Welcome to the quiz that will Boom Boom Shake Your Room... yeah, I didn't use that one because it would have been too obvious.
Being an English teacher, I have a special fondness for the word "onomatopoeia", even though I regularly tell students it's the hardest word to spell... apart from broccoli.
Despite that, I own three songs with that word (or a variation) in their title...
Welcome back to the Hot 100 as we come of age - backwards - with only 17 more weeks to go before I get to have a lie down. As has become customary in recent weeks, there's a ton of songs to get through... so let's get cracking.
Fascinating facts about Pete Wingfield (I bought "18 With A Bullet" in 1975 - fantastically fun lyrics): He produced Searching for the Young Soul Rebels the first album by Dexys Midnight Runners - and also produced The Proclaimers "Sunshine on Leith". He's played keyboards for Van Morrison, The Everly Brothers, The Housemartins and many more. Sadly however, he did play piano for The Alan Parsons Project, but nobody's perfect.
In the blue corner, here's... erm... Lynchie...
...and then there's the great Alice Cooper song: "I'm Eighteen".
I definitely second FBCB's suggestion of Alice Cooper's 'I'm Eighteen'. A few years ago Mr SDS did his best Alice Cooper impression at a fancy dress party (it was so hot his eyeliner ran and the great thing was that it didn't matter...) Somewhere out there now there's a priceless photo of Alice, Slash and Ozzy together in a scout hut in Essex.
And this week's winner...?
Well, it's obvious really, isn't it?
Well done, Lynchie.
Next week - 17. Off the top of my head, there can be only one winner. You may seek to persuade me otherwise...
I hope you had the time of your life playing Saturday Snapshots yesterday. And that none of you ended up a Basket Case...
A Saturday night powercut means I'm setting this to post via my phone so can't add my usual commentary congratulating the winners. Just hoping this will still post on Sunday morning as planned. I'll try to add comments later on Sunday but thanks for playing as always.
10. Je t'aime a tiny city full of serial killers.
Je t'aime is French for 'I love you'.
A tiny city full of serial killers would be a mini Ripper-town.
I was jolted awake at 5.55 on Christmas morning, not by Sam's excitement over Santa having visited, but by Louise
saying, "there's someone downstairs playing Christmas music". With my heart pounding, I got out of bed and crept to the
top of the stairs from where I could hear the sad refrain of Judy Garland wishing
us a merry Christmas.
With visions of (at best) a burglar with a
sick sense of humour or (at worst) a blood-drenched psychopath in a Santa
costume, I ventured downstairs to discover...
The kitchen radio on at full blast.
Burglar?
Psychopath?
Poltergeist?
Or hyperactive kitten standing on top of the on button?
As I've already done My Top Ten Kitten Songs, here are ten kitties...
The Presidents are well and truly hacked off with their kitten...
Kitty up and scratch me through my jeans Fuck you, kitty you're gonna spend the night Fuck you, kitty you're gonna spend the night Fuck you, kitty you're gonna spend the night OUTSIDE!
Racey and Darts in the same top ten? I can still irk those musos when I want to.
Sing it after me:
Ooh ahh ooh ahh, cool, cool kitty...
1. Bruce Springsteen - Kitty's Back
Those of you who know about such things will hardly be surprised to find this early Bruce number holding off all challengers at Number One. I song I loved so much, I named the novel I wrote for my English degree (my excuse for a dissertation!) after it. My tutor was scathing... but I scraped at 2:1.
Always start with the obvious one. Bobby Darin is seen as the safe side of rock 'n' roll, and most of his tracks do have all the rough edges filed off. But if you're a fan of the era (as I am), it's still fun to give songs like this a spin every now and then.
Ah, the arrogance of youth, perfectly expressed by Doc Watson, covering an old Merle Travis song from the 40s with his son, also called Merle.
I'm three times seven and I do as I doggone pleaseThere ain't no woman this side of heaven gonna get me on my kneesI'm three times seven, gals, and that makes twenty oneLord, I just won't tame, I'm gonna be the same 'till I'm three times twenty one
Mr. Hudson & The Library were guilty of that aggravating mix of beats and guitars I tired of very soon in the decade they will forever refer to as The Noughties (even though there was very little naughtiness involved). They redeemed themselves through evocative lyrics: 2x2 is a fine example of this. I understand Mr. Hudson himself is still in the go, but sadly the Library closed down. Sign of the times...
Where shoe-gazing meets power-pop. Ride split in the late 90s but reformed recently to ride (punintended) the seemingly bottomless wave of nostalgia tours catering to middle-aged men desperate to recapture their misspent youth for at least one night a week... of which I would surely be a part if I had the time or the money.
Cake's cover of the George Jones / Melba Montgomery country song was renamed to include 'Subtract One Love' in the title, so feasibly I could have included it in last week's chart. I stuck with the original name so we don't confuse our budding musical mathematicians.
Hard to believe Cake have been baking up tracks like this for over 20 years now, and they're still going... though there hasn't been a new album since 2011.
Definitely one to irk the musos due to its sheer ubiquity. I don't listen to Steve Wright's Sunday Love Songs, but I'd be disappointed if I turned him on and he wasn't playing this. However, as monumental über-ballads go, this one is in a class of its own and Lionel Ritchie is a legend.
If it's still too soppy for you, you might try the Cobra Starship version... but that only really works if you appreciate the original.
James Broad's Silver Sun were one of my favourite bands of the Britpop era - although they weren't Britpop at all. Pure power-pop mixed with Beach Boys harmonies and James's angelic lead vocals; guitars so chunky they give Yorkies a run for their money. 17 Times is a b-side but it doesn't deviate from the template one jot. Like the Ramones, most Silver Sun songs sound exactly the same... but it's such a great song, who cares?
The 7x ingredients for Coca-Cola were a closely guarded secret, although the formula was allegedly revealed a few years ago.
Only David Gedge could use the Coca-Cola formula as a metaphor for a mysterious lady who won't talk to him anymore...
"It's 7X," and that's all that they'll say about Coke And you're just as circumspect and I didn't mean that as a joke Because I know everybody's got a secret deep inside But you, oh you must be quite unique, the things you hide
Schoolhouse Rock was a series of educational songs that ran in and amongst Saturday morning kids shows on American TV in the 70s. These included a song for each of the times tables up to 12, the most famous of which was Bob Dorough's Three Is A Magic Number. This has been covered by a variety of pop and rock acts over the years, most notably Blind Melon, Jeff Buckley and Embrace. They're all fine versions (I'm particularly fond of the Embrace one), but they all stick very closely to Dorough's original. De La Soul, on the other hand, took the basic track and made it their own.
And you think your other half spends a long time in the bath! Imagine if you lived with Miles Hunt...
And now the time has come to share the joke
That the latch on the bathroom door is broke
And now it's time to let you know
That it's only the beat of my heart that is slow
Who's fault is this? I deny that it's mine
I been stuck in here since 1959
That's 30 good years in the bathroom baby
As part of the majestic opera that is Side 2 of Abbey Road, this is Lennon & McCartney at their most amazing. Doesn't really work outside that context though.
Only Neil Hannon could begin a song with a quote from the bible, followed by a lengthy string quartet intro, the lines "Rub-a-dub-dub, it's time for a scrub"... before going on to tell us of Ophelia's last day on earth. If you call that pretentious, you don't understand genius.
Ska classic. Great beat, don't try to make sense of the lyrics.
Can I take you to a restaurant That's got glass tables? You can watch yourself While you are eating
1. The Real Tuesday Weld - Bathtime In Clerkenwell
I think it's fair to say there's nothing else like this track on this Top Ten... or anywhere else in the known universe. No idea what it's about or where it came from, but it sounds like the best bathtime ever...
