Coffee Break #3: Dead Pheasant

Sinéad O'Connor - Black Coffee

I drink my coffee black, because that's how I prefer it. Despite my previously discussed aversion to cold milk, I can have milk in coffee... I just don't like it. Also, less calories, so it's win/win for me. I also don't have sugar, because... why would you? 

Matthew Jay - Sweet Black Coffee

Apparently there are two calories in double shot Americano and one if you only have a single shot. But why would you only have a single shot?

Redhouse Gasoline - Strong Black Coffee

If you really must increase your calorie intake, you could try it with some toast. But I wouldn't recommend stopping at Mike Pedicin's cafe...

Mike Pedicin - Burnt Toast And Black Coffee

You'd be much better off at Tim Booth's house...

James - Coffee & Toast

Just watch he doesn't try to sneak some milk in. 

All Saints - Black Coffee

The song at the top of this post, by Sinéad, was written by Sonny Burke and Paul Francis Webster back in the late 1940s. This is the original version...

Sarah Vaughan - Black Coffee

...but it's also been recorded by all the usual suspects: Frank, Ella, Petula... Tricky. 

Back when I drank tea, I used to take it black with no sugar as well. I couldn't find any songs about Black Tea, so here's some Pennyroyal Tea for you tea drinkers. 

Give me a Leonard Cohen afterworld

So I can sigh eternally

I'm so tired I can't sleep

I'm a liar and a thief

Sit and drink Pennyroyal Tea

I'm anaemic royalty

(Be warned though, although Pennyroyal leaf extracts are relatively harmless, Pennyroyal Oil can cause syncope, seizures, coma, cardiopulmonary collapse, acute liver injury, renal insufficiency and multiorgan failure. You might be better sticking with a nice cup of coffee.)

The big question is... why did I call this post “Dead Pheasant”? Not because the pheasant had been eating from the Pennyroyal plant, I assure you.

Tommy Tsunami - Are You an Angry Pheasant?

No, this comes from an amusing story my mum told me at the weekend, about the time my dad hit a pheasant with his car on his way home from work. If you drive the country lanes round here, kamikaze pheasants are a constant risk. They really are the stupidest of birds, and appear to have a pathological desire to run out in front of oncoming traffic. Watch them run and you can also see how they’re clearly descended from dinosaurs. Although thankfully, they do less damage to your car than hitting a velociraptor. 

Josh Rouse - Pheasant Feather

Anyway, my dad hit the pheasant, and being a Yorkshire farmer, he brought it home for tea. Waste not, want not. “I lit some candles,” Mum told me, “and we had a nice romantic meal.”

Bill Maynard - Pheasant Plucker's Son

I hope they washed it down with a nice cup of coffee. Black, of course. 

I like it black, just black as night

It keeps me up, it keeps me tight

It don't matter the size of the cup

Just as long as you fill it up

With black caffeine

Keeps me lean

You can hear me scream

Give me black caffeine

Self-Help For Cynics #3: Intrusive Thoughts

Bill Callahan - All Thoughts Are Prey To Some Beast

I think a lot about intrusive thoughts.

That was today's joke, folks. I'm here all week, but they probably won't get any better.

But seriously... 

Foxy Shazam - Evil Thoughts

("Why are you bothering writing this? Nobody reads this blog and those who do don't want to read about your bloody mental health! You should delete the whole stupid thing and find something better to do with your time.")

Healthline tells us...

Intrusive thoughts seem to come out of nowhere. These thoughts and images are unwanted and often unpleasant. The content can sometimes be aggressive or sexual, or you could suddenly think about a mistake or a worry.

You might feel distressed when this happens, but having an intrusive thought once in a while is a typical part of life.

In most cases, intrusive thoughts do not have any particular meaning. As long as you recognize that these are only thoughts, and you have no desire to act on them, intrusive thoughts are not harmful.

The Cranberries - Ridiculous Thoughts

("For a start, you could get your own back on that guy who sent you the anonymous letter about your hedge. You know who he is. You know where he lives. Slash his caravan tyres. Put a brick through his patio door! At least smash one of his bloody gnomes!")

Some of the young people I work with aren't able to control their intrusive thoughts. That's why they end up with us. But working with them has given me a sense of perspective on my own intrusive thoughts. And how to combat them.

Who can know
What happens in her mind?
Did she come
From a strange world
And leave her mind behind?
Her long lost sighs
And her brightly coloured eyes
Tell her story to the wind

Nick Drake - The Thoughts Of Mary Jane

Intrusive thoughts might tell us to punch that guy who pushes past us in the supermarket. They might tell us to ogle or make an inappropriate comment to a stranger we pass in the street. They might cause us sleepless nights worrying about things that probably won't ever happen. When things get really bad, they might make us want to hurt ourselves... or worse.

("What have you ever actually achieved in this world? You're such a waste of space. You'd be doing the world a favour...")

Elton John - I Think I'm Going To Kill Myself

Matthew Jay - Thoughts Of My Demise

Matthew Jay died in 2003 after falling from his North London flat. An inquest returned an open verdict into his death, although his record company issued an initial statement saying, "his act would appear to have been an impulsive gesture following a professionally difficult year and perhaps, a difficult day". 

Weezer - Too Many Thoughts In My Head

Serious intrusive thoughts need to be treated with therapy or drugs, but for the rest of us... I reckon we can take steps to tackle them ourselves. Healthline advises...

A good step toward treating intrusive thoughts is recognizing what they are: just thoughts. You can learn to label them when they happen and recognize that thoughts are not the same as intent or behavior. This may help reduce the frequency or intensity of unwanted thoughts.

Tarnation - Your Thoughts And Mine

The Cynic reports... this does actually work. Say you're driving home from work and an Audi driver does what Audi drivers do. Intrusive thoughts will tell you to scream at him. (Actually, they might tell you to ram him off the road, but hopefully you're not yet at the stage where you follow through on that.) But if you counter the need to react like that by labeling the thought as intrusive, you immediately give yourself the power to challenge it. 

Saint Etienne - Stop and Think It Over

The Female Species - Stop And Think It Over

That momentary pause can make a difference. I've started questioning my thoughts before I act on them. Is it common sense or nonsense? Jekyll or Hyde? Bruce Banner or The Hulk? Tyler Durden or The Narrator? It's a tiny step, but it gets easier the more you do it. I've forced far fewer Audis off the road in the last week or so...

("You just wasted an hour of your life writing this shit. I hope you're proud of yourself!"

Ah, but was it a waste? Don't I feel just ever so slightly better for having put all this down on virtual paper. Shut up, voice in my head. You don't know what you're talking about. If nothing else, it gave me the opportunity to finish with some Bruce, and that's always a good thing...)

Well, your honour, I do believe I'd be better off dead
And if you can take a man's life for the thoughts that're in his head
Then won't you sit back in that chair and think it over, judge, one more time?
And let 'em shave off my hair and put me on that execution line