My Top Ten Shoe Songs

I could easily have gone a Top Twenty Shoe Songs... but the rules only allow ten, so I had to throw out the rest. Here are the sole survivors...


10. Arctic Monkeys - Dancing Shoes

The only reason that I came.

9. Traffic - Hole In My Shoe

Look, kids, just say no.

Of course, you may be of the generation that prefers Neil's version. Even John Peel seems to like it.

Oh no, what a really heavy bummer.

8. Gram Parsons & Emmylou Harris - The New Soft Shoe

Somehow, I've managed almost a hundred Top Tens on this blog so far without any GP. Had to put that right.

See also Lambchop - The Old Gold Shoe. Because it's ace.

7. Shed Seven - Devil in Your Shoes

A forgotten classic. So good, it also made My Top Ten Devil Songs.

6. Paul Simon - Diamonds on the Soles of Her Shoes

And she said honey take me dancing
But they ended up by sleeping
In a doorway
By the bodegas and the lights on
Upper Broadway
Wearing diamonds on the soles of their shoes

One thing's for certain: that's no way to cure these walking blues.

5. Kirsty MacColl - In These Shoes?

Reasons we miss Kirsty, #704.

"In these shoes? I don't think so."

4. Elvis Presley - Blue Suede Shoes

Don't feel too bad for Carl Perkins who wrote and recorded this song originally. I'm sure he never went without them on his feet after Elvis took it to the top.

3. Elvis Costello - (The Angels Wanna Wear My) Red Shoes

So many songs about red shoes, I could almost have given them their own Top Ten. The best came from...

Kate Bush (not sure what's more disturbing in this video, Miranda Richardson's eyebrows or the divine Ms. B's acting)

Tom Waits

and Loretta Lynn...

...but Elvis's red shoes even beat the other Elvis's blue shoes in my humble opinion. From his debut album, and his debut appearance on Top of the Pops too.

(OK, that was a cheat, but I had to shoehorn those songs in somehow.)

My grandma had a saying about women who wore red shoes... 

2. Adam Ant - Goody Two Shoes

You don't drink, don't smoke... what do you do?

Write comics and Top Tens, mostly.

1. Johnny Boy - You Are the Generation That Bought More Shoes and You Get What You Deserve

Probably a surprising choice (given the undeniable classics below), but Johnny Boy's greatest "hit" wins out for its Phil Spector swagger and for achieving the impossible: a song that sounds even better than its title.





Which are your dancing shoes?

My Top Ten Knitwear Songs

Because the nights are drawing in and everywhere you go, the doom-mongers are saying "it's gonna snow next week"... so we all need some quality knitwear to keep us warm.

Special mention, of course, to The Cardigans, who sadly don't appear to have ever written a song extolling the virtues of their woolly (or polyester) namesakes.


10. Malcolm Middleton - Red Travellin' Socks

Malcolm grows to hate his red socks because they take him away from the one he loves. Knitwear with a mind of its own - scary. (Or maybe his excuses are getting more desperate.)

9. Nick Heyward - Blue Hat For A Blue Day

I met Nick Heyward once. He was a thoroughly decent bloke. (I may have mentioned this before. I may mention it again.)

8. Prince - Pink Cashmere

Not on youtube, obviously. Good old Prince.

7. The Smiths - Hand In Glove

Because the glove in question must have been a nice warm one... considering the sun was shining out of Morrissey's behind as he wore it. See also Pink Glove by Pulp, in which Jarvis manages to make an innocent item of knitwear... frankly, filthy.

6. Lily Rae & The Saturday Girls - Don't Sleep In My Cardi

Some couples will argue about everything.

It's too short in the arm
Too tight in the chest
Why can't you just sleep in your vest?

5. Babybird - You're Gorgeous

Remember that tank top you bought me? What did you write on it?

4. Sam The Sham & The Pharoahs - Woolly Bully

Genius.

3. Weezer - Undone (The Sweater Song)

A relationship dissolves via the metaphor of unraveling knitwear. So much more imaginative than another bloody song about breaking hearts.

2. The Scaremongers - Cardigan Girl

AKA Simon Armitage, the Poet Laureate of Marsden (i.e. just over the hill from me). Isn't it about time we had a second Scaremongers album, Simon?

1. Sultans of Ping FC - Where's Me Jumper?

It's all right to say things can only get better
If you haven't lost your brand new sweater
Pure new wool and perfect stitches
Not the type of jumper that makes you itches, oh no

I also found a Third Eye Blind song called Jumper... but it turns out to be about someone throwing themselves off a tall building. Hardly in the spirit of things.




Those were my favourite knitwear songs... but which one makes you drop a stitch?