To celebrate this collection of songs about things we call the cops, I asked Steve McGarrett to pose for a Snapshot. He may not be my favourite policeman, but he does have the best theme tune...
Here are some more tunes that are Top of the Cops...
While America prepares to re-elect the riot-inciting, bleach-advocating man baby (not that we can talk, considering they brought Cameron back), here are fifteen songs that mention a former POTUS in the title. But before we get to that... here's Poet Laureate Simon Armitage giving his verdict on the Trump regime...
When I was a small boy, I drank a whole bottle of Old Spice aftershave and had to go to hospital. Or so the story goes. I'm not entirely sure how this was possible, since in my memory, Old Spice bottles only allowed a few drops out at a time, so I must have been sucking on that white plastic teat for ages. You might well ask "Was Old Spice so delicious to a 3 year old that he wanted to keep on suckling that bottle till he'd drained it dry?" To which I have no real response. An easier question to deal with is, "Where were your parents?" We all know the answer to that one: it was the 70s.
I do wonder if this early escapade put me off alcohol and stopped me joining the teenage drinkers in High School... I was vehemently tee total until I turned 21. Made up for it in the 90s, then quit at the turn of the Millennium for health reasons. Haven't touch a drop since: booze or Old Spice.
Back in the 70s, men only really had the choice of two aftershaves, as far as I can tell. It was Old Spice or Brut... which cost more, because you had to "splash it all over". Old Spice was my dad's choice back then, and it definitely had the classier advert...
The music was O Fortuna, the opening section of Carl Orff's Carmina Burana, which (like many people, it seems) I always thought was used in The Omen. It wasn't, but it was later used in The X-Factor, so there's definitely a satanic connection.
My dad stopped wearing aftershave when I was a teenager. But the scent of Old Spice still takes me back to my childhood... thankfully not my trip to Casualty.
Here are some songs that mention Old Spice... none of them are about Victoria Beckham or Geri Halliwell. (That gag wouldn't have worked for Emma.) This first one is particularly apt...
Sometimes I think about my daddy And his Old Spice grin Cleaned pressed shirts, and a farmers tan
I don't know if I have more respect for Kanye, knowing that he's sampled Billy Joel, or not. Also, "young people" - dude is 46 now. Almost as old as another artist I'll always think of as a "youngster", even though she'll be 50 next year...
But it's John Grant who wins the prize today. A year's supply of Old Spice is winging its way to Iceland... don't drink it all at once, John.
You'd better watch out sugar, 'cause I'm about to get my Old Spice on
John Grant (featuring Midlake) - Chicken Bones
There is a video for that tune, but it breaks the song up to create a (very entertaining) narrative, so I linked to the album version instead. He still gets his Old Spice on in the video though.
I started the year with some quite easy ones as I'm sure you're all feeling depressed about returning to work / normality after your Christmas excesses. But be warned... there are some stinkers coming up in the next few weeks!
10. Do you remember a Danish boardgame? It's incomprehensible.
In Danish "Hüsker Dü?" (meaning “Do you remember?") is a children's memory board game. Apparently. I will rely on Chris to tell me if this is not the case.
How bizarre has this weather been lately? It's July in the UK and the temperature is heading into the thirties. There's no rain. And everyone's complaining about the heat! Not a traditional British summer at all... who can remember the last time we had a sunny Glastonbury AND a red hot Wimbledon. It's like the mythical long hot summers of our youths...
Anyway, to celebrate here are ten songs about hot summers. Enjoy them while they last.
For many, many years, I thought John Sebastian was singing "'Til I'm weezin' like a bus stop" which I considered a beautiful line, even though the imagery was rather skewed. Imagine my disappointment to discover it's actually "'Til I'm weezin' at the bus stop". Never mind, it spoils this perfect pop record not one jot.
Please be upstanding for the utter insanity that is the full, minute-long spoken word intro performed by Jim Steinman and Ellen Foley... after that, you wonder how Meat's song can ever live up to it. Amazingly, it does. If I could marry this record, I would.
I bet you say that to all the boys...
1. Don Henley - The Boys of Summer
Nothing says the summers of my teenage years like this song. Not that my own teenage years resembled those described by Don Henley one bit... but I could dream.
I can see you
Your brown skin shining in the sun
You got that top pulled down and that radio on baby
And I can tell you my love for you will still be strong
after the boys of summer have gone
I was always quite fond of The Ataris' cover version too.
Hot damn, there are just too many great hot summer songs... ten barely scratches the surface. If the weather sticks, I'll come back with Volume 2 soon... your suggestions welcome, as always (though no guarantees I'll include them).
