Memory Mixtape #31: The 15 Fame-Filled Minutes Of The Fanzine Writer

The Boomtown Rats - Fanzine Hero

Continued from yesterday's post... when I was about 16 or 17, I was invited to join an APA. I had no idea what an APA was and the internet wasn't around to explain like it is nowadays.

You Am I - Bitter Young Man Of The Franzine Press

Iffypedia tells us...

"An amateur press association is a group of people who produce individual pages or zines that are sent to a Central Mailer for collation and distribution to all members of the group."

Initially I was just writing individual pages for a zine called Comic Critics Cavalcade, in which letter-hacks from all over the world could share their thoughts on new or old comics or the changing face of the industry. 

Emma Pollock - Letters To Strangers

After a year or two doing that, I was allowed into the inner circle: Inertron, an APA in which a small group of British comic fans made their own zines every couple of months, photocopied a batch, and sent them off to a central mailer for distribution to the rest of the group.

Fanzines are cheap, I know

Shape your mind

The Replacements - Sixteen Blue [Outtake - Alternate Vocal]

A week or so later, we'd receive a huge parcel containing every else's zines which we then read and commented on. Some of those zines were huge (for anyone who thinks writing this blog must be a time-consuming affair, it's nothing to the amount of time involved in being part of an APA). Yet it was also a lot of geeky fun... otherwise else why did we spend so much time on it? 

Aztec Camera - We Could Send Letters

Not everyone involved was a teenager like me - some of the other contributors were in their 20s, 30s or even older... but nobody thought there was anything odd about that. We were united by our shared love of comics... but also, films, music, TV shows, and life as we knew it. Nobody agreed on everything, but nobody violently disagreed either. We were interested, rather than angry, when someone liked different things to us. Being a part of that group was a natural precursor to the blogosphere - or this comfortable little corner of the blogosphere anyway. 

Kings Of Convenience - The Weight Of My Words

I recently found all my old APAs up in my mum's attic, and I'm in the process of scanning them to digital files for posterity. Below is the cover to the first issue of my zine Rock n Roll, named after the sign off line I used for all my fan letters. At the top of the post is a cover from a later edition. Even though this was an APA for comics fans, we could write about whatever we wanted in our own zines, so music was a big part of my witterings even back then. 

Wilco - Box Full Of Letters

Until I found that dusty old box up in mum's attic, I hadn't thought about my time in the APA group for maybe a quarter of a century. I'm not sure why it stopped, but I suspect it was partly that the internet took over. I did find myself quite active in online comics groups from the mid-late 90s, and I suspect quite a few of my fellow APA-ers made a similar leap. I was also spending more and more time producing my own comics by then (not to mention completing my English degree and working in radio) so something had to give. I miss the creativity and community of it all, but other things came along to fill that hole... like writing this blog. I guess I've always felt the need to put my thoughts down and have them read by others, all that's changed is the medium.

In the Cheese Pavilion and the only noise I hear

Is the sound of someone stacking chairs

And mopping up spilt beer

And someone asking questions and basking in the light

Of the fifteen fame filled minutes of the fanzine writer

Memory Mixtape #26: Free School Milk

Herman’s Hermits – No Milk Today

In response to last week’s searing indictment of school dinners, Alyson commented…

When I was in Primary School we still got a bottle of milk to drink every morning. In winter it was ice cold but in summer it was very warm and not so nice at all. I remember our teacher standing over one girl every milk time forcing her to finish her bottle of and we all had to wait as it took her a long time, going down only an 1/8th of an inch (pre-decimal times) every minute. Wouldn't happen nowadays of course - not been milk since the days of Thatcher the Snatcher and of course so many children now have intolerances to dairy.

Billy Bragg – The Milkman Of Human Kindness

This opened up a whole can of memory worms for me… but a couple of things first...

Kids do still get school milk – it’s just not free anymore (and not in bottles). Parents have to pay for it – unless they can’t afford, in which case it’s supplemented. Sam’s 10 now and still gets milk at school. He also drinks any leftover cartons he can get his hands on. 

(Sam and his mates have likewise formed a Leftovers Club at dinner time. They make sure they’re the last in the dinner queue, then they’re more likely to be offered seconds after everyone’s finished their lunch.)

The Handsome Family – The Sad Milkman

Speaking of an intolerance to dairy though, Alyson… this is exactly what I had when I was a kid. I still do, though it’s a rather odd variety of intolerance. I just can’t drink milk, especially if it’s cold. If I try, it makes me throw up. I’m fine with anything else dairy-related – cheese, yoghurt… no problem. I’m also OK with boiled milk, in certain circumstances. That’s how my mum used to serve me cereal – Weetabix, Frosties, Coco Pops etc… always with hot milk. If I tried to eat them with cold milk… bleurggghh! I’ve never been able to drink milk shakes either. Not without gipping. Sorry, Kelis. You milkshake wouldn't bring me to the yard.

Kelis - Milkshake

I’m not sure I was aware of all this when I started Primary School, and I doubt my mum thought to mention it. On the first day of school then, out came the school milk bottles… “Drink up, children!”

Bleurgggghhhhh.

You Am I – Mr. Milk

My first teacher, Mrs. Kay (picture Julie Andrews, but slightly more posh) was a shrewd lady who quickly realised I couldn’t keep milk down, so she stopped offering it to me. (Saved her having to clean up her classroom every day.) When the school milk came out, I was excused. 

Garbage - Milk

And then I moved up a year. That’s when I met Mrs. Tebb. 

Haircut 100 - Milk Film

Mrs. Tebb did not like me. That’s pretty much all I remember about her. Every other teacher at my junior school, I got on with OK. Not Mrs. Tebb though. She hated me. And maybe that’s because of what happened on the day I arrived in her class… but if so, she only brought it on herself.

“Time for your milk, children!”

“But, Mrs. Tebb, I don’t drink milk. It makes me sick.”

“Nonsense. Milk is good for you. It’s good for your teeth and your bones and your everyday health! Milk is nature’s perfect food!”

Tindersticks – Milky Teeth

“But, miss, it makes me sick!”

“Nonsense – get it down you.”

And so, I drank my milk, almost immediately puking it right back up… all over Mrs. Tebb. 

“I told you it made me sick, miss.”

Saint Etienne - Milk Bottle Symphony

Back in 2007, Sheffield band Tiny Dancers put out their only album on the back of opening for Bob Dylan's UK tour the year before. The LP was called Free School Milk. This was their debut single, released on my 35th birthday. 

Kenny Wednesdays #9: The Runners Up

With only one more Kenny Wednesday to go after this one, it appears I have a surfeit of Kennies. Time for a Top Ten of the ones that didn't quite make the grade (maybe because they're a Ken or Kenneth, maybe because I wasn't particularly enamoured with them in the first place), along with a nod to those who suggested them...

First though, thanks to JC for suggesting Kenn(ed)y by The Wedding Present, which is an all time favourite of mine, but... if I include that, I have to start thinking about The Dead Kennedy's, Kenickie, Kent and all manner of other things. Kendrick Lamar. Whoever he is.


10. Kenny - The Bump

I know I've been going on a lot lately about my immersion in all things 70s... but I think this is one you had to be there for. I was there in 1975: I was three. But still...

Charity Chic and Alyson wanted to hear it again though... and who am I to deny them?

9. The Julie Ruin - Party City

Here's one I found in my own charity shop pile, the debut album from The Julie Ruin: Kathleen Hanna, Kathi Wilcox and Kenny Mellman. 

This is probably my favourite track from the album because it features a little wordplay around record collections.

8. Kenny Hollywood - Magic Star

Joe Meek's instrumental hit Telstar was a huge hit in the 60s for The Tornados. But did you know there was an instrumental version recorded too? No? Well, you do now. (I bet Marie knew about this one.)

7. Frank Sinatra & Kenny G - All The Way / One More For The Road

I have two theories as to why Kenny G is loathed by the muserati.

i) As recently discussed over at Alyson's blog, musos can't stand anyone with a shaggy perm. In the case of Michael Bolton, they'd be absolutely right. In most other cases though... I beg to differ.

ii) The saxophone is an instrument that very much upsets guitar purists. I'm not sure why this is. Perhaps because it's seen as a grandstanding, show off instrument... or perhaps because it hints at jazz.

Anyway, I have absolutely nothing against Kenny G. That said, I only own one recording on which he parps that sax and wags that shaggy perm. It's from Old Blue Eyes's late stage Duets album, a CD I was very fond of when it came out. The tracks above are probably my two favourite Sinatra songs, and while the original versions are far superior, I think Kenny G puts on a pretty good show of "duetting" with the Legend... even though I very much doubt they were ever in the same studio.

This one goes out to Chris and The Swede who both wondered if I'd go there...

6. You Am I - Ken (The Mother Nature's Son)

You Am I are an Australian band I was first introduced to by my old Aussie blogging pal (now semi-retired, it seems), Deano. It was good to hear from him again with this suggestion.

5. Kenny Lynch - Up On The Roof 

I thought someone had suggested this particular Kenny, but I've lost track of the comment now: apologies if it was you. I remember Kenny Lynch as a stalwart of variety TV shows when I was growing up. He had a successful musical career before that, most notably with his version of Up On The Roof... which stopped the (far superior, sorry, Kenny) version by The Drifters being a hit in the UK.

Most bizarre of all though, he wrote the lyrics to John Carpenter's music for the title track (You Can't Fight) of Carpenter's movie Assault On Precinct 13, as recorded by Jimmie Chambers. 

4. Ken Boothe - Everything I Own

Classic, suggested by The Swede, disqualified for lacking the requisite NY. Lovely, lovely song though.

3. REM - What's The Frequency, Kenneth?

Another suggestion from Deano, also disqualified for obvious reasons, but still a top tune. 

2. Generation X - The Prime Of Kenny Silvers

A top story song, and a decidedly un-punk song from Billy Idol and Tony James's second album, Valley of the Dolls. A kind of glam/prog epic, it hearkens back to the kind of music punk was set up to replace... which probably explains why the album didn't do particularly well in 1979. A shame, because I love this track. It was a serious contender for the 9th Kenny, until a little birdie reminded me of this...

1. The Small Faces - Lazy Sunday Afternoon

Thanks to C for pointing out this week's Number One: and the official Number #9 in my Top Ten... otherwise, the spelling of this Kenney's name would have made him slip through the net. Not only was Kenney Jones the drummer in the small faces, but he also replaced the late Keith Moon in The Who.

Seriously, if your biography includes the words, "replaced the late Keith Moon in The Who", I think you can consider your life a success.





Only one Kenny left. No prizes for guessing who. But... which song?