Self-Help For Cynics #10: The Storytelling Brain

Feeling brow-beaten 
Day after day,
I think it's over, but I just can't get away

You said, forget it,
Well, don't jump the gun,
You're laughing this time, 
Next time, you might be the one
To tell...
The Story of the Blues!

First they take your pride,
Turn it all inside,
And then you realise you've got nothing left to lose
So you try to stop,
Try to get back up
And then you realise, you're telling 
The Story of the Blues.

At a California university in the 1950s, a rather bizarre experiment took place.  

A man is sitting in a chair with lots of electrical wires coming out of it. Some of these wires are taped to his arms, his legs and his face with electrodes. One by one, a group of student volunteers are led into an adjacent room where they can see the wired-up man through a window. A scientist in a white coat tells them that they are taking part in an experiment, that it’s quite safe, and that it’s for the good of humanity. All they have to do is follow instructions.

On the desk in front of them is a box with a big red button on. The scientist checks his watch, consults his clipboard, and then says, “Push the button.”

The student pushes the button.

The man in the next room suddenly begins to scream and convulse, his body twisting and writhing, his face stretched in agony. This goes on for a few seconds before it stops and the man slumps back into his chair.

“Did I…?” says the volunteer, looking concerned. “Was that because I…?”

“Press the button again,” says the scientist.

“Wait, no, did I…?”

“Press the button again.”

“I don’t want to hurt him. You said it was safe. I don’t think—”

“Press. The button. Again.”

The student pushes the button again.

The Plimsouls - Oldest Story In The World

As recommended by Ben, I’ve started reading Dr. Faith G. Harper’s Unfuck Your Brain. At first, I found her tone a little uncomfortable for a science / self-help book, because she swears. A lot. Not just in the title of the book, but pretty much every other sentence. She also uses a lot of slang and hipster / yoof speak that seems out of place for a medical professional of her age (not that I know exactly how old she is, but she doesn’t look like a fresh-faced Millennial). 

Paul Brady - Nothing But The Same Old Story

However, after a chapter or two, I found myself warming to her style, even appreciating it. She clearly knows her shit (to use her vernacular), and throws a lot of heavy brain-science at you, but does so in a way that’s very down to earth and actually quite endearing after a while. Your own mileage may vary, but I’m starting to learn that we can choose how we react to things, whether we like them or not. We don’t have to follow our initial instincts… which is a good thing, since my initial instinct appears to be hardwired to dislike most things automatically… and then just go along with that, without question. This may well have something to do with a concept Dr. Faith has just introduced me too: my storytelling brain…

Ray Davies - Storyteller

It's not just English teachers, frustrated wannabe novelists and people who spend far too much time writing about obscure musical trivia on the internet who have storytelling brains… we all do. Here’s Paul J. Zak, director of the Centre for Neuroeconomics Studies at Claremont Graduate University in California. 

…as social creatures who regularly affiliate with strangers, stories are an effective way to transmit important information and values from one individual or community to the next. Stories that are personal and emotionally compelling engage more of the brain, and thus are better remembered, than simply stating a set of facts.

Weirdly, this is something I’ve been teaching my students for a while now in my own clumsy way, without really understanding the science behind it. The writing question in GCSE English Language Paper 2 gives students an opinion such as “Homework is a waste of time” or “Prisons are too lenient” and then asks them to write an article, speech or letter in which they argue their opinion on this subject, for or against. I regularly advise students that the worst thing they can do is to start out by telling the reader their opinion and bombarding them with facts – much better to open with a story that illustrates their opinion in a persuasive manner. 

The Nightshift - That's My Story

We all love stories – and good stories make us care about characters and want to know what happens to them. Even unpleasant characters. Stories help us process our own experiences, emotions and relationships. Through stories we gain empathy which helps us connect and stay connected with other people (remember how the amygdala is interested in protecting our place in society as much as saving us from danger?). You meet your mate in the pub? What’s the first thing you say after the initial greetings and small talk are out of the way? “You’ll never guess what happened to me this week…”

Misty's Big Adventure - Story Of Love

Storytelling is also what our brains do when they’ve not got anything more important to deal with. That’s why our brains keep telling stories when we’re asleep – dreaming. That’s why our minds wander when we’re driving home and we start to construct stories about what we’ll have for tea, where we’re going this weekend, the conversation we might have with our significant other. We make plans, which are just stories, and try to head off conflict (which is an essential part of any story, but something we go out of our way to avoid in real life). And Dr. Zak even believes it’s why we slow down to look at car accidents – it’s not out of a ghoulish desire to see mangled bodies and twisted metal, it’s self-preservation. If we can construct a story about why it happened, we can then stop the same thing happening to ourselves. So don’t feel guilty the next time you drive by a multi-car pile-up: the scientists have given you a free pass to gawk.

Stories help us learn. This is something good teachers understand. Even barely average to occasionally piss poor teachers like myself pick it up eventually. Say I’ve got to explain the imperative voice to a class. I can give them the grammatical explanation like so…

“The imperative mood is a verb form used to make a demand, issue a warning, or give advice or instructions. The subject of sentences in the imperative mood is implied to be the second-person pronoun “you,” but the word usually isn't actually included (e.g., “close the door”).”

Social Distortion - Story Of My Life

Or I can tell them the story at the top of this post, to illustrate the power of a command sentence that uses the imperative voice. 

Is it a true story? Well, I’m sure I’ve read about similar experiments that were used to explain why so many Nazi soldiers followed the orders of the Third Reich in WWII… but whether it’s true or not really doesn’t matter. The fact is, that story is far more likely to help your brain remember the definition, purpose and power of the imperative voice than reading a dozen grammar textbooks back to back ever will. 

The Velvet Underground - That's The Story Of My Life

Still with me? Sorry, this is a long one.

I've been through hell

On my way to hell

I only fought with myself

So I'd have a story to tell

Wilco - Story To Tell

Stories help us learn because they create recognisable patterns which relate to our own experiences. Or, to use science talk, they create and strengthen neural pathways. Here’s an explanation from The Great Minds Clinic…

A neural pathway is a series of connected neurons that send signals from one part of the brain to another.

We already have a series of neural pathways, and we are creating new ones all the time. An example of an early neural pathway is that if a baby smiles, he or she is rewarded by a smile in return and possibly a cuddle. The same baby may work out that if he or she touches something sharp, it may hurt. Both are valuable learning experiences.

Tygers of Pan Tang - The Story So Far

Neural pathways tell our brain how to react to whatever is thrown at us on a daily basis. That includes things we’ve dealt with before and things we’ve only ever seen or heard about second hand (which is why we’re so interested in car crashes). It’s like the basic programming language you might have learned in school, starting with IF…

IF b > 10 THEN GOTO 20.

Or, to put it into language Dr. Faith G. Harper would be more likely to approve of…

IF hungry sabretooth tiger approaching THEN getthefuckoutofDodge!

Nancy Sinatra & Lee Hazlewood - Storybook Children

All very useful in terms of keeping us alive, which you’ll recall is our brain’s number one function.

Except…

Except sometimes we create neural pathways that are significantly less useful, using stories that reinforce negative or self-destructive responses and ultimately lead us into a world of pain and misery.

Which is where I’ll pick up next time.

(A reminder, if you're new here... I'm writing these posts for myself, to help me understand my own mental health and hopefully manage it a little better than I have been doing over the past few years. They may be of interest to you too, but I'm not preaching. Or, as Todd Snider puts it, "I did not do this to change your mind about anything, I did this to ease my own mind about everything".)

TV On The Radio #10: Last Of The Summer Wine

This weekend was the 50th anniversary of Last of the Summer Wine, a sitcom about a bunch of ridiculous Yorkshire pensioners that ran for a total of 31 series before it breathed its last in 2010. I know this because I live in Holmfirth, the village (although it calls itself a town, it's not a town really) in which the show was set, a village which has thrived on LOTSW tourism for half a century. On Saturday, while Sam and I were trying to do our shopping, we had to navigate coach loads of fans (most of them now older than the show's characters) and cosplayers... yes, there were people wandering around dressed as Compo, Foggy, Clegg and Nora Batty. It was, as always, a right pain in the arse.

I watched the show as a kid, because it was just what you did round here. The main appeal was in working out where the location shots were filmed... increasingly, as the years went by, they weren't filmed in Holmfirth at all, but in surrounding villages such as Meltham, Honley, Marsden and Slawit (Slaithwaite) which is where I grew up. The show outlived most of its original cast: Michael Bates, who played Cyril Blamire in the original series, died in 1978. He was replaced by Brian Wilde as Foggy, who stayed with the show, on and off, till the mid-90s. Compo, who gave his name to the local Fish & Chip shop, was the show's main character until actor Bill Owen's death in 1999, after which he was replaced by his son, Tom. Of the originals, only the great Peter Sallis, the voice of Wallace & Gromit, outlived the show, though he was reduced to a sit down role by the final series, replaced in the "action" sequences by younger comedy actors such as Russ Abbott and Burt Kwouk. The show became an old folk's home for British thespians, with Brian Murphy, Frank Thornton, Thora Hird and Jean 'Hilda Ogden' Alexander joining the ranks over the years. Though I bailed out in the late 80s, my mum kept watching it, and still enjoys the repeats on UK Gold (or whatever it's called these days). Summer Wine is a time capsule of a certain type of Yorkshire village and its inhabitants... ironically most of the people who live in Holmfirth these days are comers-in. Compo probably wouldn't be able to afford a house round here anymore. (I barely can.)

Although the phrase "Last of the Summer Wine" sounds like it could originate from a Keats poem, it was actually coined by the show's creator, Roy Clarke, as a metaphor for living out the dregs of one's life in fine style. With that in mind, anyone referring to LOTSW in song must be familiar with the show itself, right?

It's just you and Foucault and my bass guitar

And I've seen you walk on water

And you wash your feet with my hair and my tears

I loved you in the runs the last of the summer wine.

Shurk - Foucault (feat. Jolliff)

Your guess is as good as mine.

Where have you been, Sonny Jim?

Where have you been all this time?

Drinking the last of the summer wine

On the run in the sun

High on the rocks

West of the Cox 

EMF - West of the Cox

Well, that's just Unbelievable.

Last of The Summer Wine

First of the Christmas Sherry

I guess it's just

Same poison, different berries

Dr. BigF MC - Black Hasselhoff

The Hoff name-drop got that one in here. 

This, on the other hand, I actually like... and not just because it also mentions Spider-Man...

Enough time has passed now 

We look like the cast of the Last of the Summer Wine

Mainly because I love the rest of the lyric...

'Cause my friend

You are worth the extra petrol

You are worth the extra data

You are worth the lunch I can't afford

Oh dude I'm like this with all my friends but

Can I come over and platonically play with your hair?

Can I come over and platonically play with your hair?

Pickle Darling - 5am

Pickle Darling are from New Zealand. Which means they must watch Last of the Summer Wine there! Bizarre.

Now here's Dennis Waterman. Yes, that one.

You said your last "I love you"

Drank the last of my summer wine

Took your shadows from my wall, babe

Took everything I thought was mine

Dennis Waterman - Nothing At All

As far as I know, Dennis never appeared in LOTSW. But he should have done.

Now, you might be expecting me to close today with this one. (Or you might not. It's hardly a Top 40 smash.)

Palma Violets - Last of the Summer Wine

But no. I'm going to cheat a little. Any excuse to play Nancy and Lee...

Cnut Songs #22: The Every (4)

King Cnut could not hold back the tide, and I cannot hold back society's full-throttle descent into dystopia. All I can do is watch helplessly from the sidelines, and nod my head sagely when others hold a mirror up to the madness. Which is why I've been using this space over the past few weeks to quote excerpts from Dave Eggers' novel, The Every. Because everyone should read it and face up to the horror...

In this extract, the Every introduces a new app which can measure the quality of friendship. Delaney suggested it as a joke, but once it’s been developed, it quickly goes viral…

Delaney did not breathe. It was AuthentiFriend. Everything was the same, but far more developed, and now it was called Friendy.

“Terrible name,” Joan said, “I hate it already.”

“No,” Preeti said. “It’s like a lie detector test. It tells you if someone’s honest, candid. You know dogs can sense cancer? This senses any untruth. Anything hidden, withheld. Is the word guile?”

“It can sense guile? That’s fucking dark,” Joan said.

“What’s the big number in the corner?” Helen asked. In the upper right of the screen, above Urmila’s face, a number – 88 – was pulsing.

“That’s overall quality of friendship,” Preeti said. “You know the stats about friendship. You live longer and healthier if you have quality friendships. That’s why the slogan.” She pointed to the screen’s upper left corner, where the words “Who are you real friends?” were written in a sharp and accusatory font.

“It’s about quality, not quantity,” Preeti said. “We’re always worried about the number of friends we have, when we should be assessing the quality of those friendships.”

“This is sulphurous,” Joan said, and Delaney loved her for it.

“It’s just for fun,” Preeti said.

“That is some diabolical fun,” Joan said.

Her opinion was in the minority. The others were trying to decide on someone they should call – a test subject. Berit had a college friend she thought would be appropriate. Minutes later, a dark-haired woman named Anita appeared on the main screen. She was in Uppsala, Sweden.

“Hi, Anita!” Berit said. She had positioned herself across the room, in a quiet corner. To Anita, Berit would appear to be alone, talking to her on a tablet. But everyone else was watching Anita on the large screen.

“How are you?” Berit asked.

Anita’s answer, “Good!” was deemed untruthful.

“Are you sure?” Berit asked.

“Yes. Why?” Anita asked.

Friendy’s red lights were pulsing – lack of candour, guardedness.

“I’ve always meant to ask you,” Berit said, “when we were in college, you went to the Stockholm archipelago with a bunch of people. Remember?”

“Of course,” Anita said. “Why?”

“My boyfriend at the time went with you,” Berit said. “Remember Per?”

Delaney’s brain was on fire. A moment ago Berit had seemed confident and kind, and now, with this weaselly tool, she’d become a weasel.

“I do,” Anita said uncertainly.

“You always seemed to have a thing for Per, am I right?” Berit asked.

“I wouldn’t say it was a thing,” Anita said. “Berit, why are you bringing this up now? It was eight years ago. I haven’t seen Per since that summer.”

“I just always had a feeling something happened between you two on that trip. And remember I couldn’t go. My brother was dying.”

“Yes, I know. I’ve always been sorry you couldn’t be with us,” Anita said, her voice quavering and eyes growing wet. Friendy’s sensors were going wild. “Nothing happened between us.”

A green light pulsed. This was truthful. The crowd was impressed. Berit pressed on.

“Just tell me,” she said. “You were attracted to him, yes?”

“Oh Berit,” Anita said. “When are you coming home next? Maybe we can talk then. I don’t like this.”

Overall Anita’s truthfulness score was in the low 20s.

“Never mind,” Berit said. “I got the answers I needed.”

And she ended the connection.

“This was a good friend of yours?” Preeti asked.

“Since we were six,” Berit said.

“Berit!” Joan snapped. ”Have you regressed to thirteen years old? You can’t take this seriously. It’s a fucking app that some nerds here developed.”

Berit laughed. “I know. I know it’s silly. I’ll call her again some other time and get a read on things.”

Ro comforted her. “Give her a few more chances. Average them together.” Her eyes were soft and magnanimous, almost saintly. “She deserves that – an aggregate score.”

Nancy Sinatra and Lee Hazlewood recorded two albums together, in 1968 and 1972. They are essential listening. Less well known is their third collaboration, from 2004, just three years before Barton Lee's death. For some insane reason, this record was never released in the UK, and was only ever available on import from Australia. Utterly absurd, as it's a fantastic album that never fails to put a huge smile on my face...

Celebrity Jukebox #76: Ray Liotta

Nancy Sinatra, and her sister Tina, once sent Ray Liotta a horse's head in the post after he turned down the chance to play their father in a TV mini-series they were developing. Ray would later play Old Blue Eyes in HBO movie The Rat Pack. Here he is giving it his best Frank..

Liotta is best known for his role as Henry Hill in the movie Goodfellas... though as movies go, I prefer Field of Dreams, in which he plays the ghost of Shoeless Joe Jackson. And I'm very much looking forward to his forward to his final movie, Cocaine Bear, filmed just before his death last May. Well, better that than Ray's starring role in an Ed Sheeran video...

Lots of rappers who always wanted to be gangsters have mentioned Ray Liotta in their lyrics, but we'll skip those guys, 'cos they're just a Neighborhood Full Of Nobodies. Still, it's not just rappers...

The crew and I will hang on the steps
Outside a chippy shop in Oldham
I'd make mistakes; they'd clean up the mess
We'll play Texas hold-em and talk about religion

I wanna be Ray Liotta
And live another day in the mafia

BC Camplight - I Want To Be In The Mafia

Here's what else will be playing on the jukebox in tribute to Ray, starting with this jazzy little number from Martin Sexton...

We meet at 3pm by the ATM on Saturday
You pick out the show
Then it's off we go to the matinee
You'll be who you want
I'll be who you want
I'll be your Ray Liotta
It's my lucky day

Martin Sexton - Diggin' Me

Followed by the inevitable titular name-checks...

Lomepal - Ray Liotta

French rappers sound so much more sophisticated, don't they?

Well, more sophisticated than German rappers anyway...

LX & Maxwell - Ray Liotta

As to music with guitars, I can offer you this...

King Of Summer - Ray Liotta

Nuch better is this, from a band who featured in Namesakes not so long ago... although they didn't go down particularly well. Perhaps this one will persuade you...

Snapshots #228: A Top Ten Drums & Drummer Songs

As Brian said last week, the answers always seem obvious on a Sunday.

Beat your drums to the following tunes, please...

10. Sounds like he had slim sleeves.

Jim Reeves - Distant Drums

9. Genesis sang about them three times.

Genesis sang Tonight Tonight Tonight.

Tonight - Drummer Man

8. Detective who used to make sketches meets homicidal artificial intelligence. 

(Or... would-be Dirty Harry meets magician in a box.)

Nancy Drew + HAL 9000.

Dirty Harry was originally going to be played by Frank Sinatra,

David Blaine was a magician in a box.

Nancy Sinatra & Hal Blaine - Drummer Man

7. Wot, no peppered sprouts?

"We got married in a fever, hotter than a pepper sprout" is the opening line to Jackson.

Chad Jackson - Here The Drummer, Get Wicked

I thought I'd hate that, given how much I hate most dance music from that era. But I actually had quite a fond recollection, hearing it again after all these years. It's a lot more old skool than I remember.

6. They got tangled up in a hotter vest bra.

"Hotter vest bra" was an anagram.

The Avett Brothers - Kick Drum Heart

5. Southern Indian devotional poet.

Named after King Kulasekhara, the aforementioned devotional poet.

Kula Shaker - The Sound Of Drums

4. Famous for producing ground beef dish.

The man who produced Meat Loaf, on Bat Out Of Hell.

Todd Rundgren - Bang The Drum All Day

3. First in line, lover of wolves.

Prince Charles if First In Line for the throne.

"Connor" means lover of wolves, apparently.

The Charles Connor Band - Drummer Man 

2. In this picture, you have seen torsos.

"Seen torsos" is an anagram.

Stone Roses - She Bangs The Drum

1. Rocking horses.

Rock as in stone, horses as in ponies.

Linda Ronstadt in the middle there. The Lemonheads version always deserves a mention.

The Stone Poneys - Different Drum

Catch a Yellow Submarine... or a Tank Engine called Thomas... to bring you back for more Snapshots next Saturday.

Snapshots #208: A Top Ten Onomatopoeia Songs

Welcome to the quiz that will Boom Boom Shake Your Room... yeah, I didn't use that one because it would have been too obvious.

Being an English teacher, I have a special fondness for the word "onomatopoeia", even though I regularly tell students it's the hardest word to spell... apart from broccoli.

Despite that, I own three songs with that word (or a variation) in their title...

John Prine - Onomatopoeia

Todd Rundgren - Onomatopoeia

Sparks - Onomato Pia

While John Grant also professes his love here...

John Grant - Rhetorical Figure

But how did you guys get on? Let's find out...

10. Brian Body B.

Anagram!

Bobby Darin - Splish Splash

9. Rash.

As in, the kind of rash that makes you itch.

The Hives - Tick Tick Boom

8. Domino without a hat on.

Fats Domino; hats off to Larry...

Fat Larry's Band - Zoom

7. Loaded.

If he's loaded, he must be a very rich man.

Jonathan Richman - Buzz Buzz Buzz

6. A wrinkly.

Anagram!

Link Wray - Rumble

5. Wee and timorous lads.

Wee and timorous beasties, obviously.

The Beastie Boys - Pow

4. Solid service surfers.

Solid silver, silver service, silver surfers.

Silver - Wham Bam Shang-A-Lang

3. Detective drew swooning pop.

The detective would be NANCY Drew. Her swooning pop was Old Blue Eyes...

Nancy Sinatra - Bang Bang 

2. Rugby player, like Shatner.

A hooker is a rugby player.

And who could forget...?

John Lee Hooker - Boom Boom

1. Crude bunch.

They're just so primitive...

The Primitives - Crash

More crash bang wallop next Saturday...

Saturday Snapshots #167 - The Answers

 

I still have no internet, by the way. This week's posts were written off-line then uploaded in one block to cut down on tethering charges. This is why I haven't popped over to read any of your blogs recently. My apologies. I will catch up. They say we will have internet week commencing the 21st. I'm not holding my breath.

Answers...

10. Favoured by cats and dogs, eight or nine hours ago.

The Strokes - Last Night

9. Fancy jewel will be missing for almost a year.

Lynchie worked out the anagram.

Wyclef Jean - Gone Till November

8. Where everybody knows your name (geographically), there's something really scary behind you.

Everybody knows your name at Cheers, the bar in Boston.

Boston - Don't Look Back

7. Diamondy capital; my favourite drink.

Jewelly London?

And yes, John, my beverage of choice is...

Julie London - Black Coffee

That one was for CC. 

6. Earthquake deep under ground makes no noise, respendently. 

Tremors... low.

The Tremeloes - Silence Is Golden

5. Beach Boys zero in on their favourite sport.

The Beach Boys liked to surf (well, apart from Brian, who couldn't surf).

Zero is nada.

Favourite is popular.

Nada Surf - Popular

4. Chairman's daughter lost in greeny brown forest, with Moe Tucker, before lunch.

The Chairman was Frank.

Greeny brown is hazel.

Moe Tucker was a Velvet.

Before lunch is morning.

Nancy Sinatra & Lee Hazlewood - Some Velvet Morning

Not many photos of Lee without his signature moustache.

3. Where Hugh Grant meets Jed Clampett... tired of being at work.

Hugh Grant was in Notting Hill.

Jed Clampett was a Beverly Hillbilly.

The Notting Hillbillies - Feel Like Going Home

Not as good as the Charlie Rich version.

2. Formula for a water bed...?

The chemical formula for water is H2O.

H20 - Dream To Sleep

1. Sounds like you're certainly fated to end up in Red Square.

I was worried that fate and karma weren't quite the same thing, but this clue was completed very late on Friday evening.

Lenin is buried in Red Square.

Always reminds me of this scene from my favourite movie.

 

Guest Post Thursday #7: Top Ten Booze Songs II

Another very special guest joins us today for the latest edition of Guest Post Thursday... it's C from Sun Dried Sparrows. I feel especially privileged to have C here, since she's struggling with the older blogger's blog over at her own place and drafting in a few fine guest posts of her own. (I've promised to return the favour, so who knows, you may see me guesting over there soon.)

And Rigid Digit before her, C is hitting the bottle...

There are three good reasons why I shouldn't be here with my Top Ten Booze songs (a continuation of Rigid Digit's excellent guest post on these esteemed pages):

1) I can't even get it together enough to write on my own blog right now,

2) I'm a total lightweight when it comes to drinking, and

c) I can't do numerical lists....

But if there's one thing we've learned so far in this truly horrible year, it's that life is full of surprises.

With huge thanks to Rol for being our most generous host and to Rigid Digit for getting in the first round, here are ten more songs about drinking, in no particular order, which I really must assemble before that small glass of Prosecco goes straight to my head.

10.  Emiliana Torrini - Unemployed In Summertime

It's not strictly about boozing but, with its opening line of "Let's get drunk on Saturday..." I couldn't resist it.  The lovely Emiliana Torrini takes us back to the tipsy, carefree Summers of our youth in this joyful ode to friendship and, as she puts it so charmingly, "playing silly buggers".  I mean, who hasn't stayed awake 'til the morning with make-up all over their face at one time or another after a few too many ciders?  

9. Nancy Sinatra & Lee Hazlewood - Summer Wine

I love Nancy and Lee; I could get legless on Lee's voice alone.  'Summer Wine' appears to be all about intoxication, seduction and then being royally stitched up by one's so-called lover - after all their amorous shenanigans she only goes and steals his money and his belongings!  Seems some people will do anything for a pair of silver spurs but I hear they're going for stupid amounts on eBay.

8. Saint Etienne - Bar Conscience

I have this track tucked away on the B-side of the single 'Heart Failed In The Back Of A Taxi' and I've no idea if it's actually about drinking or not as it's an instrumental.  But with Sarah's sighs, some weird and wonderful electronic sounds and the way it ebbs and flows, I'm happy to imagine that the bar in the title is in a subterranean club down a seedy city back street, where eccentric creatures of the night gather after hours to drink Absinthe and whisky.  Please don't tell me it's about scrupulous barristers!

7. Genesis - Twilight Alehouse

A bit of a surprise, this one, as my personal pre-punk soundtrack comprised little more than Abba and Donny Osmond, but I have Mr SDS to thank for introducing me to Peter Gabriel era (important to make that distinction) Genesis.  Apparently, Mr Gabriel and his theatrical persona had such an effect on him as a 17-year old that he even wanted to adopt the same hairstyle...

This was the B-side to the 1974 Genesis single 'I Know What I Like (In Your Wardrobe') but I'm reliably informed that it was originally released on a flexi-disc which came as a freebie when joining the Genesis Unofficial Fan Club, aka 'The Hogweed Youth Movement'.  I would join that club on the strength of the name alone.

6. Sham 69 - Hurry Up Harry

Surely there must be some songs about drinking and pubs from my early punk days, I said to myself the other day while contemplating this Top Ten.  I couldn't come up with any...   And then, I woke up the next morning with a very persistent line going through my head.

  "We're going down the pub..."

Oh, of course, it's only bleedin' Jimmy Pursey, innit!

I remember seeing this performance on Top of The Pops with Jimmy looking very dapper in his bow tie.  Unfortunately I also remember when he surprised us all by expressing himself quite differently through the medium of dance a few years later...

5. The Mofos - Supercharged On Alcohol

Another instrumental but there's no ambiguity in the title of this one.  Surely the aural equivalent of a high speed chase involving leather-clad bikers, gun-toting maverick cops and, of course, vehicles crashing inexplicably into piles of empty cardboard boxes.

4. Eric Burdon & War - Spill The Wine

Hypnotic, funky and pretty intoxicating in its own way, I love this song from 1970.  It's interesting to note that when Eric Burdon first got together with black LA band War in the late '60s and played numerous live gigs around California, it would have been quite a bold political statement as this was right in the middle of the 'Black Panther' era.  'Spill The Wine' featured on their debut album 'Eric Burdon Declares War' and was released as a single in the US and several other countries where it became a hit - but, for some reason, not in the UK.

3. The Dead Kennedys - Too Drunk To Fuck

How could I possibly NOT include this?!  Here's a song which tells it like it is and warns of the obvious perils of drinking sixteen beers.  I imagine fifteen beers would produce the same result to be honest, but I'm not prepared to test out the theory.  This catchy single with its surfy guitar lick (sounding a bit like the B52s on speed) made it to No. 36 in the UK charts in 198, in spite of being banned by BBC Radio 1 and having several stores refuse to stock it.  The Dead Kennedys responded thoughtfully by supplying a sticker for shops to use, which read:

"Caution: You are the victim of yet another stodgy retailer afraid to warp your mind by revealing the title of this record so peel slowly and see..."

2. Nouvelle Vague - Too Drunk To Fuck

Apologies for repetition but I couldn't include the Dead Kennedys' original without its perfect counterpart cover version from French outfit Nouvelle Vague.  Their characteristic lounge treatment with its bossa nova rhythm and breathy, flirtatious female vocals from Camille give it a whole new slant.

1. The Newtown Neurotics - Licensing Hours

The Newtown Neurotics have a very special place in my heart.  Once upon a time (the late '70s), in a mysterious land not far from Harlow New Town, we all used to hang out together. We frequented our little local venue, sometimes 2 or 3 nights a week, where almost everyone was in a punk band.  It became my spiritual home in a way, and spawned many a musician and band who went on to do greater things; one of those was the nascent Newtown Neurotics.  I remember well the night that Steve Drewett and the late Colin Dredd spray-painted silver anarchy 'A' signs on the blazers that my schoolfriends and I were wearing, not long after we started going down there.  Steve with his long curly blonde hair, Colin with the biggest, warmest smile. So many memories are wrapped up in that era and hearing the Newtown Neurotics again brings them all back.   Reflecting on it last night I concluded that, in spite of school, it was pretty much the happiest time of my life.  

'Licensing Hours' is classic early Newtown Neurotics and includes an inspired line in response to an over-zealous pub landlord: 

"I realise this ain't a doss-house and I do have a home to go to..."

And on that note, it must be last orders!

Thank you for listening.

C

Thanks again to C for another fine selection of booze songs. Anyone up for a third round? Or anything else you may wish to contribute.

Guest Post Thursday will continue next week... but stay tuned, because we'll also have a very special Guest Post on Monday of next week. Who? Why? All will be revealed...

Saturday Snapshots #84 - The Answers

It's Sunday morning, and though you may all be wishing to Enter Sandman for another couple of hours' kip, it's important you get up and check your answers to Saturday Snapshots. Nothing Else Matters!

Another close-fought battle yesterday morning with Lynchie & Ramone tying on two and a half points each, but Charity Chic pipping them both to the post with an impressive three - largely down to his expert knowledge of women with balls. Congratulations and thanks to all for playing.


10. Discrimination is beneath the construction crew.

(Beneath = down under.)

Men At Work - Down Under

9. Queen of chefs grows a pair.

Elizabeth Cook - Sometimes it Takes Balls to be a Woman

8. Abnormal abilities are impossible.

Freak Power - No Way

(Yes, that is Norman Cook. That's why this is so damned catchy.)

7. Captain Kirk meets a Doctor Who for S&M.

Captain James T. Kirk was Jim to his friends.

The Doctor Who before the current one was Peter Capaldi.

Jim Capaldi - Love Hurts

6. Ridiculous me tells unbelievable stories.

I, Ludicrous - Preposterous Tales

(Lynchie missed the I comma, but I'll let him have it.)

5. In the afternoon, rappers and angels love a rut.

Afternoon delight.

Angel Delight.

Rapper's Delight.

A rut is a groove. What were you thinking of?

Dee-Lite - Groove Is In The Heart 

A photo finish between George and Ramone for that one.

4. Mirror. Cognac. Snap!

A mirror is a looking class.

Cognac is a brandy.

Brandy snap.

Looking Glass - Brandy (You're A Fine Girl)

Well done to Mr. C - I expected Alyson to get that one.

3. Kennel Club holds a hot lead... which would be my preference.

KC has a sunshine band. Sometimes these clues are pretty straight foreward. That's the way I like it.

Always reminds me of this amusing 80s comedy routine, from Rondell Sheridan.

KC & The Sunshine Band - That's The Way (I Like It)

2. A racist nanny prepares for a hike.

"A racist nanny" was an unfortunate (if irresistible) anagram.

Nancy Sinatra - These Boots Are Made For Walking

1. Shoeless dating incredulity.

Shoeless Joe Jackson was an American baseball player, as immortalised in the movie Field of Dreams. Makes me blub every time.

Still one of the greatest opening lines of any song ever...




Obey your master! Master of Snapshots, I'm pulling your strings!

(This One is dedicated to all the Metallica fans out there.)

Saturday Snapshots returns next week. You'll be Unforgiven for missing it.