Celebrity Jukebox #20: Olivia Newton-John

I find it hard to believe that hundreds of songs have not been written about Olivia Newton-John. Anyone who was a teenager in the late 70s and became a pop star in the 80s should have written a tribute. The boys because they were in love with her, the girls because she was such a powerful role model.

For example, Juliana Hatfield recorded an entire album of Olivia covers. And it was a truly great record...

 

Olivia was also occasionally saddled with the "hilarious" nickname Olivia Neutron-Bomb. A nickname that inspired both a professional pillow fighter (thanks, the internet), a musical artist who needs a better publicist as I can't find any information about them at all online, and the following tune from a defunct Glaswegian indie band... 

We Are The Physics - Olivia Neutron Bomb

But what about the lady herself? Well, there weren't nearly as many lyrical tributes as there ought to have been. But here's a handful of note...

Helen Love - Sandra Dee

I gotta tell you you're the one that I want

They laughed when he

Called you Sandra Dee

They never had a clue

You'd be in Xanadu

If anyone was going to pay tribute to ONJ, it had to be Helen.

Busta Rhymes - Do My Thing

Y'all, you need to sing my song

With your similar features like Olivia Newton-John

That's a bit of a rap mouthful right there.

The Beautiful South - I May Be Ugly

When you feel like London

And you look like Hull

You think Travolta pulled Newton, John

Who did John Hurt pull?

Robbie Williams - Eyes On The Highway

For every second that I wasted, every secret that I told

Every lie I've ever whispered to everyone involved

I couldn't be more sorry about how I got things done

I just want to be John Travolta to Olivia Newton-John

Sham 69 - Sunday Morning Nightmare

Me dad don't want me coming home late from the disco

And me mum doesn't want me hanging around with the lads

Me brother thinks he looks like John Travolta

And me sister thinks she's Olivia Newton John

Summerled - Travolta

When you got them tight pants on

Like Olivia Newton-John

Travolta he's got nothin'

Cuz he don't move like I do

Momus - Akiko Masuda

Supercar baseball Abraham Lincoln

Newton John stripe individual projection

801 orange planet tape recorder vinyl bear

And the shirts we wear

Transonic Florida cheerleader set

Ballpoint boyfriend sticker club pet

Shades of Plastic Bertrand from the former Scottish music journo turned J-Pop afficionado.

Avi Vinocur - Minneapolis 1982 (But Maybe I'm Wrong)

Summer’s longer when you’re young

Whatever drugs you’re on

I think in June we overdosed

And saw The Wrath of Khan

I swore to god thе girl in front

Was Olivia Newton John

We tried to find hеr manager

And I woke up in the lawn

Laurie Shaw - Sophistication

She says “he bought me a drink and said we should do shots together

Well I don’t know, he’s nice and all but I much prefer Trevor

With his kind-of shy demeanour”

“Ah, yeah, but his dad’s a mentalist”

She says “I don’t care, I want to get myself into this

Oh, how I’d like to lose myself to him, he is the one I know it”

She says “Well if he’s the one

Then I’m Olivia Newton John”

And then she says “Ciara? Won’t you roll a fag for me?

I’m going to make him want me, come on ladies, let’s do

Sophistication

Blimey - he's listened to a lot of early Pulp. In a good way.

The Fauves - L.A. '86

LA '86 I quit my diet

And sitting idle

My weight ballooned

Called up Olivia Newton-John

She gave me a job

Selling Akubras at Koala Blue

OK, perhaps I found a few more than a handful. Apart from the Beautiful South and Helen Love tracks, they were all new to me... and with the exception of Busta Rhymes and Robbie Williams, they all bear further investigation. Particularly Avi Vinocur and Laurie Shaw.

However, the song I had in mind when I started this post is the one below. Batley Bob got out the steel drums for this tribute / critique of the 80s workout video craze led by Jane Fonda and soundtracked by Olivia's Physical.

You want her attention

Well you'll have to wait

She's in the gymnasium

Reducing weight

In shorts of a leotard

Despite her age

The girl's gonna exercise

Your life away

Sister don't you jog it all away

Sister don't you run it all off

Sister don't you jog it all away

Sister don't you rough it all up

Hey Olivia Newton-John

What you say?

Hey Olivia Newton-John

What you say?

Guest Post Thursday #7: Top Ten Booze Songs II

Another very special guest joins us today for the latest edition of Guest Post Thursday... it's C from Sun Dried Sparrows. I feel especially privileged to have C here, since she's struggling with the older blogger's blog over at her own place and drafting in a few fine guest posts of her own. (I've promised to return the favour, so who knows, you may see me guesting over there soon.)

And Rigid Digit before her, C is hitting the bottle...

There are three good reasons why I shouldn't be here with my Top Ten Booze songs (a continuation of Rigid Digit's excellent guest post on these esteemed pages):

1) I can't even get it together enough to write on my own blog right now,

2) I'm a total lightweight when it comes to drinking, and

c) I can't do numerical lists....

But if there's one thing we've learned so far in this truly horrible year, it's that life is full of surprises.

With huge thanks to Rol for being our most generous host and to Rigid Digit for getting in the first round, here are ten more songs about drinking, in no particular order, which I really must assemble before that small glass of Prosecco goes straight to my head.

10.  Emiliana Torrini - Unemployed In Summertime

It's not strictly about boozing but, with its opening line of "Let's get drunk on Saturday..." I couldn't resist it.  The lovely Emiliana Torrini takes us back to the tipsy, carefree Summers of our youth in this joyful ode to friendship and, as she puts it so charmingly, "playing silly buggers".  I mean, who hasn't stayed awake 'til the morning with make-up all over their face at one time or another after a few too many ciders?  

9. Nancy Sinatra & Lee Hazlewood - Summer Wine

I love Nancy and Lee; I could get legless on Lee's voice alone.  'Summer Wine' appears to be all about intoxication, seduction and then being royally stitched up by one's so-called lover - after all their amorous shenanigans she only goes and steals his money and his belongings!  Seems some people will do anything for a pair of silver spurs but I hear they're going for stupid amounts on eBay.

8. Saint Etienne - Bar Conscience

I have this track tucked away on the B-side of the single 'Heart Failed In The Back Of A Taxi' and I've no idea if it's actually about drinking or not as it's an instrumental.  But with Sarah's sighs, some weird and wonderful electronic sounds and the way it ebbs and flows, I'm happy to imagine that the bar in the title is in a subterranean club down a seedy city back street, where eccentric creatures of the night gather after hours to drink Absinthe and whisky.  Please don't tell me it's about scrupulous barristers!

7. Genesis - Twilight Alehouse

A bit of a surprise, this one, as my personal pre-punk soundtrack comprised little more than Abba and Donny Osmond, but I have Mr SDS to thank for introducing me to Peter Gabriel era (important to make that distinction) Genesis.  Apparently, Mr Gabriel and his theatrical persona had such an effect on him as a 17-year old that he even wanted to adopt the same hairstyle...

This was the B-side to the 1974 Genesis single 'I Know What I Like (In Your Wardrobe') but I'm reliably informed that it was originally released on a flexi-disc which came as a freebie when joining the Genesis Unofficial Fan Club, aka 'The Hogweed Youth Movement'.  I would join that club on the strength of the name alone.

6. Sham 69 - Hurry Up Harry

Surely there must be some songs about drinking and pubs from my early punk days, I said to myself the other day while contemplating this Top Ten.  I couldn't come up with any...   And then, I woke up the next morning with a very persistent line going through my head.

  "We're going down the pub..."

Oh, of course, it's only bleedin' Jimmy Pursey, innit!

I remember seeing this performance on Top of The Pops with Jimmy looking very dapper in his bow tie.  Unfortunately I also remember when he surprised us all by expressing himself quite differently through the medium of dance a few years later...

5. The Mofos - Supercharged On Alcohol

Another instrumental but there's no ambiguity in the title of this one.  Surely the aural equivalent of a high speed chase involving leather-clad bikers, gun-toting maverick cops and, of course, vehicles crashing inexplicably into piles of empty cardboard boxes.

4. Eric Burdon & War - Spill The Wine

Hypnotic, funky and pretty intoxicating in its own way, I love this song from 1970.  It's interesting to note that when Eric Burdon first got together with black LA band War in the late '60s and played numerous live gigs around California, it would have been quite a bold political statement as this was right in the middle of the 'Black Panther' era.  'Spill The Wine' featured on their debut album 'Eric Burdon Declares War' and was released as a single in the US and several other countries where it became a hit - but, for some reason, not in the UK.

3. The Dead Kennedys - Too Drunk To Fuck

How could I possibly NOT include this?!  Here's a song which tells it like it is and warns of the obvious perils of drinking sixteen beers.  I imagine fifteen beers would produce the same result to be honest, but I'm not prepared to test out the theory.  This catchy single with its surfy guitar lick (sounding a bit like the B52s on speed) made it to No. 36 in the UK charts in 198, in spite of being banned by BBC Radio 1 and having several stores refuse to stock it.  The Dead Kennedys responded thoughtfully by supplying a sticker for shops to use, which read:

"Caution: You are the victim of yet another stodgy retailer afraid to warp your mind by revealing the title of this record so peel slowly and see..."

2. Nouvelle Vague - Too Drunk To Fuck

Apologies for repetition but I couldn't include the Dead Kennedys' original without its perfect counterpart cover version from French outfit Nouvelle Vague.  Their characteristic lounge treatment with its bossa nova rhythm and breathy, flirtatious female vocals from Camille give it a whole new slant.

1. The Newtown Neurotics - Licensing Hours

The Newtown Neurotics have a very special place in my heart.  Once upon a time (the late '70s), in a mysterious land not far from Harlow New Town, we all used to hang out together. We frequented our little local venue, sometimes 2 or 3 nights a week, where almost everyone was in a punk band.  It became my spiritual home in a way, and spawned many a musician and band who went on to do greater things; one of those was the nascent Newtown Neurotics.  I remember well the night that Steve Drewett and the late Colin Dredd spray-painted silver anarchy 'A' signs on the blazers that my schoolfriends and I were wearing, not long after we started going down there.  Steve with his long curly blonde hair, Colin with the biggest, warmest smile. So many memories are wrapped up in that era and hearing the Newtown Neurotics again brings them all back.   Reflecting on it last night I concluded that, in spite of school, it was pretty much the happiest time of my life.  

'Licensing Hours' is classic early Newtown Neurotics and includes an inspired line in response to an over-zealous pub landlord: 

"I realise this ain't a doss-house and I do have a home to go to..."

And on that note, it must be last orders!

Thank you for listening.

C

Thanks again to C for another fine selection of booze songs. Anyone up for a third round? Or anything else you may wish to contribute.

Guest Post Thursday will continue next week... but stay tuned, because we'll also have a very special Guest Post on Monday of next week. Who? Why? All will be revealed...

Saturday Snapshots #125 - The Answers

Yesterday, I forgot to set the time stamp on the post, hence its late arrival. It also proved the most difficult set of Snapshots to date, so sorry about that. But they can't all be easy!

Anyway, here's this week's answers to give you a real Buzz...



10. Can the third sequel ever be the best? Uncanny!

Classics IV - Spooky

What do you mean you don't remember Classics IV?

9. Loin zip, you dig?

"Loin zip" is an anagram.

To dig, you can use a JCB.

Nizlopi - JCB Song

8. Sounds like Mrs. McC moved in with a Trotter. Also sounds like a Minder.

Mrs. McCartney was Linda.

The Trotter would be Del Boy.

If they moved in together, maybe they could have one of those really naff house names which is half the husband's name and half the wife's.

The Minder would be Waterman. (Any excuse to link to that video.)

Linda Lyndell - What A Man

7. Set fire to your nemesis.

Lit - My Own Worst Enemy

I couldn't think of any extra clues for that one.

6. She keeps my toothbrush in her apartment and she never complains about being lonely. #2.

Obscure lyrics ahoy!

Lydia "keeps my toothbrush in her apartment and she never complains" is the opening line of Lydia by Dean Friedman. Shut up, it's my quiz.

If she were lonely, she might be loveless.

#2 this week is... hang, on we'll get to that in a second.

Lydia Loveless - Steve Earle

5. M'okay. At the moment. Bowl of roses.

The most famous thing I could find about Pasadena was that it is the home of the Rose Bowl Stadium.

The Pasadenas - I'm Doing Fine Now

Great Four Tops homage.

4. Climb every goddam lady.

Climb Every Mountain.

I've not seen The Sound of Music since I was a kid, but in my memory, Julie Andrews sings this. Not so. Watching the scene again now, it's filmed in a really disturbing way that almost reminds me of The Exorcist.

The Goddam Lady would be Mississippi Goddam.

Mountain - Mississippi Queen

I was very impressed that Charity Chic got this. I'd never have pegged him for a Mountain fan.

3. Bryan lied about the year, all the young ones protested.

The year Bryan sang about was The Summer of '69, yet as has been previously discussed here, he would only have been ten years old then, so probably not old enough to form his first band. Certainly not old enough to be in a band where one of the other members quits to get married. Not really old enough to spend his evenings down at the drive-in either, for that matter. Although, as has also been previously discussed here, Bryan claims the '69 in the title doesn't refer to a year at all, but some other arcane practice of which I know not. Anyway, The Summer of '69 is a sham.

No wonder the kids were up in arms.

Sham '69 - If The Kids Are United

2. Like a duke, on a highway of vipers.

An earl is kind of like a duke... at least, the Duke of Earl was.

A highway of vipers would be... look, do I have to do all the work here?

Steve Earle - Copperhead Road

Remember when Steve Earle used to look like a redneck Axl Rose?

1. I tell him no, JC... French prisoner released.

"I tell him no, JC" was the best anagram I could come up with.



Giant steps are what you take while you're waiting for the return of Saturday Snapshots.

I'll try to make them a bit easier next week.

Hot 100 #46

Welcome back, you know the drill - songs featuring a different number every week, many of them suggested by you, counting down from 100 - 1.

The only band I could find with 46 in their name were acoustic bluesters 46 Long. Here they are playing Arnold's in Cincinatti.

46 proved a tougher number than of late, but you had a go nevertheless. Here's what you came up with...

The Swede set the bar real low, with Lost On Highway 46 by Sham 69... which he describes as "bloody shocking". I've heard worse. Much worse.

Then, since I'd previously announced that Toots & The Maytals - 54 - 46 Was My Number wouldn't be allowed to win a second time (having already claimed a victory in Week 54), The Swede wondered if The Clash - Jail Guitar Doors might stand a chance given that it quotes the above in its closing seconds. Well, anything's possible... particularly this week!

Now, last week I did mention that I had a strong contender in mind for this week's tune, which prompted Martin to wonder...

Are you thinking of 1941 by Nilsson, for the lines:

Well in 1941 a happy father had a son
And by 1944 the father walked right out the door
And in '45, the mom and son were still alive
But who could tell in '46 if the two were to survive

Or The Here and the Now by Loudon Wainwright III, which starts:

The strangest story ever told
Was how I got to be this old
At the close of WWII,
My folks did the deed that the young folks do
In '46 out I came, this world would never be the same!

Both excellent suggestions, by artists who do crop up on this blog relatively often, so either could have been in with a shot... but not this week.

Jim in Dubai was struggling a little this week too, his only suggestion being...

The Tom Robinson Band - 2 46 8 Motorway

...which is a top tune, and one of my son's favourites... but no, sorry Jim, I think that'd be bending the rules a little too much, even for me!

Meanwhile, all Rigid Digit could offer was another hearing from Kate Bush - 50 Words For Snow (46 = anechoic), but I'm sure I banned that song last week... but thanks, anyway. A very weird word, anechoic, it means "free from echo", like when snow muffles all the sound. Just in case you were wondering.

Finally, our Canadian correspondent, Douglas McClarlen, dropped by to offer a little more reggae...

Yellowman - Nobody Move, Nobody Get Hurt 

He said he want me to join the army
I ain't gonna do it officer
No way, I ain't gonna do it
Turn out your left pocket
A searching for a Colt automatic
A searching if you have any ratchet
He said what is your number? I didn't answer
What is your number? I still don't answer
What is the number boy? I really don't answer
Him crank up him chopper, Mi momma!
Then me started to answer
Guess wha' me say?
64, 46, BMW!
64, 46, dat a BMW! Lord!

Douglas wasn't sure what all that was about, and I haven't got a clue. Fun though.

All of which makes me most grateful to have had a solid #46 contender in mind from the start, namely the divine Ms. Jenny Lewis (who I'll hopefully be seeing live later in the year) and her former band, Rilo Kiley...



45 next week... which should offer you HUNDREDS of possibilities. I should probably start working on next week's post immediately...

My Top Ten "I Don't Wanna..." Songs

Pop stars, eh? A bunch of petulant teenagers, the lot of them. Here's 10 things they just do NOT want to do...

10. Sham 69 - I Don't Wanna

Sham 69 pretty much don't wanna do much of anything. Punks.

9. Eddie Grant - I Don't Wanna Dance

Can't say I blame him. I never was much of a dancer.

8. Harry Chapin - I Don't Want To Be President

Left over from last week's American President Top 10...

Time is a march where the powerful are drummers
Big business, big labour, big oil
And soon I was meeting with the men who ran the country
The men who owned the sky and the soil

7. The Airborne Toxic Event - I Don't Want To Be On TV

If you've ever met anyone who works in television, this song will make perfect sense to you.

6. Rod Stewart - I Don't Want To Talk About It

Or, should you prefer it, the Everything But The Girl version.

5. The Magnetic Fields - I Don't Want To Get Over You

From the album 69 Love Songs, Stephin Merritt's finest hour.

I could listen to my therapist
Pretend you don't exist
And not have to dream of what I dream of
I could listen to all my friends and go out again 
And pretend it's enough
Or I could make a career of being blue
I could dress in black and read Camus 
Smoke clove cigarettes and drink Vermouth 
Like I was 17, that would be a scream 
But I don't want to get over you.

4. Elton John - I Don't Want To Go On With You Like That

He doesn't want to be just a feather in your cap.

3. The Ramones - I Don't Wanna Grow Up

...And they never did.

The Ramones could have filled an entire album with songs about things they didn't want to do. See also... I Don't Wanna Walk Around With You, I Don't Wanna Live This Life (Anymore) and, of course, I Don't Wanna Go Down To The Basement.

2. Belle & Sebastian - I Don't Want To Play Football

Could well have been my theme song in school PE lessons...

I don't want to play football
I don't understand the rules of the game
I don't want to play football
I don't understand the thrill of running, catching, throwing
Taking orders from a moron
Grabbing for the sweaty crotches
Getting hit by people I don't know
Sugar, I'd rather play a different sort of game
Sugar, the girls are just as good as boys at playing

1. Elvis Costello - (I Don't Want To Go To) Chelsea

Despite being devoted to this song for nigh on 25 years, I still have no idea what it's about. Unless Elvis just really doesn't want to go to Chelsea...

They call her Natasha
When she looks like Elsie
I don't want to go to Chelsea...

Go on, tell me your favourite... unless you don't wanna.