Another conversation starter from Richard Herring's book Emergency Questions...
Which conspiracy theory do you think might actually be true?
Rich thinks Paul McCartney really was replaced by a lookalike in the late 60s. You may well agree with him, but I'd argue that the replacement was far more interesting in that case.
These days, conspiracy theories get rather a bad rep. I blame the internet and all the right-wing loonies who have ruined the good old conspiracy theory for everyone. I used to love a good conspiracy theory... nowadays, I'm more likely to keep that to myself in case people think I'm a Trump supporter.
But if I had to choose a conspiracy theory that I still feels needs further investigation... despite all the (redacted) files that have been released in the intervening years, I would go for the JFK assassination every time.
Look, I know the Oliver Stone movie was a bit dubious in places, but there were still far more questions than answers. Do I really believe Lee Harvey Oswald was a lone gunman? What about the shots from the grassy knoll? Why did Jack Ruby kill him before he could be properly interrogated?
Come on... the guy was a Patsy! Even the Manic Street Preachers think so...
What about you? Were the moon landings faked by Stanley Kubrick? What about the Roswell Incident? Was there something in David Icke's Lizard People rantings? Is the Illuminati controlling our every move? Go on, we're all friends here...
I'm currently enthralled by the book Listen, by Michel Faber, one of my favourite fiction writers who's now branched out into non-fiction with a fascinsating analysis of how and why we listen to music, and all the benefits we gain from doing so. Faber describes Listen as the book he's wanted to write his whole life... and guess what? It's also the book I've been wanting to read for a similar length of time.
Even though Michel and I don't exactly share the same taste in music (he was brought up on pop, but more recently his tastes tend towards the avant garde), we share the same passion for music as a form, and so much of what he has to say resonates with me.
"Music is a battleground of identity and allegiance," the writer tells us (far more eruditely than I've ever managed to express the same notion), quoting Peter Gabriel who once said that, music is "part of the artillery with which you announce yourself to the world". "Liking the right music," Faber adds, "wins you recognition and approval from your peer group... liking the wrong music provokes alienation and exclusion".
Here is another selection from The List, that neverending pressure cooker of tunes constantly on simmer in my mind. How much of it will win me recognition and approval... and how much will have you throwing cabbages?
Let's start with some Hirth Martinez, a singer-songwriter from the 70s whose debut album was produced by Robbie Robertson (on Bob Dylan's recommendation). I particularly like the track Altogether Alone, which reminds me of Gilbert O'Sullivan and Dean Friedman (put those cabbages DOWN), so Hirth has gone on the list to investigate further...
I've become obsessed with the Kate Bush song Army Dreamers lately. It was the third single from Kate's third album, Never For Ever, in 1980... though it was rather overshadowed by its predecessor, Babooshka. Now I loved Babooshka, and not just for the video... which is the maddest thing Kate ever did... but I never paid much attention to anything else from that album.
I'm not sure why I started listening to Army Dreamers after all this time, but this simple tale of a young soldier coming home in a box has really struck a chord in recent weeks, especially the call & response chorus. Now I think I might even like it more than Babooshka. (Shh. Don't tell anyone.)
(What could he do? Should have been a rock star) But he didn't have the money for a guitar (What could he do? Should have been a politician) But he never had a proper education (What could he do? Should have been a father) But he never even made it to his twenties What a waste, army dreamers Oh, what a waste of army dreamers
Also, the video. Sigh.
Last week's Snapshots featured Swedish Brit Pop band Grass-Show. (How can you be a Swedish Brit Pop band? Ask the 90s.) I was very fond of their 1997 album Something Smells Good In Stinkville back in the day, and I've been listening to it again recently. I'd completely forgotten their rocky cover of this fiendishly catchy 1993 Number One from their countrymen, Ace of Bass. I always hated this song. Until...
Finally today, here's a new tune from a Cinicinatti indie band called HARBOUR. They insist on the capitals. (Don't start me.) This is from their album To Chase My Dreams, Or To Just Lie Down? Extra marks. It's the sort of song I'd love to put on one of Sam's in-car mix CDs, except for the fact they frequently sing "Just fucking run me over", which I'm not sure he's ready for yet. Still: I am. Must check out the album...
Because I couldn't find a picture of Herb Alpert taking a photo, here's Herbie the car. He's going bananas for today countdown of songs with herbs in them...
(Oh, and in case you were wondering about Marlene yesterday, the surname "Dill" is apparently "from a pet form of the personal name Dietrich", according to the people who know about such things.)
10. Makes a lot of parkin.
Parkin is a ginger cake. Some debate on the interweb about whether ginger is a herb or a root veg. That doesn't matter though, because we're not here for the ginger, we're here for the basil...
Cover Me Monday was a regular feature on this blog, pre-lockdown... and then the world fell apart, and so did most of my regular features. Late last week, I stumbled across a classic forgotten cover version that made me want to resurrect the feature... particularly as it had stopped at #13, and I'm a bit superstitious that way. What if I caused the world to fall apart, just by stopping this feature at #13? (I realise that's a rather egocentric view of the world, but I have limited contact with anyone else at the moment... I'm starting to wonder if you're all just figments of my imagination.)
Anyway: Lambchop covering The Sisters of Mercy. From the bonus disc of their 2002 album Is A Woman. I'm sorry, this record can not be almost 20 years old. Where has my life gone?
First, here's the original, because I adore it. (Though I'm betting a few of you don't.)
The Sisters of Mercy produced by Jim Steinman. Like trying to put out a fire by pouring petrol in it. According to Andrew Eldritch, "I called Steinman and explained that we needed something that sounded like a disco party run by the Borgias. And that’s what we got."
Strip away that "disco party run by the Borgias" though, and you're still left with a top song. As Kurt Wagner reveals here...
And while we're on the subject, I'd be remiss if I didn't post this. It's as different from the two tracks above as can possibly be, but together they make up three sides of one very interesting triangle.
They don't throw him a parade
He just comes in on a train
One suitcase in his hand
And an old army backpack
From the second world war
From a Leipzig secondhand store
Pick the keys up from the agent
Everything's been taken care of
No big changes in the roadways
Since you've left that I'm aware of
A few old buildings gone to dust
And some new ones in the way
They'll look just like the old ones
When the winds have had their say
I do take issue with the "No big changes in the roadways" line though, since back in the late 80s, early 90s, I found it pretty easy to get around Leeds in a car. The inner loop is a Kafka-esque nightmare now though.
Alyson nailed this week's band image. Who else but the Electric Six. Any excuse to play one of my favourite videos... with Jack White on guest vocals...
Next came C, who remarked that reading (last week's post) makes it sound/feel like we were all in the same room having a good old real-life conversation (remember those?) - and I love it.
You mean we can't do that anymore, C? Oh wait, no, you're right. That sort of thing is only allowed for senior government advisers, isn't it? Silly me.
Oh, and here's C's suggestion for this week, and a fine one it is too...
Swiss Adam was the first to remark that there were "Not so many sixes..." (in comparison to last week's epic), but you won't hear me complaining. Here are his suggestions...
Didn't we have that ten posts again? I'm not sure it counts this time.
There seems to be something called Six Pack by our old chum Sting and his fellow Policemen but that certainly won't be your pick if last week's comments were anything to go by.
I've actually nothing against Sting when he's fighting alongside the Boys in Blue. It's just once all the tantric wibbly wobbly stuff creeps in that he loses me.
The Police - Six Pack
Sadly though, this appears not to be a song but a box set of early Police singles. The best ones.
Wish we'd reached this number next week, as it would have coincided with one with all the sixes in the calendar - Just think, wouldn't it be something to have been born 60 years ago in 1960 on a date with all the sixes! Something devilish about that.
So if I save this post till Saturday, it can go out on the 6th of the 6th? Are you happy to sacrifice Saturday Snapshots just for that, Alyson?
No, I didn't think so.
Shortly after this, Lynchie and George got into a debate about Dundee and moustaches which didn't involve any sixes, but was quite amusing. Then George returned with this...
The Gracious Losers - Six Degrees of Separation
Sadly, I couldn't find that anywhere on t'internet, George. But here's another song from them to make up for that...
I will gladly take any further Lee Hazlewood suggestions you want to make, CC, as they're always excellent.
Oh look, The Swede's finally up! And he's remembered which way round I like my artists & titles this week. So let's crack on with his list, since he's no lightweight like Swiss Adam and Jim...
That, on the other hand, was even worse than could have been expected from a band called Dr Mix & the Remix. It sounded like someone had left a tape recorder running in David Lynch's bathroom.
Brian, who almost beat The Swede to the game this week, was very impressed with a couple of earlier selections.
Jim in Dubai had a couple of favorites this week with Tender Trap and, especially, Split Enz. My vote goes with one of the Swede's picks... Tom Waits. I love that era around Swordfishtrombones and Rain Dogs. Here are a couple of more:
I think that did appear on the #9 post, Walter... just before I introduced the Tom Robinson Rule.
From Germany to Canada for our final contribution this week, as usual it's Douglas McLaren...
I will stick to one offering. Not likely a contender for the winning spot (as it is nearly nine minutes and an instrumental), but I like the song, and the group deserves an award for the most evocative titles:
You see, if you're going to do an "intro waiting for a song", at least put your money where your mouth is and make it a nine minute intro waiting for a song!
OK, time for my scrapings. By the way, nobody guessed my winning tune this week. I had Martin down for it, but I suspect he might have been out on his bike. Shame, it would have been an easy win for him.
(No, that does not contravene the Tom Robinson Rule.)
OK, so that brings us to the end of this week's post, and for the first time in ages, nobody has guessed my record of the week. I even went around to Martin's house and shouted through his window to have a go (on Sunday night to boot!), and all I got back was this...
Struggling. Was going to pitch Mansun and Sneaker Pimps, and they've both gone already. What am I missing? Am I going to be kicking myself?
I don't know. Maybe.
Here's a clue...
No?
What's in the box?
It's only the sequel to Se7en...
...courtesy of Evan Dando and chums.
Only 5 left, folks. Who's going to take the fifth?
Low attendance yesterday - I guess SS can't compete with the football. I think Charity Chic just nabbed the win. Half a point ahead of Lynchie. And Alyson... I think... scraped past the line first last week.
Thanks for playing...
10. God, the German trees in France are all conifers.
Tree in German is baum. Conifers are evergreen. The Normans came from France.
(Special mention to Bowling For Soup, the only band to ever read one of my blog posts and tweet a reply about it. Pity they never wrote a bowling song.)
More Glaswegian heartbreak from Tracyanne and the gang...
Anyway, I got myself some bowling shoes An' they are all that I can see With all my might I scored a strike My friend you wouldn't believe My teenage years were wasted all on me
Musically, this wouldn't be out of place on The Big Lebowski soundtrack.
Lyrically: it is devastating.
Put that camera away Take no pictures of the ruins of our life That died without a fight and oh We're doing everything just right Except for touching and for holding and consoling Let's go bowling
Originally recorded by The Clovers in 1957, Elvis brought a desperate energy to it that lifts it above much of the soundtrack fodder he was recording at the time. I love the anoraky detail you can find on iffypedia about old Elvis songs: "Presley recorded it between 4 and 7 AM in the early morning of May 26, 1966 at the May 25—28 studio sessions for RCA at the RCA Studio B in Nashville, Tennessee". Did this guy ever sleep?
Janie, Janie, Janie, Janie, Jane Jane Down in the alley, just you and me We're going bowlin' till half past three Just rockin' and reelin', we'll get that feelin' Down in the alley, oh baby gee
1. Camper Van Beethoven - Take The Skinheads Bowling
Of course, there could only be one Number One on this chart. The Manics do a pretty faithful cover too. From the album Telephone Free Landslide Victory. Mark E. Smith would be proud.
Maybe it's a metaphor for racism, maybe it's just nonsense. Either way, it scores 300.
Let's start with the obvious one. If you can't blame it on the sunshine or the moonlight... maybe you should blame it on Jarvis Cocker for waggling his bottom in Earth Song. If he hadn't done that, perhaps Michael The Messiah might have saved us all...
Come on, Kurt... surely the blondes have more to be blamed for?
Research and radios Divide my world at best Peanut butter relationships No kids no food no pets Adequate understanding Ample cigarettes Blame it on the brunette
Kind of like blaming Postman Pat. Which, come to mention it, is not a bad idea since it does generally appear to be his fault. He's lucky that he lives in a village full of idiots who never fail to say, "don't worry, Pat won't let us down," no matter how many times he does just that.
I know, I know. It ain't cool, but I still love it.
I mean, come on...
It feels so good that it ought to be illegal I got my vaccination from a pornograph needle I'll never grow up and I'll never grow old Blame it on the love of rock & roll!
Love Cosmo Jarvis. Very disappointed that he appears to have packed in the music biz in favour of acting. I'm sure he's very good in Lady Macbeth, but I'd rather hear a new record from him. I do blame him for that.
Written just after Altamont, when the whole of America seemed intent on blaming it on The Stones...
Mister Marvin Middle Class is really in a stew Wond'rin' what the younger generation's coming to And the taste of his martini doesn't please his bitter tongue Blame it on the Rolling Stones.
Mother tells the ladies at the bridge club every day Of the rising price of tranquilizers she must pay And she wonders why the children never seem to stay at home Blame it on the Rolling Stones.
Once upon a time, I had a little money Government burglars took it long Before I could mail it to you, Still, you are the only one Now I can't let it slip away So if the man with the ticker tape, he tries to take it Well, this is what I'm gonna say...
1. Carter USM - I Blame The Government
I blame the government For making me this way Bitter and twisted and crap Bored psychopathic At the end of the day I blame the government for that Poor education, death on the roads The writing thats not on the wall The war in The Balkans The war in The Falklands Its not like The Waltons at all
Well, quite.
If I had the wings of a sparrow If I had the arse of a crow I'd fly over Whitehall tomorrow And... ...on the bastards below
Ten songs about April Fool's Day, along with ten amazing facts about the artists in question. But which ones are true and which ones are the APRIL FOOL?!?
It was only after failing the audition to play bass in Soul Asylum that Kurt Cobain decided to form Nirvana. As a result, Soul Asylum's place in rock 'n' roll history is set in stone.
Following her acting debut in the film Blues Brothers, Aretha Franklin briefly considered taking the Kathy Bates role in the film adaptation of the Stephen King novel Misery. She was talked out of it by her good friend George Michael (with whom she duetted on the 1987 Number One, I Knew You Were Waiting For Me).
When 90s singer-songwriter Patti Smyth had a big hit with her Don Henley duet, Sometimes Love Ain't Enough, the original Patti Smith sued her for the right to the pronunciation of her own name. When Patti the first won the case, Patti the second was forced to change the i sound in her name to a y sound to avoid confusion.
Comedian and Pointless presenter Alexander Armstrong was a member of Jake Shillingford's My Life Story orchestra. He played trumpet on a number of MLS songs, though not, sadly, this one.
Del
Amitri's lead singer & songwriter Justin Currie is a distant relative of
infamous Spitting Image puppet and John Major bit on the side, Edwina Curry.
(Seriously, April Fool's gags aside... imagine going down in history as
"John Major's bit on the side". You've got to have some sympathy for poor Edwina...)
Loudon Wainwright III is actually the fourth generation of Loudon in his family. He just thought III sounded cooler. Then he decided to mess with tradition and call his own son...
Rufus wrote the lyrics to one of his best songs, Going To A Town, while under general anaesthetic for an operation on a particularly nasty ingrowing toenail.
Lambchop mainman Kurt Wagner was such a fan of Marvel's X-Men comic book in his youth that he wrote a fan letter to the book every month. In recognition of his dedication, writer Len Wein named an X-Man after him. Kurt Wagner: Nightcrawler.
Following the success of their 1983 hit New Year's Day, Bono and Thedge briefly considered recording a whole album based around days of the year. The project was soon abandoned, but this track did later resurface as the b-side to their 1987 release, In God's Country (not a big hit, probably because it was the SEVENTH single from The Joshua Tree). I'm not the world's biggest U2 fan, but I do think this is one of the best things they ever recorded.
1. Kenny Rogers & The First Edition - Just Checked In (To See What Condition My Condition Was In)
My favourite April Fool's song doesn't actually have April Fool in the title. It does feature in the lyrics though...
Someone painted April Fool in big black letters on a Dead End sign I had my foot on the gas as I left the road and blew out my mind Eight miles outta Memphis and I got no spare Eight miles straight up downtown somewhere I just dropped in to see what condition my condition was in
When Kenny disbanded the First Edition in the early 80s to go solo, several other members of the band went on to form New Edition and top the charts with the song Candy Girl.
I'll reveal the answers next week. In the meantime have fun guessing the April Fools...
Four times a week, I have a 50 min - 1 hr 10 minute commute to work (depending on whether I'm taking Sam to nursery or not) and this is where I listen to most of my music these days. Most days enjoy the journey - it's country lanes most of the way - but every now and then, a bad driver comes along and spoils it all. Don't get me wrong, I'm not one of those people who thinks he's the best driver on the road. I just think everyone else is worse. ("L'enfer, c'est les autres." Or, "L'enfer, c'est les autos", if you prefer.) I chose the image above not because Neko Case features in this list, but because you'd hate to meet her coming the other way on your way to work, if that's how she drives...
We start out in 1954 with this terrifying anti-drink drive death disc. I think it's fair to say, if you've never heard this before, you've never heard anything like it before. You probably won't ever want to hear it again, unless you have some kind of sick, macabre sense of humour. Or you like tragic 50s death discs. As I do.
If you're
reading this post from outside the UK (and, bizarrely, blogger tells me I
have more readers from the rest of the world than I do from my home
country), you might not know that a Blue Badge is the thing that allows you to park in a disabled parking space in the UK. And little gets us as hot under the collar as seeing some able-bodied type who's managed to con a Blue Badge out of the council, thereby allowing him to park wherever the chuff he choose. (Personally I get more mad at people who park in the Parent & Child bays but quite clearly have no children... but that's just where I am in my life anymore.)
I park up in the pouring rain The space was empty, who's to complain? And if they did, I'd say I'm due for the op And sprint wilfully off to the shop
A typical Nigel Blackwell rant then, written from the perspective of this "ne'er-do-well of the highest accord".
Presumably, Kurt Wagner is driving slowly to prolong the time he spends with his new love before dropping her off. Which is all very romantic... but a pain in the arse if you're stuck behind him.
Lambchop sound a bit like REM on this one - not something I've ever noticed before.
I'll play this one for Dave on his 69th birthday. New album out today also: I'll get round to it soon as I can afford, Dave.
Released back in '77, this Low album track apparently describes coked up Dave taking revenge on a drug dealer who'd ripped him off, smashing into his car before going for a spin in his hotel's underground garage. They don't make rock stars like they used to.
I'm obviously on a bit of a Don Henley kick at the moment, following last year's comeback album. This is from the same album as his biggest hit, the astounding Boys of Summer, and while it's not in the same league as that, it is a very intriguing record, laced with the usual Henley cynicism and some bizarre references to French poets which I don't understand at all because I'm only an English teacher and the only French writer I can quote is Sartre.
This is what bad girls become when they grow up. Doesn't mean they become better drivers.
Classic Everclear single from 2003, although none of my muso pals will agree with me when I say this: I see it as kind of the American equivalent of...
Leave it to Moz to write an ode to that most loathed of bad drivers - he always has a knack for sympathising the underdogs. Even when he wants to kill them.
He's got too many girlfriends
He thinks he owns this city
He overspeeds and he never gets pulled over
Have you seen him go, though, oh?
The second and final single from the album many consider to be Moz's nadir, Southpaw Grammar, on which he flirts with grunge and 10 minute drum solos. I think Boy Racer stands up well now - but then, when compared to the album's first single, the lamentable Dagenham Dave, this could be How Soon Is Now II.
Oh yeah, and if anyone ever tries to convince you of that old Moz=Miseryguts chestnut, can you kindly direct them here...
He thinks he got the whole world in his hands
Stood at the urinal
He thinks he got the whole world in his hands
And I'm gonna ... kill him!
Aimee at the height of her powers, from an album with a curious story behind it, Bachelor No. 2 or, the Last Remains of the Dodo.Back in 2000 when the album was finished, her record company refused to release it as they felt it wasn't commercial, despite a number of the songs - including this one - already having featured in the hit soundtrack for Paul Thomas Anderson's film Magnolia... you know, the one where Tom Cruise plays a sexist dick.
(Insert your own punchline here.)
Anyway, Aimee bought the music back off her record company (for a shitload, by all accounts) and released it independently via her own website where it became one of the internet's first big sales success stories (CD-wise).
Having said all that, Driving Sideways isn't on the UK edition of Bachelor (which I own) because it was swapped for Save Me (also from the Magnolia soundtrack, and arguably a much better song). Thus endeth today's lesson on semi-obscure Aimee Mann records.
Taken literally, this would be one very bad driver indeed. If their feet could reach the pedals, none of us would be safe. Of course, when you get to my age, the average 17 year old looks like a Baby Driver... and watching them scoot down the road always fills me with dread.
Baby Driver is from Bridge Over Troubled Water and was originally the b-side of The Boxer. Jack Kerouac's daughter Janet used the title for her first (semi-autobiographical) novel, released in the early 80s.
1. Del Amitri - Driving With The Brakes On
I don't feature Del Amitri on this site half as much as I should, because I do consider Justin Currie one of the greatest songwriters of his generation. Gloriously grumpy too, which is why you'd be perfectly in your right to consider this just another one of his "moaning at the world" songs, written after being stuck behind one of those drivers who has to test those new brake lights he got for Christmas every three seconds.
Other interpretations are that the song's about an abortion the male partner was unable to prevent, and his attempts to come to terms with that and whether the relationship has any future. Certainly gives you an alternate reading for the lyrics...
Driving through the long night
Trying to figure who's right and who's wrong
Now the kid has gone. I sit belted up tight,
She sucks on a match light, glowing bronze, steering on.
And I might be more a man if I stopped this in its tracks
And said come on, let's go home. But she's got the wheel,
And I've got nothing except what I have on.
The song's from 1995, though it sounds as far away from Britpop as you could have got and still be a guitar band. At the time, that made Del Amitri unfashionable. 20 years later, it makes them timeless.
Yes I am a pirate, two hundred years too late The cannons don't thunder, there's nothin' to plunder I'm an over-forty victim of fate Arriving too late, arriving too late...
Because every Pogues song sounds like it's sung by a lairy, drunken sea captain, I figured I'd have no problem including them in this list. Especially as one of their greatest albums is called Rum, Sodomy & The Lash. I was rather surprised then by how long it took me to track down an appropriate tune... but this one saved the day. Read the full story behind it - and its rather bizarre genesis - here.
In later years, Tom Waits would come to resemble a real life pirate in both vocals and appearance (in fact, only Keith Richards and Shane MacGowan could beat him in a Captain Pugwash Lookalike Contest). Back in 1974, when this was released though... they'd have made him walk the plank as an imposter. Still gorgeous, despite that...
And the fog's liftin' And the sand's shiftin' I'm driftin' on out Ol' Captain Ahab He ain't got nothin' on me So come and swallow me, follow me I'm trav'lin' alone Blue water's my daughter 'n I'm gonna skip like a stone
Ah-harrgh, you scurvy landlubbers... part of me would prefer it if Kurt Wagner made up this day... yet it turns out it's an actual phenomenon (September 19th, if you're interested). Which may even be better.
Without your eye patch and your parrot I've been informed it's National Talk Like A Pirate Day Perhaps this singing is a refuge From other equally uncomfortable thoughts
Warren would have had no problem talking like a pirate... he even begins this song:
Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum Hoist the mainsail - here I come...
Like much of this amazing songwriter's work, however, he manages to make his playful lyrics heartfelt and affecting. The more I listen to Warren Zevon, the more I want to hear.
1. Cosmo Jarvis - Gay Pirates
A song so good Stephen Fry tweeted it, Cosmo's Gay Pirates tells of the doomed love affair between two pirates who are victimised because of their sexuality. Both hilarious and heartbreaking, it's a real triumph.
And I'm sick of being beaten And whipped and lashed to death, I want one night with no gang-rape But I won't hold my breath.
But it's you my love You're my land ahoy Yeah, you're my boy
Those were my favourite pirate songs... but which one blows you down?
