Another conversation starter culled from Richard Herring's book Emergency Questions... and some songs I loosely linked to it.
18. Which celebrity would you like to stroke your hair as you die?
I think my go-to answer for this would usually be Kate Winslet. She has long been my celebrity crush, and the older she gets, the more I respect her attitudes to celebrity and being herself on screen.
To be honest though, I'm not sure I'd want Kate - or any other celebrity, for that matter - running her fingers through my hair. Especially if I was on my death bed. I mean, it's a bit late now, isn't it, love?
Maybe it'd be better to choose a celebrity who can calm me down in my final moments, rather than getting my heart rate up or leaving me feeling frustrated over lost opportunities.
So I did a quick google search on "Who is the most caring celebrity?" and the answers the AI generated included...
Oprah Winfrey
Dolly Parton
Beyoncé
Keanu Reeves
And do you know what? Of those guys, I think I'd choose Keanu. I feel like he'd be the one most likely to make me feel zen about my last moments on earth.
The biggest problem I have with this question is that I don't really like anybody touching my hair. Not because I'm precious about how it looks (I couldn't give a monkeys)... it's just: PERSONAL SPACE, DUDE! Still, I'm sure Keanu would respect that...
If any of you have access to the Disney+ streaming service, can I recommend the Australian TV show Mr. Inbetween? It's got nothing to do with this song, but it is very worth watching. Only 25 minute episodes too, so they're easy to get through before you fall asleep at the end of the day.
We finished watching the second series of Stephen Merchant’s The
Outlaws last week. I didn’t really like the direction the plot took this
season, but the cast was still strong, Merchant’s writing is still funny (if a
little BBC-preachy at times) and Christopher Walken is in it. Playing
Christopher Walken. Except he’s in the last place you’d expect to find
Christopher Walken.
Although he made his name in a diverse set of roles, from
The Deer Hunter to The Dead Zone, in recent years Christopher Walken has pretty
much played it safe and been Christopher Walken in just about everything.
Charming, witty, twinkly-eyed… but with a layer of sinister malevolence that
says if you cross him… boom! And often, though he doesn’t play the starring
role, he has the most memorable scene in the movie. Take his face-off with
Dennis Hopper in True
Romance or the Gold Watch monologue from Pulp Fiction. They never grow old.
When it comes to popping up in pop songs though… Walken is all over the place. Most memorably in a certain Norman Cook video.
Back in the 80s, there was a Ryan O’Neal film written by Norman Mailer called
Tough Guys Don’t Dance. Mailer obviously never met Walken.
Beyond dancing - what about lyrical cameos?
Well, Wilco have a song called Walken… though from the
lyrics, it does seem to be more about walking.
I'm walkin' all by myself Well, I was talkin' to myself About you; what am I gonna do?
If I seriously believed that was about Christopher Walken, I
might also suggest that Chaucer was predicting the rise of the great actor back in The
Canterbury Tales…
A mayde, and love huntynge and venerye, And for to walken in the wodes wilde, And noght to ben a wyf, and be with childe.
More specific references can be found in the following…
And a gold cap tooth is always misunderstood Christopher Walken's in a terrible mood And I broke some hearts I met along the way But my heart's broken every brand new day
From their 2017 comeback album, Damage & Joy, which I clearly need to spend more time with.
Stayed up late that night, texting away and talking Steaming my suit in the bathroom I'm gonna look sharp tomorrow, Like Christopher Walken in True Romance
Mark Kozelek will probably turn up in this feature a lot, because his rambling talky monologue "songs" drop references like this all the time. But I'm a Mark Kozelek fan, so I'm always happy to feature him here.
I see you're living in the basement in the summertime Your hat's on way too tight I see your middle name is Jason And I know it isn't Christopher Walken So why didn't you get a haircut?
Being an English teacher, I never really know what to make of Math Rock. Other than it clearly needs an 's'.
Ah, where, where was my mind when Mother said? Avoid navel-contemplating Floppy-haired actors originally from Baltimore Who excel at mime, still play Stratego And have issues with their mom Sure at first they're very charming, their attention is disarming But give attention in return and, dear, they'll drop you like a bomb Yes, do avoid REO Speedwagon-loving Christopher Walken-imitating thespians originally from Baltimore Who can't piss unless their shrink says it's okay Why let them break your heart, dear? Put your head on and be smart, dear Put some bug spray on and make them go away
I can't tell you anything about this other than I love it.
Velvet Presley lives in a hole No one can stop those neighbours talking Velvet Presley, rock and roll Thinking he looks like Christopher Walken Listen and he'll tell you of the time when he was leaving ‘Cos you never really had it that tough
I imagine Governor's Island is Shutter Island I imagine Christopher Walken as a dancer named Ryan It just don't seem right!
I think the reason I like this feature is that it throws up a lot of songs that are lyrically intriguing, tell stories, and are full of tiny novelistic details... which are my favourite types of songs, regardless of genre.
Ponies and clowns will be walking around Naked people having sex all over the ground Britney Spears is making out with Christopher Walken In the back yard Iron Maiden is rocking!
Regardless of genre!!! (Also, I think these guys are taking the piss. At least, I hope they are.)
And we talk about girls, what brothers don't talk about
girls And in his best Christopher Walken, He says "Go out and get 'em", guess who's the
protagonist?
I'm pretty sure I went to school with a kid called Jason Falkner. He wasn't the lead singer of Jellyfish though.
However, by far the best Christopher Walken songs I came
across during my research are the ones below. Both are deserving of a Gold Watch.
Firstly, Aussie wunderkind Courtney Barnett…
You say "Christopher", I say "Walken" You love, I love Christopher Walken I guess at least we have got one thing in common
And secondly, old favourites of this blog, with one of their
very best (much-covered) tunes…
I used to know you when we were young You were in all my dreams We sat together in Period One Fridays at 8:15
Now I see your face in the strangest places Movies and magazines I saw you talking to Christopher Walken On my TV screen
But I will wait for you As long as I need to And if you ever get back to Hackensack I'll be here for you
