Celebrity Jukebox #139: Brian Wilson (Part 3)

We conclude our tribute to the late Brian Wilson today with a few lyrical tributes...

Let's start with some Jon By Jovi... because we don't hear his name enough around these parts...

You always lose the girl (Ooh)
In a Brian Wilson world

Bon Jovi - Last Cigarette

The Beta Band are up next, with a spot of critical evaluation...

I listened to the Beach Boys just a minute ago

"Wild Honey", it's not their best album but it's still pretty good

They've got some funny little love songs on there

But its not mainly a Brian Wilson production

So it's probably not as good as something like "Pet Sounds"

The Beta Band - Round The Bend

Elton's Postcards From Richard Nixon is a song about his first experiences of the USA, but Brian makes a fine contrast to Tricky Dicky...

And all around us suntanned teens, beauty like we’d never seen

Our heroes led us by the hand

Through Brian Wilson’s promised land

Where Disney’s God and he commands

Both mice and men to stay

Elton John - Postcards From Richard Nixon

And that's not the only time Elton has dropped Brian's name...

Now I know what Brian Wilson meant

Every time I step outside

I see what heaven sent

There may be seven wonders

Created for this world

But one is all we need

Since God invented girls

Elton John - Since God Invented Girls

Brian Wilson is a good name to throw into a list song, and in this track from The Church, he's in legendary company...

Brian Wilson and William Tell

We welcome you

Harry Belafonte and Alexander Bell

We welcome you

Archangel Gabriel and Richard Hell

We welcome

And Tom Miller

The Church - Welcome 

Brian finds his way into another list here, but among far less obvious company. Clear evidence though that his influence crosses all genres...

Paul Johnson

DJ Funk

DJ Sneak

DJ Rush

Waxmaster

Hyperactive

Jammin Gerald

Brian Wilson

George Clinton

Lil Louis

Ashley Beedle

Neil Landstruum

Kenny Dope

DJ Hell

Louis Vega

K-Alexi

Daft Punk - Teachers

More evidence of that from The Beastie Boys...

Made a noise invented a sound

When Brian Wilson used it 

A hit was found

Beastie Boys - Square Wave in Unison

Quite a few songwriters choose Brian as a metaphor for the fine line between genius and madness. Take this one from Brendon Urie...

She said, "You're just like Mike Love
But you wanna be Brian Wilson, Brian Wilson"
Said, "You're just like Mike Love
But you'll never be Dennis Wilson"
And I said
(Hey! Hey!) If crazy equals genius
(Hey! Hey!) If crazy equals genius
Then I'm a fucking arsonist (Hey!)
I'm a rocket scientist (Hey! Hey!)

Panic At The Disco! - Crazy = Genius

Or this from Will Toledo...

I used to think there was an answer
In the music of my youth
But I just read Brian Wilson's biography
And now I know the truth
Because his father never loved him
And the band just wanted the money
And Dennis was an alcoholic
Who drowned looking for treasure
And everyone who was around him
Just gave him drugs and took his money
He was dependent on social acceptance
Just like every other human

Car Seat Headrest - Kimochi Warui (When? When? When? When? When? When? When?)

Here's one of Ben's favourite songwriters, Jeff Rosenstock...

I've never been in love but I saw Brian Wilson once

I was drunk and screamed too loud over the falsetto in "You Still Believe in Me."

And I thought about the way his catastrophes made everything okay

Bomb The Music Industry! - You Still Believe in Me?

And one of my favourite songwriter, Stephin Merritt...

Brian Wilson, 1960 and Vine

Summer kisses

In a Pendleton shirt, songs and gentle words

Granted wishes

The Magnetic Fields - You and Me and the Moon

Richard and Karen, on the other hand, saw Brian as the living personification of summer...

Bare foot, coconut and super mild

Jamaica, take a look at your own child

Forget not

Brian Wilson songs are never left behind

Don't you worry, baby, you're a friend of mine

For so long

The Carpenters - Boat To Sail

Not to mention the sea...

Seahorses

Sharks circling

Brian Wilson, inspiration

Smart dolphins

Waves crashing

Jill Sobule - Palm Springs

And love... Brian always represents love, in all its forms...

She made lasagna

And I sang her a song by Brian Wilson

Cause I knew her favourite band was The Beach Boys

Bowling For Soup - Rhonda Lasagna

As well as happy times though, Brian can also remind us of sad times...

This was the summer of your dad at the UN

And the voice of Brian Wilson

And the rain

Maybe she'll come back to you now

She could turn around on Friday

Maybe she'll realize it then

Shouldn't your friends know better now?

Maybe they say these unkind things

Never dreaming they hurt you

And she may turn around

And see a clearer day

The Innocence Mission - She May Turn Around

Love and lost love...

God only knows

What Brian Wilson meant

Pick out your clothes

With some real intent

You don't seem to care

That I've been waiting here

Pulling out my hair

For you to come

My dear

Snow Patrol - Batten Down the Hatch

The sun and the rain, light and darkness...

It's coming down in sheets of rain

Water's running in the drain

I lie with candles by my bed

Brian Wilson in my head

Dennis Wilson, Sharon Tate

Dark Pacific Palisades, yeah

Wait for the summer

It'll come round again

Ash - Pacific Palisades

And to close, a track which would have fit very well into Snapshots #400... Brian Wilson singing Brian Wilson, a cover of the Barenaked Ladies song...

Snapshots #398: Songs Named After Hitchcock Films

Good evening. My name is Alfred Hitchcock... and these are my films, set to music.

15. Insomniacs before a Beckham.

Not David or Victoria, but Brooklyn Beckham...

And these guys had no sleep till they met him.

The Beastie Boys - Sabotage

Anyone shouting at their computer, "but the Hitchcock film was Saboteur!" You're right. Saboteur was his 1942 movies, starring Robert Cummings, Priscilla Lane and Norman Lloyd. But six years prior to that, he also had a film called Sabotage, starring Sylvia Sidney, Oskar Homolka, and John Loder.

Thank you, Ghost of Barry Norman. 

14. Lacking substance or importance.

It's Immaterial - Rope

13. Unhappy aphrodisiacs at Heaven's Gate.

Heaven's Gate was a cult. 

Blue Oyster Cult - Dial M For Murder

12. Nick was a big fan of her movie band.

Nick Lowe loved the sound of breaking glass... which was the name of Hazel's band in the movie of the same name.

Hazel O'Connor - Rebecca

11. Can be good, but I was never any good at them.

Be a good sport, will you?

Sports - Strangers On A Train

Love that video, it's so 1980.

10. I'm with them.

"I'm with the band."

The Band - Stage Fright

9. Could she be a robot, then?

"Robot, then" was an anagram...

Beth Orton - Shadow Of A Doubt

8. Kojak's full name.

Kojak was Telly, so this must be...

Television - Torn Curtain

7. Accept no substitutes.

The Originals - Suspicion

6. Fancy a joint?

Elbow - The Birds

5. Ripper in a Jewish robe.

A kittel is a Jewish robe, worn by Jack...

Jack Kittel - Psycho

There are, of course, two other versions of this famous song... but they've both featured here before.

4. Aaaaah! -Z. Stranger town. 

A scream, Jay-Z and Hawkins, the town in Stranger Things. But I imagine the photo was enough...

Screamin' Jay Hawkins - Frenzy

3. Second person.

Second person stories are written about you. Second is also 2.

U2 - Vertigo

2. Basie & The Unisex Shoes... unpeel that one!

Anagram! (Obviously.)

Siouxsie & The Banshees - Spellbound

1. Duffy defected.

Their original singer was Stephen Duffy. He left, to be replaced by Le Bon.

Duran Duran - Notorious

Set your compass North by North West and it should steer you in the direction of more Snapshots next Saturday...

Self-Help For Cynics #39: Test Subject

Beastie Boys - Just A Test

I did an online test via Psychology Today to see just how angry I am - and here are the results...

You may have problems managing your anger

Your score indicates that you likely struggle to recognize triggers, calm down, communicate with others, and process your emotions in a healthy way; your anger may sometimes turn into aggression.

High Vis - Morality Test

Well, I mean, I guess that's not telling me anything I didn't already know... but it's still scary to see it written down. (I thought I'd been quite moderate in my responses too.) 

Still, my overall score was 71 out of 100, which means I'm just dipping a toe into You may have problems managing your anger and I've only just risen above Could do better. I'm not sure that's cause for huge celebration (especially as I took care to moderate my responses) but you know me - I'm a glass half full kind of guy...

Declan McKenna - Honest Test

Oh, but the boffins at Psych Today weren't finished yet. They had advice too - lots of it!

It’s important to learn how to manage anger, because continual anger, and the stress hormones that accompany it, can harm your physical health. Unmitigated anger can also lead to problems in one’s career, finances, and relationships.

Miles Hunt & Erics Nockalls - The Test

This started me wondering just how my physical health might be affected, and I realised the main thing is: I'm knackered. Partly that's the long commute and the hectic business of being a parent and a home-owner... but could it be related to my anger as well? 

Yes, according to a report I found by some more boffins, this time from Kent State University...

Too much adrenaline can exhaust the capacity of the brain to manage stress. Fatigue, illness, and chronic pain can follow.

It makes me tired, just thinking about that. 

Willie Nelson - Tired

What else did the Psych Today computer have to tell me?

Anger or aggression plays a role in several mental health disorders, such as intermittent explosive disorder, oppositional defiant disorder, conduct disorder, and borderline personality disorder. It may also be involved in manic episodes, ADHD, and narcissism.

Well, I've ruled out the last three, but the rest are distinct possibilities. I like the sound of Oppositional Defiant Disorder. Isn't that just refusing to be part of the crowd?

REM - New Test Leper

Certain personality traits are linked to the tendency to become angry, research suggests. These include high neuroticism and low agreeableness.

✔️✔️

Anger tends to result from a combination of three factors: the trigger event, the personality of the individual, and the individual's appraisal of the situation.

This is the kind of sentence that makes me just go: No shit, Sherlock.

The Sports - So Obvious

Anger can be directed outward or inward. Anger expressed outwardly may take the form of yelling, meanness, or physical aggression. Anger expressed inwardly may take the form of suppression, withdrawal, and self-criticism.

So I'm mostly an inwardly angry person, unless I'm confronted by an Audi driver.

I See Hawks In L.A - Stop Driving like an Asshole

There are many avenues to improve anger management, including therapy, support groups, and individual coping skills.

Which is this series in a nutshell! Welcome to my individual coping skills blog. More next week...

Snapshots #208: A Top Ten Onomatopoeia Songs

Welcome to the quiz that will Boom Boom Shake Your Room... yeah, I didn't use that one because it would have been too obvious.

Being an English teacher, I have a special fondness for the word "onomatopoeia", even though I regularly tell students it's the hardest word to spell... apart from broccoli.

Despite that, I own three songs with that word (or a variation) in their title...

John Prine - Onomatopoeia

Todd Rundgren - Onomatopoeia

Sparks - Onomato Pia

While John Grant also professes his love here...

John Grant - Rhetorical Figure

But how did you guys get on? Let's find out...

10. Brian Body B.

Anagram!

Bobby Darin - Splish Splash

9. Rash.

As in, the kind of rash that makes you itch.

The Hives - Tick Tick Boom

8. Domino without a hat on.

Fats Domino; hats off to Larry...

Fat Larry's Band - Zoom

7. Loaded.

If he's loaded, he must be a very rich man.

Jonathan Richman - Buzz Buzz Buzz

6. A wrinkly.

Anagram!

Link Wray - Rumble

5. Wee and timorous lads.

Wee and timorous beasties, obviously.

The Beastie Boys - Pow

4. Solid service surfers.

Solid silver, silver service, silver surfers.

Silver - Wham Bam Shang-A-Lang

3. Detective drew swooning pop.

The detective would be NANCY Drew. Her swooning pop was Old Blue Eyes...

Nancy Sinatra - Bang Bang 

2. Rugby player, like Shatner.

A hooker is a rugby player.

And who could forget...?

John Lee Hooker - Boom Boom

1. Crude bunch.

They're just so primitive...

The Primitives - Crash

More crash bang wallop next Saturday...

Guest Post Thursday #1: Top Ten Haircut Songs

I've never run guest posts on this blog before - in fact, I've actively resisted them in the past, preferring to keep this place as my own personal record.

So why change that now?

Well, sometimes the opportunities present themselves and they're too good to resist. Which is why I already have three weeks' worth of Guest Posts, all because of a couple of half-joking comments I left here and elsewhere.

Our first guest poster is JC, The Vinyl Villain. Now I've guested over a JC's place on a number of occasions, being a semi-regular contributor to his Imaginary Compilation Album series. But I never for the life of me expected him to return the favour. So you can imagine how shocked and awed I was when the post below landed in my in-box as the result of a flippant bon mot I left him last week.

I've been blogging for coming up on 14 years now. My Top Ten started in 2012, but prior to that my original blog, Sunset Over Slawit, had been running for almost six years until I packed it in. When I started blogging, I had no idea what I was doing. Sunset Over Slawit wasn't a music blog - it was all over the place, so I was rather surprised when I ended up with readers from elsewhere in the blogosphere (rather than people I'd known beforehand and invited to drop in). One of the first "professional" bloggers who began to leave comments was JC, and it was probably his original Vinyl Villain blog which steered my own blogging increasingly towards talking about music... and, I guess, led me to carry on with My Top Ten once I'd packed in all the other aspects of blogging that were beginning to bore me.

So it's a great honour that he would find the time to write me a Top Ten (the irony being that I rarely get time to write those things myself these days, and that was the very raison d'etre of this blog in the first place!) Take it away, JC...


THE VINYL VILLAIN'S TOP TEN HAIRCUT SONGS

I've been long amazed at Rol's ability to come up with these lists, especially now that I've got the task currently of compiling a list of 5 songs for a column called 'Music for Our Times' which appears in a digital version of a weekly publication by my favourite football team, Raith Rovers.  The publication is designed to keep our small but dedicated fanbase informed of developments at the club during the extended lockdown - my column tries to bring a bit of fun and is related to the fact that I'm the matchday announcer at the club, responsible for selecting and playing the pre-match and half-time tunes.

A couple of weeks back I mentioned that a quick glance across any form of social media will demonstrate that the burning issue of the day for many a person is hair. Barbers and hairdressers have been closed since the lockdown began.  Blokes have two options - letting their hair get to a length not seen since the 70s glam rock era or taking the risk of asking a household member to run riot with a set of clippers. I've taken the first option, to the extent that I now look as if I'm an extra in Starsky & Hutch  - and with the fashion sense to match.

If anything, it's even worse for women given that a regular trip to the salon tends to form an essential part of social engagement with a friend or confidante, as well as the opportunity to change the natural colour of their hair.  Mathematicians are still trying to come up with an accurate formula for doing the calculation, but the number of blondes in the UK over the past two and bit months has dropped by at least 66%.

I offered up five suitable songs, which I'm now doubling in size in the hope it's of use to Rol.

1. Goldblade - Hairstyle

"I like your hairstyle, it is fantastic"

The first line of the chorus of a single by Goldblade, a punk band from Manchester.  Lead singer John Robb's hairstyle of choice over the past three decades has been the mohican. He still wears it well, even at the age of 59.  Worth also mentioning that the two remixes on the CD single come courtesy of Black Box Recorder, with Sarah Nixey's sultry delivery of 'Why Don't You Rub It In My Face' being every bit as filthy as it sounds.

(Searching for that as I type. - Rol.)

2. Super Furry Animals - Ice Hockey Hair

"She's got ice hockey hair,

It's instamatic and it has such flair

And when the puck hits the back of the cage

She feels the tingle of a quiet rage"

Nope, I have no idea what the meaning is of the opening lines of this typically bonkers number by the Cardiff-based indie-rockers. But that won't stop me dedicating it to female fans of the Fife Flyers (the ice-hockey team who are based in the town of Kirkcaldy, which is also where Raith Rovers FC are based - a lot of folk in the town follow the fortunes of both sides).

3. The Goon Sax - Home Haircuts

"I go to the barber to get shorn

And I leave feeling empty and forlorn"

The Goon Sax are one of the most wonderful indie-pop acts to emerge in recent years.  The trio's debut album, Up to Anything, was full of great, quirky and memorable tunes that were accompanied by lyrics which focussed on the most important songs facing the modern-era teenager such as the shame of being on the wrong end of a bad haircut.  It must be the only song in existence which manages to namecheck Shane Warne, Roger McGuinn and Edwyn Collins, all of whose haircuts are much desired.

(That is excellent - Rol.)

4. Willow Smith - Whip My Hair

"I whip my hair back and forth" (repeat about a thousand times)

Bit of a cheat this one as it's nothing to do with haircuts as such.  This #2 smash hit single by Willow Smith back in 2010 is an anthem celebrating being young and carefree, which is kind of impossible to be just now under the lockdown restrictions.  All my articles for the club publication really have to include at least one song that folk will have heard of!

5. Beck - Devil's Haircut

The on-line urban dictionary states that a devil's haircut can be anything that makes someone feel bad, depressed, stressed out, or indeed any sort of mental or physical anguish.  As such, COVID-19 = a devil's haircut.

6. Pavement - Cut Your Hair

One of the joys of going to an old fashioned barbershop is the likelihood of some old music/sport/lifestyle magazines lying around that you can read while waiting your turn to be shorn.  If you happened to come across the NME from 3 May 2007, you would find that this song was listed as Number 28 in a list of the 50 Greatest Indie Anthems Ever.

7. Happy Mondays - Kinky Afro

OK, it's not technically about a haircut, but I'm guessing that Shawn Ryder's dad, who was the subject matter of the lyric, had got himself a very dodgy perm in the mid-late 70s.  Have a look at a photograph of the Scotland World Cup squad of 1978 for an illustration - it was very briefly the fashion and it looked ridiculous.

8. Beastie Boys - Mullethead

"Number one on the side and don't touch the back

Number six on the top and don't cut it wack, Jack"

The b-side to the vinyl release of the single Sure Shot back in 1994 but later included on the bonus disc of Ill Communication when it was reissued in 2009.  It's not a hip-hop or rap number, instead harking back to the hardcore, superfast and noisy stuff that the Beastie Boys were doing when they first formed.

9. Billy Bragg - Greetings To The New Brunette

The re-opening of salons still seems to be a few weeks away.  This one goes out to everyone, male or female, who is suffering and possibly even going into hiding for fear of anyone seeing that the colour on top of their head is not natural.

10. The Rakes - The World Was A Mess But His Hair Was Perfect

This closed off the original article in the football publication and I dedicated it Ian Davidson, who it could be said is a cut-price version of the famous basketball player, Dennis Rodman, in that throughout his career he has taken to the field with all sorts of strange haircuts and colourings, never caring one ounce what stick he would take from his teammates, opponents or fans on the terraces and in the stands.   Indeed, he seemed to encourage it...




So, there you have it.  Ten songs associated with haircuts.  And, just in case you were wondering, a handful of tunes by Scissors Sisters narrowly missed the cut for inclusion.


Without gushing any further, I'll just say thank you to JC for providing this blog with its first ever guest post. And if you enjoyed that, you'll be glad to know he'll be back in two weeks' time with ANOTHER top ten. Truly I am blessed.

Here's one that would have fit quite nicely in the list above...

Gorky's Zygotic Mynci - Poodle Rockin'

But that's not all, because next week we have ANOTHER guest contributor. I'll keep their identity as a surprise for now, but regular readers will be very familiar with my attempts to get this particular contributor to join the blogging world. 

In the meantime, as I seem to have cracked open this particular Pandora's Box... if anyone else fancies trying their hand at a Top Ten... or a Mid-Life Crisis post... or any of the other long-running features this blog squanders so jubilantly... well, you know where I am. 

The door is now open... 

Saturday Snapshots #133 - The Answers

Mumble mumble mumble... an offer you can't refuse.... mumble mumble mumble... answers to this week's Saturday Snapshots.... mumble mumble mumble... The Horror!


10. Talking Lion takes another job on the side.

A talking lion would be a Leo Sayer.

Another job on the side is Moonlighting.

Leo Sayer - Moonlighting

Why is nobody familiar with this song? It's one of Leo's best!

9. Iron nits in Sinatra's holster.

Fe is the chemical symbol for iron.

Nits are lice.

Put them together and what have you got?

Felice Brothers - Frankie's Gun

8. Keep your beak shut in Haworth.

"Beak shut" is a pretty straightforward anagram.

Haworth was the home of Bronte Sisters, where Emily wrote Wuthering Heights.

Kate Bush - Wuthering Heights

Let me in your window...

7. Correct Prince on high voltage avenue sounds like Madonna.

If Prince Charles were ever right... on Watts Street...

Madonna sang Express Yourself... but not this

Charles Wright & the Watts 103rd Street Rhythm Band - Express Yourself

6. Lawyer needed for base obesity revelry.

"Base obesity" is an anagram.

Lawyers for revelry will help you...

Beastie Boys - (You Gotta) Fight For Your Right (To Party)

Too many brackets. I don't care if your mum did throw away you best porno mag, that's still too many brackets.

Still one of the best videos of the 80s as long as you remember that it... and the song itself... was just one huge piss-take.

5. Snoopy's pal drinks Sweet bourbon.

I always liked Snoopy. It was Charlie Brown I. Just. Could. Not. Stand.

Matthew Sweet likes his Southern Comfort.

Matthew's Southern Comfort - Woodstock

4. Mum of sharp-dressed men hits the big time... then disappears within a second person.

The mum of sharp-dressed men would be Ma ZZ, presumably. If she hit the big time, she would be a star.

The second person is you.

Mazzy Star - Fade Into You

3. Hard chocolates for Karen Carpenter.

Karen Carpenter played the drums.

Hard chocolates would like stone...

Stone Roses - She Bangs The Drum

I can honestly say I never wanted to be Ian Brown, but watching that video now... especially in the current climate... I do get a pang of middle-aged regret. Even though he actually does bugger all in the video, he's doesn't even sing, just ponces about on the stage. But that was the life, eh?

2. Dispute between Mark and partner: only one can stay.

Marks... & Sparks declare... This town ain't big enough for the both of us!

Sparks - This Town Ain't Big Enough For The Both Of Us

That photo was a bit misleading, I guess, because we only ever think of Sparks as being two people.

For many years, mainly because of Russel Mael's singing voice, but also because of Ron's imposing glare, I thought Sparks were European. German or Belgian or something. I still can't get my head round the fact that they were from California.

1. Unranked flamingos get Rocky.

"Unranked flamingos" is another anagram. But you could up with a non-anagram clue for these guys. Go on.

Top youtube comment for this track:

"I played this song so loud my neighbors called the cops.

My neighbors got arrested."




More wild ones next Saturday...

My Top Ten Spock Songs

There are some cultural icons who will never / can never / should never die. For my generation, and the one before it (and many of those who followed), they are our living legends.

I already posted one Top Ten today, but I guess that's lost to history now. There are some I have to write - and post - immediately. It's only logical.

RIP Leonard Nimoy. Live long and prosper in our memories. I have been, and always shall be, your friend.

(Special mention to Spock's Beard.)



10. Leonard Nimoy - The Ballad of Bilbo Baggins

Let's start with the man himself, and possibly his most infamous musical moment. Derided in some quarters but still more watchable (shorter, at least) than any of the Peter Jackson movies. It's not the best song he ever recorded - he does a really nice version of Ruby, Don't Take Your Love To Town that's almost up to Kenny Rogers' standards - but the video is out of this world.

9. William Shatner - You'll Have Time

 It seems only fair that having heard from the great man himself, we also hear from this guy. I'm of the opinion that Shatner has recorded a great many fine records (don't worry, I'm on tablets), but this seemed most appropriate today...

Live life like you're gonna die...
Because you're gonna!

8. The Firm - Star Trekkin'

You probably ought to have been 15 in 1987 to appreciate this one.

It's life, Jim
But not as we know it...

7. Adam & The Ants - Friends 

Adam is a friend of Mr. Spock... and a bunch of other people too.

6. Old Gray - Vulcan Death Grip

A very nice noise, introduced by a famous soundbite from the man himself.

5. Paul Gilbert - Mr. Spock

Paul Gilbert used to be Mr. Big. But don't hold that against him. This is a great little spock-rock song.

4. Spizzenergi - Where's Captain Kirk?

Spock pulls them through.

3. Nerf Herder - Mr. Spock

Of course, strictly speaking, a nerf herder is from another galaxy, far, far away...

You don't want a boyfriend...
What you want is Mr. Spock!

2. The Beastie Boys - Intergalactic

If you try to knock me, you'll get mocked
I'll stir fry you in my wok
Your knees'll start shaking and your fingers pop
Like a pinch on the neck of Mr. Spock

See also Sneakin' Out The Hospital, where Adam claims to be smarter than Spock. Never!

1. Supertramp - The Logical Song

Well, it had to be, didn't it? In the end, it was the only logical choice.

When I was young, it seemed that life was so wonderful,
A miracle, 
Oh it was beautiful, magical.
And all the birds in the trees, 
Well they'd be singing so happily,
Joyfully, playfully watching me.
But then they send me away to teach me how to be sensible,
Logical, responsible, practical.
And they showed me a world where I could be so dependable,
Clinical, intellectual, cynical.

Those were my Spock songs. Which is the logical choice for you?

My Top Ten Party Songs

To celebrate our new arrival, we're having a party at Top Ten Towers... and you're invited. My son Sam is 4 weeks old today and 1 calendar month on Wednesday. This is his party.

There are, of course, thousands of "party" songs. To narrow that down, the first rule is that the song has to have "party" in the title. There are, however, lots of songs that mention parties in the title but are actually anything but party songs (Party Fears Two, It's My Party And I'll Cry If I Want To). Those will get their own Top Ten one day. Basically, to get in here... you've gotta make me want to hit the dancefloor. (And that takes some doing.)

So... let's party!


10. The Blackout - Start The Party

Welsh rockers The Blackout swap Merthyr Tydfil for Ibiza in the title track from their latest album. Loses points for the cry of "Wuzzzaaaaaappp?" right at the end of the video. Does anybody really still say "Wuzzzaaaaaappp?" in 2013? Or am I just out of touch?

9. Gretchen Wilson - Here For The Party

Nobody parties like a redneck queen...

Well, I'm an eight ball shooting, double fisted drinking son of a gun
I wear my jeans a little tight
Just to watch the little boys come undone
I'm here for the beer and the ball busting band
Gonna get a little crazy just because I can
I'm here for the party

8. Queen - Party / Kashoggi's Ship

The opening tracks to Queen's late 80s album The Miracle segue together for a party full of excess... just like Freddie's life.

No one stops my party!

7. Southside Johnny & The Asbury Dukes - We're Having A Party

Written and originally recorded by Sam Cooke, but Johnny's version is more likely to fill the dance floor.

6. Pulp - Party Hard

The darkest song on this list, dealing with the death of the Britpop party (as the whole This Is Hardcore album portrayed in exquisite detail), yet it still rocks. Plus - Jarvis plays dominoes with a squadron of cheerleaders. The man is a god.

I was having a whale of a time until your uncle...
Your uncle Psychosis arrived.
Why do we have to half kill ourselves just to prove we're alive?
I'm here whenever you need me
and whenever you need me
I won't be here.
And have you ever stopped to ask yourself?
If you didn't come to party, then why did you come here?

5. Pink - Get The Party Started

As we've already established, I'm a huge Pink fan. This is the kind of dancey pop racket that, were it recorded by anyone else, I might not give much time to. But I do like Pink... and this tune does exactly what it says on the tin.

4. The Divine Comedy - I've Been To A Marvellous Party

Neil Hannon covers the Noel Coward classic. It begins as a crackly old gramophone recording before going all techno-Prodigy in the middle. That really shouldn't work. But, by jove, it does.

On Wednesday night, I went to a marvellous party
With Nunu and Nada and Nell
It was in the fresh air and we went as we were and we stayed as we were which was hell
Poor Grace started singing at midnight and she didn't stop singing til four
We knew the excitement was bound to begin when Laura got blind on Dubonet and Gin
And scratched her veneer with a Cartier pin - I couldn't have liked it more!

3. Elvis Presley - Let's Have A Party

Back in high school, I played Little John in our Sixth Form Robin Hood pantomime. At the beginning of the second half, the Merry Men had a party... and I performed this song with as much Elvis swagger as I could manage. (It was mimed, sadly, but I gave it my all.) Hearing it always reminds me of my moment in the spotlight. 

2. The Beastie Boys - (You've Gotta) Fight For Your Right (To Party)

Thank god for those brackets - I couldn't have left this one out.

Top video - "I hope no bad people show up!"

1. Andrew W.K. - Party Hard

I don't know what to make of Andrew W.K. You can read all kinds of wild conspiracy theories about him over on iffypedia and I don't think any of his other records have stayed on my radar for more than five minutes. But if you're going to go down in history as a crazy one-hit wonder... you can do much worse than this belter.





Which one makes you want to party like it's 1999?

My Top Ten Egg Songs

Happy Easter - have an egg or ten on me.

Special mention to The Eggs, The Lovely Eggs and... Paul McCartney's Scrambled Eggs.



10. Adam & The Ants -  Never Trust A Man (With Egg On His Face)

That's what the voices from outer space tell me...

9. Beastie Boys - Egg Raid On Mojo

Before they discovered / invented / purloined rap, it seems the Beasties were punks at heart.

See also Egg Man, which sounds more like the Beasties you'd expect. 

8. The Flaming Lips - They Punctured My Yolk

A love story about two trainee astronauts torn apart when only one of them gets to go into space.

Or something.

7. The Seahorses - Happiness Is Egg-Shaped

From a great lost Britpop album that you could probably pick up for tuppence on Amazon if you went looking.

6. Tarnation - Little Black Egg

A lot more jangly than I remember.

Then I discovered... it's actually a cover of an old 60s hit by a Florida garage band called The Nightcrawlers. 

Not bad... but I still prefer the Tarnation version.

5. The Human League - Being Boiled

One of the earliest entirely electronic records... get boiled alive by those synths. No idea what the lyrics are about though. 

4. Fight Like Apes - Poached Eggs

If I'm understanding the metaphors correctly, this song is filthy...

3. Tom Waits - Eggs And Sausage (In A Cadillac With Susan Michelson)

Already featured in my Top Ten Breakfast Songs, but far too good to leave out of this list.

2. Giant Sand - Temptation of Egg

The shape of a woman... temptation of egg

If you've never heard this before, please give it a spin. It's both exceedingly cool and slightly scary.

I wake up with something in my eye.
I pull out one of your lashes
I like the way you stuck in my eye.
I like the way my eye stashes.

1. Mansun - Egg Shaped Fred

Mansun go all 'Coo-Coo-Cachoo' on us, inviting Egg Shaped Fred for tea.

Those were days...




Which one's your Easter Egg?

My Top Ten Universe Songs

Hey - I found a Top 10 that was left over from the old blog. I hate to see a good list go to waste...

10. The Beatles - Across The Universe

At which point, the Beatles were lost in the constellation of hippy. Nothing's gonna change my world...

Unsurprisingly, David Bowie covered this in a rather mad way.

9. The Dears - Who Are You, Defenders of the Universe?

Found this old Dears album kicking around in my record collection the other day. Not listened to it in ages. Forgotten how good this track was.

8. Pulp - Master Of The Universe

Very early Pulp, from their second album, 'Freaks', circa 1987. Before Jarvis discovered the kitchen sink route to success.

7. Eels - Daisies Of The Galaxy

The 'galaxy' in question is a theatre, but we won't let that concern us.

6. Laura Viers - Galaxies

When Laura Viers sings, stars fill up my eyes...

5. Ryan Adams - Fuck The Universe

Well, there's no need to be like that.

4. Chris Bell - I Am The Cosmos

Every night I tell myself: I am the cosmos

Insert punchline here.

Seriously though, this one gets extra points because Chris Bell was from Big STAR.

3. Queen - Princes Of The Universe

From the soundtrack to Highlander. As with Flash Gordon, Queen had a habit of recording soundtrack records that were far better than the movies they became attached to.

When I was 16, I thought this record ROCKED SO HARD. The video, however, is an exercise in restrained subtlety and minimalism.

2. Beastie Boys - Intergalactic

But as stupendous as the video for 'Princes of the Universe' is, it cannot compete with the b-movie genius of 'Intergalactic', possibly the Beastie Boys' finest moment.

RIP MCA.

1. Blur - The Universal

The second best song Blur ever recorded. #1 being 2. Obviously.

Yes, it really, really, REALLY could 'appen...



So those were my favourite songs of the universe - which one sends you into another dimension?

My Top Ten Brooklyn Songs

Loads of ideas for Top Ten lists... not enough time to write them. Here's another entry into my musical tour of the USA, stopping off in one of the five boroughs of New York City... because if I start trying to tackle the city as a whole, I'll be here till the end of time.

10. Al Stewart - In Brooklyn

Admittedly, this 10th spot would have gone to John Peel favourites Bob with their 1989 single 'Esmerelda Brooklyn'... if only I'd been able to find it anywhere online. Al Stewart gets a pass instead, a well-deserving runner-up.

9. Fun Lovin' Criminals - Swashbucklin' In Brooklyn

Gets in on the title alone.

8. Barton Carroll - Brooklyn Girl, You're Gonna Be My Bride

Seattle's Barton Carroll has a nicely cynical Nick Lowe-ish edge to his songwriting.

I'm not a dandy or the sharpest knife in the drawer
and I've always had to work with my hands,
But I use what I was given and I work for a living
and that's more than you can say for your man.

7. Woodkid - Brooklyn

Every now and then, in the course of compiling these charts, I come across a song I've never heard before by an artist I've never heard before, that's really quite lovely. I was taken with this one, until Louise came in and asked, "What are you listening to - it sounds like Kermit." Too late, I'd already downloaded it from Amazon. On her account (accidentally) - that''ll teach her to leave it signed on!

6. Steely Dan - Brooklyn (Owes The Charmer Under Me)

As with most Steely Dan song, I've no idea what this is about. But it still sounds damned good.

5. The Black Keys - Brooklyn Bound

Could have been recorded any time in the last 50 years. I think that makes it timeless.

4. Jesse Malin - Brooklyn

Ten years ago, Jesse Malin released an album, The Fine Art of Self-Destruction, which still remains his career best. This song goes a long way towards explaining why.

3. Brooklyn Bridge - The Worst That Could Happen

Yes, I'm breaking one of my main rules here, but I couldn't resist. This one's a classic, written by the great Jimmy Webb, sung like his life depended on it by the late Johnny Maestro and his band... Brooklyn Bridge.

2. The Avett Brothers - I And Love And You

Someone on youtube describes them as "the American Mumford & Sons", which isn't a bad comparison. This is the most beautiful song they've yet recorded. Oh, and Brooklyn features heavily, even if it doesn't appear in the title.

1. The Beastie Boys - No Sleep Till Brooklyn

Inevitably. 

Were the Beastie Boys ever really this young? Were any of us...?




They were Brooklyn's best... unless you know different. As always, let me know your favourites - or any I left out...