Memory Mixtape #31: The 15 Fame-Filled Minutes Of The Fanzine Writer

The Boomtown Rats - Fanzine Hero

Continued from yesterday's post... when I was about 16 or 17, I was invited to join an APA. I had no idea what an APA was and the internet wasn't around to explain like it is nowadays.

You Am I - Bitter Young Man Of The Franzine Press

Iffypedia tells us...

"An amateur press association is a group of people who produce individual pages or zines that are sent to a Central Mailer for collation and distribution to all members of the group."

Initially I was just writing individual pages for a zine called Comic Critics Cavalcade, in which letter-hacks from all over the world could share their thoughts on new or old comics or the changing face of the industry. 

Emma Pollock - Letters To Strangers

After a year or two doing that, I was allowed into the inner circle: Inertron, an APA in which a small group of British comic fans made their own zines every couple of months, photocopied a batch, and sent them off to a central mailer for distribution to the rest of the group.

Fanzines are cheap, I know

Shape your mind

The Replacements - Sixteen Blue [Outtake - Alternate Vocal]

A week or so later, we'd receive a huge parcel containing every else's zines which we then read and commented on. Some of those zines were huge (for anyone who thinks writing this blog must be a time-consuming affair, it's nothing to the amount of time involved in being part of an APA). Yet it was also a lot of geeky fun... otherwise else why did we spend so much time on it? 

Aztec Camera - We Could Send Letters

Not everyone involved was a teenager like me - some of the other contributors were in their 20s, 30s or even older... but nobody thought there was anything odd about that. We were united by our shared love of comics... but also, films, music, TV shows, and life as we knew it. Nobody agreed on everything, but nobody violently disagreed either. We were interested, rather than angry, when someone liked different things to us. Being a part of that group was a natural precursor to the blogosphere - or this comfortable little corner of the blogosphere anyway. 

Kings Of Convenience - The Weight Of My Words

I recently found all my old APAs up in my mum's attic, and I'm in the process of scanning them to digital files for posterity. Below is the cover to the first issue of my zine Rock n Roll, named after the sign off line I used for all my fan letters. At the top of the post is a cover from a later edition. Even though this was an APA for comics fans, we could write about whatever we wanted in our own zines, so music was a big part of my witterings even back then. 

Wilco - Box Full Of Letters

Until I found that dusty old box up in mum's attic, I hadn't thought about my time in the APA group for maybe a quarter of a century. I'm not sure why it stopped, but I suspect it was partly that the internet took over. I did find myself quite active in online comics groups from the mid-late 90s, and I suspect quite a few of my fellow APA-ers made a similar leap. I was also spending more and more time producing my own comics by then (not to mention completing my English degree and working in radio) so something had to give. I miss the creativity and community of it all, but other things came along to fill that hole... like writing this blog. I guess I've always felt the need to put my thoughts down and have them read by others, all that's changed is the medium.

In the Cheese Pavilion and the only noise I hear

Is the sound of someone stacking chairs

And mopping up spilt beer

And someone asking questions and basking in the light

Of the fifteen fame filled minutes of the fanzine writer

Snapshots #187 - A Top Ten Good Morning Songs

Gooooood morning, Vietnam!

Here are ten songs that greet you with a cheery Good Morning... none of them by The Beatles.

10. Tory ferret.

Blue Mink - Good Morning Freedom

9. The casserole in charge.

Stewboss - The Good Morning Song

8. Please sir, may I have some more?

Oliver - Good Morning Starshine

7. Grace, Burt, Tom. 

Grace Kelly, Burt Reynolds, Tom O'Connor... not quite.

Gene Kelly, Debra Reynolds & Donald O'Connor - Good Morning

6. Twinkly nag.

Sparklehorse - Good Morning, Spider

Only because I missed it out a couple of weeks back.

To be fair, it's not much of a track on its own, just the opener to an album of the same name. But it stopped me having to include Good Morning, Good Morning by The Beatles, which I find rather  annoying.

5. Carbon Copy of X.

X=10

Carbon Copy = CC

10CC - Good Morning, Judge

4. A pair of articles.

The + The

The The - Good Morning, Beautiful

3. SOS - Adrian!

Anagram!

Diana Ross - Good Morning Heartache

2. Painful horse among the lions.

A charley horse is rather painful. Lions gather in a pride.

Charley Pride - Kiss an Angel Good Mornin'

1. First to last, old college, goes with shaft, long period of time... plus a dynamite fighter.

First to last = A-Z. An old college would be a Tec'. Cam goes with shaft. A long period of time is an era.

Put them together... Az+Tec+Cam+Era

The Dynamite Fighter was in Big Audio Dynamite & The Clash.

Don't be a patsy and stay away from the grassy knoll until the answers are revealed tomorrow morning...

Saturday Snapshots #173 - Top Ten Letter Songs

 

Amazing how just adding a picture of a cat to a post can increase your hits by 150%.

Anyway, this week's answers. And yes, they were all songs about letters...

A TOP TEN SONGS ABOUT LETTERS

10. This way up.

The Box Tops - The Letter

9. Heavenly celebrities.

Stars - Elevator Love Letter

8. Alien lands on loch.

ET lands on Moy.

Alison Moyet - Love Letters

7. You're so money, Benny.

"You're so money!" is a line made famous by Vince Vaughan.

Benny is, of course, Hill.

Vince Hill - Love Letters In The Sand

6. Remedy.

The Cure - A Letter To Elise

5. Perturbing scenes.

Anagram!

Bruce Springsteen - Letter To You

4. Imaginary rabbit, goes with Duncan.

The imaginary rabbit was Harvey.

PJ goes with Duncan.

PJ Harvey - The Letter

3. Used for playing this game in Central America, centuries ago. 

The earlier form of Saturday Snapshots used an Aztec Camera.

Aztec Camera - We Could Send Letters

2. A pal for Scooby Doo and Starsky & Hutch, sits on the dock.

Scooby's pal was Shaggy.

Starsky & Hutch hung out with Huggy,

Put them together with Otis, who sat on the dock...

Shuggie Otis - Strawberry Letter #23

1. Helicopter arms!

Another anagram, obviously.

More next week.  

 

Saturday Snapshots #126 - The Answers

Time for the answers. Yes. Yesss. Yesssss. YESSSSSS!!!


10. We say the Pope is boss. Young actress grows old.

Didn't think anyone would get this unless they used google. (Couldn't even find a proper version on youtube, sorry. But I do like this song.)

"Ultramontanism is a clerical political conception within the Catholic Church that places strong emphasis on the prerogatives and powers of the Pope."

The Ultra Montanes - Ageing Starlet

9. Jacob's daughter in capital craziness over backwards yob.

No problems with this one.

"Jacob, Jacob and son..." Turns out he had 12 lads... and only one daughter.

Dinah Washington - Mad About The Boy

8. What Billy Ocean and Freddie Mercury had in common: the thought of Saturday Snapshots kept them going Monday - Friday.

Billy & Freddie both sang about loverboys.

Loverboy - Living For The Weekend

7. Remember when we couldn't defeat Michael Caine?

Amazulu is the full name of the largest ethnic group in South Africa... the ones who gave Michael Caine so much trouble in the film Zulu.

Amazulu - Too Good to Be Forgotten

6. Philosophical drinking debate mourns Rod Serling.

Another one you might have been able to google, because a "symposium" came from Greek banquets (it means "to drink together"... so next time you get invited to a symposium at work, remember that) where philosophy was debated.

Rod Serling created The Twilight Zone.

Symposium - Farewell To Twilight

5. Cross the rivers with the Keys to Silverstone and you'll find the evening entertainment is to die for.

Alyson worked out the Alicia bit (Keys & Silverstone)... well done for that.

Alicia Bridges - I Love The Nightlife

4. Return to youth in REM Motel.

REM Motel was an anagram. Well done, Lynchie.

Mel Torme - Comin' Home, Baby

3. Naked copper in Motown.

Bobby Bare - Detroit City

2. Paranoid, but happy, request for information.

Marvin was the paranoid android. Gay used to just mean happy.

Marvin Gaye - What's Goin' On?

1. Completely unaware, in Cat Maze Race.

I love that photo. And another anagram...


You've Got Mail... it says that Saturday Snapshots will be back next week.

Cover Me Monday #12: Jump!

Jump is one of the most ubiquitous pop/rock singles of the 80s, and as such it is loathed by many. It's the moment where Van Halen embraced synths and downplayed heavy rock in favour of superstardom, so you can imagine how well that went down with certain parts of their fandom. It also (allegedly, according to Daryl Hall, who says he's "all right with it) steals its synth line from Hall & Oates' Kiss On My List, which must have had even more Van Halen fans tearing out their poodle-length hair.

It's worth saying that, like it or not, Jump! must be one of the most iconic pop videos of the MTV era, and David Lee Roth proves with worth as a Mick Jagger-esque frontman right here...


They don't make pop stars - or pop videos - like that anymore, and the world is a darker place without them.

Eddie Van Halen apparently wrote the lyrics to Jump! after watching a news report of a man threatening to commit suicide wherein one of the onlookers exhorted him to "go ahead and jump!", although Eddie intended the lyric to be more about jumping into a relationship than throwing yourself off a building.

Enter Roddy Frame, who slowed the song down and returned it to its suicide-inducing roots as the b-side of Aztec Camera's All I Need Is Everything less than a year after Van Halen's original had left the charts.

Ah, you might as well jump

Well, you might as well jump

Go ahead and jump

You might as well jump

Seems appropriate for a Monday morning...

The United Kingdom of Song #30: Leicester

I have loads of songs in my collection that mention Leicester Square (farewell, and all that), but all of them are about London, not the East Midlands city of Leicester, a place that crops up in songs far less.

Famous musical children of Leicester include Engelbert Humperdinck (who was born in India, but moved to Leicester when he was 10), 80s rockers Diesel Park West, Kasabian (who namedrop their hometown in Treat), Peel favourites Gaye Bykers on Acid, Mark Morrison, Showaddywaddy, and a couple of great bassists: John Illsley from Dire Straits and John Deacon from Queen (the sensible one, who retired when The Game was up).

The Fall stop off at Leicester Polytechnic (probably a uni now) in Words of Expectation, and I might have had to inflict all 9 minutes of that on you this week were it not for a last minute save from East Kilbride's finest, Roddy Frame. No idea why he mentions Leicester (or who Leicester's left-it-lad might be) in this tune originally included on the 12" of Oblivious... but I'm glad he did.

We'll be wired with the force of a wave

We'll be leaving with the force of a wave

It's like, "but how can I help it, if they break then they break

When my hands are untied they're entitled to shake"

It's like, I look to Leicester's left-it-lad

And the sickness was singing and the song it was sad

It should be haywire

Haywire!

My Top Ten Songs About What Men Are...

Some time ago, I put together a Top Ten Songs About Bad Women. It's been awhile coming, but here's ten about bad blokes... or what makes us bad.


10. Curve - Men Are From Mars; Women Are From Venus

And we won't be happy till we kill each other, apparently. Always good to start cheerfully...

9. Rosemary Clooney & Marlene Dietrich - (Men Are) Good For Nothing

Rosemary and Marlene haven't met a good man yet...

He will swear he's seeking
Your love for ever more
And then he comes home reeking
Of perfume you never wore

You'll maybe wanna shoot him
But he isn't worth the shot
And you can bet the other woman
Has found out he's not so hot

8. Jefferson Airplane - Milk Train

You know that old "why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?" guff? Here's what Grace Slick makes of that...

Some men just talk me dry
Some men are just liquid in the mind.
Some men are absolutely rigid
Some men are easy feeling but they're hard to find.

7. Babybird - All Men Are Evil

Not really sure what Stephen Jones is getting at it, but it's typically bitter.

6. Neil Diamond - Men Are So Easy

When Neil Diamond speaks, I listen...

A boy becomes a man
And in the time he learns to stand
He finds a way to build a wall
To hide behind if he should fall
He grows to be a man
And show the world that he can stand
Not knowing fear
Or even pain while
Underneath when you look deep
A boy remains

5. Beulah - A Good Man Is Easy To Kill

Yeah, we've all met a few blokes like this...

When they drilled holes in your skull
And screwed that halo to your head
Did you think you could fly?

4. Aztec Camera - How Men Are

Why should it take the tears of a woman to see how men are?

P.E.R.S.P.E.C.T.I.V.E.

3. Nick Lowe - All Men Are Liars

Nick is of the opinion that our words are worth no more than worn out tyres. Furthermore, he has something to add about Rick Astley...

Well, do you remember Rick Astley?
He had a big fat hit, it was ghastly.
He said I'm never gonna give you up or let you down.
Well I'm here to tell ya that Dick's a clown.
Though he was just a boy when he made that vow,
I'd bet it all that he knows by now:

All men are liars...

Dar Williams does a great of this too, but I couldn't find it on youtube.

2. Jimmy Webb - What Does A Woman See In A Man?

So what does the godlike genius of Jimmy Webb reckon about men...?

He stinks to high heaven, half covered with hair
And grunts just like some old orang-utan
While she smells of clean skin and a trace of jasmine
And speaks like a first rate librarian

His stomach hangs out, there's a hump on his back
He eats like Conan the Barbarian
While she keeps herself trim, and her posture is prim
Her manners are quite cosmopolitan

He laughs like a donkey and farts in the bed
And flips cigarettes in the can
But she always acts nice, with no visible vice
Tell me, what does a woman see in a man?

And that's just the beginning!

1. Grand Popo FC - Men Are Not Nice Guys

Leave it to those crazy French to sum up the biggest problems with blokes...

Drinks, finks, football and drugs,Business suits and newspapers, arguments, work, cable TV.Laziness, cars, lungs, size... don't you know what girls say sometimes?Men are not nice guys

...although we can probably think of a few bigger ones, if we try.



Then again, nice guys finish last, don't they? And all the good girls love a bad boy. Really, none of us can win...

My Top Ten Knife Songs

"You call that a knife? These are knives..."

(Special mention to Shonen Knife and The Young Knives.)


10. Brett Anderson - Knife Edge

 A devastating piano ballad that proves Brett really doesn't need guitars to inflict a deep, lasting wound.

9. Los Campesinos - We Throw Parties, You Throw Knives

If you ever considered playing Pass The Parcel with human body parts, Los Campesinos have the song for you.

It's your party but I'll die if I want to...

8. Bryan Adams - Cuts Like A Knife

Deal with it.

7. Radiohead - Knives Out

 I remember when Radiohead released this, they said it was their "Smiths song".

So knives out
Cook him up
Squash his head
Put him in the pot

Moz would be proud. (Except, he wouldn't, of course. He hates Radiohead.)

6. PJ Harvey - Pocket Knife

They should keep her away from all sharp objects. Don't even let her run with scissors. 

Flowers I can do without
I don't wanna be tied down
White material will stain
My pocket knife's gotta shiny blade
I'm not trying to cause a fuss
I just wanna make my own fuck-ups
I'm not trying to break your heart
I'm just trying not to fall apart...

5. Dingus Khan - Knifey Spoon

A spiky indie track I got into because Lamacq kept playing it on 6Music. The video is mental.

I couldn't find a knife so I had to use a spoon...

4. Dire Straits - Six Blade Knife

My shameless middle-aged sojourn into Dad-Rock continues. Dire Straits are another band who, like Steely Dan, I'd only listened to in Greatest Hits form until very recently. Now I can't get enough of them.

This, from their eponymous 1978 debut album is SEX + DEATH = ROCK 'N' ROLL. (Honest.)

3. Aztec Camera - Knife

Over 9 minutes in length - that's one long knife!

And the knife has got my number,
And the number that you keep,
And the knife has called division,
And it's drawn when I'm asleep.

2. The Long Blondes - A Knife For The Girls

Every time I play a Long Blondes track on this blog, it is customary for me to bemoan their untimely passing. One listen to this creepy little bedsit stalker anthem will prove why...

1. Louis Armstrong - Mack The Knife 

Like it could have been anything else.

Written by Kurt Weill and Bertolt Brech (the original German title is "Die Moritat von Mackie Messer"... which doesn't trip off the tongue quite as smoothly) and recorded by everybody from Frank to Bobby Darin to Sting and Robbie Williams... but Louis' version is the definitive one for me.

This one's for Sukie Tawdry...




Those were my knives... but which one is stuck in your back?

My Top Ten Greed Songs (Seven Deadly Sins #3)

Back to the 7 deadly sings... with ten songs about greed (as opposed to stuffing your face gluttony).



10. Seth Lakeman - Greed & Gold

Forever the loneliest road.

9. Cracker - I Want Everything

First of a number of songs on this chart by artists who won't be happy till they've got it all. Greedy buggers.

8. Dan Fogelberg and Tim Weisberg - The Power of Gold

Are you under the power of gold? 

The late Dan Fogelberg. Top man.

7. Hefner - The Greedy Ugly People

The Greedy Ugly People are not like us,
They don't feel the love that she and I would die without.

A sweet love story about how the rest of the world are a bunch of greedy, ugly bastards...

Love don't stop no wars, don't stop no cancer,
It stops my heart.

6. The Flying Lizards - Money (That's What I Want)

There are, of course, thousands of pop songs about love of money. They deserve, at least, a Top Ten of their own. There are also about a hundred different versions of this song, originally written and recorded by the mighty Barrett Strong back in 1959. But I love this version more than any other because it's truly unique... and because the video is like 1979 in a bottle.

5. Aztec Camera - All I Need Is Everything

Poor old Roddy, he didn't quite get it all. Although going from the video, he must have been about 12 when he recorded this, so he did pretty well for such a young 'un.

4. Go-Kart Mozart - We're Selfish & Lazy & Greedy

Three sins in one! Go, Lawrence!

People like me, oh we don't give a damn
We like staying bed if we can...

3. Rufus Wainwright - Give Me What I Want and Give It to Me Now!

Give me what I want 
And give it to me now!
Don't be such a greedy sow...

...Rufus threatens, before going on to reveal his own greed...

I'm the one who has
And I will tell you this,
With a biblical kiss,
I will eat you, your folks
And your kids for breakfast!

And then he gets really bitchy:

I'm the one who has
And I will tell you this,
That I would never wish
Death upon you, your cats
And your throw cushions on Christmas!

2. Queen - I Want It All

Thus did Freddie live his life...

1. The Wonder Stuff - Give, Give, Give Me More, More, More

It's about time The Wonder Stuff had a Number One round here, considering how much I loved them. 

Well,  hope I make more money than this in the next world...

Damn right!




I know, you want them all, don't you?

My Top Ten Jumping Songs

10. Broken Family Band - Leaps

I think this might be about energetic, acrobatic sex. I might be wrong. I usually am when it comes to that kind of thing.

9. Jethro Tull - Jump Start

Almost made my Top Ten Start Songs... then I decided to save it for here.

8. Whistler - Don't Jump In Front Of My Train

We both know you're not insane
So don't jump in front of my train

7. Joe Jackson - Jumpin' Jive

Jazz... nice. Not listened to this in years.

6. The Cure - Jumping Someone Else's Train

Don't say what you mean
You might spoil your face...

...is a wonderfully catty way to start a song.

5. Malcolm McLaren & The Bootzilla Orchestra featuring Lisa Marie - Something's Jumping In Your Shirt

Malcolm McClaren sounds like The Child Catcher on this. And most other times he opens his mouth too.

4. House of Pain - Jump Around

This song is now 20 years old. Yes, you are that old.

3. Van Halen - Jump

Hands up if you thought this would be Number One?

I could watch David Lee Roth muck about in music videos all day and never grow bored.

However, if you're too cool for poodle rock, may I direct you to Aztec Camera's reworking of this track as a suicide ballad... you might as well jump.

2. Billy Bragg - Waiting For The Great Leap Forwards

Mixing pop and politics
He asks me what the use is...
I offer him embarrassment
And my usual excuses

I almost gave Billy the Number One spot because this is one of his greatest ever songs... but then I listened to the track below again, and damn it, even the Bard of Barking couldn't argue this one...

1. The Rolling Stones - Jumpin' Jack Flash

It's a gas, gas, gas!

Which jumping song gets you jumping round the room?