Here are a few appropriate tunes, only one of them a Eurovision contender...
I know you won't have time to listen to all those, but there's some cracking tunes in there. More reasons to go back into Europe!
Showing posts with label Half Man Half Biscuit. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Half Man Half Biscuit. Show all posts
Friday, 7 August 2026
Neverending Top Ten #7.5: Eurovision
Monday, 3 August 2026
Celebrity Jukebox #83: Bill Oddie
Ben messaged me in the middle of last week to pass on the news of Bill Oddie's departure. "If your blog isn't full of The Funky Gibbon for the whole of the week, then that's disrespectful."
Sadly, Sam and I were in Birmingham for most of last week, so this is the first chance I've had...
But there's much more to Bill than just the Gibbon. Just ask his feathered friends...
That'll have cleaned out your lugholes.
Before the Goodies, Bill was a musician with an eccentric catalogue, including a version of the Yorkshire Anthem sung in the style of Joe Cocker...
A tribute to a beloved crooner-turned-DJ...
And a song about knitting...
Apparently he also did a version of the Andy Pandy theme tune in the style of Wilson Pickett, but I can't find that anywhere.
Perhaps most famous of all though, Bill appears in a infamous mondegreen in Madonna's 1992 hit Erotica...
Bill Oddie,
Bill Oddie,
Put your hands all over my body...
Unfortunately, he never made it into a Half Man Half Biscuit, unlike that other famous celebrity birdspotter, Phil Cool. There's always someone cooler than you.
Sunday, 26 July 2026
Snapshots #458: Songs From Hell
And I heard, as it were, the noise of thunder
One of the four beasts saying,
'Come and see.' and I saw, and behold a white horse...
And I heard a voice in the midst of the four beasts
And I looked, and behold a pale horse
And his name that sat on him was Death, and Hell followed with him...
Hopefully none of you are going to Hell any time soon, but if you are... at least they'll have a decent playlist...
15. S/laughter.
The Killing Joke - Pandemonium
14. Cher airs her grievances.
"Cher airs" was an anagram.
Chris Rea - The Road To Hell (Part 2)
13. Hyper, cuff and chain... make him wary (almost).
Hyperlink, cufflink, chainlink. Wary becomes Wray.
12. Ginger was not a Northerner.
Geri Halliwell was Ginger Spice
Jeri Southern - Fire Down Below
11. They just keep coming around.
10. Have you misplaced the camera, Mike?
"Camera, Mike" was an anagram.
Maria McKee - This Property Is Condemned
9. Be good in St. Julian's country.
Johnny B. Goode meets goes to Cope-Land.
Johnny Copeland - Sufferin' City
8. Strange faces.
Steve Strange's faces...
7. Not Fats Domino.
I think I might have used this clue in reverse at some point...
6. Royalty................................................................................ and me with a capital, in the Middle East.
Prince is Far from I (the pronoun with a capital letter).
Prince Far I and the Arabs - Out Of The Abyss
5. No longer on the sidewalk.
He used to be in Pavement, now he's just...
Stephen Malkmus & the Jicks - Houston Hades
4. Did they have Reds under their Beds?
3. Politicians on the funicular.
A funicular is a type of tram, with added MPs.
2. What a bunch of cows!
The Herd - From The Underworld
1. Ben's gal is confused, obviously.
"Ben's gal" was an anagram.
The Bangles - Eternal Flame
Bonus track today from HMHB...
Because "Hell is other people". Not the people playing this quiz though, so hopefully I'll see you all back here next Saturday...
Wednesday, 22 July 2026
Celebrity Jukebox #82: Kevin Keegan
Usually it's Ben who informs me of the latest candidates for this feature, but yesterday morning it was Sam who announced that Kevin Keegan was no longer with us.
When I was growing up, I paid very little attention to sport, so I knew very few sporting celebrities. Ian Botham. Steve Davis. John McEnroe, obviously. But as football was the sport I liked the least (let's be honest: I actively hated it), my knowledge of footballers was worst of all. I went out of my way to not know who they were.
All that said, I knew Kevin Keegan. And not because of this...
I was pretty certain Nigel Blackwell must have mentioned Kevin Keegan in a song at some point, but all I could find was this...
Bubble perm
Ever since your bubble perm,
I've gone ex-directory, just in case you need me
Paul Heaton though, he gave Kevin the immortality he deserves...
Nearly, we were actually the reason
Footballer and popstar would perform
All they really wanted was cuddle and a hug
And an XXL like me to keep them warm
Nearly did I get myself run over
When Kevin Keegan clearly blew a kiss
Nearly did we get beat up by bouncers
When Elton John we caused his train to miss
Here's something very loud, with an amusing title.
And here's something a lot easier on the ears...
And here's a tribute from a German ska band...
But like many of the stars featured in this jukebox, Kevin Keegan probably deserves a better song to eulogise him.
Perhaps he can share one with Jennifer Finch, bass player with L7, who also sadly died of cancer earlier this week...
Monday, 13 July 2026
Snapshots Sea Spillover
A few more songs of the seas I had leftover after this weekend's Snapshots...
The Felice Brothers - Gulf Of Mexico
Honeybus - Cross Channel Ferry
James McMurtry - Long Island Sound
Half Man Half Biscuit - 13 Eurogoths Floating in the Dead Sea
And a classic for the Celtic Sea... with an excellent old video too.
Wednesday, 17 June 2026
Celebrity Jukebox #78: David Hockney
So I'm in the Tate
And I'm looking at a Hockney
And oh, Sweet Jesus!
There's something about that blue
It touches me deep inside
Amazes me when I step outside
I'm sweating
I'm sweating
I'm beginning to palpitate
I can't help myself
I just can't help myself
Modern art
Makes me
Want to rock out!
I don't know a lot about art, but I like a fair bit of David Hockney's work. He used colour very well.
I figured there wouldn't be a shortage of songs that mentioned the world-famous, Bradford-born artist... and I wasn't wrong. There's even a song that beat Sting to the punch...
Defecting Russian dancers dance into Hockney prints
Exclusive to Bloomingdale's, gift-wrapped in red
No, that's not the Sting song. Kevin & Lol got there first.
What else can we find?
Crayon drawing on the label
Looks like a David Hockney
But I knew it probably wouldn’t taste nice
Yet somehow it grabbed me
How about some Hamish?
It's the quiet times that really do me in
Disastrous indecision, walking in the shadow of a drawing pin
In a raincoat, on a Monday etc
Mocking all of my Hockney ephemera
Rare plagiarisms, superimpositions of Karen and Cohen
Meanwhile, Dan Bern is going to have to do a rewrite...
I decided I wasn't ever gonna paint again
It didn't bother me too much
Warhol's dead
David Hockney's still alive
I don't need to paint
Jake Shillingford likes to swim in a Hockney pool too...
Take a dip into the Hockney blue
Your heart will lead your hands
And you will fly
Dive
And, of course, Nigel has something to say...
Well, I just cycled in to the
Pine floored living room
Pissed on the mystics
Scoffed at the Hockney
Took all the road signs
Back to the council
Put my foot through the TV
Not that they’d notice
Winced at the film trivia
Book at the bog-side
Burst all the bean bags
Smoked all the French fags
Hey Mr. Gauloises
Où est le hubcaps?
Then there's these guys...
I want to be in magazines
And be part of the scene
I want to see my paintings hang
In every gallery
I want the world to stop and stare
Whenever it sees me
But most of all I want to be
In David Hockney's diaries
Final word today though comes from another famous Yorkshire artist, this one in poetry, not paint...
Monday, 20 April 2026
Snapshots Spillover: More Record Labels In Song
A few more record labels I had left over after this weekend's celebration, starting with the obvious one...
Followed by some more beloved... and not so beloved labels...
Kamikaze Pilots - Sharon Signs to Cherry Red
Woody Guthrie - Roll On, Columbia
Graham Central Station - It Ain't Nothing But A Warner Brothers Party
(That was kind of a two-for-one deal.)
Joni Mitchell - The Sire Of Sorrow
Thinking about Sire Records also reminded me of this...
Belle and Sebastian - Seymour Stein
While Joni also led me to this song about Record Company boss David Geffen...
Joni Mitchell - Free Man In Paris
And while I couldn't find any songs with Parlophone in the title, I then remembered this...
Just when the Beta Band was about to start
It all started in London town
When we gave our demo to Phil Brown
Then we met Miles at Parlophone
And let him hear "Dog's Got a Bone"
He said go to Chalk Farm and put it on wax
The next few weeks was spent cutting four tracks
The Beta Band - The Beta Band Rap
Some of those were clearly not about record labels... but a lot of them were.
For balance, considering how many pop stars end up slagging off their labels in song... here's someone who loves his. (I think.)
Friday, 17 April 2026
Another Day #11: Record Store Day
Tomorrow is Record Store Day.
You’re going to need a second mortgage
Wednesday, 15 April 2026
Modern Life Is Rubbish #7: Only The Names Change
This post was inspired by a new song from Stephen Wilson Jr., an Americana artist I’ve only recently discovered. He’s worthy of further investigation if this sort of thing is your bag.
Anyway, the chorus informs us, “There ain't a
lot of boys named Gary these days”, a reminder of how birth names fall in and
out of fashion. (Amusingly, they’ve got the actor Gary Sinise to star in the
video… although it doesn’t end well for him.) This got me thinking about
the names of the kids Sam goes to school with… versus the ones I went to school
with.
I have a nephew called Gary. He’s about ten or twelve years
younger than me. But there are no Garys in Sam’s school. Neither is there a
Neil or a Sean, the names of my other nephews.
I started to think about the most common names of kids I
grew up with.
Sam doesn’t know any Richards. No Ricks or Rickys either.
And while he probably knows a few dicks… there are definitely no Dicks.
He also doesn’t go to school with anyone called Paul.
Steven? Stephen? Steve? Stevie? Not a one.
Andrew… he knows one Andy. There must have been a dozen in
my school.
Fantastic Negrito – A Boy Named Andrew
Most shocking of all though… Sam doesn’t know anyone called
David.
No Daves!?!
Everyone knows a Dave – surely?! Two of my best mates are
called Dave – and I only have three and a half friends.
No Darrens, no Phils, no Jasons, no Brians, and definitely no Kevins.
The Undertones - My Perfect Cousin
He does know a heck of a lot of Georges though… he told me
he could count 15, but he might have been exaggerating. Slightly.
Edwyn Collins - Gorgeous George
Other common boys’ names in Sam’s school?
Harry.
Arthur.
Albert.
Isaac.
Frank.
The Monochrome Set - He's Frank (Slight Return)
Eli.
Three Dog Night - Eli's Coming
Alfie.
(Sorry, Cilla's version goes right through me.)
The weird thing is, I didn’t go to school with a single one
of those. In fact, if you’d asked me when I was a kid, I would have told you
they were all old men names. Harry Bamforth was an old farmer who lived across
the fields from us. So was Arthur Lockwood. And Frank Shaw. Albert Tatlock and
Alf Roberts were old blokes on Coronation Street. Eli and Isaac were names I
only read about in Old Testament RE lessons.
I wonder if, in another 20 years’ time, the classrooms will be full of Garys, Darrens and Daves again? There probably won't be many Donalds... but I could be wrong.
A final word today from Nigel (no Nigels in Sam's school either)...
A woman who described herself as "a little bit 'Bridget',
A little bit 'Ally', a little bit 'Sex and the City'"
And chose to call her baby boy Fred
As a childishly rebellious attempt at a clever reaction
To those who might have expected her to call him Julian or Rupert
Bit of advice, call him Rupert, it fits, and besides it's a good name
Don't be calling him Fred or Archie
With all its cheeky but lovable working class scamp connotations
Unless you really do have plans for him
To spend his life in William Hills waiting
For them to weigh in at Newton Abbot
In case you're wondering - yes, there will be a follow-up to this post about girl's names.
Probably next week some time.
Thursday, 5 February 2026
Another Day #3: National Weatherperson's Day
Today is National Weather Person’s Day, primarily in the USA where it marks the birthday of John Jeffries, thought to be America's first weatherman. He was also the first person to ever collect weather data from a balloon over London in 1784, rising to a height of 9000 feet with a thermometer, a barometer, and a hygrometer to see if it was raining. Presumably he also took an umbrella.
Here are some predictable tunes about Weather People to
celebrate…
A
Tribe Of Toffs - John Kettley (Is A Weatherman)
The
Weather Prophets - She Comes From The Rain
The
Weather Girls - It's Raining Men
Spearmint
– The Weather Forecaster
Opinionated weather forecasters telling me it’s going to be
a miserable day
Miserable to who? I quite like a bit of drizzle, so stick to
the facts
Half
Man Half Biscuit – A Country Practice
Hank
Williams Jr. - Weatherman
Tom
Waits – Emotional Weather Report
Thursday, 1 January 2026
My Top Twenty Five of 2025 - The Last One!
I feel like I spend more time in these countdowns justifying my choices than actually talking about the records themselves. And here we are again...
1. Half Man Half Biscuit - All Asimov and No Fresh Air
I mean, what does it say about me that my favourite record of the year is one that starts like this...?
Horror Clowns are dickheads
You know it’s true
And if you’ve got a phobia of them
You’re a dickhead too
Chainsaw-wielding evil freaks who chase you through the station
Or just some boring no-accounts with poor imagination
I spent a lot of time justifying the fact that I chose their last album, The Voltarol Years, as my favourite album of 2022 because there was a newfound maturity and sensitivity to Nigel Blackwell's songwriting that lifted the band one step beyond the "comedy post-punk" label they've been saddled with their whole career. And they they come back with this...
Mother Mary, meek and mild, got lost at Farmaggedon
Toe-to-toe with Pennywise she kicked his fuzzy head in
But the thing with HMHB is, even when they're going for the straightforward gags, there's a subtlety to Blackwell's wordplay that lifts their lyrics into pure poetry. Brian Bilston would do well to study the Blackwell canon, because although Brian's record was an immediate hit that soon paled... All Asimov & No Fresh Air is an album I initially thought was going to be a bit disappointing (high expectations again), but its appeal just kept growing.
Whenever I hear a news report of an avalanche involving British skiers
I listen in with interest in the hope that I might catch the name Ben Shephard
Layers, see. Like an onion. Not everything is obvious. The more you listen, the more it unveils new treats. Like the closing classic, Possible Side Effects, which starts with a typical HMHB celebrity assassination...
If I were a carpenter
I’d doubtless have a hammer
And I’d hammer in the morning
On the door of Alan Sugar
Alright mate, I’m just working on the property opposite, and I noticed you have a couple of slates that – oh, it’s you! Any road, I’ve got some tiles in the van if you want me to get up there. I’ve got a load of kiln-dried logs too if you’re interested. I’m thinking of sponsoring a gorilla at Bristol Zoo, what d’ya reckon? Do you need any face-cloths?
That's a comedy writing masterclass right there... but there's much more to it than that...
...because then it morphs into a love song, using the 1964 TV adaptation of Robinson Crusoe as a metaphor for heartbreak. I've never seen it, but I still appreciate the reference.
I still love you, Lucy Anne
And I’m not a rock
Nor am I an island
Try to picture, if you can
Robert Hoffmann
Scanning the horizon
Genius is a term oft-overused, etc. etc. etc...
That's the thing about Blackwell though - he's got so many ideas, he's not content to limit them to one per tune. Take Rawlplugs Of Yesteryear (Breaking The States), a song that is quite literally about the history of rawlplugs...
In the 1960s the jute fibre was replaced by a thermoplastic device
An improvement, doubtless, though nowhere near as romantic
...but also about a band desperately trying to write themselves a hit that will make their name in the US...
Breakin’ the USA
Breakin’ the USA
You’ve gotta press the flesh and tour the country wide
Breakin’ the USA
Breakin’ the USA
You’ve gotta get those college radio jocks onside
Jocks onside
The two ideas really shouldn't co-exist in the same ditty... yet Nigel makes their synergy seem effortless.
And when he does stick to just one idea, the results can be very special indeed. Like pitching the best ITV detective show ever over a frantic Legend Of Xanadu backing track...
Now McCalliog is a poultryman who walks many a mile
And he also does some admin work for Devon CID
But admin work is wasted on a man who has the gift
Nail crooks in minutes with
McCalliog and His Hens
I could easily write about every song on this album, from the one that starts like this...
I saw Badly Drawn Boy in a badly parked car
With a badly grazed elbow
What can you do?
...to the one where Nigel challenges himself to use every rhyme in the dictionary for the word "yours"...
I’m still confined yet the spirit endures
We’re not entwined ‘cos you’re in The Azores
I’m way behind with my household chores
Ever designed to be on all fours
Going out of my mind trying to get into yours
Going out of my mind trying to get into yours
Don’t eat the rind if it’s covered in spores
I'm going out of my mind...
Can't find a link for that one - what the hell's wrong with the tube of you?
And I've not even mentioned the one I'm saving to post just before Saturday the 18th of April, 2026. Or the one that gives the album its title, about rival gardeners persecuting know-it-all science fiction author Isaac Asimov on his allotment. Or the typically Blackwellian character assassination of Jack's Been To The National, in which every line is a treasure...
That’s Jack
Back on track
Practising his golf swing
In the car park
F1 chat down the fairway
I dare say all is well in his world
Got property in Mobberley
Probably
Ridiculous gate
It’s all about salary
And playing to the gallery
He’s never heard of George Leigh-Mallory
On his phone at the lights
On his own most nights
You see he’s trying to win his wife back
She’s never coming back Jack
She took her stuff back
Take your shot Jack
Bile, spite, hatred and vitriol
That’s all she’s got left for you
And the Himalayan salt lamp
The Navajo headdress
We don’t care about
How much you can bench press
Out of bounds on the left
It’s a right old trail of tears
I don't know what it says about me that no other record as given me as much pleasure as this one in 2025. Perhaps I shouldn't care. I can't even pick a favourite track, but if you put a gun to my head, I'd probably choose the tale of the bloke who was made redundant and bought himself a ventriloquist's dummy that looked a bit like Pete Murphy. It even inspired me to write a comic strip, and I don't do much of that sort of thing anymore.
Happy New Year. I hope it's a better one than 2025, but as there'll be no new Half Man Half Biscuit album to console us, it's already looking like an uphill battle.
Thursday, 25 September 2025
Neverending Top Ten #7.4: Wrestlemania
On Saturday afternoon, Sam and a couple of his mates went to Wrestlemania. It was a birthday party treat for one of his friends. They all loved it.
Of course, this got me thinking of my own childhood, of Saturday afternoons watching Big Daddy, Giant Haystacks, Mick McManus, Mark “Rollerball” Rocco and Kendo Nagasaki on TV... easy! Easy! Easy! EASY!!!
I mentioned these to my Mum, who added one perfect detail I'd never heard before. "Me and your dad went to watch the wrestling when we were on our honeymoon in Skegness." So a love of wrestling has been in our family from the early 1950s... through the 80s... and into the present day. A glorious tag team through time.
She’s the main man in the office in the city
And she treats me like I’m just another lackey
But I can put a tennis racket up against my face
And pretend that I am Kendo Nagasaki
Monday, 7 July 2025
Mid-Life Crisis Songs #126: AIiiiiiiieeee!
Martin has written quite a bit about the horrors of AI recently, and I'm with him a hundred per cent. It's frightening that pop music of the next couple of decades looks like it'll be dominated by robot singers performing robot songs... until the Human Uprising of 2051, at least.
JC has also experimented with AI - and been unfairly lambasted for it, although I will admit to being one of the lambasters.
I was made aware of an amusing AI-related piece of nonsense recently though. Apparently, if you're still listing CDs for sale on eBay (and why you'd do that, since eBay started adding 85p onto the sale price of every CD for "Buyer Insurance", is anybody's guess), and you can't be bothered writing a description (or stealing one from discogs), you can let the eBay AI do it for you. With hilarious results. Here's a few I tried...
The Jam - All Mod Cons
The product is a CD featuring a compilation of Mod music with all the modern conveniences. This collection of songs embodies the style and energy of the Mod movement, providing listeners with a nostalgic trip back to the heyday of this influential music genre. perfect for fans of Mod music looking to enjoy the classic sounds in a convenient and high-quality format.
The Jam - Down In The Tube Station At Midnight
The Wedding Present - George Best
The "George Best Wedding Present" is a unique and thoughtful gift for a wedding occasion, presented in the form of a CD. This gift is likely to contain music that holds sentimental value to the couple, making it a special addition to their wedding day. The CD format makes it a convenient and versatile present that can be enjoyed by the couple at any time, serving as a lasting reminder of the special day.
The Wedding Present - Everyone Thinks He Looks Daft
Belle & Sebastian - The Boy With The Arab Strap
The product is a CD by Belle & Sebastian titled "Boy with the Arab Strap." The album features a mix of indie pop and alternative rock music, with lyrics written in English and Arabic. The unique blending of languages and musical styles reflects the band's distinctive sound and cultural influences. Fans of indie music and those interested in exploring music that incorporates different languages will enjoy this album.
Yes, I was disappointed that the AI didn't know what an Arab Strap is.
Belle & Sebastian - The Boy With The Arab Strap
This one is my favourite...
Half Man Half Biscuit - Achtung Bono
The product is a CD titled "Half Man Half Biscuit – Achtung Bono." This music CD features a mix of songs from the Irish rock band U2, reimagined as if performed by a half-man, half-biscuit hybrid character. The unique and playful concept of this CD is likely to appeal to fans of U2 and those who enjoy experimental or humorous music. With a CD format, listeners can enjoy the unconventional and entertaining sound that this album has to offer.
Half Man Half Biscuit - For What Is Chatteris...
But I saved this for last because I'd never seen the video before. DAVID THEWLIS! Top work, lads.
Yard Act - Where's My Utopia
The "Yard Act: Where's My Utopia" CD by the artist Utopia, released under the record label Act, offers a musical journey exploring themes of idealism and reality. With a unique blend of melodies and lyrics, this album challenges listeners to question their perceptions of a perfect world. Dive into the imaginative realm crafted by Utopia and discover a sound that is both captivating and thought-provoking.
Todd Rundgren fans might be a little confused if they buy this CD...
I thought about turning this into a series and getting the eBay AI to describe all my favourite records... then I thought again. I don't want to give the AI any more work.
Friday, 27 June 2025
Emergency Questions #9: New Laws
The Hives - The Hives Are Law, You Are Crime
Another conversation query from Richard Herring's book Emergency Questions...
If you could get a law named after you, what would it be?
Where do we begin? Perhaps by asking a couple of pop stars what laws they might institute...
There oughta be a law
Against you comin' around
You should be made
To wear earphones
Bob Dylan - Ballad Of A Thin Man
You know it doesn't make much sense
There ought to be a law against
Anyone who takes offense
At a day in your celebration
Stevie Wonder - Happy Birthday
As for myself...
Ian McNabb - There Oughta be a Law
The obvious one - a law banning Audi drivers. Or should I just ban Audis? No, no, guns don't kill people: people kill people. It's the people who want to own an Audi and drive it like a scumbag because they think they're better than everyone else... they're the real threat to society.
And there definitely ought to be a law against people who drive vehicles that break the sound barrier. You with your twin exhausts or your motorbike engines that sound like an angry road drill when you rev them up. At 11 o'clock at night. When decent folk are trying to sleep.
Wolves of Glendale - Loud Ass Car
How about a law forbidding you from having a nice long chat with your mates in the supermarket while blocking the aisle and preventing access to the frozen peas?
Or a law that forces bartenders to serve people in the actual order they got to the bar, not just the pushy / attractive ones first? (And I say this as someone who doesn't drink and therefore goes up to a bar about twice a year. This law is more for your benefit that mine.)
Kris Kristofferson - The Law Is For Protection Of The People
Better yet, a law that creates two separate queues in coffee shops. A slow queue for anyone ordering a mocha-choca-spocka-latte with whipped cream and sprinkles or any drink that involves crushed ice. And a fast track queue for people who just want coffee. Black coffee. We're not even pfaffing about with frothy steamed milk. We just want our drink. Fast.
Mickey & Sylvia - There Oughta Be A Law
And what about a law to outlaw anyone I can't stand?
Bono. The Gallaghers. Michael McIntyre.
When I am king, to quote Radiohead, you will be first against the wall...
Not to mention the ones for whom - I'm sorry - a firing squad is too good.
Donald Trump. Elon Musk. Nigel Farage. Andrew Tate.
I hope there's plenty of room in that Suffolk ditch...
If you could get a law named after you, what would it be?
Thursday, 1 May 2025
Celebrity Jukebox #135: Mike Peters
A brief word in honour of Mike Peters from The Alarm, who lost his battle against cancer earlier this week. Peters was diagnosed with non-Hodgkin's lymphoma 30 years ago and he's been campaigning for cancer charities ever since, to the point that he was awarded an MBE in 2019 for his work in that area.
I reckon he deserved one for his services to music too...
Some great rockers there, but my absolute favourite Alarm song is the one where the brought the Morriston Orpheus choir in for a tribute to Welsh mining communities. Released as a double A side with The Rock, it only made #31 in the UK charts.. It should have been Number One.
In 2004, long after The Alarm's heyday, Peters snuck back into the UK Top 40, disguising his band for this little gem...
At this point in the proceedings of Celebrity Jukebox, I usually check to see if anyone else has mentioned our late star in one of their songs. I didn't expect to find any name-checks for Mike Peters... but I should have known Nigel Blackwell would save the day. It's perhaps a little bit snarky (though more towards Runrig - the Peters mention is perhaps because The Alarm were known for being a reliable support act to the biggest bands of the 80s and 90s), but personally I can think of no higher tribute than a mention in a Half Man Half Biscuit songs, whatever the reason...
Runrig with special guest Mike Peters
Red and white, black and white, blue and white bandanas
See what we’ve gone and done
To the band who got a bit pompous
They called their fan club an Information Service
Monday, 7 April 2025
Snapshots Spillover - More Cricketing Songs
Play resumes where it left off last night... who's coming into bat next?#
How about a great English band celebrating a great English sport?
And here's another pair of posh English lads with an interest in the game...
Remember when you were more easily led
Behind the cricket pavilion and the bicycle shed
Trembling as your dreams came true
You looked right into those blue eyes and knew...
Pet Shop Boys - Can You Forgive Her?
Another Neil, Mr. Hannon of The Divine Comedy joined with Thomas Walsh of Pugwash to pool their musical expertise and love of cricket as The Duckworth Lewis Method. In case you're wondering, they're named after "a mathematical formulation designed to calculate the target score (number of runs needed to win) for the team batting second in a limited overs cricket match interrupted by weather or other circumstances".
I had a clue all set to go for these guys, involving Jack & Vera meeting an Oxford detective... until I realised that if anyone identified them, it'd give the game away immediately.
The Duckworth Lewis Method - Test Match Special
I'm not sure Tom Petty would have known one end of a cricket bat from the other, but he did write a great song about a batsman sent in at the end of the day...
Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers - The Nightwatchman
On Saturday morning, we had a picture of this fella at the top of the pages. No prizes for guessing why...
And here's a novelty record you may remember from 1985... Rory Bremner was responsible, with a nod to Paul Hardcastle.
The Commentators - N-N-Nineteen Not Out
Next, a cricketing band who appear more interested in football players. (I had to google Garry Thompson... not Geoffrey Boycott.)
Geoffrey Oi!Cott - Glory Glory Garry Thompson
However, BAD prefer their sportsmen all in white...Wicket, we need a wicket
When summer come, they play cricket
Botham is cool, selectors are spaced
England's losing again, W.G. disgraced
Our top batsman today has to be Nigel Blackwell though. For obvious reasons...
Friday, 7 March 2025
Bertie Fridays #6: Albert Hammond
We're back to flipping through Bertie The Dog's record collection. He only buys discs by people with Bert in their name...
My father is a doctor, he's a family man
My mother works for charity whenever she can
And they're both good clean Americans who abide by the law
And they both stick up for liberty and they both support the war
My happiness was paid for when they laid their money down
For summers in a summer camp and winters in the town
My future in the system was talked about and planned
But I gave it up for music and The Free Electric Band
Despite the lyrics of his only UK hit, Albert Hammond was born in London in 1944, shortly after his parents had been evacuated from Gibraltar.
Albert began his musical career aged just 16 with Gibraltarian band The Diamond Boys, but his first chart success came 6 years later, in 1966, with a Top Ten hit as part of...
He went on to enjoy a successful career as a solo musician, but I'm guessing he made most of his money as a songwriter. He's the writer or co-writer of a surprising range of hits from across the decades...
Quite a list. A great songwriter... though I'd argue he's not much cop as a weather man...
This Bertie's got an OBE, an Emmy, an Ivor Novello award and he's been inducted into the Songwriter's Hall of Fame. Though surely his greatest claim to fame is being mentioned in a Half Man Half Biscuit song...
Dragging my guitar round maternity ward
I was in search of the umbilical chord
But it was all in vain so I jumped on a train
And when I reached my home the kids were on the patio
Looking quite upset, so I asked them what was wrong
And they said: “Beware, there’s an Albert Hammond bootleg in the house in there
An Albert Hammond bootleg in the house
Some man who introduced himself as Stanley Rous came in
And left this Albert Hammond bootleg in the house”
No clues as to next week's Bertie. Those of you who are paying attention should be able to guess him.
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