Thursday, 1 August 2024

The United Kingdom Of Song #42: Warwick


Sam and I spent a few days down south last week - not all the way down, just south of Birmingham. On our first full day, we visited Warwick Castle, a spectacular old building, but a place which feels like it's been Disneyfied to milk every last penny out of its visitors. I could just about handle paying almost fifty quid to get in, because there was lots to do, but once inside they try to fleece you for more money at every turn. Seven quid to park (in a field), people offering to take your photo at every turn then hand you a digital download card with a hefty price attached, extra cost for the Dungeon Tour (which was OK, but not a patch on Edinburgh or York Dungeons).




At the end of the Dungeon Tour, they hand you a wonderful keepsake full of glossy photos taken along the way, plus a keyring and some other gubbins. "A lovely memento of your day," the teenager in charge says (virtually everyone working at Warwick Castle is a Sixth Former... I'll let you reach your own conclusions as to why), before hitting you with the price tag of £22, putting parents in rather an awkward position. Ironic, given we'd just heard about the highway robbers who spent their last days in Warwick Dungeon. Fortunately, Sam was wise to their game: "Give it back and let's get out of here!"

Shadows Of Knight - Warwick Court Affair



But the final kick in the teeth came later in the afternoon when Sam fancied a go at the kid's jousting event, a pretty basic affair in which another teenager gave two kids a wooden sword and got them to run along an obstacle course bashing a few stripy poles along the way, Despite this, Sam was desperate to have a go - six quid, please. So we bought a ticket and stood waiting in the blistering hot sun for half an hour while the Teenage Knight Mentor mucked about getting two other kids through the course. One of them cut her finger, so the Teenage Knight Mentor let them have another go, after spending ages running around looking for a plaster. And on and on it went. Finally they were done, at which point the Teenage Knight Mentor headed off down the other end of the course to talk to some other parents who were enquiring about the course. I followed, just to make sure she didn't allow them to go before Sam. No worries - "I've got someone waiting down that end," she told them. So I presumed Sam would be next. Only then her (slightly older but only just) supervisor turned up, a conflab occurred, and Teenage Knight Mentor buggered off completely. The supervisor then headed over to us... "this event is closed for half an hour - you can come back then". Sam burst into tears and I demanded my money back. "Sorry, we don't give refunds." 


At this point, we left Warwick Castle and headed into the town to scour the local charity shops. A far more cost-effective endeavour. So yeah - Warwick Castle... it's a good job I don't do reviews in Trip Advisor. The town itself is much more welcoming. 







6 comments:

  1. Makes mental note - avoid the Castle if ever in Warwick.

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  2. Horrible story but great to listen to Duffy after ages

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  3. Oh that sounds awful, what a shame. It's particularly a shame to hear how it's changed; we were lucky enough to visit in the late '90s - it was really low-key and easy going, just like these places should be - I don't even remember there being many staff there. I think the most expensive part about it was probably a slice of lemon drizzle cake in the tea room! So sorry it was so disappointing for you.

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  4. Don't do refunds? How can they take money for something, not deliver it, and not give a refund? This boils my piss.

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  5. Sorry to hear you were so roundly fleeced. It seems that places have really upped their charges since covid. Hard to get a snack lunch for under £20 nowadays either.

    Glad the pair of you got away for a few days though. Hope you picked up some treasure at the charity shops.

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