The Best Medicine #2: More A$$holes

In the spirit of getting other people to write my posts for me, here’s C to help us ponder why we don’t / can’t laugh the way we did when we were young…

I'm not much of a laugh-out-loud type of person! - but oh I miss those helpless giggles that make your eyes water and your stomach ache and definitely seem to have disappeared with age - though very occasionally they do appear and when they do it feels so SO good. It's always the odd things that do that, abstract things somehow that tickle me, so humour in songs can fall a bit short and I do think it's a bit of an acquired taste. Having said that, your post straight away reminded me of one humour song that I've liked since first hearing it - sure you know it... From 1993 but (of course) still very much relevant today…

Ah yes, I had that one on CD single, C. I was a big fan of Dennis Leary back when he used to do those short, angry MTV videos. It was a more mainstream version of what Bill Hicks was doing, and it appealed to my Angry Young Man phase back in the early 90s.

Drive-By Truckers - Assholes

I decided to do a bit of research into why I can’t laugh at things like I used to, and I found an article in The New York Post that says we start to lose our sense of humour at age 23! So I reckon it’s long gone for most of us now.

Childhood is often carefree. Adulthood often isn’t. The average 4-year-old, the authors write, laughs as many as 300 times a day. The average 40-year-old will take two and a half months to log that many chuckles. 

Apparently having a job is one of the main reasons we stop laughing so much. That, and all the added responsibilities of adulthood – mortgage, bills, children et al.

August and The Spur of the Moment Band - The I-95 Asshole Song

The good news is, if we live long enough (and live far enough into our retirement years to overcome the trauma of adulthood), this chart suggests our ability to laugh will return…

I dunno… I look at my Mum. She doesn’t have a lot to laugh about these days. Confined to the house, eyesight almost gone, scared to leave her chair in case she has another fall, carers coming in to get her up in the morning and put her to bed at night… as she approaches 100, I’m not sure she’s laughing the way she did when she was 25. That said, my Mum’s always had a good sense of humour, and the fact that she still has it at 97, despite all she has to cope with… I think that’s amazing. I doubt I’ll be in such good spirits if I’m lucky enough to live that long.

Jim's Big Ego - Asshole

As the title of this series reminds us, laughter is great for our mental health. Can we get it back into our lives? The investigation continues…

Maybe there's also some mileage in wondering why we find offensive words so amusing. And pondering the difference between asshole and arsehole... is one funnier than the other? Or does it entirely depend on context?

Snapshots #409: Songs About Coats

Here are some songs about coats. I'm saving the gag till the end.

15. Naughty Ned's great-great-grandson?

Ned Kelly was a pretty naughty Australian. This guy hails from the same country, but I don't think they're related...

Paul Kelly - Winter Coat

14. _ _ _ ics from a Laureate.

The Laureate is Mr. Simon Armitage. He also writes the lyrics.

LYR - Great Coat

13. Merrythought & burnt offerings.

Merrythought is what they used to call a wishbone, in days gone by.

Wishbone Ash - Duffle Shuffle

(Only half a point for Coat of Arms.)

12. Rotate Hagar.

I was thinking of Sammy Hagar. And if you rotate him, you would be a...

Sammy Turner - Raincoat In The River

11. Found within Rebel Tony and DJ, oh no!

Rebel Tony and DJ, oh no!

Elton John - Leather Jackets

10. Chesney sighted in California.

I saw that bloody Chesney Hawkes in Los Angeles! 

I See Hawks In La - My Parka Saved Me

9. Tribal leaders in Western Ireland.

The Chieftains & James Galway - The Munster Cloak

Don't be telling me a cloak isn't a coat. Tell James Galway!

8. Where Martin Rossiter does his experiments.

Martin Rossiter is the lead singer of Gene.

Genelab - Anorak Lou

I'd forgotten that little gem from 1999, but it's great.

7. Morse identifies a suspect from the block. Elementary x2.

When Morse identifies a suspect, he's liable to shout, "Lewis!" Jenny came from the block. Holmes, on the other hand, needed Watson... times two. 

Did you crack that one, Sherlocks?

Jenny Lewis & The Watson Twins - Rabbit Fur Coat 

6. Did you know that Elvis, Jonathan and Nat were all closely related?

They were...

The King Brothers - A White Sport Coat (And A Pink Carnation)

5. Cousin... luck than good management.

My Perfect Cousin was Kevin... More by luck than good management.

Kevin Morby - A Coat Of Butterflies

4. Two retards is not an acceptable term. 

"Two retards" is an unfortunate anagram.

Rod Stewart - An Old Raincoat Won't Ever Let You Down

3. Closely guard Van on the pitch.

When they're taking a corner, make sure you mark Morrison!

Mark Morrison - Return Of The Mack

2. It's hard to perform when you each have three feet.

Yard Act - Trenchcoat Museum

1. Lopez advises caution. 

Jennifer warns!

Because the Leonard Cohen version would have been too obvious.

Jennifer Warnes - Famous Blue Raincoat

More Snapshots next Saturday? I'll get me coat.

Saturday Snapshots #352: A Top Ten Posterior Songs

I almost ran this picture yesterday, but I figured it would be too much of a giveaway... so I featured the colossal arse that is Tom Hanks instead.

Here are ten songs we sit down on - or synonyms for posterior, if you prefer. 

10. Frankie's pall was rather dull and unfashionable. 

A dull and unfashionable person is a dowd. Frankie was pals with Johnny.

Johnny Dowd - Opus III: Caboose

9. Larry aches after playing Twister.

Untwist "Larry aches" and you get...

Ray Charles - Shake A Tailfeather

8. If I could be for only an hour, tiny.

"If I could be for only an hour," is a line from Jackie.

Little Jackie - 28 Butts

7. Inside Reece and Steve's peach.

Reece Shearsmith & Steve Pemberton made Inside Number 9. 

The Nectarine No. 9 - This Arsehole's Been Burned Too Many Times Before

6. In this world, we've got to find the time for things that come in bottles and lamps. See?

"In this world, we've got to find the time," is a line from The Life Of Riley.

Genies come in bottles and lamps. C?

Jeannie C. Riley - The Back Side Of Dallas

5. Policeman stuck in School of Grease.

Rydell High was the school in Grease.

Bobby Rydell - Honey Buns

4. Scary Christopher in Forest of Dean.

Christopher Lee was pretty scary. Hazell Dean was an 80s pop star, in a wood.

Lee Hazlewood - Poet, Fool Or Bum

3. Golden King, Silver Queen, Blue Prince.

Golden King, Silver Queen and Blue Prince are all types of holly.

The Hollies - I Can't Tell The Bottom From The Top

Good song, though I have a special fondness for the Kevin Rowland version.

2. Californian kestrels, ahoy!

I See Hawks In LA - Stop Driving Like An Asshole

1. The Colonel stops frying and lets daylight do its work.

KFC without the F, using sunshine instead...

KC & The Sunshine Band - Shake Your Booty

You 

Get off your arses next Saturday morning for more of the same...

Self-Help For Cynics #39: Test Subject

Beastie Boys - Just A Test

I did an online test via Psychology Today to see just how angry I am - and here are the results...

You may have problems managing your anger

Your score indicates that you likely struggle to recognize triggers, calm down, communicate with others, and process your emotions in a healthy way; your anger may sometimes turn into aggression.

High Vis - Morality Test

Well, I mean, I guess that's not telling me anything I didn't already know... but it's still scary to see it written down. (I thought I'd been quite moderate in my responses too.) 

Still, my overall score was 71 out of 100, which means I'm just dipping a toe into You may have problems managing your anger and I've only just risen above Could do better. I'm not sure that's cause for huge celebration (especially as I took care to moderate my responses) but you know me - I'm a glass half full kind of guy...

Declan McKenna - Honest Test

Oh, but the boffins at Psych Today weren't finished yet. They had advice too - lots of it!

It’s important to learn how to manage anger, because continual anger, and the stress hormones that accompany it, can harm your physical health. Unmitigated anger can also lead to problems in one’s career, finances, and relationships.

Miles Hunt & Erics Nockalls - The Test

This started me wondering just how my physical health might be affected, and I realised the main thing is: I'm knackered. Partly that's the long commute and the hectic business of being a parent and a home-owner... but could it be related to my anger as well? 

Yes, according to a report I found by some more boffins, this time from Kent State University...

Too much adrenaline can exhaust the capacity of the brain to manage stress. Fatigue, illness, and chronic pain can follow.

It makes me tired, just thinking about that. 

Willie Nelson - Tired

What else did the Psych Today computer have to tell me?

Anger or aggression plays a role in several mental health disorders, such as intermittent explosive disorder, oppositional defiant disorder, conduct disorder, and borderline personality disorder. It may also be involved in manic episodes, ADHD, and narcissism.

Well, I've ruled out the last three, but the rest are distinct possibilities. I like the sound of Oppositional Defiant Disorder. Isn't that just refusing to be part of the crowd?

REM - New Test Leper

Certain personality traits are linked to the tendency to become angry, research suggests. These include high neuroticism and low agreeableness.

✔️✔️

Anger tends to result from a combination of three factors: the trigger event, the personality of the individual, and the individual's appraisal of the situation.

This is the kind of sentence that makes me just go: No shit, Sherlock.

The Sports - So Obvious

Anger can be directed outward or inward. Anger expressed outwardly may take the form of yelling, meanness, or physical aggression. Anger expressed inwardly may take the form of suppression, withdrawal, and self-criticism.

So I'm mostly an inwardly angry person, unless I'm confronted by an Audi driver.

I See Hawks In L.A - Stop Driving like an Asshole

There are many avenues to improve anger management, including therapy, support groups, and individual coping skills.

Which is this series in a nutshell! Welcome to my individual coping skills blog. More next week...

Title Fight #3: Parkas, Police & Replacements

We're back with more song titles that did their job - made me give the associated tune a little more attention. Which catches your eye... and does it also catch your ear?

1. I See Hawks In LA - My Parka Saved Me

One of the tricks writers use to engage our interest, I tell my rapt* students, is to create questions in the reader's mind. A really good title or opening line will do this. This song title caught my attention, and pleasingly the story that went along with it lived up to my expectations. Great opening line too!

I got stoned after breaking up with my boyfriend
And he became a Born Again Christian

I See Hawks In LA are from Los Angeles, where clearly they keep their eyes to the skies, and their tongues firmly in their cheeks. 

(*I like to imagine all my students are rapt, even if they're not.)

2. The Panic Brothers - I've Forgotten What It Is That I Was Drinking to Forget

Here's a recommendation from Martin, and funnily enough, it's a band he introduced me to many moons ago. I liked them so much, I bought the CD, as Victor Kiam might have said if he'd been a music blogger rather than a silver haired, razor blade hawking huckster.

3. Gene - The Police Will Never Find You 

Not that I'm going out of my way to be mean to Martin, but he's going to have a tough decision this week when it comes to selecting his favourite tune. Will it be the one he put forward... or this, from one of his favourite bands?

I'm a huge Gene fan, but they never presented themselves as tough guys, so when they released their third album in 1999, it was quite a shock to see them getting seriously menacing, with both this and the final track, You'll Never Walk Again.  

Perhaps the reason I liked these two song titles so much (particularly coming from a bunch of fey milksops like Gene) was that they reminded me of the time I got beaten up by some thugs in high school and made the mistake of shouting up at them, from the playground where I lay, "you'll never know my ultimate strength!" This is what reading too many Spider-Mam comics at an impressionable age will do to you. Oh, how we they laughed.

4. Frank Zappa - My Guitar Wants To Kill Your Mama

I might as well get the father of Dweezil, Moon Unit, Ahmet and Diva Thin Muffin Pigeen out of the way, since when it comes to wacky song titles, he's up there with the best of them. So many to choose from, including What's The Ugliest Part Of Your Body?,  Son Of Suzy Creamcheese, and, of course, Don't Eat The Yellow Snow. By comparison, My Guitar Wants To Kill Your Mama seems quite tame, but it's the one I went for.

5. Sandra's Wedding - The Hopeful Boy Replacement Service

As usual, we close with a contemporary tune. This one's from a band that the ever-reliable John Medd turned me onto earlier this year. Sandra's Wedding come from Goole, because somebody has to, and they've amassed quite the back catalogue of wry, witty, observational tunes that bring to mind Paul Heaton at his best. This one, the title track from their latest album, was irresistible, taking me right back to my teens. It's the sort of song Stephen Duffy might have written back in those glorious days of yore. Shades of Stuart Murdoch too.

 

Grumpy Old Men Songs #12: Stop Driving Like An Asshole

The good thing about old blog series is that they never really end... they just go on hold until you find the perfect song to bring them back. To wit, this one, which I heard for the first time last week... and realised I'd been waiting most of my life for it. (Or at least since I started driving at the grumpy old age of 18.)

The band is I See Hawks In LA, an alt-country combo who have been gradually sneaking their way onto my radar over the past few months. Their latest tune, recorded in lockdown, is pretty good too and I may well feature that here another day.

For now though, I give you Stop Driving Like An Asshole. If it isn't the greatest thing you've heard this week, then I want to know what else you've been listening to.