title and which is your favourite tune? Do they match?

Saturday Snapshots #51 - The Answers

Shake It Out - The Dog Days Are Over, the answer days are here! Thanks for playing Saturday Snapshots again this week... well done, Lynchie for another well-deserved victory. We might have to start giving him a handicap!



10.  A priest or a bishop is coming.

That would be a Dean of the Parish.

Dean Parrish - I'm On My Way

9. The Royal Mail flies high.

The Postal Service - Such Great Heights

8. The arc of a flyer leads to ill repute.

Joan D'Arc.

Jets fly.

Joan Jett - Bad Reputation

7. Trump builds Jimi's child to block foreign broadcasts.

Jimi Hendrix sung about a Voodoo Child.

Donald Trump wants to build a wall...

...to keep out Mexican Radio.

Wall of Voodoo - Mexican Radio

6. Tuscan capital gets tough love from The Terminator.

The capital of Tuscany is Florence.

The Terminator was a machine.

Florence & The Machine - Kiss With A Fist

5. ❤ 14.

Love - 7 And 7 Is

4. Glennis Rolf, fell snoring, over a quiet sun.

Glennis Rolf and fell snoring are both anagrams for...

Nils Lofgren - Shine Silently

3. Shake hands with the famous Mr. Cribbins and he'll show you what he digs.

Bernard Cribbins had a hole in the ground.

He was also a celebrity.

Shaking hands is "Give me some skin!"

Hole - Celebrity Skin

2. Not Otis Redding or Oprah Winfrey. Having a fantasy or a nightmare?

Otis and Oprah have both been called "The Big O". As has this chap.

Roy Orbison - In Dreams

1. Peggy Sue needs an inhaler.

Great video.



If You've Got The Love for Saturday Snapshots, then it'll be back again next week...

My Top Ten Oh Yeah Songs

Ed Rooney, ladies and gentlemen. Oh yeah. Here's his song, plus 9 more that say OH YEAH...



10. The Crystals - Oh Yeah, Maybe Baby

B-side to the first ever Crystals single, There's No Other (Like My Baby), from 1961. Pretty standard Wall of Sound production... Spector may have been a nutter, but he knew how to make a great record.

9. Bat For Lashes - Oh Yeah

From the third B4L album, the one where Natasha Khan appears naked on the cover apart from a strategically placed (also naked) man. You're going to have to google that, aren't you? Lately, she's been doing Sexwitch stuff with Toy (not a euphemism). About time for a proper comeback, I think.

8. Brad Paisley - Oh Yeah, You're Gone

A pretty standard bluesy-country ballad, enlivened by the mundane detail of the lyrics contrasted with the constant reminder of the title. Brad does this kind of thing so well.

7. The Subways - Oh Yeah

Sounding like Welwyn Garden City's answer to The Strokes on this one; The Subways' secret weapon was the male-female vocal combo of Billy Lunn and Charlotte Cooper. It works well here.

6. Joan Jett & The Blackhearts - Do You Wanna Touch Me? (Oh Yeah)

Now that's what I call a rhetorical question. You really didn't need to give us the answer in brackets, Joan.

5. Dweeb - Oh Yeah, Baby

Forgotten cartoony-Britpop band who deserved to be bigger than they were. They don't even have an iffypedia page... the only reference I can find for them is on the page for [dweeb], another indie guitar band who came along a few years later and had a similar level of success. Obviously not a name that was destined for greatness.

4. Roxy Music - Oh Yeah

I'm not sure I ever really got Roxy Music, but this is one of many decent singles from them. It's a little bit too wine bar to be rock 'n' roll, but it still sounds nice when you hear this band playing on the radio, with its rhythm of rhyming guitars... (whatever that means).

3. The Magnetic Fields - Yeah! Oh, Yeah!

How many truly great triple albums can you name? I can only think of one, and it's The Magnetic Fields' finest hour (well, 2.8 hours): 69 Love Songs. Here, Claudia Gonson tries to mend bridges with her estranged "husband", played by Fields mastermind Stephin Merritt, but he's having none of it...

When we met I thought
Money was everything
So I let you buy the house,
The car, the ring
But I can't take your perpetual whining
And you can't sing!

And then things turn really dark...

2. Ash - Oh Yeah

A summertime teenage romance writ large with anthemic guitars and Tim Wheeler's angel faced vocals. Can't help but remind me of being a teenager... even though I was 24 when it came out.

1. Yello - Oh Yeah

If Sparks had come from Switzerland (rather than LA), they might have been Yello. Dieter Meier and Boris Blank were conceptual artists first, popstars second. (Arguably, Meier didn't need pop success, he was a millionaire industrialist before Yello were even formed, not to mention being a professional poker player AND a member of the Swiss national golf team.)

Oh Yeah oozes 80s from every pore. The stop motion video is like Morph meets Peter Gabriel meets Tales of the Unexpected. Although the song wasn't a big chart hit, it did soundtrack three big 80s movies - yuppie-com The Secret of My Success with Michael J. Fox, cop buddy movie K9 with James Belushi and a German Shepherd, and most memorably of all, possibly the greatest 80s movie of all (after Back To The Future): Ferris Bueller's Day Off. Gummy bear?





Which one makes you go...?

My Top Ten Jukebox Songs

Ten songs celebrating the best way to get rid of your loose change on a Saturday night.


Special mention to Jukebox The Ghost... and Scott Bradlee's Postmodern Jukebox (check out their cover of All About That Bass... so much nicer than the original.)



10. Glenn Miller - Jukebox Saturday Night

Knocks The Rubettes - Jukebox Jive out of the Top Ten, largely because of the trumpet of Harry James... and the fact that my dad is a huge Glenn Miller fan.

9. Young Marble Giants - Wurlitzer Jukebox

Taken from their only album, 1980's off-kilter classic Colossal Youth; this sounds like nothing else around... then or now.

8. Zoe Muth and the Lost High Rollers - If I Can’t Trust You With A Quarter (How Can I Trust You With My Heart?)

There were plenty of country songs to choose from this week, but this one wins because it has the best title... and also kind of retells the story of our Number One song, with a less successful outcome.

You can call me stubborn
You can call me a snob
You can even call me downright mean...
But I’ve got the finest record collection
That you’ve ever seen

If you prefer your country a little more old style yee-haw, can I point you towards the splendidly monikered Dick Curless and his dynamic duo: Jukebox Man and Drop Some Silver In The Jukebox.

7. Saint Etienne - Haunted Jukebox

Bob Stanley's evocative lyrics + Sarah Cracknell's breathy vocals = pure bliss.

I was just 15
In November '82
When I would meet you after school
And there was bonfires on Halloween
Frosty little windows
All the songs we used to listen to each time...

6. The Beautiful South - Hidden Jukebox

Paul Heaton's doing pretty well around these parts lately, hardly a week goes by that he doesn't crop up in one form or another. Here he is railing against both bigots and the establishment (and the bigoted establishment) and proposing some interesting trade agreements via his hidden jukebox...

5. Rage Against The Machine - Hadda Be Playing On The Jukebox

I don't claim to be the world's biggest RATM fan, but here they nick an old Allen Ginsberg poem and do amazing things with it. If you're gonna call yourself Rage Against The Machine, you need to live up to that name!

4. Foreigner - Jukebox Hero

Could be the best thing Somerset's Mick Jones and New York's Lou Gramm ever did together. Though they're far more well known for wanting to know what love is, this one rocks the jukebox just like it should. Used to great effect in the musical / movie Rock of Ages too...

3. Trembling Blue Stars - Abba on the Jukebox

One for John Peel fans, evoking memories of a holiday romance through snapshot lyrics. The least rock 'n' roll record on this list, but it works beautifully.

A lighthouse sending its light
Out across Thurso bay at night
To Blakeney Point and back again
Walking in the ruins
Of Binham Priory
Abba on the jukebox at Par Sands
A two way trip on the Bodinnick ferry

2. The Jam - Pretty Green

I picked up a pristine copy of Sound Affects (the album this comes from) for just £1 from the local charity shop a couple of weeks back. Bargain - even though I already owned most of the songs on various compilations. Weller's "pretty green" is outdated now as pound notes are no longer in existence... but even when they were, he wouldn't have been able to put them in his jukebox and play all the records in the hit parade, since jukeboxes only take coins. Or am I taking that a bit too literally?

1. Joan Jett - I Love Rock 'n' Roll

If you don't believe this should be Number One, I suggest you watch the video and then reassess your rear ass from your elbow. Not only does red-leather clad Joan know she's met her teenage heartthrob (cradle snatcher!) just because of the song he picks, she also manages to reference that other popular term for a jukebox - a "record machine". Hell, it rhymes with more things that jukebox, which is why Chuck Berry, Van Halen and even Glenn Miller shoehorned it into to their lyrics too. Maybe I'll do a Top Ten Record Machine Songs some other time so I can play Joan again.

The video manages to be both terrifically wild and incredibly tame (by today's standards), and to paraphrase Kris Kristofferson... if you don't love Joan Jett, then you can kiss my arse...





Which one would you spend your last pound coin to hear again?

My Top Ten French Songs

No, this isn't a chart full of Serge Gainsbourg and Plastic Bertrand (don't tempt me). Instead, it's ten songs about French things. And no, Lost In France doesn't count. And neither does Parisienne Walkways. Look, it's got to have French in the title, OK? Do try and stick to the rules.

Special mentions to The French Impressionists, The French Horn Rebellion and Everybody Was In the French Resistance...Now! I swear I'm not making them up.


10. John Mellencamp - French Shoes

John doesn't think men should wear French shoes.

9. Sonic Youth - French Tickler

This is about sexy-time stuff, right? That, or it's about Kim Gordon's love of mille feuille.

Anything's possible.

8. Joan Jett & The Blackhearts - The French Song

Whereas this one's definitely about sexy-time stuff.

J'aime faire l'amour sur tout a trois

Really, Joan? A threesome? How very continental.

7. Cosmo Jarvis - Girl In The French Film

Cosmo falls in love with a typically French movie heroine, the kind who obviously has no interest in men... and that's what makes her so attractive.

The film ended so beautifully,
Things like that do not happen
To people like me.

6. Debbie Harry - French Kissing In The USA

The obvious one. Debbie Harry's biggest solo hit, yet hardly her finest moment. Apparently, this was written by the creator of the sitcom Two & A Half Men. Which would explain a lot, if it's true.

The video is mesmerisingly bad.

5. Black Box Recorder - French Rock 'n' Roll

The sultry Sarah Nixey has an icy sangfroid which is definitely verging on the Gallic. Here she tells us how a little la la la saved her life...

I was at my wit's end
Things were looking black
It was getting pretty obvious
I was never coming back
I threw open window
And I stood out on the ledge
When the sweetest sound I've ever heard
Pushed me back from the edge

Written by John Moore and Luke Haines, from whom we'll hear more shortly...

4. Stereolab - French Disko

The only band on this countdown with an actual French singer, Lætitia Sadier, though she keeps the lyrics English here...

Though this world's essentially
An absurd place to be living in
It doesn't call for bubble withdrawal

I've been told it's a fact of life
Men have to kill one another
Well, I say there are still things worth fighting for

La resistance!

 

All of which existential angst is a little bit deeper than French Kissing In The USA, isn't it?

 

3. Camera Obscura - French Navy

 

Tracey Anne Campbell meets a French sailor and love is definitely on the cards... but will his dietary restrictions get in the way?

 

2. The Auteurs - New French Girlfriend

The price of success, according to Luke Haines?

Want a girl to hold my hand
When the plane lands

Me, I want one to hold my hand when it crashes.

1. Warren Zevon - The French Inhaler

Another artist I've been listening to a lot in my dotage. Back when I had money, I bought a cheap box set of his early albums which has sat on the shelf gathering dust until poverty and desperation led me to dig it out. Wow. Thank you, poverty and desperation.

I'd always considered myself a Greatest Hits fan of Zevon but had never listened to any of his full albums. What a songwriter! Witty, acerbic, world-weary lyrics tied to some marvellous melodies... with a host of famous names helping him out in the studio. The French Inhaler is from his self-titled 1976 album and it features Glenn Frey and Don Henley on backing vocals. Elsewhere on the record are Phil Everly, Jackson Browne, Bonnie Raitt, Carl Wilson and half of Fleetwood Mac. And yet, this was never a hit. It's a great shame Zevon will go down in history as just the "Werewolves Of London" guy (great song though that is) because there was so much more to enjoy.

The French Inhaler is a bitter, post-break-up kiss-off to an ex. Yet despite the lyrical rancour, there's a real tenderness to the way Zevon sings it... even the lines below.

Loneliness and frustration
We both came down with an acute case
And when the lights came up at two
I caught a glimpse of you
And your face looked like something
Death brought with him in his suitcase...

See also French Inhale by Snoop Dogg, which goes into rather too much detail about the whole filthy process for my liking. Still, it's Snoop.





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