Michael Jackson wrote this song in 1980. When the record
company told him to change the title, he claimed never to have heard the Elvis
song. The Jacksons still sing “Heartbreak Hotel” all the way through. Bearing
in mind that you can’t copyright a title, they should have left it as it was.
I'm sure there are hundreds of pop songs which have caused a conception or two (Barry White's entire back catalogue?) but here are ten that might help stop you getting pregnant...
According to iffypedia, "Gang of Four's music brought together an eclectic array of influences, ranging from the neo-Marxist Frankfurt School of social criticism to the increasingly clear trans-Atlantic punk consensus". Fortunately, the music they made was nowhere near as pretentious as some of their fans! Plus, they were from Leeds, so extra marks for that.
Down on the disco floor
They make their profit
From the things they sell
To help you cob off
And the rubbers you hide
In your top left pocket
I was ten when The Belle Stars released The Clapping Song. Oh, the fun we had on school trips singing "And she won't buy me a rubber Johnny" on the coach home... much to the consternation of our teachers. It was right up there with "Charlie had a budgie".
Who knew Paul Heaton was so kinky? No one, actually. This is him playing the role of a sexist oaf to criticise mile chauvinist wankers who sew their seeds wherever they can and care little for the consequences.
"You're married with a kid when you could be having fun with me": as chat-up lines go, Terry & Jerry, that takes some beating. Got anything else to add?
Take control of the population boom
It's in your living room
Keep a generation gap
Try wearing a cap!
(I know a radio station that edited the last line off this track if they ever played it on air.)
1. Madness - House of Fun
It had to be really, didn't it? Arguably Madness's finest moment: getting to the top of the charts with a song about a 16 year old trying to buy condoms from the chemist. Genius.
I'm sorry, son
But we don't stock
Party gimmicks
In this shop.
Try the House of Fun
It's quicker if you run
This is a chemist
Not a jokers' shop!
Any planned parenthood anthems in your pack of three?
I'm waiting for someone to suggest This Mortal Coil.
And I'm ready to argue that Rubber Ring is about vinyl records...
In which Jon King gets rather upset by the evening news...
How can I sit and eat my tea, with all that blood flowing from the television? At a quarter to six, I watch the news, Eating, eating all my food As I sit watching the red spot In the egg which looks like All the blood you don`t see on the television.
Post-Diana, Motown drafted in Jimmy Webb to work with The Supremes. Although the resulting album didn't set the charts alight, it contains some absolute gems. Let's face it: it's The Supremes and JIMMY WEBB. What's not to love?
How long have we been waiting for the light to change? Long enough to know that green is dubious Long enough to know that there's no sense to us And the line is pretty long, yeah
Your starter for ten: name another song which features the word 'dubious' in its lyrics. (It is possible.)
This is one of those Jam singles that I always forget... and forget how good it is.
From this window I've seen the whole world pass From dawn to dusk I've heard the last laugh laughed I've seen enough tears to wash away this street I've heard wedding bells chime and a funeral march When as one life finishes another one starts... Alright then, love, so I'll be off now It's back to the lunchbox and worker / management rows There's gotta be more to this old life than this Scrimping and saving and crossing off lists...
1. Julian Cope - 5 O'Clock World
Originally recorded in 1965 by The Vogues and covered by any number of people since (The Proclaimers, Hal Ketchum, Bowling For Soup, David McCallum... sadly I can't find that last one online, so please help me out if you have it). However, it's Lord Julian of Cope who gives the definitive reading, rewriting the lyrics to include 80's nuclear war paranoia and mixing in a little Petula Clark along the way.
