Showing posts with label Malcolm Middleton. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Malcolm Middleton. Show all posts

Thursday, 18 June 2020

Guest Post Thursday #3: Top Ten Lockdown Songs


This week, JC, the Vinyl Villain, is back with another timely Top Ten. He wrote this one a few weeks back, but I still think it's relevant. Yes, they may be easing those lockdown restrictions, but most of us still feel like prisoners, maybe enjoying day release from time to time, but with the ever-present threat of going back into solitary confinement very soon. 

Anyway, it's another great list of songs from the Blogfather himself. Take it away, JC...



It really does feel that the lockdown and the various restrictions have been with us forever, but as I read on some wag's social media account the other day, we are still only around half the time that Bryan Adams had a terrible song at #1 back in 1991.

Here's ten songs whose titles kind of sum up my mood in recent weeks.

1. REM - It's The End of The World As We Know It

Surely there's nobody out there who will disagree?  The way we go about earning a living, especially for those who spend their time in offices, has been transformed beyond recognition and an increasing move to more home-working, post COVID-19, does seem likely.  The knock-on effects on the sustainability of town and city centres, which were already under threat from changing ways that we undertake retail therapy, will be significant.

2. Mogwai - Travel Is Dangerous 

Not unless you're a total prick who works in Downing Street for an even bigger prick and the journeys involve round trips of more than 500 miles.

3. The Clash - Clampdown

OK, so some of the initial restrictions are being eased, but if the scientists are right with their predictions, then we will likely have to revert to the draconian state of affairs when the second wave of the pandemic comes swooping across the UK.

4. The Specials - Ghost Town

I wasn't paying too much attention to what was going on outside of my own city of Glasgow, but it was utterly surreal to go online and look at images of totally deserted streets which would normally be thronged with workers, shoppers and folk out socialising and having a good time.  The picture that will long stick in my memory is that of a wild deer strolling care-free outside the entrance of our largest shopping centre.


So much so, that I almost dropped Ghost Town from this list and substituted There, There My Dear by Dexy's Midnight Runners.

5. Queen - I Want To Break Free

No matter how frustrating it is to be stuck indoors for much of the time, especially during such an extended period of dry and hot weather, unable to have any real social interaction with family, friends and loved ones, the advice is there for the benefit of us all and reflects that a collective effort is required to get us through the worst of times.  It does appear, for various, if understandable reasons (see #2 above) that more and more folk are breaking free.  It's probably best that everyone follows the advice in the next song title...

6. Malcolm Middleton - Stay Close, Sit Tight

Malcolm almost got two entries in this list.  'Blue Plastic Bags', written in 2008, has the chorus to end all choruses just now - 'Staying in is the new going out'.

7. David Bowie - Heroes

OK, it's a tad obvious.  Dedicated to the essential workers, and not just in the NHS and Care Homes.  If you're a hedge fund manager or an investment banker, then don't you ever dare tell me again that what you do is important and without which our economy and society would collapse.

8. Iggy Pop - I'm Bored 

I took early retirement from my job on Friday 27 March, an event that had been long in the pipeline.  All sorts of plans were in place to travel and do things I'd long dreamed of.  Everything is on hold and I've found that there are only so many books to be read or re-read, television boxsets to be devoured and old albums dusted down to be listened to before frustration and angst settles in.

9. Green Day - American Idiot

10. Sam Cooke - A Change Is Gonna Come 

No apologies for finishing off with two songs together.  The President has been an abject failure in his handling of the COVID-19 crisis which is now being exacerbated by his responses to the protests in the wake of the murder of George Floyd. Everyone is entitled to be angry, but it really is worth clinging to the words of hope in this, sadly still highly relevant, civil rights anthem from the 60s.

There've been times that I thought
I couldn't last for long
But now I'm able to carry on
It's been a long time coming
But I know
A change gonna come
Oh, yes it will



And on that day, there will be a collective rendition of Hallelujah.

JC


Thank you, JC. I don't think anyone could argue with any of your choices there. It's an honour to have you guest again...

...but now, the doors are open to everyone else. As it stands, I don't have any more guest posts lined up (not even Lynchie's Jerry Hall story), so the future of Guest Post Thursday is in your hands. 

Do you have a Top Ten, a story to tell, a Grumpy Old Man (or Woman) Song, a Positive Song For Negative Times or even a Mid-Life Crisis tune? Email me if you do. I'll try to remember to leave my email address in the comments section, but if I don't, shout at me really loudly.   


Thursday, 4 October 2018

My Top Ten We're All Going To Die Songs



A cheery thought to send you on your way this morning. But it's healthy to face up to your own mortality. Here are ten songs that do just that...


10. Slash & Iggy Pop - We're All Gonna Die

Slash.

Iggy.

A match made in heaven, surely. Who needs Axl?

Could have used some more right-on lyrics though, guys.

9. The Spielbergs - We're All Going To Die

I had to go outside my record collection to find one more track for this Top 10. This chunk of Swedish guitar noise will fit the bill nicely, thanks. It beats Iggy & Slash for lyrical reasons.

8. Everlast featuring Cee-Lo - We're All Going To Die

Everlast's mum was a tough-love kind of lady...

When I was a very young boy,
Mamma told me we're all gonna die
Mamma said son love can't be trusted,
It's just another weakness
We're all gonna die

7. The Bubbles - We're All Going To Die

Nihilistic Bubbles, from Austin, Texas...

All the things that you have ever said
All the people you've taken to bed
All the books that you have ever read
All the papers that you've ever shred

All the cigarettes you've ever smoked
All the times you've ever told a joke
All the people that you've ever met
All the times you've ever been upset

All the girls that ever broke your heart
All the things that you have torn apart
All the music that you've ever heard
All the times you've been at loss for words....


They don't really matter, because....
You can fill in the rest yourself.

6. Candle Thieves - We're All Going To Die (Have Fun)

Another band I thought would be bigger than they actually were. Saw them in support, or at a festival, and bought their CD right there. This was one of their best tracks. Pretty cool video too.

Don’t waste your time cause we’re all gonna die
Have fun, and everybody just clap your hands, yes
Get out of your bed and get your music on
Get out on the street and get some living done
I think you'll probably live beyond the end of the week
You've got enough time left so come spend it with me

Great chat up line that.

5. Club 8 - We're All Going To Die

French indie band tells it like it is...

You can work with aid if you want to be nice
You can move away and even save a life
They can go to school
You can give them food
It's really cool

You can write a poem, you can be a poet
You can dress in black and think of death
You can work with art
You can have a fan
You can start a band
 
We're all going to die...

All seems a bit pointless when you put it like that, doesn't it?

4. Kasey Chambers - We're All Going To Die Someday

Great slice of Aussie gospel country from the delightful Ms. Chambers...

Well all of my friends are stoned, Lord
All of my friends are stoned
Janie got stoned 'cause she couldn't get boned
But we're all gonna die someday

3. Jonny Cola & The A Grades - We're All Going To Die

A great little indie band from a few years back who only the blogosphere appeared to love. Shame. They have some strong tunes. And I like some of the suggestions they have for crazy ways to go: particularly "hit by a plane... while you're cycling". The Proclaimers would appreciate that.

2. Dawes - We're All Gonna Die

From the album of the same name. Cheery bunch. Although this is a much sweeter song than the title suggests... it's the perfect antidote to all those songs about "oh, life on the road is so tough now we're a famous band".

So try not to get upset
Everything is fine
Hey, it's not that big a deal
We're all gonna die

1. Malcolm Middleton - We're All Going To Die

Released as a Christmas single (and therefore one of the greatest Christmas singles ever released) though apart from having MM dressed as a very bad Santa in the video, it has absolutely nothing to do with Christmas...

And what if I don't become
Famous posthumously?
Maybe my story's no good

If I can take one posession
It'll have to be my duvet
When oblivion comes calling it'll be
So cold



Is there anyone still alive out there?


Friday, 28 October 2016

My Top Ten Clown Songs




Every Halloween, I like to post a horror-themed Top Ten. In recent years, I've done My Top Ten Frankenstein Songs, My Top Ten Vampire Songs, My Top Ten Haunted Songs and My Top Ten Zombie Songs (although for some reason, I didn't post that one at Halloween). I was going to do werewolves this year, but it turns out there's something much scarier out there at the moment... and I don't mean Donald Trump. Louise has even made us buy new curtains in case we glance out and see one of these stood in our garden. And so, as a special Halloween treat, I bring you My Top Ten Clown Songs. Let's be careful out there...

Special mention to the scariest clown you'll ever hear: Harpo's Rock 'n' Roll Clown. Now I wouldn't want to meet him on a dark night.

Second special mention to the weirdest threesome in rock history... Joni Mitchell, Tom Petty and... Billy Idol: Dancin' Clown.

Final special mention to Insane Clown Posse. They're supposed to be scary, but I think they're hilarious.


Other fine clowns who were in the running include Elvis Costello (three times, actually), Neil Diamond, Admiral Fallow, Toby Keith, The Cocteau Twins, Jimmy Webb, Brett Anderson, Grand National, Status Quo and Manfred Mann... obviously. Yes, I could have done a Top 20, but I don't do those anymore.

Here's the clowns that did make the circus...



10. The Replacements - Lay It Down, Clown

Let's set the pace, shall we? In case you think this Top Ten's gonna be full of big shoes, cars with their wheels falling off and custard pies in the face. Here's Paul Westerberg's switchblade-carrying clown, angry that rumours keep spreading all over town...

9. Malcolm Middleton - Crappo The Clown

And don't come to Malcolm Middleton looking for a red nose either. A broken nose, maybe...
Two people left in my world
One of them's a dick, can you guess who it is?
Can you win a prize?

Malcolm Middleton: he can destroy hope. Me, I find him perversely hilarious (but in a very different way to Insane Clown Posse).

8. Turin Brakes - Last Clown

This is the world we live in now, Turin Brakes. I picked up two of your albums (and one by Counting Crows), at 'three for a quid' in the local charity shop the other week. That said, I liked them enough that I might pay full price for the next one.
Last clown, drinking in a bar that's about to be closed down
A hero, I was in people's plans I was shaking their hands
I got lost in the world, slow motion walking and diatribe talking
As bad as things be, I'm a natural survivor
7. Warren Zevon - Something Bad Happened To A Clown

By the time you reach the end of this list, you'll realise there's not one happy clown in sight. No wonder they all end up turning bad...
He used to honk his horn and everyone would laugh
He used to honk his horn
She doesn't think he's very funny anymore
Footprints in the sawdust leading to the edge of town
Something bad happened to a clown
6. Idlewild - Like A Clown

Great track from last year's "comeback" album, Everything Ever Written.
The typical code of conduct
At the international clown hall of fame 
Not to smile until you've painted on your smile 
You go looking for laughter 
Yeah, you could be another poet like John Crowe Ransom, Whitman or Hart Crane 
All those words you leave behind 
Will fit together in time 
Like a clown 
You'll do anything for fame 
Tell me did you ever meet another clown 
Who said I'll be around for you now?
5. Everly Brothers - Cathy's Clown
Don't want your love anymore
Don't want your kisses, that's for sure...
The best opening Phil & Don ever wrote. It sold 8 million copies on 7" alone. John Lennon copied the vocal arrangement on Please Please Me.

Aussie band You Am I wrote an entirely different song with the same title. That didn't quite sell 8 million.

4. Dave Davies - Death of a Clown

Dave Davies' only real solo hit (though I have featured one of his other, less successful, solo singles here before) is a resigned shrug towards the circus-like life of a touring rock star, co-written with Ray. 

3. Ron Sexsmith - Clown In Broad Daylight

One of my favourites from Ron, although the live acoustic Ron-cam recreation above isn't as good as the album version. Great lyrics though...
Everything is alright for against the backdrop of ordinary life
It's the easy laugh that gets you through
Your working day and the hogwash
Sad but true, he's a clown in broad daylight
2. Judy Collins - Send In The Clowns

One of the saddest songs ever written. Hence it's been recorded by everybody from Frank Sinatra to Grace Jones, Lou Rawls to Madonna. I'm particularly fond of Mark Kozelek's latest version (not the one on youtube), but Judy's is the definitive recording. The song was written by Stephen Sondheim for the musical A Little Night Music, and he claims it's not literally about circus clowns: just fools like us.

1. Smokey Robinson & The Miracles  - Tears of a Clown

And this is why Smokey Robinson is a god. Just listen to these lyrics: in a chirpy pop song, for Smokey's sake!
Just like Pagliacci did
I try to keep my surface hid
Smiling in the crowd I try
But in a lonely room I cry
The tears of a clown
The music was written by Stevie Wonder who couldn't come up with a decent lyric so took it to the Motown Christmas party and played it to Smokey in the hope he'd come up with something. He did.

Tears of a Clown is also one of the only pop songs to feature a bassoon. More on that here.

There are those who will tell you that The Beat's version is better, but they are men of a certain age (i.e. about 5-10 years older than me) and though it's a fine opinion I respect greatly... I must disagree.





Which one honks your horn?


Wednesday, 24 July 2013

My Top Ten Bag Songs


What have I got in my bag today...?


10. Robert Palmer - Trick Bag

Forgotten tune from the Riptide album - not listened to this in years. Great stuff.

9. Dean Friedman - Shopping Bag Ladies

See, I'm not going to apologise for thinking that Dean Friedman is an under-appreciated genius. And his voice is still so good, even on the tiny stages he plays thirty years after his peak.

8. Mystery Jets - Little Bag of Hair

 There's a story in this song, and it's heartbreaking.

7. Malcolm Middleton - Blue Plastic Bags
The whole world's going home with blue plastic bags,
6 bottles of Stella, Jacobs's Creek and twenty fags

And you know there is no shame
'Cus we're are all doing the same, 

Staying in is the new going out,
No one's even coming round,
We'll have toy fights in the hall...
Who needs visitors?

6. Rod Stewart - Handbags & Gladrags

Written by Manfred Mann's Mike D'Abo, originally recorded by Chris Farlowe, used as the theme tune of The Office, slaughtered by Kelly Jones... but it's Rod's version I favour. Whatever else you might think of Rod, you can't deny that voice. 

5. James Brown - Papa's Got a Brand New Bag

I was lucky enough to see James Brown live back in the late 90s. I'm pretty sure he did this... once he eventually arrived on stage. Longest build up to an entrance ever, each member of the band got their own intro song before The Godfather finally appeared. Worth the wait though.

4. George Baker Selection - Little Green Bag

You ever listen to K-Billy's Super Sounds of the Seventies?

3. Wheatus - Teenage Dirtbag

I had high hopes for Wheatus after this song, a cracking self-pitying loser-rock single. They followed it up with - of all things - an Erasure cover... then promptly disappeared off the face of the earth.

Still, we'll always have dirtbag.

2. Lloyd Cole & The Commotions - My Bag
Hey I was walking my bag
Through a 20 story non stop snow storm
Pirelli calender girls wrestling in body lotion
My head's swimming with poetry and prose
Excuse me one moment whilst I powder my nose...
No prizes for guessing what was in Lloyd's bag on the final Commotions album.

1. Pixies - Bag Boy

A new entry, in at Number One with a silver bullet. First new Pixies material in some time (minus Kim, sadly) and it's a classic. Download it free from their website.
Cover your breath... polish your teeth.


I was surprised how many great bag songs there were in my collection - could easily have gone another ten. But I thought I'd leave some room for you guys... what's in your bag?

Monday, 3 December 2012

My Top Ten Knitwear Songs


Because the nights are drawing in and everywhere you go, the doom-mongers are saying "it's gonna snow next week"... so we all need some quality knitwear to keep us warm.

Special mention, of course, to The Cardigans, who sadly don't appear to have ever written a song extolling the virtues of their woolly (or polyester) namesakes.


10. Malcolm Middleton - Red Travellin' Socks

Malcolm grows to hate his red socks because they take him away from the one he loves. Knitwear with a mind of its own - scary. (Or maybe his excuses are getting more desperate.)

9. Nick Heyward - Blue Hat For A Blue Day

I met Nick Heyward once. He was a thoroughly decent bloke. (I may have mentioned this before. I may mention it again.)

8. Prince - Pink Cashmere

Not on youtube, obviously. Good old Prince.

7. The Smiths - Hand In Glove

Because the glove in question must have been a nice warm one... considering the sun was shining out of Morrissey's behind as he wore it. See also Pink Glove by Pulp, in which Jarvis manages to make an innocent item of knitwear... frankly, filthy.

6. Lily Rae & The Saturday Girls - Don't Sleep In My Cardi

Some couples will argue about everything.

It's too short in the arm
Too tight in the chest
Why can't you just sleep in your vest?
5. Babybird - You're Gorgeous

Remember that tank top you bought me? What did you write on it?

4. Sam The Sham & The Pharoahs - Woolly Bully

Genius.

3. Weezer - Undone (The Sweater Song)

A relationship dissolves via the metaphor of unraveling knitwear. So much more imaginative than another bloody song about breaking hearts.

2. The Scaremongers - Cardigan Girl

AKA Simon Armitage, the Poet Laureate of Marsden (i.e. just over the hill from me). Isn't it about time we had a second Scaremongers album, Simon?

1. Sultans of Ping FC - Where's Me Jumper?

It's all right to say things can only get better
If you haven't lost your brand new sweater
Pure new wool and perfect stitches
Not the type of jumper that makes you itches, oh no
I also found a Third Eye Blind song called Jumper... but it turns out to be about someone throwing themselves off a tall building. Hardly in the spirit of things.




Those were my favourite knitwear songs... but which one makes you drop a stitch?






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