I was largely unaware of the story of Alan Bates and his fight to clear the names and reputations of hundreds of Post Office employees. The recent TV dramatisation starring Toby Jones came as quite the eye-opener... and I'm still reeling. It's the sort of story that proves reality can be far scarier than fiction. If it wasn't true, I wouldn't believe it. Surely there must have been...? Why didn't...? What sort of people...? How could they...?
Words fail me.
Here are some songs that feature the Post Office. The warm and welcoming local high street institution that we all grew up with... not the evil, autonomous Mega-Corporation that took it over.
Robert Arthur "Tut" Taylor Sr. was a champion and preserver of old time bluegrass music who once sold a Hank Williams guitar to Neil Young. Here he reminds us of a Post Office to be proud of...
Buccaneer is from Jamaica, but his real name is Andrew Bradford. He was stuck in the Post Office back in 1994.
But here's a young man who still has a nice word about the Post Office, from just last year...
Eminem's obsessive stalker, Stan, was aware of problems at the Post Office back in 2000 - but who'd listen to that nutter?
I sent two letters back in autumn, you must not've got 'em
There probably was a problem at the Post Office or somethin'
Bob Dylan also suspected something was afoot...
And I would send a message
To find out if she's talked
But the Post Office has been stolen
And the mailbox is locked
Of course, it's not the first time the Post Office has been accused of being involved in dubious practices. Look how they helped Waldo Jeffers!
By Friday afternoon, Waldo was set
He was thoroughly packed and the Post Office
Had agreed to pick him up at three o'clock
Meanwhile, Donald Glover puts his finger on the real problem - it's the Horizon software!
But no love for the son of a commuter who was a radio head
And okay at them computers at the post office
Whereas Joel Plaskett is just so wrapped up in his own life, he's oblivious to this extraordinary scandal...
I was at the Post Office buying a stamp
Thinking that the girl behind the counter was "fine"
I said, "You think this'll get there by Friday, ma'am?"
She says, "I get off work at quarter past nine"
To be fair to Joel, he does at least appear aware of the IT issues...
Baby, if you wanna be
Out of the ordinary
You don't need technology!
How many people lost their jobs as a result of this travesty? Hundreds? Thousands? Here's one right now...
I used to work at the Post Office...
And what about former Post Office boss (and former CBE) Paula Vennels? Any thoughts on her?
She worked in my Post Office
In my zip code, in my postal area
I don't think I should reveal her name...
With all these accusations of wrong-doing to be found in popular song, how do the Post Office respond? With flat-out denials... Nothing Ever Happens!
Post office clerks put up signs saying 'position closed'
And with so many documents pertaining to this enquiry conveniently lost, who knows what else they lost?
...the mailbox that contained the letter
That was lost by the Post Office for 40 years
Happenin' to have been written by Albert Einstein
Lots of people believe the Post Office used to be the heart of the community...
A Catholic church, a Baptist church
Come Monday morning everyone got back to work
Post office and a bank where they knew my name
Smile and a thanks with my receipt and change
Norman Rockwell couldn't paint it any better
I thought this place would stay the same forever
But in recent years, so many have been forced to close down...
Last year, they closed down the post office
Took the only flag we had in town
That old brick building still stands like a cenotaph
To a vision lost and buried in a very distant past
I'll tell you, all this has proved most upsetting to one of our greatest punk icons...
I'm searching for your beat
Black sister, stony beat
Post office freaks her out
Shock to me, come on out
As soon as I started thinking about songs featuring the Post Office, two sprang immediately to mind. The first is just a mondegreen though. Still, if Michael really was singing...
Keep on to the Post Office
Don't stop till you get enough
...then there wouldn't be a better song to support Alan Bates's 20+ year fight.
At the front of my queue though, it was always going to be this little number from The Courteeners...
What took you so long?
Was there a queue at the post office?
Yep. A queue of rightfully aggrieved postmasters still waiting for their compensation...
