Saturday Snapshots #348: A Top Ten Oxymoron Songs

When I was a kid, I thought that an oxymoron was an idiot with spots. Then I went to an English lesson and learned that an oxymoron is actually "a figure of speech in which apparently contradictory terms appear in conjunction". Like Biggie Smalls, above... or Fatboy Slim, who introduced yesterday's post.

Here are ten songs that feature oxymorons in their titles...

10. What do you get if you cross a Folksinger and Man U?

"Folksinger and Man U" is an anagram...

Simon & Grafunkel - The Sound of Silence

9. Otis, Bobby, Jennifer.

Otis Rush, Bobby Rush, Jennifer Rush...

Rush - Cold Fire

8. Jerry Lee meets another Piano man.

Jerry Lee Lewis meets Huey Piano Smith...

Huey Lewis & The News - Hip To Be Square

Or I would have let you have...

Huey Lewis & The News Some Of My Lies Are True 

7. Woody is a Plonker.

Woody Allen meets Rodney from Only Fools & Horses...

Rodney Allen - Happy Sad

6. 25th Century debtors. 

Buck Rogers went to the 25th Century, and came back Owen a lot of money...

Buck Owens - Act Naturally

5. Man, that's a jazzy label. 

Verve is one of the top labels for jazz records. Nice.

The Verve - Bitter Sweet Symphony

Incredibly, this is the first time the Verve have appeared on Saturday Snapshots. I probably thought Richard Ashcroft was just too easy to recognise.

4. What makes your writing distinct?

The Stylistics - Break Up To Make Up

3. Captive journalist.

Terry Anderson was an American journalist held hostage in Lebanon for 6 years. 

This isn't that Terry Anderson. Instead, it's the one who originally wrote Battleship Chains, among other fine tunes like this one...

Terry Anderson and the Olympic Ass-Kickin Team - Found Missing

2. I can almost remember their funny faces...

That's the opening line from Jet, obviously.

Joan Jett - I Hate Myself For Loving You

1. Theft of a Pet Shop Boy.

Who nicked Chris Lowe?

Nick Lowe - Cruel To Be Kind

A few others that I couldn't squeeze in...

Jim Steinman - Bad For Good

(That video never grows old.)

Hall & Oates - So Close (Yet So Far Away)

They Might Be Giants - Everything Right Is Wrong Again

Three Dog Night - Easy to Be Hard

Guns n Roses - Civil War

Parting is such sweet sorrow, but Snapshots returns next Saturday...

Guest Post Friday: A Top Ten Touchy Songs

George is back, to save me having to think of anything to write today. Careful though, he's feeling a little touchy...

A couple of weeks ago, the nice chappie at 27leggies introduced us to the music of Howdy Glenn via a cover of a Willie Nelson song “Touch Me”.  If my memory serves me well, in the comments he then boasted of being a personal friend of Samantha Fox, much to Rol’s delight (who had reminded us of Ms Fox’s song of the same name). Which got me thinking of songs about touching (titter ye not, please), and also wondering why a blog called My Top Ten has had absolutely no Top Ten lists of songs about anything for many many months, if not years. Too much mucking about with photo thingies and artistes with the same name. 

(To be fair, the photo thingies are usually Top Tens, George, but I take your point.)

So, instead of me carping on about how awful are many of the tunes by the plethora of Coast-to-Coasts or Sleepers. I thought I had to carpe the diem and create my own Top Ten “touching” songs.  And it should go without saying that AC/DC are not and never would be anywhere this Top Ten (or indeed the Top Ten of anything).

First up, the  almost deep, almost mellifluous (on this track) voice of Jim Morrison:

10. The Doors - Touch Me

Mr Morrison was not the only singer wanting to be fondled. Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeere’s Porter Wagoner with a touching tale.  As a bonus, you have the lyrics here, and what a joy they are.

9. Porter Wagoner - The Last One To Touch Me

George Jones could have made a great cover of that song. (I’ve just discovered that he has, but Porter’s version is better.)

Lots of country artistes are into their touching. And doing their own versions of Willie Nelson songs.  This is Buck Owens’ version of the song that inspired(??) this article:

8. Buck Owens - Touch Me

No double entendres when it comes to any touching involving the Carter Family, of course:

7. The Carter Family - By The Touch Of Her Hand

Carl Butler has been touched, and not just by the majestic Pearl, but also by a higher power:

6. Carl Butler and the Webster Brothers - Somebody Touched Me

(And if anyone has a copy of Carl and Pearl Butler’s album Temptation Keeps Twisting Her Arms, PLEASE let me know.)

Southern soul touching now, from Paul Vann:

5. Paul Vann - Just The Touch Of Your Hand

Emanuela Hutter of Swiss rockabilly group The Hillbilly Moon Explosion has a request:

4. The Hillbilly Moon Explosion - Touch Me

And so do Mudhoney... 

3. Mudhoney - Touch Me, I'm Sick

And almost inevitably, here’s The Fall, where Mark E Smith expresses, amongst other things,  his inner Portuguese self by singing about public urination:

2. The Fall - Touch Sensitive

Saving the best until last, and no, not Genesis (Get A Grip) and obviously not that bloke from New Jersey...

(Which bloke from New Jersey, George? This one? Or this one? Surely you don't mean this one?)

1. The Soul Stirrers - Touch The Hem Of His Garment

So, no New Order, no Blondie. Or Diana Ross (a snippet of which I often warble to my partner).  But, it would be churlish not to include this: Ms Fox performing for a very appreciative group of middle aged Norwegians in 2010...

(My partner was in the same room as I typed all this up. Only ONE song did she sing along to.)

Thank you, as always, George. Your guest posts offer a brief reprieve from the torrent of nonsense that usually fills this space. You're always welcome here... as is anyone else who has nothing better to do with their time.

Hot 100 #11

And so we reach the end of double digits on the Hot 100 Countdown, with lost 80s postpunk pioneers (they might not have been pioneers, I just couldn't resist the alliteration), Eleven Pond. Here they are in all their glory...

Eleven Pond - Portugal

I'm actually surprised by how few 11 Songs I (and you) could find. Somehow, I expected there to be more. Still, we start the official Top Ten next week, so I imagine we'll be spoilt for choice then.

As is often the case, The Swede was first out of bed last Tuesday morning... with a selection of tracks I struggled to find any audio for on the interweb...

Bill Wells & Aidan Moffat - The Eleven Year Glitch

Hatfield and the North - Elevenses

Thin White Rope - Eleven

Then came Lynchie, who broke the first rule of Hot 100 Club with his first suggestion...

U2 - 11 O'Clock Tick Tock (The lyrics are crap but the guitar's pretty neat)

Sadly, I struggled to find a link for that anywhere on the interweb either. The difference being, I did at least try to find links for all The Swede's suggestions.

Fortunately, Lynchie redeemed himself (slightly) with this...

Nine Below Zero - Eleven Plus Eleven

Not my fave Nine Below Zero track, he adds. I bought "Don't Point Your Finger" in 1981 and it has the mega awesome "Ain't Coming Back".

Nine Below Zero - Ain't Coming Back

That is pretty cool, thanks.

George crawled out of the woodwork next with three top suggestions...

Blondie - 11.59 from Parallel Lines

(Worth watching that video for a supremely Debbie Harry performance by Debbie Harry.)

Hank Locklin - Seven or Eleven... surely this week's winner?

Surely not, but a fine song anyway.

Before Charity Chic gets to it, what about...? 

Buck Owens - A-11

As it turns out, Charity Chic only had the following this week (which he called "My entries for this week and next!", though I'm sure he'll come up with something else for 10).

Terry Hall & Mushtaq - Ten Eleven

Lee Hazlewood - Ten or Eleven Towns Ago

I tell you what, that Lee Hazlewood could have been in with a shot... if I'd heard it before today. What a tune!

Swiss Adam dropped by next with an excellent (hidden) suggestion...

The last song on REM's Green is sometimes called the Eleventh Untitled Song...

REM - Untitled

...which is definitely better than the REM song I was going to put forward this week...

Oh, hang on... Last Minute Arrival: here's Douglas McLaren with the same idea as me...

Late to the game again. I'm going with "Rotary Eleven", the b-side to r.e.m.'s Losing My Religion. I bought the cd single back in the day and was disappointed that it was an instrumental, but now after many years I have grown to really like it.

REM - Rotary Eleven

We're on the same wavelength again, Douglas... just not a winning one this week. Thanks anyway.

And then came Alyson...

Tin Tin Out - Eleven To Fly

...featuring Wendy Page, apparently.

No, me neither.

Starting to wonder if we're going to get to No. 1 whilst still in lockdown.

I seriously hope not, Alyson, or I might be compiling this feature from a rubber room by then.

Time for Jim in Dubai...

Momus - Eleven Executioners

Sigue Sigue Sputnik - Love Missile F1-11

I like that a lot more now than I did when it was actually out. Very bizarre to find the cover version below in my collection though...

David Bowie - Love Missile F1-11

Dead or Alive - Number Eleven

Julian Casablancas - 11th Dimension

Pete Wylie - Four Eleven Forty Four

James Dean Driving Experience - Dean's Eleventh Dream

Rigid Digit found most of his songs had been chosen by others this week, leaving him with only this...

Paul Weller - 111

...which I'm not sure counts. However, knowing how stroppy Mr. Weller can get at times, we'll let him have it. Although... I'm sorry, Paul, but it's hardly Down In The Tube Station At Midnight, is it?

And finally, there was Brian, who also felt rather limited this week...

Like Saturday's quiz, you gotta get in early around here. All but one of mine taken already. I'll leave you with:

The Wondermints - Project 11

All in all, it wasn't a great week for this feature, was it? I expected more from eleven. Here's the rest of my own findings...

Daisy Chainsaw - Room Eleven

Scritti Politti - E Eleven Nuts

Cold Seeds - By 11 O'Clock She'd Left

Moss - 11-11

Transvision Vamp - W11 Blues

Hamilton Leithauser - 11 O'Clock Friday Night

Lifter Puller - 11th Avenue Freeze Out

Having listened to all of the above... well, had that Lee Hazlewood track been in my collection, I might well have given it to him. And I was tempted by Sigue Sigue Spitnik, I really was... but 14 year old Rol kept screaming 'Nooooooo!'

In the end then, I went for this. I haven't listened to it in years, but I really enjoyed the first Magic Numbers album, and this was a favourite...



Next week - it's Bo Derek running towards Dudley Moore on a beach. Contemporary references my forte, as always. What's your pick of the Ten Songs?

Saturday Snapshots #26 - The Answers (Really, this time.)

Sorry. I couldn't resist it, given the date.

Here are this week's real answers.

I've been watching the detectives, and they've done pretty well this weekend. To whit...


10. Strolling round the Sun puts a scratch on your cornet.

If you scratch your cornet you might put at mark on your cone.

Which Martin got, but then couldn't work out the song.

As Charity Chic pointed out though, the famous Sun Studios is based in Memphis, so...

Marc Cohn - Walking In Memphis

9. Frank had a few, on the beach.

Regrets, I've had a few, sang Frank.

Alyson and Martin played Maddie and David to solve this once.

Girl-power for the #metoo generation...

The Regrettes - Seashore

8. Massachusetts is better than Flashdance!

Boston is in Massachussetts, as all Cheers fans will know.

Irene Cara's big hit from Flashdance was What A Feeling.

Alyson just beat CC and RD to this one...

Boston - More Than A Feeling

Epic guitar solo ahoy!

7. I don't doubt you could tape over this - so calm down!

We all taped over plenty of Dolby cassettes - even Doubting Thomas.

Thomas Dolby - Hyperactive

Another point for Martin.

6. The brown-eyed kings of Connacht take more than a week.

The kings of Connacht were the O'Connor clan. Brown eyes are Hazel.

Hazel O'Connor - Eighth Day

Rigid Digit beat Alyson to this one by seconds!

5. 46, I think. If I'm still here in another 136 years, I'll scarcely be able to open my eyes.

I am 46.

46 + 136 = 182.

If I can barely open my eyes, I might not even be able to blink.

Alyson got the band with a few clues...  Chris pitched in with the song.

Blink 182 - What's My Age Again?

The video involves the band running naked through LA. Don't say I didn't warn you. It's not a pretty sight.

4. Where you'll find the virgin oil... and one's main elbow.

You'd get virgin oil from a Mary well, surely?

The lead singer of Elbow is Guy Garvey.

Mary Wells - My Guy

Alyson, Lynchie, George and C teamed up for this one. Jeez, it wasn't that difficult, was it?

3. Reserve Michael, Clive and Wilfred to go all around the world.

CC quickly worked out that if you reserved Michael, Clive and Wilfred, you would be going to book Owens. (Or maybe he just recognised the photo.) I thought the rest of the clue was easy... but maybe the song was too obscure?

I should have settled for The Streets of Bakersfield... or Big In Vegas... or The Kansas City Song... or even Truck Drivin' Man?

Buck Owens - Love Makes The World Go Round

2. A priest plays for Clint at the Mesopotamian party.

Clint Eastwood was a DJ stalked by a crazy fan who wanted him to "Play Misty For Me". Lynchie cracked that, the song proved tougher... but Chris helped out again.

Father John Misty - Funtimes In Babylon

1.The King monk's partner (and his dad) need help with a bicycle puncture.

Yes, that's a young Declan McManus and his dad, Ross... The Secret Lemonade Drinker.

The King = Elvis + the king monk = Abbott. Abbott & Costello. Etc. Etc.

Martin got this one, which I think (just) makes him this week's winner. Or maybe he was tied with Alyson. It's late and my maths head isn't working. Too many half marks this week.




Thanks for playing, as always.

Next week I promise to make them much easier. No April Fool's!