Title Fight #13: Pun-ishment

I do like a good pun in a pop song. Elvis Costello used to be the king...

You may not be an old-fashioned girl
You're still gonna get dated

Elvis Costello - Girls Talk

There's a shorthand typist taking seconds over minutes

Elvis Costello - Green Shirt

You lack lust... you're so lacklustre.

Elvis Costello - Possession

And Billy has had his moments too...

You're a dedicated swallower of fascism...

Billy Bragg - Accident Waiting To Happen

However, getting a good pun into a song title is much trickier than hiding one in the lyrics of your song. Rock music is full of dreadful puns - much as I might try to defend the reputation of REO Speedwagon, there's no excuse for their 1978 album title, You Can Tune A Piano But You Can't Tuna Fish.

Although it does contain one of their better songs...

REO Speedwagon - Time For Me To Fly

And the less said about Melon Collie and the Infinite Sadness, the better...

Smashing Pumpkins - Mellon Collie And The Infinite Sadness

Meanwhile, I've seen it suggested online that the song Bruise Pristine by Placebo is a pun on Bruce Springsteen. Not a very good pun, if that's actually true.

Placebo - Bruise Pristine

Of course, Nigel Blackwell knows his way around a pun...

Half Man Half Biscuit - Dickie Davies Eyes

Half Man Half Biscuit - Excavating Rita

Half Man Half Biscuit - Tess of the Dormobiles

However, there is one song title that beats all challengers when it comes to the title of Greatest Pun Ever... and I'm not talking about this...

Randy Hanzlick, MD (Dr. Rock) - I'd Rather Have A Bottle In Front Of Me (Than A Frontal Lobotomy)

No, I'm talking about this forgotten classic from Johnny Cash's former backing group, The Statler Brothers. The great thing about this song is that when you hear the title - You Can't Have Your Kate and Edith, Too - you figure there's no way the song is ever going to live up to it. And then it does, with a hilariously touching tale of two-timing and jealousy and the mildest curses you'll ever hear, considering what this guy is putting up with. If I were him, I'd be using words a lot stronger than "you rascal, you!".  

Title Fight #12: Who'll Babysit The Goths?

Welcome back to another random selection of outstanding song titles, introduced this week by Toyah Wilcox and her long-suffering hubby, Robert Fripp, with their mad version of this old boxing song...

Toyah & Robert Fripp - Eye Of The Tiger 

None of Toyah's song titles really leapt out at me as deserving inclusion in the Title Fight, but her debut album (or her band's debut album, since Toyah was the name of the band too) was called Sheep Farming In Barnet, which would definitely get a nomination. I've not scoured the entire borough, but I'm pretty sure there aren't any sheep farms in Barnet. And I doubt there were any in 1979 either. Maybe it was a riddle...

Toyah - Victims Of The Riddle

That's the cover of Toyah's debut single above. It featured a photograph of one of the mummies of Guanajuato in Mexico holding a sign saying "Is there a heaven? Is there a hell? Do both exist? Who can tell?" This was apparently enough to cause some controversy in 1979. I'd like to say that people were more easily upset back then, but clearly that would be bullshit. They were just upset by different things.

In a tenuous DJ link, I could point out that Toyah's fourth album, 1982's The Changeling, was seen as a move into Goth territory. Which gives me an excuse to play this...

The Crapsons - Who'll Babysit The Goths?

There’s a general election on a WhatsApp group
The Tabloids are lined with unreliable scoops
You’ve got to go the gym, start giving a damn
Stop posting quotes on Instagram
Just put your feet up, it’s time to relax
Completely abolish council tax
The Tory party are one hell of a Farce
You can stick your Brexit right up your arse

(Blogger is currently not allowing me to add coloured type. It's very distressing not to quote lyrics in blue as I normally do.)

The Crapsons are from Birkenhead. They claim that the late Dean Sullivan (Jimmy Corkhill from Brookside) "fell in a bush drunk whilst walking his dog when we were loading the car back up at the end of the (video) shoot."

And now for some soul...

Bobby Rush - Chicken Heads

That was Louisiana soul man Bobby Rush's breakthrough disc in 1971. Maybe not the best title, though it did remind me of this...

Magnetic Fields - A Chicken With Its Head Cut Off

And a Kiwi classic on the Flying Nun label...

Headless Chickens - Gaskrankinstation

But wait, you're distracting me with all these headless chickens. Let's get back to Bobby Rush, a man who definitely knew his way around a song title...

Bobby Rush - Bowlegged Woman, Knock-Kneed Man, Pt. 1

For my money though, his greatest moment comes in the tune below, a song about a bloke who's always threatening to leave his wife, until one day she's had enough and tells him to get off. It contains one of the greatest lines ever written in the field of popular music. Well, it makes me laugh...

She said, "If you gon' leave me, leave me quick
'Cause you ain't the only lumberjack that carries a big stick"

Title Fight #11: Boredom Special!

As a follow-up to yesterday's post about the power of boredom, here are some song titles in similar vein. As we've got Barbra Streisand socking it to Ryan O'Neal above, in the 1979 movie The Main Event, I thought we'd let Babs kick off proceedings today...

Barbra Streisand - Love Is A Bore

That one was written by the songwriting team of Sammy Cahn and Jimmy Van Heusen who also wrote a bunch of classic Frank Sinatra hits including High Hopes, Come Fly With Me and the majestic All The Way. Nothing boring about those guys.

Still, at least Babs only finds love boring. These guys are bored with pretty much everything...

The Real People - Life Is A Bore

Liverpool's The Real People were great mates with Oasis, but didn't share their success. No wonder they found life such a bore. Not to mention...

Morrissey - We Hate It When Our Friends Become Successful

Still, there's no need to be rude, is there, Murray?

Murray Head & The Blue Monks - You Bore Me

Charming. Clearly a night in Bangkok is needed to get him excited. I'm sure he'll get his kicks above the waistline there.

OK, enough with the gentle warm-up... let's get onto some proper song titles!

The Front Bottoms - The Boredom Is the Reason I Started Swimming, Its Also the Reason I Started Sinking

I always admire a title that spills over onto the next line. The Front Bottoms are from New Jersey. Iffypedia explains their name, in case you can't work it out for yourself. They also quote singer Brian Sella: "This is our name. If you don't like it then you don't like it."

Next we have Jason Lytle, with a song he presumably wrote about The Supreme Leader of North Korea...

Grandaddy - Kim, You Bore Me To Death

No wonder he's so lonely.

Why are these musicians all so bored, you may well ask. Perhaps it's something to do with how they spent their spare time...

Jan & Dean - The Anaheim, Azusa And Cucamonga Sewing Circle, Book Review And Timing Association

(Bit of a step down from Surf City, that one. There's still two girls for every guy, but they're all over 85.) 

Perhaps all these bored pop stars spend far too much time chronicling their life stories for a handful of sympathetic followers...

Momus - A Complete History of Sexual Jealousy (Parts 17-24)

Or maybe they've been a long time at sea, like Neil Finn...

Split Enz - Six Months In A Leaky Boat

Blimey. What a bunch of bores. Still, as the aforementioned Manchester miserablist turned dubiously-opinionated bore once had it...

What really lies
Beyond the constraints of my mind?
Could it be the sea
With fate mooning back at me?
No, it's just more lock-jawed pop-stars
Thicker than pig-shit
Nothing to convey
They're so scared to show intelligence
It might smear their lovely career

Title Fight #10: Lesbian Seagull

Engelbert Humperdinck vs. Muhammad Ali... who would your money be on? Well, in the Title Fight, Cassius Clay may well float like a butterfly and sting like a bee, but Arnold George Dorsey has a Lesbian Seagull in his corner.

Lesbian Seagull was written by songwriter and gay rights activist Tom Wilson Weinberg in 1979 in response to a university study of long term monogamous lesbian behaviour in seagulls on Santa Barbara Island, USA. Engelbert's version later featured in the movie Beavis And Butt-Head Do America and was released as a double A side single with The Red Hot Chilli Peppers version of Love Rollercoaster.

"Beat that!" I hear you cry. I'll be Damned if I can't...

Captain Sensible -  The 4 Marys Go Go Dance All Night at the Groovy Cellar

That was the Captain's 1984 b-side of There's More Snakes Than Ladders (as almost featured in this week's Saturday Snapshots). They should both have been hits, if you ask me.

Here's one that Ben suggested. He describes Alpha Male Tea Party as a Maths/Post Rock band. Make of that what you will. I'd be more impressed if they could afford a singer. Still, this one did make me think of George...

Alpha Male Tea Party - You Eat Houmous, Of Course You Listen To Genesis

Speaking of George, here's some Julie Andrews-influenced prog...

Atomic Rooster - A Spoonful Of Bromide (Helps The Pulse Rate Go Down)

And how could I follow that but with a classy slice of soul from 1980? No sniggering on the back row, please... 

Joyce Lawson - Stop Dogging Me

Almost at the end. Just time to squeeze in a 1987 song celebrating the joy of taping your favourite songs off the wireless...

This Poison! - Poised Over The Pause Button

We started today with a Lesbian Seagull. I was going to close with a Canadian Woodpigeon... that just can't get out of bed.

Woodpigeon - In The Battle of Sun vs. Curtains, Sun Loses and We All Sleep Until Noon

However, then I heard this... from gay country star Orville Peck - you know, the guy who wears a mask and loves rattling cages and challenging redneck prejudices. And guess what? He's only roped Willie Nelson to help chuck his latest brickbat... and it's a doozy. Willie, of course, has never been one to shy away from ruffling a few feathers... and at 90, I guess he's long past worrying about upsetting the more conservative members of his fanbase. (UPDATE: Ernie kindly informed me this is a cover version, previously done by Willie, but originally recorded by Ned Sublette back in 1981... when I'm guessing it would have been a lot more controversial.)

Orville Peck & Willie Nelson - Cowboys Are Frequently Secretly Fond Of Each Other  

Title Fight #9: Jam After School

Welcome back to my appreciation of song titles that leap off the record sleeve and demand to be listened to. The songs themselves might not always live up to the hype, but they're usually worthy of at least a little consideration.

Diana Ross is clearly one very tough cookie - and not someone I'd get in a boxing ring with, since she has a history of taking few prisoners. Whatever personality flaws she may or may not possess, there's no denying the power of her musical legacy. The Supremes, for me at least, were supreme... and her solo years are full of gems too, with a little sifting. Title-wise, this is probably my favourite song she's performed on. It makes you wonder why a certain Manchester Miserablist never thought to cover it...

Diana Ross & The Supremes - Misery Makes Its Home In My Heart

Another seemingly indestructible woman from the world of pop is Skin from Skunk Anansie. She always looks like the type to knock you down as soon as look at you... though she also possesses a welcome self-awareness, as demonstrated below... 

Skunk Anansie - It Takes Blood And Guts To Be This Cool But I'm Still Just A Cliché

Makes you wonder if Skin was channeling the late Poly Styrene...

X-Ray Spex - I Am A Cliché

When it came to self-awareness, Poly was definitely ahead of the pack...

X-Ray Spex - I Am A Poseur 

...though you can take that self-deprecation shtick a little too far, Poly...

X-Ray Spex - I Can't Do Anything

Especially when, if we're talking about song titles, you go down in history as having written one of the absolute greats...

Resilience and determination are also on display from our next lady. Barbara Brown hailed from Memphis in the early 60s, signing a deal with Stax that really was a family affair - sisters Roberta, Betty and Maurice (?) were on backing vocals, while brothers Walter and Richard contributed to the songwriting. 

Barbara & The Browns - If I Can't Run To You, I'll Crawl 

Still in the southern States, but a few decades later, we find a lady called Keri Leigh, presumably helping clean the floor so that Barbara can crawl on it. I couldn't find much about Keri on the web of lies, but this track came from a collection I've been dipping into lately called The Last Soul Company: Malaco - A 30 Year Restrospective.

Keri Leigh - Here's Your Mop, Mr. Johnson

Back up to date - almost, because this is from Dry Cleaning's debut EP of 2019, though it's recently been remastered and made all sparkly. I hope you enjoy the wonderful stream-of-consciousness wordplay and deadpan vocals of Florence Cleopatra Shaw as much as I do. 

Imaginary hot romance with Daniel Day Lewis
Welcome to the county of Hampshire
Jam after school

Dry Cleaning - Jam After School

Here's another southern diva, a lady who's mostly known around these parts for warning you not to mess with her toot toot. Scratch below the surface, and Ms. LaSalle (real name: Ora Denise Allen) had an enviable career as a smooth soul chanteuse, songwriter, producer and record company boss. Here's a great little number from her back catalogue, and a title that raises all kinds of questions...

Denise LaSalle - Your Husband Is Cheating On Us

And finally, we have the return of a band who haven't made music together in 35 years. Back in the late 80s, they released one classic album, then started working on a second... which never really happened. A jumbled collection of b-sides and out-takes appeared in its place, and that was all she wrote. Lead singer Eddi Reader went off to a solo career, while guitarist Mark Nevin co-wrote Morrissey's most underappreciated album, Kill Uncle, and a bunch of other stuff he kept to himself. They finally appear to have patched up their differences though, and the result sounds as though they've never been away. Great title too...

 

Title Fight #8: Greg! The Stop Sign!!!

More eye-catching song titles and ear-catching tunes today, starting with the gentleman above, who certainly knew a thing or two about writing an intriguing title. Any of these would do...

David Bowie - The Man Who Sold The World

David Bowie - Unwashed and Somewhat Slightly Dazed

David Bowie - Chant of the Ever Circling Skeletal Family

David Bowie - Always Crashing in the Same Car

David Bowie - I'm Afraid of Americans

David Bowie - Scary Monsters (And Super Creeps)

However, I'd argue that his best title is the one below... but maybe that's because I can't separate it in my head from the full album title.

Perhaps I've not got anything else that can compete with the Dame at full power... but I'm going to give it my best shot. Starting with this little beauty...

Firmament & The Elements - The Festival of Frothy Muggament

The driving force behind Firmament & The Elements was Bruce Woolley, one of the three men responsible for Video Killed The Radio Star (another great title). Trevor Horn and Geoff Downes released that song as The Buggles, while Bruce released his own version (with Thomas Dolby in keyboards). History is written by the victors.

Bruce Woolley & The Camera Club - Video Killed The Radio Star

The 1970s were a terribly sexist time, weren't they? I mean, this was the decade that brought us such enlightened thinking as...

The Monks - Nice Legs, Shame About the Face

Neil Young - A Man Needs a Maid

Joe Tex - Ain't Gonna Bump No More (With No Big Fat Woman)

Sailor - Girls, Girls, Girls

Thank heavens then for Andy Arthurs of bands like La Bouche, Tonight and The Rock Along Combo. He's clearly what they used to call a "new man". Although I'm not sure what he's doing in that raincoat...

A Raincoat - I Love You For Your Mind (Not Your Body) 

I used to work with a guy called Duncan Brown. He was an amateur weather man. As soon as he saw one snowflake in the sky, he'd start packing his bag and heading for the door. "I don't want to get stuck in that!" 

His namesake, with an added E, was a prominent figure in the English folk rock scene in the 70s. Sadly this Duncan died from cancer at only 46, but he left behind some great tunes, and one song title in particular that sticks in my mind...

Duncan Browne - Send Me The Bill For Your Friendship

I've had a few "friends" like that over the years...

This week's big discovery is from 1995, and the closest thing I can compare it to is Chumbawamba at their best. Although Chumbawamba take themselves seriously from time to time.

TISM (short for This Is Serious Mum) are a bunch of Australian alt-rock lunatics who wear balaclavas and a variety of outrageous costumes on stage and generally take the piss, with added nihilism. Band members include Humphrey B. Flaubert, Jock Cheese and Eugene de la Hot Croix Bun. TISM played their first gig in 1983 and broke up immediately afterwards. Every live performance since has been a reunion gig.  

All this will enrage those people of you believe there's no place for fun in popular music, but you're generally unhappy about everything anyway. Perhaps you'd be interested to learn that some pretentious goon in the Grauniad called Greg! The Stop Sign!! "a metaphor for our collective mortality". Or perhaps not...

Title Fight #7: Your Worst Song Is Your Greatest Hit

We're back with some more song titles that caught my attention recently... and another pop star who likes watching grown men knock the crap out of each other. 

Mr. Zimmerman is a huge boxing fan: he was close to Muhammad Ali, wrote The Hurricane about the tragic story of Rubin Carter, and once even sparred with Ray 'Boom Boom' Mancini. He's also written a bunch of song titles that have passed into common parlance, though the misanthropes among us will always pick this as a favourite...

Bob Dylan - Idiot Wind

And now... how would you like your Egg?

Egg came from That London in the late 60s, featuring organist Dave Stewart (not that one), Hugo Martin Montgomery "Dirk" (or "Mont", depending on which way the wind was clowing) Campbell and Clive Brooks. They were Prog.

How Prog?

This Prog...

Egg - The Song Of McGillicudie The Pusillanimous (Or Don't Worry James, Your Socks Are Hanging In The Coal Cellar With Thomas)

I've been listening to quite a lot of Randy Newman lately. He just suits my mood...

Randy Newman - Sigmund Freud's Impersonation of Albert Einstein In America

After those two tracks, you may be thinking my definition of a good song title is one with lots of words in it. Do you know what I say to that idea?

The Name - Fuck Art (Let's Dance)

The Name were active between '79 and '81, though unsurprisingly, they failed to get much airplay for the single above, even when they changed the title to remove the swears. That might work for Cee-Lo, but sadly not these guys...

The Name - Forget Art, (Let's Dance)

After that, you probably need some religion. Please welcome the Reverend Peyton...

The Reverend Peyton's Big Damn Band - Shake 'Em Off Like Fleas

As usual, we close with a brand new song. The Reds, Pinks & Purples are a band Martin brought to my attention recently, a band who clearly grew up listening to far too many records by The Smiths (as did Martin and I, to be fair). This is their latest offering, described thus:

"Crystalizing the tragic self-celebrating kingdoms of fortunate failures, false heroes, music press deities of limitless deceit, hometown dive gods and humanity in the grips of all its romanticized wonder and woe..."

But don't let that put you off, it's got a great title and a catchy tune...

Title Fight #6: Bastards, Winos and Pessimists

Kris Kristofferson was a talented amateur boxer who took part in The National Golden Gloves boxing tournament. He never fought Ali professionally, but he did star alongside him in the TV mini series Freedom Road back in 1979. He had a way with an eye-catching song title too...

Kris Kristofferson - If You Don't Like Hank Williams (You Can Kiss My Ass)

Kris Kristofferson - Don't Let The Bastards (Get You Down)

Kris Kristofferson - Don't Cuss the Fiddle

Kris Kristofferson - I May Smoke Too Much 

Anyway, as I've been down with the lurgy this week, I don't have much to say for myself beyond throwing a few more songs with interesting titles your way. Interesting images too, like this one...

This is Bobb Trimble, "psychedelic folk/outsider musician" from Massachusetts. Bobb self-released two albums in the early 80s (above is the cover of his debut record, Iron Curtain Innocence) before packing the psychedelic folk / outsider shit in and going off to do something more respectable with his life. Like not having a backing band made up of 12 year old kids that resulted in them getting barred from venues scared of losing their liquor licences. The albums were re-issued in the early noughties after second hand copies started going for silly money on eBay and taste-makers like Thurston Moore began dropping Bobb's name. 

Bobb Trimble - Killed By The Hands of An Unknown Rock Starr

Next up, a couple I owe to Ernie. Firstly, African-American country singer Howdy Glenn. I'd never heard of him until Ernie pointed me in his direction a couple of weeks back, but he's a welcome discovery. In the copious notes I make while preparing this feature, I scribbled the following... 

"Who Makes a Wino's Bed? Ernie."

Asked and answered, it seems.

Howdy Glenn - Who Makes a Wino's Bed?

Ernie also responded to Khayem's recent 1000th post and they got into a bit of banter about reggae singer John Holt. Ernie wondered if any others wanted to take up the John Holt baton. I'll admit, I didn't have a lot from Mr. Holt in the hard-drive, but this one caught my eye.

John Holt - Sweetie, Come Brush Me

I've no idea why John wants brushing. Please tell me it's not a euphemism.

And now, I bring you "the driving force behind 'The New Wave of Swedish Celtic Punk'", described by one critic as pioneers of "Celtic Social Realism". Swedish Celtic Social Realism, that is. They're also the only Swedish band ever to have performed for two consecutive years at the Woodstock Festival. The Woodstock Festival in Poland, that is. 

Full disclosure, Finnegan's Hell didn't come up with the song title below... they just stole it from Oscar Wilde. Still, you know what Picasso said...  

Finnegan's Hell - Work is the Curse of the Drinking Class

Finally, I'd just like to point out that the current Number One on the UK Singles Chart is a song I first wrote about back on the 18th of August 2022. Look at me, the taste-maker! Woo hoo! It's not got the greatest title in the world, but given that I am now clearly an Influencer, I can make up my own rules. 

Noah Kahan - Stick Season

Meanwhile, at #8 in the aforementioned Completely Irrelevant Streaming Aggregate still known as the "Official Singles Chart" (surely it's time they dropped the word "Singles"?), it's a re-entry for the lovely Sophie Ellis-Bextor's 23 year old Number 2 hit, Murder On The Dancefloor. This is largely due to the Irish actor Barry Keoghan dancing naked (and I do mean: naked) to it at the end of the recent movie Saltburn. 

Sophie Ellis-Bextor - Murder On The Dancefloor

Now I've always had a lot of time for the daughter of Blue Peter's Janet Ellis. I even saw her play live a couple of times in the late 90s with theaudience, a band who certainly knew their way around a song title. To whit...

theaudience - If You Can't Do It When You're Young, When Can You Do It?

theaudience - I Know Enough (I Don't Get Enough)

Title Fight #5: From Doomsday to Worst Days

Welcome back to my weekly celebration of great song titles. Do the songs in question live up to their names? You decide...

1. Elvis Costello - Hurry Down Doomsday (The Bugs Are Taking Over)

We'll start with some Elvis, as he's pictured at the top of the page. There are those who will tell you that his 1991 album Mighty Like A Rose is where it all started to go south for Mr. McManus. I'm not one of them, maybe because I was in my prime-Costello phase when this was released and had just devoured all his earlier albums through the extensive re-issue series that was going on around then. He could do no wrong for me in 1991.

I did a big search of Elvis song titles before choosing this one (my computer tells me there are 1892 Costello-sung or Costello-written files in my hard drive, though a good number of those are duplicates). I could have gone with Tear Off Your Own Head (It's A Doll Revolution) (although I prefer the version by The Bangles), I Hope You're Happy Now (for its sheer, unadulterated spite) or even (I Don't Want To Go To) Chelsea)... among many others... but I chose this one because I like songs that cheerfully welcome the end of civilization.

2. Treat Her Right - I'm Here To Get My Baby Out Of Jail

Mark Sandman is a somewhat legendary figure in American alt-rock circles, and not just because that's his real name. He was the lead singer of Morphine, who formed in 1989, but prior to that he was in a number of groups, including Treat Her Right, named after a song  by Roy Head & The Traits.

One critic called Treat Her Right, "not quite a blues band, not exactly swamp trash and too stylized for basic rock'n'roll". I'm Here To Get My Baby Out Of Jail is a two minute blast of wonder that makes sense of that whole description.

3. The Peppermint Rainbow - Will You Be Staying After Sunday?

The Peppermint Rainbow came from Baltimore in 1967 and looked like this...

I miss the days when pop groups could look like that and still sell records. 

Will You Be Staying After Sunday? sold over a million copies, presumably to families who wanted to drop a subtle hint to annoying house guests that it might be time for them to bugger off home now, thanks. They followed with another equally grumpy single, presumably aimed at that same visitor, Don't Wake Me Up In The Morning, Michael. 

Of course, this is sunshine pop, so it's not at all grumpy when you listen to it, but still, it appeals to the curmudgeon in me.

4. Clinic - IPC Sub-Editors Dictate Our Youth

The 1997 debut single from Liverpudlian post-punkers Clinic was a dig at the NME and the  way they "try to set up scenes all the time, and people actually believe that, 'Oh, I should listen to this, just because it's in the NME.'". Which was very true in 1997, although the title obviously got Clinic some serious attention from that same music paper, because there's nothing music journos like more than having their egos massaged, even in a sarcastic way. 

Clinic wore surgical masks on stage. I saw them live once at a festival, and I'll be honest, that's the only thing I remember. I hope they stopped wearing them after COVID when fashion finally caught up with them. Lead singer Ade Blackburn was also a bingo caller at the Regent Bingo Hall in Crosby. I wonder if he wore a mask there too?

5. The Lemon Twigs - Every Day Is The Worst Day Of My Life

We close today with Brian and Michael. No, not the Mancunian Lowry fans, but two brothers from Long Island called Brian and Michael D'Addario. Although they're only in their mid-20s, the brothers' favourite album is apparently Todd Rundgren's 1972 opus Something/Anything?, a very inconsistent recording if you ask me. I love large parts of it, but it really is all over the place... kinda like the Lemon Twigs themselves. When they're good though, they're great. And they had me as soon as I heard the title to the lead single from their latest release, Everything Harmony. Typically, the rest of the album can't hold a candle to it... Todd would be proud.

 

Which title wins the fight this week?

Title Fight #4: Angels, Bubbles & Bologna

Yes, that is Joan Jett. Yes, that is Mike Tyson. Best of friends, apparently. To the point that Mike used to insist that Joan called him up before every boxing match to ensure success. She was his good luck charm. The first time that didn't happen - in his bout against Buster Douglas on February 11, 1990 - he lost. 

Seems only appropriate that we kick off this week with a little Joan...

1. The Runaways - Neon Angels On The Road To Ruin

One of those song titles that reeks of sleazy rock & roll excess, just like the Runaways themselves. It prepares you for a debauched grindhouse B movie of a record, and the lyrics deliver that in spades. Jim Steinman would be proud.

2. Shirley Ellis - Ever See A Diver Kiss His Wife While The Bubbles Bounce About Above The Water?

A top notch suggestion from Ernie, although one that does beg the unfortunate question: which one of them farted? And I say that as someone who loathes fart jokes. 

Shirley Ellis recorded 3 albums then retired from the music business in 1968. I'm hoping she made enough money from The Clapping Song to keep her in the manner she deserved.

3. Norma Tanega - Walkin' My Cat Named Dog

When I feature an artist who's never appeared on the blog before, I like to to dig into their biography and find an interesting fact or two to enliven my leaden prose. Where do you start with Norma Tanega? She worked in a mental hospital and sang for the patients. She had a 5 year relationship with Dusty Springfield. After she stopped performing as a solo artist, she played percussions in bands called Baboonz, hybridVigor, and Ceramic Ensemble. Her song You're Dead (a comment on the competitive nature of the music industry) is used as the theme tune to What We Do In The Shadows. 

Even today's song has a wonderful story behind it. Tanega's New York apartment building wouldn't allow dogs, so instead she got a cat, called it Dog, and took it for walks on a lead. In 1966, Walkin' My Cat Named Dog reached the exact same position in both the US and UK charts: #22. It remains her most popular song, though title-wise, I was also tempted to go with A Street That Rhymes At 6am. 

4. The Isley Brothers - Cold Bologna

Hear me out on this one. On the surface, Cold Bologna isn't as eye-catching as most of the other titles in this series, but it is an excellent example of a title that doesn't set you up for something you're not going to get. If you call a song Cold Bologna, then I expect that song to be about a rather unappetising sandwich filling. And that's just what the Isleys deliver here... whilst also giving us a tragic metaphor for poverty and the class system filtered through the eyes of a child.

Talkin' bout that
Cold bolonga and mayonnaise and bread
If it wasn't for cold bologna by now
Y'all know I would've been dead

It also helps that I'm a big fan of words like "bologna" which don't sound anything like they're spelled. And the fact that "baloney" has a second connotation too... perfect.

5. Dougie Poole - Nothing On This Earth Can Make Me Smile

As usual, we close with a contemporary smash... although it sounds like it could be from an early 70s singer-songwriter. Jim Croce or even John Denver spring to mind. Dougie Poole is an alt-country singer from Brooklyn, once called "the patron saint of millennial malaise", which is a sobriquet to save for your tombstone if ever there was one. 

Which is your favourite title and which is your favourite tune? Do they match?

Title Fight #3: Parkas, Police & Replacements

We're back with more song titles that did their job - made me give the associated tune a little more attention. Which catches your eye... and does it also catch your ear?

1. I See Hawks In LA - My Parka Saved Me

One of the tricks writers use to engage our interest, I tell my rapt* students, is to create questions in the reader's mind. A really good title or opening line will do this. This song title caught my attention, and pleasingly the story that went along with it lived up to my expectations. Great opening line too!

I got stoned after breaking up with my boyfriend
And he became a Born Again Christian

I See Hawks In LA are from Los Angeles, where clearly they keep their eyes to the skies, and their tongues firmly in their cheeks. 

(*I like to imagine all my students are rapt, even if they're not.)

2. The Panic Brothers - I've Forgotten What It Is That I Was Drinking to Forget

Here's a recommendation from Martin, and funnily enough, it's a band he introduced me to many moons ago. I liked them so much, I bought the CD, as Victor Kiam might have said if he'd been a music blogger rather than a silver haired, razor blade hawking huckster.

3. Gene - The Police Will Never Find You 

Not that I'm going out of my way to be mean to Martin, but he's going to have a tough decision this week when it comes to selecting his favourite tune. Will it be the one he put forward... or this, from one of his favourite bands?

I'm a huge Gene fan, but they never presented themselves as tough guys, so when they released their third album in 1999, it was quite a shock to see them getting seriously menacing, with both this and the final track, You'll Never Walk Again.  

Perhaps the reason I liked these two song titles so much (particularly coming from a bunch of fey milksops like Gene) was that they reminded me of the time I got beaten up by some thugs in high school and made the mistake of shouting up at them, from the playground where I lay, "you'll never know my ultimate strength!" This is what reading too many Spider-Mam comics at an impressionable age will do to you. Oh, how we they laughed.

4. Frank Zappa - My Guitar Wants To Kill Your Mama

I might as well get the father of Dweezil, Moon Unit, Ahmet and Diva Thin Muffin Pigeen out of the way, since when it comes to wacky song titles, he's up there with the best of them. So many to choose from, including What's The Ugliest Part Of Your Body?,  Son Of Suzy Creamcheese, and, of course, Don't Eat The Yellow Snow. By comparison, My Guitar Wants To Kill Your Mama seems quite tame, but it's the one I went for.

5. Sandra's Wedding - The Hopeful Boy Replacement Service

As usual, we close with a contemporary tune. This one's from a band that the ever-reliable John Medd turned me onto earlier this year. Sandra's Wedding come from Goole, because somebody has to, and they've amassed quite the back catalogue of wry, witty, observational tunes that bring to mind Paul Heaton at his best. This one, the title track from their latest album, was irresistible, taking me right back to my teens. It's the sort of song Stephen Duffy might have written back in those glorious days of yore. Shades of Stuart Murdoch too.

 

Title Fight #2: Dead Pets & Big Toe Holders

We're back with more great song titles dredged up from the darkest recesses of my hard drive... and some from yours too. Do any of them live up to their names?

For your consideration today...

1. Alice Cooper - I'm Alive (That Was The Day My Dead Pet Returned To Save My Life) 

Brackets are a wonderful thing in song titles, aren't they? Although I have to admit there's a part of me that always hears the diabolical James Saville reading the title out as he used to do on the wireless, saying "open bracket... close bracket".

Sam and I were listening to an old compilation in the car last week. When Alice Cooper's Hey Stoopid! came on, Sam said, "good old Alice!" 

I've also been listening to Mr. Furnier's latest record, Road. It's a lot better than a heavy rock album by a 75 year old man should be. 

This one comes from way back in 1982 though, when he was younger than all of us. Taken from the wince-inducing album Zipper Catches Skin.

2. My Life Story - If You Can't Live Without Me Then Why Aren't You Dead Yet?

Jake Shillingford's My Life Story were firm favourites in my house for at least five minutes in the late 90s. This is from their third album, Joined Up Talking.

Because you can't copyright a song title - even a great one - American rockers Mayday Parade were free to write their own song with the same name, and that's the one you're more likely to come across via your search engine of choice. (Does anybody actually use Bing?) It can't hold a candle to My Life Story, if you ask me.

Mayday Parade - If You Can't Live Without Me Then Why Aren't You Dead Yet?

3. Gary Stewart - She's Actin' Single (I'm Drinkin' Doubles)

Charity Chic was keen to remind me that country songwriters are an excellent source of great titles, and he recommended one of his favourites from Gary Stewart. My hard drive is full of country singers drowning their sorrows in booze after getting dumped, but as Gary Stewart was the "king of honky tonk", he appears to have spent more time than most propping up the bar. He was also responsible for She's Got a Drinking Problem, Hey, Bottle of Whiskey and An Empty Glass (That's the Way the Day Ends) among many others. 

Tragically, Gary Stewart took his own life following the death of his wife in 2003.

4. Captain Beefheart - I Wanna Find A Woman That'll Hold My Big Toe Till I Have To Go

Next up, George wants us to consider the late Don Glen Vliet, famed for his wacky song titles... well, wacky everything, I guess, including, presumably, 'bacca. We could be here all day with the likes of...

When I See Mommy I Feel Like A Mummy

A Carrot Is As Close As A Rabbit Gets To A Diamond

Making Love To A Vampire With A Monkey On My Knee

Hey Garland, I Dig Your Tweed Coat

...but I chose to highlight George's initial suggestion, from the 1970 album, Lick My Decals Off, Baby.

5. Crawlers - Would You Come To My Funeral?

Bang up to date for our final offering today, and Liverpool's Crawlers, who release their debut album, The Mess We Seem To Make, next year. This is the latest offering from a band who have previously released tracks called Feminist Radical Hypocritical Delusional, Hang Me Like Jesus and Fuck Me (I Didn't Know How To Say). 

I hope I don't get an invite to any of their funerals any time soon.

Best title? Best song? Are they the same? You decide...

Title Fight #1

Last week I was in a charity shop and I bought a CD by a band I'd never heard of, purely on the strength of the song titles. When I got it home, it wasn't really my thing at all (I never understand why certain rock/metal starts feel the need to "sing" in that scary throat-wrecking shouty-howl, ruining what might otherwise be a perfectly good song). 

Underoath - I've Got Ten Friends And A Crowbar That Says You Ain't Gonna Do Jack

I realised I do this a lot. A good song title will often persuade me to sample music I might otherwise never have given the time of day. Sometimes that pays off, other times it doesn't. There are certain artists out there who write far better song titles than they do songs. (I'm looking at you, Fall Out Boy!)

Fall Out Boy - Our Lawyer Made Us Change The Name Of This Song So We Wouldn't Get Sued

This all gave me an idea for a new feature in which I delve through the deepest recesses of the hard drive in search of songs with great titles. Will they live up to their name? You can decide. Each week, I'll ask you to tell me your favourite title and your favourite track. It'll be interesting to see if they're the same song.

For your consideration today...

1. Neil Diamond - You're So Sweet, Horseflies Keep Hangin' Round Your Face

Let's start with that old charmer Neil. Well known for his successful chat up lines, like "Good times never seemed so good", "You make me sing like a guitar hummin'" and "Honey's sweet,

But it ain't nothin' next to baby's treat"... but I'm guessing this one just earned him a slap in the mush. Still - great title!

2. Bog Shed - Fat Lad Exam Failure

Another of those C86 bands I've given a bit more time to having read Nige Tassel's excellent book, Whatever Happened to the C86 Kids?: An Indie Odyssey. Bog Shed were from Heptonstall, near Hebden Bridge. I have been to Hepstonstall: it's a lovely place, but clearly one that's stuck in another century. If you were lucky enough to catch the Shane Meadows' TV series The Gallows Pole, it was filmed in Heptonstall. I doubt they had to do much to make it look like the 18th Century.

Fat Lad Exam Failure is what you'd call an acquired taste, but it makes me smile every time I hear it.

3. The United States Of America - I Won't Leave My Wooden Wife For You, Sugar

Psychedelic bands offer endless possibilities for this feature, because so many of their songs were written under the influence of mindbending substances. The United States of America were founded in 1967 (1776, my arse!) by Joseph Byrd and Dorothy Mosowitz. And if you're wondering why she won't leave her wooden wife for you, it's because she's got "a split level house with a wonderful view, three sweet kids and Yorkshire terrier, too,". What else could a girl want?

4. Coach Party - What's The Point In Life?

Bang up to date for our final offering today. Coach Party are from the Isle Of Wight, and their guitarist is called Joe Perry. No, not the one from Aerosmith. (I feel a Namesakes coming on.) They'd already impressed me in the title stakes with their 2021 single Everybody Hates Me, but this is the opening track to their new album, KILLJOY (their capitals, not mine). If you went by the lyrics, the full title would be What's The Point In Life If We All Die? They lose a point for shortening it.

Let me know which is your favourite title today - and whether it matches your favourite song.

Also, if you'd like to suggest any memorable song titles for future editions - have at it!