My first school teacher was Mrs. Kaye. She was a grand old dame, that's the only way to describe her. Posh, but lovely. Very theatrical. She wrote her own school plays, adapting Tom Sawyer, Charlie & The Chocolate Factory and The Lion, The Witch & The Wardrobe into scripts that could be performed by 8-10 year olds. I guess she saw some hidden talent in me as she cast me in major roles in the first two - Huckleberry Finn and Willy Wonka... though it was quite a come-down to only appear as Mr. Beaver in the latter. I've no idea what I'd done to deserve that.
I've probably mentioned this before, but years later, when I decided I wanted to be a DJ and a couple of people at the radio station suggested that my Yorkshire accent was a little strong, I went back to Mrs. Kaye for elocution lessons. She'd retired by then, but was happy to get me to read Keats over and over, softening my vowels and slowing my inflection. I can't think about Mrs. Kaye without remembering those summer evenings in her conservatory, picturing ripe fruit, plump hazel shells and vines that round the thatch-eves run... the words from the poem somehow transforming her home into an idyllic country cottage, when it was probably anything but.
Before we get to the Top Ten, a brief round up of other noteworthy records I've been listening to this year that I couldn't shoehorn into previous posts.
Karine Polwart didn't have a new album out this year, otherwise she would have been in the Old Faithfuls category. She did, however, release an EP called Seek The Light, from which came one of my favourite tunes of 2023, Windblown. Folk Radio explains the song's background...
"...the story of the old Sabal bermudana palm that was the pride of Edinburgh’s Royal Botanic Garden (RBGE), the oldest specimen in its living collection. Sadly, the plant’s desire to seek the light sealed its own fate. Its towering growth threatened to push through the dome of the garden’s iconic Victorian tropical glasshouse."
Staying in Edinburgh, we find local lad (although he was born in London), Dan Wilson, who released his latest Withered Hand record this year. He's hardly what you'd call prolific - this is only his third release since 2009 - but he's always worth a listen.
Our final Scottish offering comes from another perennial favourite, Daniel Meade, who describes his latest album, Your Madness Is My Medicine, as "a welcome return to the boogie woogie & rock n roll".
Andrew Blackaby comes from London where he became a Born Again Christian at age 13, and then had to fight to extract himself from the grip of his church. His latest record, Comeback Innocence, deals with the extra dollop of teenage angst that ensued...
And we're doing our best, we're doing our best I guess that much is true But like Travis Driftwood on The Man Who I'll drift away from you
Another Andrew, though far more Savage than the last, is the co-frontman of New York-via Texas band Parquet Courts. He also does his own thing, and I was rather taken by this single... not just because I like songs about Elvis. It reminds me of Stephen Malkmus.
The Gaslight Anthem came back this year, bringing their old pal / idol Bruce Springsteen along for the ride. Bruce appears to be filling his spare time by guesting on other people's records these days - he's popped up on songs by Bleachers, John Mellencamp, Jesse Malin, Lucinda Williams and probably a load more I haven't come across just yet. Anyway, I've only just started giving serious time to the latest Gaslight Anthem album, but it does appear to be something of a return to form.
The Sleaford Mods are a band I can only take in small doses, because they look and sound like the kind of dodgy geezers you'd steer well clear of if you saw them walking down your local high street on a Saturday night. Still, when they drafted in Florence Shaw from Dry Cleaning to start swearing along with them in her usual deadpan style, they got a sizable amount of plays from me. Extra marks for re-using the title of the 1978 sequel to The Guns of Navarone...
And while we're here, it's worth mentioning the Mods' "Christmas single", a cover of West End Girls by The Pet Shop Boys which sounds exactly like one of the blokes described above grabbing the mic on Karaoke Night and giving it his "best"... with everybody in the audience too scared to snatch the mic back. All profits going to Shelter though, so you can't knock 'em for it.
Finally, the album that I would have placed at #11 in my Year End Countdown, if I could have been bothered to count past ten. Rare Birds: Hour of Song by ramshackle Welsh wonders The Bug Club is as good as most of my Top Ten, to be fair, but I was annoyed by all the spoken word between-song interludes... to the point that I edited them out to create a music more enjoyable record. A hugely enjoyable purchase, nevertheless...
Last week, we looked at songs that mentioned Corrie. But what about the characters in Corrie? Some of them have been around so long, or made such an impact on popular culture, that they too have been immortalised in song. Let's start with Weatherfield's longest serving resident, the only one who's been there from the very start...
Ken Barlow
At 91 years of age, William Roache is in the Guinness Book of Records as the longest-serving television star in a continuous role. Which just goes to prove that charisma is not a prerequisite for TV success. Here's Harry Hill's reverential tribute...
My name is Ken And I will see you on Monday, Thursday and Friday Mountains may crumble, Rivers may run dry, But I will always be here For I am your friend - Ken!
Ray Langton - saw him off Len Fairclough - never stood a chance Mike Baldwin - ha ha, Poor Mike.
Elsie Tanner, Hilda Ogden, Ena Sharples - all gone Yet I remain...
But the last word on Ken has to go to Nigel Blackwell, who always fancied himself as the frontman of American indie band Sebadoh... sadly, it was not to be.
I could have been like Lou Barlow But I’m more like Ken Barlow
From Ken, we obviously have to go to his long-suffering spouse, Deirdre. Ken and Deirdre got married twice - firstly in 1981, a day or so before Prince Charles married Princess Di. More people watched the fictional marriage. Their second marriage, in 2005, happened the day before Charles married Camilla. Again, more people watched Ken & Deirdre.
The biggest upset in the Ken and Deirdre's marriage was when Deirdre had an affair with rag trade J.R. Mike Baldwin. The Toy Dolls are still recovering from the trauma...
The Band Name Of The Week award goes to Bleeding Heart Pigeons. They're from Ireland and appear to be named after Luzon, an actual breed of pigeon that has a big red patch on its chest, also known as a "stabbed pigeon".
I can almost smell the burning It's all overloading The plot goes in circles and the Characters are possessed Deirdre throws a trifle across the room Richard drives in a river screaming 'I love you' Small trifles coalesce Into one big mess And it's fucked up
Pat Phoenix was, of course, one of the show's iconic Grand Dames...
Elsie Tanner
So iconic that Elton John placed her at the end of a very distinguished list...
Marlene Dietrich Marilyn Monroe Brigitte Bardot Doris Day Billie Jean Samantha Fox Joan Collins Kiki Dee Katharine Hepburn Vivian Leigh Grace Jones Priscilla Presley Vanessa Williams Dusty Springfield Nancy Reagan Rita Hayworth Petula Clark Julie Andrews Superwoman Annie Lennox Mata Hari Anouska Hempel Shirley Temple Tallulah Bankhead Linda Lovelace Little Eva Natassia Kinski Princess Caroline of Monaco Miss Pat Verness Elsie Tanner
It always made me laugh when you heard Jean Alexander talk in real life, how posh she was.
Now... which Coronation Street character do you think I found mentioned in more songs than anyone else... if it's not one of the big names above? Rita? Gail? Jack and Vera Duckworth? Sadly, I couldn't find anything for any of them. No, the true Queen of Corrie (according to the TV On The Radio Jukebox, anyway) is...
Ena Sharples
Look, life is very intricate, when you're in the crowd
Jeymes Samuel is Seal's younger brother. He makes music under the moniker Bullitts. He was born in 1979, one year before Ena Sharples left Coronation Street for good. So he must have been watching the show at a very young age...
Even younger that The Bullitts though is Connecticut "Indie Rapper" Armando Acevedo II, aka Sketch Tha Cataclysm. The mind boggles as to where he came across the name Ena Sharples, although he does pronounce her first name "Enna", which makes me think he's just done a google search for words that rhyme with metacarpals.
Our final Ena mention comes from Richard Jobson and Stuart Adamson in a glorious punky list song that celebrates a number of Corrie (and Crossroads) stars, including Annie Walker and Stan Ogden, while Hilda, Bet and Eddie Yates get a mention on the Peel Sessions version. But the chorus belong to one man and one man only...
Albert Tatlock
So the last word goes to Albert... but being the sole focus of a chorus by The Skids is not this Corrie character's greatest claim to pop immortality. Oh no! Because actor Jack Haworth, who played Albert for almost a quarter of a century, was also responsible for the spoken word introduction on this...
It's common knowledge that I'm not a football fan, so you might imagine I wouldn't have much to say about the passing of Dickie Davies... however, I did watch World of Sport almost every Saturday afternoon when I was a kid. Not for the football... for the wrestling! Giant Haystacks, Mick MacManus, Kendo Nagasaki, Mark “Rollerball” Rocco... and, of course, Big Daddy! Easy! Easy! Easy!
I was therefore very familiar with the genial moustache of Dickie Davies, who introduced the wrestling... and all the other sports we were allowed to watch on Saturday TV before Premier League football was even invented.
There's an obvious winner on the jukebox today, but before we get to that, here's those dashing charmers, The Sleaford Mods...
Today's obvious winner is so well-associated with Dickie that it even merits a mention on his iffypedia page. Not only that, but it'll claim another victory if ever I get around to Cadbury's Flake on Product Placement Friday. Kim Carnes had Bette Davis, but Nigel Blackwell always preferred Dickie...
On Clarence Leroy Van Cleef Jr.’s tombstone, the inscription
reads “The Best of the Bad”. Van Cleef played a hell of a lot of bad guys in
his 38 year acting career after refusing to have his nose fixed for his debut
role in High Noon. The producers offered him a more heroic part if he had the
operation, Lee declined and was cast largely as bad guys from then on.
Throughout the 50s he made his living getting shot in TV Western shows before
hitting the big time when Sergio Leone cast him in For A Few Dollars More and
The Good, The Bad & The Ugly, leading to a long and lucrative career in
Spaghetti Westerns.
When searching for songs about Lee Van Cleef, I had to watch
out that I wasn’t confusing him with Reggae star Devon Perkins, aka Lee Van
Cleef, Le Van Cliff, Lee Vancliff, Lee V And Cliff and Cleevan Cliff, among
other variations on that theme. Last week, I said that country music was second
only to rap for name-dropping other artists, but Reggae must come second when it
comes to bigging your own name up in song. Here he is, rub-a-dub style, with
the Reggae Sunsplash…
Don’t need to teeth to eat my beef
I’m tender-hearted, ain’t no Lee Van Cleef
It strikes me that most times Lee gets mentioned in songs,
it’s for his bad guy status, so it’s nice that weirdo funk-rock band Primus
have a more positive take…
There ain’t never been one quite like Clint
There’s really only one Clint
But I really did like Lee Van Cleef
I sure did like Lee Van Cleef
Whatever happened to Lee Van Cleef?
Whatever happened to Lee?
Lee Van Cleef died in 1989, aged just 64, from a heart
attack and throat cancer. His gravestone reads: The Best of the Bad.
