Imagine the people of Ireland had a referendum to decide their all-time greatest pop hero.
Imagine that enough of them (not necessarily a majority) voted for Bono, and that he was thereby crowned Greatest Irish Pop Legend, despite the fact that a significant proportion of Irish residents would have rather given the award to Chris DeBurgh, Boyzone or even fucking Jedward - anyone but that unutterable gimp Paul Hewson.
Imagine you could only vote in this referendum if you were Irish, and that the rest of the world could only look on in horror, BUT... as a consequence of the result, every single person on the face of the planet was forced to see Bono's smug mush on TV every night for the next 5 years, and we all had to listen to at least one U2 album a week BY LAW.
I don't know why I dreamt all this last night. It must have been something I ate.
Boris is gone. Only not really. He needs to stick around long enough to sign his chat show deal.
Meantime, a bunch of rich, lying scumbags are fighting over who gets the pleasure of screwing up Britain even more. Apparently there's only two of them left now.
I vote Judge Death.
Alternatively, I might go with Sam Fender's suggestion...
All the silver tongued suits and cartoons that rule my world
Are saying it is a high time for hypersonic missiles
When the bombs drop, darlin', can you say that you've lived your life?
Oh, this is a high time for hypersonic missiles
They all do the same, only their names change honey
You can join their club if you're born in to money
Say 59% of people say they have confidence in you.
Firstly, we have to consider sampling bias. Is that 59% of people in the country? Or is it 59% of a bunch of crooks who are mostly as wicked, corrupt and vainglorious as you are? And if it's the latter, what does it mean when you can't even get support for your evil ways from 41% of "a wretched hive of scum and villainy" (copyright George Lucas, 1977)? Other than that they're the ones we should fear the most: they want your job. History has shown that as bad as we may think you are, your successor will prove to be even worse.
Secondly, we should consider the word "confidence" itself. The first definition in the dictionary is "a feeling of having little doubt about yourself and your abilities". Is that what the 59% were voting for? Did they merely wish to confirm that you have confidence in your own abilities? Clearly your track record speaks for itself in that. You should have got 100% of that vote.
A few steps down the definition list though, we come to the version of confidence that goes before "confidence man" or "confidence trickster". Maybe that's what those 211 pro-votes were all about? Once again, there can be little doubt about your abilities in that department.
Still, let's draw a line under it all now, eh? There are far more lies yet to be told...
The best that can be said of this result is that it got me to listen to one of the bonus tracks on Elvis Costello's excellent King of America album again. Not heard this in years, but it's a beauty.
Just as I thought I could put this series to bed, up rises Vlad The Invader to take us all back to the end times.
Swiss Adam and Charity Chic both posted songs by English band The Ukrainians in support of the resistance, so here's my two-penneth... courtesy of our old friend Chip Taylor and his backing band The New Ukrainians...
For the benefits of this post, let's just say that Vlad obviously considers himself one of the Perfect People. Therefore...
Martin was talking about revealing his plans for governmental reform last week, so I figured I'd share the above speech with you. This is something Sam wrote back at the end of November. The school was asking for representatives to join the school council and anyone who was interested had to give a presentation and then be voted in by their classmates.
Sam forgot to do anything and only told us about the election on the morning he was supposed to give his speech. His mum gave him a few ideas and one of the ladies at the before-school club helped him write the above.
He didn't win. The girl who did had done a powerpoint and promised to ask for longer playtimes and more pudding and a load of other stuff that sounded good but that she'd never be able to deliver. But she got the votes.
I'm proud of him anyway. But politics isn't about giving the best speech anymore, it's about telling the best lies. Sam gets my vote regardless.
What happened to the world I used to know
Where people seemed to share a common goal?
Now we're just numbers to be bought and sold
Now is the winter of our discontent
The good times came and then the good times went
And culture's capital is all but spent
Dark days are here again
It says here that the Unions will never learn It says here that the economy is on the upturn And it says here we should be proud That we are free And our free press reflects our democracy Those braying voices on the right of the House Are echoed down the Street of Shame Where politics mix with bingo and tits In a money and numbers game Where they offer you a feature On stockings and suspenders Next to a call for stiffer penalties for sex offenders It says here that this year's prince is born It says here, do you ever wish That you were better informed? And it says here that we can only stop the rot With a large dose of Law and Order And a touch of the short sharp shock If this does not reflect your view you should understand That those who own the papers also own this land And they'd rather you believed In Coronation Street capers In the war of circulation, it sells newspapers Could it be an infringement Of the freedom of the press To print pictures of women in states of undress? When you wake up to the fact That your paper is Tory Just remember, there are two sides to every story
The more things change, the more they stay the same.
"Mixing pop and politics, they ask me what the use is... I offer them embarrassment and my usual excuses."
This is not a political blog. It's a music blog. So I'm not going to tell you how to vote today. Just make sure you vote.
And DON'T vote Tory.
This has been a blog post on behalf of the NHS, schools, worker's rights, your state pension... and a million other things the Tories will sell, leech or destroy if we give them another five years.
Well, they had me worried for a few minutes there. Still sanity appears to have preveiled in the USA and so, to celebrate Obama's rightful return to the White House... and a world without the horror of President Mitt... here's eight songs about American presidents... and two about former top members of White House staff.
When the president talks to God
Does he fake that drawl or merely nod?
Agree which convicts should be killed?
Where prisons should be built and filled?
Which voter fraud must be concealed
When the president talks to God?
