Celebrity Jukebox #105: Agatha Christie

We've had her under surveillance since the beginning of the 20th Century. She's implicated in all manner of crimes, including being the best-selling fiction-writer of all time, writing over 80 books, and being responsible for the world's longest running stage play. But what evidence could we find to help convict her?

Let's look at the witness statements, starting with a Knight of the Realm...

Oh, in her two pound coat

She really thinks she's cloaked in mystery

She's actin' like some character from Agatha Christie

I got a pain in my shoes and all I wanna do is dance

The Boomtown Rats - Keep It Up

Ah, so it appears we can rhyme Christie with Mystery. Can any other witnesses back that up?

It's not a mystery, Agatha Christie

Dizzee Rascal - Body Loose

And there's more where he came from...

I never wanted to be 

A man of mystery

My life's an open book

by James Joyce and Agatha Christie 

Jimmy Buffet - If It All Falls Down

Not sure that particular beach bum is a trusty source. Here's someone a little more trustworthy...

In my parallel life I could solve this mystery

Like Agatha Christie I'd have a clue

Alice Peacock - Parallel Life

Now who let this bunch of reprobates into the court room?

We can stand naked on the corner of Main Street, baby, and

Let everybody slow down and take a look

You can drive your Cadillac to the library, baby, and maybe read the

Last ten pages of an Agatha Christie book

You can feed my cat to my dog

And turn around and feed my dog to my horse

You can screw the whole damn royal family, baby, until they

All get a divorce

The Dead Milkmen - The Blues Song

Clearly there are a lot of questions surrounding our suspect today. For example...

Life and Agatha Christie in a Trailway back from New Orleans
Who dunnit, who carried you?

Malcolm Holcombe - Who Carried You?

And more importantly...

The CIA?
The KGB?
Agatha Christie?
Whodunnit? Whodunnit? Whodunnit?

Glaxo Babies - Who Killed Bruce Lee?

In truth, they're queuing up to testify in this case, for both the defence and the prosecution...

Steve Hackett - Carry On Up The Vicarage (A Musical Tribute To Agatha Christie)

The Devil - Agatha Christie

(Proof, if proof be needed, that he doesn't have all the best tunes.)

Negative Nancies - Agatha Christie

The Deep Freeze Mice - Reading An Agatha Christie

...although I'm not sure I'd trust any of that lot.

Thank heavens then for a reliable witness in the shape of our old friends, The Lucksmiths...

I love her but she loves Agatha Christie

And she's so wrapped up in the English Murder Mystery

I was nowhere near the scene of the crime

I was nowhere around at the time

Someone dropped arsenic in Mr Robinson's wine

Getting angry doesn't suit her

Says her English Literature tutor

Case closed.

Celebrity Jukebox #16: Lana Turner

I thought I'd saved the best of George's suggestions to last... until he came up with a whole new list, which I failed miserably at. You can't win 'em all.

Right now, it's Lana Turner, who was married seven times, which probably tells you all you need to know. Let's put it this way... The Postman Always Rang Twice for Ms. Turner.

Lana is the first of our stars to make an appearance on Madonna's own Celebrity Jukebox, although I'm sure she won't be the last...

Madonna - Vogue

Lana also enjoyed starring roles in many other popular tunes though. Here's a handful...

Humble Pie - Red Neck Jump

I'll let you down if you want to

Wrap it up and take it away

You can have a picture of Lana Turner 

Even though she'd get away

Steve Hackett - Little America

With Lana Turner on the screen beside me

The frame is hardly filled by Orson Wells

We switch into a Fred and Ginger number

That they're dancing oh so well

Slade - My Baby's Got It

Well, maybe you think you're Harlow, Lana Turner

Or a Hedy Lamarr

Well, baby baby baby believe me you go too far

However, there's one song and one song only that guarantees Lana Turner musical immortality. Take it away, Nina...

Liz Taylor is not his style

And even Lana Turner's smile

Is somethin' he can't see

My baby don't care who knows

My baby just cares for me