Saturday Snapshots #96 - The Answers

Saturday Snapshots... the final frontier.

These are the answers from our five year mission to boldly go...

What do you mean he's not a singer?

I can't get behind that.

"Always can do one more..."

Well done to Alyson for a clear victory this week, even stepping away to let others have a go. Thanks for playing, as always. Very quick answers this week because I have to assemble some more bloody IKEA furniture...


10. Interesting snooker player in sou'wester sacrifices his glory days to music.

Steve 'Interesting' Davis was the snooker player.

A sou'wester is a mac.

Mac Davis - Rock 'N Roll (I Gave You The Best Years Of My Life)

9. Curtly flat, Johnny Rotten & Poly Styrene compose a ballad.

Curtly flat is an anagram.

Tullycraft - The Punks Are Writing Love Songs

8. Menace to society complains about computers being left on overnight.

Public Enemy - Shut 'Em Down

7. Goes well with heels, pants and khaki suits (twice) but is often mistaken for somebody else.

In Uptown Top Ranking, all the above items of clothing are worn with Ting.

The Ting Tings - That's Not My Name

6. ☠ Zero chance of misery.

Poison - Nothin' But A Good Time

Charity Chic and Lynchie - proud to call themselves Poison fans.

5. Put together pieces in the stratosphere.

Jigsaw - Sky High

And thanks to CC, I just discovered Jigsaw's other "hit", Journey Into Space. Which is great, because it has almost the same tune as Sky High, with added moog effects.

The above photo couldn't help but remind me of Les McQueen...

4. Telephoto Thom in a muddle about junior Lebowskis.

Telephoto Thom is another anagram.

The Dude is Jeff Lebowski.

Mott The Hoople - All The Young Dudes

3. Louise pleads with her other half not to go to Texas.

Louise's partner was Thelma.

Thelma Houston - Don't Leave Me This Way

2. Successful conmen with cathode.

A cathode is electronic.

Successful conmen get away with it.

Electronic - Getting Away With It

Lyrics written by Neil Tennant, allegedly about Steven Patrick Morrissey.

1. Johnson's friend isn't bothered now.

Holly Johnson's buddy.

Now that's a pop song!


"I'd fight Shatner."

But once I'm done, I'll be back next week with another set of Snapshots.

Unless I get a better offer.

My Top Ten Dirty Songs

Ten songs in need of a good wash.

If you came looking for Christina Aguilera, you'll end up disappointed. She can't even spell 'dirty'...


10. Don Henley - Dirty Laundry

Here's one I haven't listened to in 20 years. A condemnation of TV news sensationalism from Henley's debut solo album.

9. Poison - Talk Dirty To Me

Hair metal at its best. If you believe such a thing is possible.

8. Frank Zappa - Dirty Love

 If there's a dragon in your dreams, Frank's here to help... at a price.

7. AC/DC - Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap

Kinda like 118 118 for bastards.

6. The Bastard Fairies - Dirty Sexy Kill Kill

How can you not want to listen to a band called The Bastard Fairies? Especially when they sound like Amanda Palmer backed by the Eels? Get out while you still can!

Last I checked, this was even available for free download from their website.

5. The White Stripes - Dead Leaves And The Dirty Ground

In which the line between Jack White and Johnny Depp blurs imperceptibly, courtesy of director Michel Gondry.

4. Lou Reed - Dirty Blvd.

 Lou takes a serious shot at his hometown. Amazing storytelling.

Give me your hungry, your tired, your poor I'll piss on 'em
That's what the Statue of Bigotry says
Your poor huddled masses
Let's club 'em to death
And get it over with and just dump 'em on the boulevard

3. The Pogues - Dirty Old Town

Written by Kirsty's dad, back in 1949, but Shane made it his own. You don't hear many opening lines better than this...

I met my girl by the gas works' wall...

2. Bonnie Tyler & Todd Rundgren - Loving You Is A Dirty Job But Somebody's Gotta Do It

Written by Jim Steinman, like all the best Bonnie Tyler songs. You could probably guess that from the length of the title and the inclusion of orchestra, 12 sticks of dynamite and kitchen sink in the score.The video is also a work of demented 80s genius... featuring Hywel Bennett in the Todd Rundgren role.

There were times when we fought like tigers
There were times we were damn good liars
There were times we extinguished every
That was burning, burning, burning up each other alive
From the heavens on down to the dives
There were times we lost it all we lost it all
There were times we lost it all we lost it all

1. Steely Dan - Dirty Work

I've been listening to this a lot lately since its appearance in my Film of 2014 (so far... but then, I have only seen two), American Hustle. However, over the last few months I've also been listening to a helluva lot more Steely Dan than I ever have before. I am officially middle-aged. (I reach The Meaning of Life, The Universe & Everything this week, folks!)

So I am now at the stage in my life where I'd rather listen to a 42 year-old Steely Dan song (this, from their debut album, is as old as I am) than anything Radio 1 would ever play. These Top Tens used to contain a lot more Cool Young Indie Music and a lot less Sad Old Muso Music. I always dreaded this day... but you know what? It ain't that bad... 




Which one would you scrub up for?

My Top Ten Songs About (The) Rolling Stones

As Mick Jagger turns 70 (and I already did My Top Ten Rolling Stones Songs), here's ten songs about Rolling Stones... and Stones that Roll.

Happy birthday, Mick!


10. Maroon 5 feat. Christina Aguilera - Move Like Jagger

Don't expect either Maroon 5 or Christina Aguilera to be making regular appearances on this blog, but as it's Mick's birthday and he apparently finds this track "very flattering", I pretty much had to give it  spin.

I actually used this in my class to demonstrate the use of simile in pop song.

9. Tim Hardin - Rolling Stone

The only song on this list that officially doesn't gather any moss.

8. The Verve - The Rolling People

A slight cheat, but The Verve were famously sued by Andrew Loog Oldham for sampling his cover of The Last Time (by The Stones) on Bittersweet Symphony with the credits on that track being forcibly changed to Jagger / Richards / Ashcroft and 100% of the royalties ending up with Mick 'n' Keef.

The Rolling People comes from the same album, and presumably was written and recorded before all that kicked off. It still sounds pretty cool...

7. Cloud Control - The Rolling Stones

This song by Australia's Cloud Control has very little to do with Mick 'n' Keef, but it is quite lovely.

6. Dr. Hook - Cover of the Rolling Stone

About the magazine, not the band, obviously.

I got a freaky old lady name o' Cocaine Kitty who embroiders on my jeans
I got my poor ol' grey haired daddy, drivin' my limousine
Now it's all designed to blow our minds but our minds won't really be blown
Like the blow that'll getcha when you get your picture on the cover of The Rolling Stone

Worth checking out Poison's cover version too... if you're a glutton for hair metal punishment (as I am).
5. Mott The Hoople - Roll Away The Stone

Ian Hunter gets born again. Top guitar and sha-la-las.

4. Carly Simon - You're So Vain

There is great debate over who this song is actually about... and Mick Jagger is only one of many suspects (Warren Beatty, David Geffen and Nick Nolte are also likely candidates). Whether Mick is the vain one (he probably thinks this song is about him), he did sing backing vocals on Carly's biggest hit... and it's too good a song not to include here. Amazing lyrics...

3. The House Of Love -  The Beatles & The Stones

 If I ever get round to doing a Top Ten Songs About The Beatles... expect this to make a return appearance.

The Beatles and the Stones
Sucked the marrow out of bone
Put the V in Vietnam
The Beatles and the Stones
Made it good to be alone
To be alone

2. Bob Dylan - Like A Rolling Stone

Ooh... controversial. Hands up if you thought this would be Number One?

How does it feel...?

1. The Temptations - Papa Was A Rolling Stone

Better than Dylan? I'll leave that to the musos to argue over. For me, this is the Temps finest hour, one of the greatest basslines in the history of pop, and the intro alone gets it to the top spot.




Which one would you dedicate to the birthday boy?

My Top Ten Sexual Songs

At last, the fourth issue of my comic Too Much Sex & Violence is out! (Should you be at all interested, you can buy it here.)

Way back through the mists of time when I published issue #3, I marked the occasion by compiling My Top Ten Sex Songs and My Top Ten Sexy Songs. At the time, I promised to complete that particular ménage à trois...but I'm afraid I've been a bit of a tease, haven't I? Hopefully you've not lost your appetite for this...


10. The Hot 8 Brass Band - Sexual Healing

It's not often I'll include two versions of the same song in one Top Ten... but this one's so good, I just couldn't resist it.

9. Poison - Sexual Thing

Yes, Poison. Every Rose Has more than just a Thorn.

8. Everclear - My Sexual Life

Struggling to fill that Top Ten? Only found 9 decent tracks? You can always rely on Everclear...

7. Belle & Sebastian - Shoot The Sexual Athlete

Stuart Murdoch pays tribute to the Go-Betweens and other 80s heroes.

6. Jackie Leven - The Sexual Loneliness Of Jesus Christ

I make no apologies for the fact that this song will pop up again in another Top Ten very soon. Because it's bloody great.

5. Relaxed Muscle - Sexualized

Jarvis Cocker sees sex wherever he looks. Even student teachers are sexualized!

Leave it out, Jarvis, I like you... but not in that way.

4. Momus - A Complete History of Sexual Jealousy (Parts 17 - 24)

I'm jealous of the dangling men
You know you'll never go to bed with
I've felt the fire that fires them
I've known the unrequited love it's fed with
And I don't believe in Platonic love
But I'm still jealous of Plato
What a bore!
A Complete History of Sexual Jealousy Parts 17 to 24

3. Readers' Wives - Sexually Attracted To Myself

My old pals Readers' Wives, with one of their very best. Buy the album it came from here. Go on, it's good.

I'm sexually attracted to myself
And for that very reason
I think I might be gay, like

Great Morrissey-esque "oh-ho-ho-ho-ho!" just over a minute into the song.

2. Marvin Gaye - (Sexual) Healing

Would have been Number One if it wasn't for a steward's enquiry. Any song that begins thus...

Baby, I'm hot just like an oven
I need some lovin'

...deserves your respect and admiration.

Radio stations put the S-word in brackets, in case it upset impressionable listeners. BBC DJs at the time of its release were only allowed to call it 'Healing'.

1. Billy Bragg - Sexuality

It was almost too close to call, but how could I relegate Billy's finest pop moment (with a little help from Johnny Marr, Kirsty MacColl and Phil Jupitus) into second place? So many great lines, it's hard to pick a favourite...

I'm sure that everybody knows how much my body hates me
It lets me down most every time and makes me rash and hasty
I feel a total jerk before your naked body of work

Those were my sexual secrets... but which one gets you in the mood?