Yesterday was Halloween... so I'm guessing this one would have been pretty obvious?
Maybe not.
Here are some songs to suck blood to...
15. Found to be indistinguishable.
That's Sting, as found in distinguishable, with a cameo role in the movie Zoolander 2.
I almost posted this picture yesterday, because the web of lies led me to believe that Sting had once appeared in a wrestling movie. Turns out this was a wrestler called Sting instead though. D'oh.
This was the week that I discovered that the above "classic" Sting hit was about vampires, not about those awful biscuits that are always left in the tin after all the good ones are gone. I now know much more about Sting that anyone ever wanted to.
14. New Amusements over Morrissey's boy child... they're small, delicate and refined.
Martin hosts New Amusements. Morrissey's boy child would be Stephen's son. And the rest are dainty.
We interrupt our scheduled programming for a tribute to Bonnie Tyler, who died on Wednesday. Those of you waiting with bated breath for the Cancel Culture Club postscript... it'll be here next week, I promise. But Bonnie takes priority.
Regular readers of this nonsense will know that I'm a huge fan of the overblown melodramatic glory of Jim Steinman. Nobody has stretched the pure essence of the rock n roll mythos to such wonderfully ludicrous extremes, and in Meat Loaf, Jim found the perfect voice for his theatrical, sturm und drang histrionics.
However, there were times when Meat just wasn't available. Either because he'd knackered his voice from all that bawling... or because he and Jim weren't quite seeing eye to eye. When that happened, Jim tried singing the tunes himself... but most people agreed he wasn't quite up to the job... and that's when he discovered Bonnie Tyler.
Up until then, Welsh chanteuse Gaynor Sullivan had been carving about a pretty decent career singing reasonably average tunes like Lost In France and It's A Heartache. I'm guessing Jim must have heard one of these, because in 1983 he offered her a song written for Meat which looked like it wasn't ever going to get recorded. And the rest is history...
Other Steinman / Tyler collaborations followed - not all of them hits, but all of them amazing.
Losing Bonnie Tyler will be accepted by many people as just another dead star... but for me, after saying goodbye to both Jim and Meat not so long ago, this feels like the end of an era. Still, given the grand mythology of angels and devils, heaven and hell that they all dabbled in... I like to think they'll be re-united and singing with the seraphim as we speak.
We'll close today with another Steinman/Tyler favourite, this one featuring Todd Rundgren on guest vocals...
Various songs you might need to consult a doctor about... although they'll probably tell you to stop wasting their time... if you can even get past the receptionist.
15. Flatulent Camberwick Green resident and apocryphal cabin boy.
The flatulent Camberwick Green resident would be Windy Miller. It's an urban legend though that Captain Pugwash had Roger The Cabin Boy in his crew.
I must apologise for being largely absent from the blogosphere over the summer, beyond Snapshots and Namesakes. I've been busy, and even now that I'm back in the normal routine, I'm not sure I have the energy. Bit of an existential blogging crisis. We have them from time to time, don't we?
Last week, we were in Wales, where I received my first speeding ticket in 34 years of driving. This was for going 26 mph in a 20 zone that appeared out of nowhere (the road went from 60mph to 20mph on a country lane with no buildings or pedestrians, just fields on either side of the road). It seems that the Welsh police are out to raise as much money as possible from unsuspecting incomers... but I'm not sure what this will do to the tourism economy. I doubt I'll be speeding to get back there any time soon.
Did have a nice visit to Portmeirion though...
Normal service may or may not be resumed, but in the meantime, here's a few songs about speed...
Sam had an excellent report at Parents' Evening. He's doing really well in school. He's also really good at sport and regularly scores goals in his football games.
Yet I've rarely been more proud of him than when he heard Air Supply singing Making Love Out Of Nothing At All on the car stereo and said to me, "this sounds like a Meat Loaf song, daddy".
Making Love... was written by Jim Steinman for inclusion on Meat Loaf's third album, Midnight At The Lost And Found. However, the record company refused to pay Jim's going rate, so the songs ended up going to other people. Meat would later record a lot of the tunes Steinman gave to other artists, but sadly never did a version of this one. It remains the best Meat Loaf song that Meat Loaf never sang. Bonnie Tyler did a pretty epic version though, which gives us some clue as to how it might have sounded on a Meat album. The original Steinman demo, with vocals by Rory Dodds, is also worth a listen, for completists.
As for Air Supply... well, their version sounds a bit beefier than their usual melodic soft rock fare. Probably because it's got two E Streeters, Roy Bittan (keyboards) and Max Weinberg (drums) on backing... not to mention a guitar solo from Rick Derringer, formerly of The McCoys, and a frequent collaborator with both Edgar and Johnny Winter. In 1983, Air Supply were held off the Number One position on the Billboard chart for 3 weeks by another Steinman composition some say was originally written for Meat Loaf (though Jim later denied this), Total Eclipse Of The Heart.
Sam might not know any of this just yet, but he was able to spot Jim Steinman's signature sound after only a couple of listens.
I always imagined it was BBC interns in the Blobby suit that Edmonds played some weird fetish game with by making them wear the suit...
Who was the death?
Jim Steinman.
The Footloose guy? Wasn't that the other day?
I only saw it today. He didn't write Footloose. That was Kenny Loggins. He did write Holding Out For A Hero, but that's a lesser work. He also wrote all the good Meat Loaf songs, plus Total Eclipse of the Heart and some stuff that Celine Dion murdered, but was done far better by others.
Chuck Berry + Phil Spector + Springsteen + Wagner + a shameless sense of melodrama and hyperbole = Jim Steinman.
Wagner as in...?
Or Wagner as in...?
Richard.
Seems like it could be a little of both, actually.
I think that's a fair point.
Did I ever tell you about how one of my old best mate's girlfriend's parents were Rod Stewart and Tina Turner tribute acts? Big ones.
They had a house in Penistone. One of the massive ones on the river.
We used to stay over a lot. They were really nice and loved hosting us all the time. They had a recording studio in their garden where they, and other tribute acts would record.
One of the most surreal moments in my life is waking up, hungover, walking into their kitchen and seeing Rod Stewart, Marc Bolan and Meatloaf smoking weed.
Sounds like that Pulp video...
I don't think I've ever seen the video. I thought it was the video to Disney Time. No idea why.
And now I remember that Disney Time is on Cocker's solo album.
I'd forgotten that track completely.
Some forgettable tunes on that album. Especially when it starts with the swagger of Don't Let Him Waste Your Time. It definitely trails off.
Maybe. I love that final Pulp album though.
It's the one I've listened to the least. Listening priority in order: This Is Hardcore, His N Hers, Different Class, PULP. Does anybody even count the first two?
By Pulp do you mean Intro?
There were 4 albums before Intro / HnH. All contain interesting material, but not up to later standards.
Fairgroundis a terrible song and that's all I can think about with their old stuff.
For me, We Love Life is the perfect coda to their career. I love TIH (favourite album of 90s) but I prefer that they went out on a happy note.
Scott Walker too. Pop sensibilities SW, not mad old hermit making unlistenable twaddle SW. Quite an achievement.
First text from the boss this morning came through at 6.20.
Tell her to leave you alone. That is not just not on, it's absolutely pathetic.
I have.
Send her an envelope full of flour. Make her think it's ricin or anthrax.
She'd only ring me up and ask her what I thought she should do with it.
Well, this week's Taskmaster should hopefully cheer you up. A very funny one.
One word.
Casserole.
I await the vague upward curl at the edge of my mouth.
In reply, Ben sends the following video...
I think that's the least hip song you've ever sent me. I respect that.
No. That would be this one...
I found this record in a shop years ago. And I'm still not positive that Tennille is not actually attracted to muskrats.
Nah. Captain & Tennille are acceptable kitsch.
That song should never be acceptable. And The Cap is a prick.
*Was* a prick
I didn't realise you knew him.
We used to go to the same milk bar.
I've never been able to hear Secret Smile in the same way since someone told me it was a metaphor for a vagina.
That's uncomfortable.
Maybe you're mixing it up with the film, Teeth?
Was that the Barry Gibb biopic?
That's what I thought I was settling down for...
That film would have been even scarier if her nether regions had Barry Gibb's face. And maybe a big medallion and huge white collars.
That needs to be optioned as soon as possible.
My Saturday night treat this week is my Covid jab.
Well, you're lucky. I'm still here without one.
Just got down to the under 50s. But I thought you might have been fast tracked because of your history.
Nah. That'd involve competence at a national level.
Maybe they have you down as an insurgent. You'll be last on the list, after Putin's undercover agents.
On a more positive side of all that, last year this week I was sat gasping for breath walking up stairs. Today I ran 10k for the first time in my life.
Marathon next?
I think I'm going to try for a half marathon next year. Maybe Manchester, which is flat compared to Sheffield.
Rol replies with the following image... which Ben chooses to ignore.
I wish I could grow a 'tache like that man in the background.
I have a weird obsession with middle age men and moustaches.
My hair is too blonde otherwise I would definitely just have a 'tache.
Has to be like an 80s businessman 'tache, though.
When I was a child, I used to watch the Thin Blue Line. I was too young to understand it but it had Mr Bean and I liked the moustache man.
That's a real generation gap thing. For my generation, Mr Bean was a betrayal of Blackadder, and we never forgave Atkinson.
My early years were spent watching the Three Stooges, Tom and Jerry, Looney Tunes etc, so Mr Bean was right up my alley. As was Baldy Man.
I had to Google Baldy Man. Never knew he had a TV show. I only remember the Hamlet ad.
I don't remember much of it, just that I used to find it hilarious.
I miss the Hamlet ads. When I was a little, my dad smoked cigars. I loved the smell. Eventually he graduated onto pipes. Then one day, in my late teens, the doctor told him: they're killing you. So he quit. Cold Turkey.
That's admirable.
I think I'm too young to remember smoking ads.
I feel like I've seen them but not sure how much of that is due to seeing them on shows later.
I remember the billboard ads for Lambert and Butler.
TV was pretty much all smoking ads and booze ads when I was a kid. And scary ads warning us all not to die or get murdered.
And only one channel could show ads.
Indeed.
Have you seen The Offspring's Covid inspired song? It defies belief.
I last listened to Americana.
I know the singer got his PhD in infectious disease over the past few years though.
That probably explains the covid germs flying around in the video.
Why would anyone want a PhD in infectious diseases?
The death of Jim Steinman will probably go without much attention to most people, but for me it's a huge hammer blow in a year that keeps on kicking me in the teeth.
I've written numerous times on this blog about my adoration for Steinman's song-writing, taking the best bits of Chuck Berry, Phil Spector, Born To Run era Springsteen and Richard Wagner, setting them on fire, then adding dynamite. There was little subtlety to Jim's work, but there was plenty of drama, passion, hyperbole, sturm und drang and a savage sense of humour. He didn't just write teenage love songs, he made them into epic mythologies, complete with screeching motorbikes, angels and devils, and hearts ripped literally out of the protagonists' chests. And yet, I never got the impression he took it seriously - yes, the work itself, he took very seriously, hence the perfectionism of his arrangements and the huge rows with his collaborators. But the storytelling... there was a tongue-in-cheek quality to the melodramas he crafted that suggested Jim knew how ridiculous it all was - how ridiculous the very medium was - but that was why he adored it so much.
Putting together a Top Ten Jim Steinman Songs was, for me, an impossible task. There are so many I want to take with me to the grave. But if they bury me with headphones on and these ten tracks playing on eternal loop... I could die reasonably happy. I think Jim would appreciate that imagery.
Not a song so much as an intense, Steinman-voiced monologue; this first appeared on Jim's only solo album, Bad For Good, originally intended for Meat Loaf, though the Loaf was having throat problems at the time. It was then re-used on Bat Out Of Hell II, still voiced by Steinman.
I could recite the words to this by heart. To me, it defines the importance of rock n roll in our lives, builds the tension to a frightening climax, and then throws it all away with a stupid gag that never fails to make me smile.
It should come as no surprise that Jim Steinman's favourite story was Peter Pan, as it deals with a group of boys who never grow up. That, to him, was what rock n roll represented - the chance to remain young forever. The title track of Steinman's solo album (later re-recorded by Meat - who was undeniably a far better singer than Jim, although I still have great affection for Steinman's own recordings) was originally written for a never-finished rock n roll musical based on the Peter Pan story. It's a classic example of Steinman's way of piling image on image, metaphor on metaphor, repeating and building long after other songwriters would have cut back to the chorus. That very excess was what I loved about Jim.
The sea is whipping the sky
The sky is whipping the sea
You can hide away forever from the storm
But you'll never hide away from me
The icy cold will cut us like a knife in the dark
And we may lose everything in the wind
But the Northern Lights are burning
And they're giving off sparks
I want to wrap myself around you like a winter skin
Another song close to the heart of this blog. Look at the Springsteen quote at the top of the page, then compare it to this...
Think of how we'd lay down together
We'd be listening to the radio so loud and so strong.
Every golden nugget coming like a gift of the gods.
Someone must have blessed us when he gave us those songs
Another song from the ill-fated solo album, later re-recorded (and, in this case, bettered) by Meat. It also contains the quintessential Steinman line...
In what world does Dead Ringer - arguably the ultimate rock n roll duet* - only rank at #6? Like a demonic outtake from the Grease soundtrack. Perfection.
A man he doesn't live by rock 'n roll and brew alone
It opens with another irresistibly OTT Steinman monologue, incorporating werewolves, blood, passion and a corny gag at the end... then it kicks into a full-blooded power ballad where teenage lust is expressed in pure hyperbole. Taking it's cue from 4th of July, Asbury Park (Sandy) - another tale of teenage romance on the beach, late at night - this builds into an explosion of passion through trembling bodies, weak knees, licked lips and a kiss so powerful it steals your soul. To listen to this song is to relive full-blooded teenage lust afresh... even if you never experienced it the first time. (Clue: I never did, but Jim helped me through that.)
Bonnie Tyler's biggest hit was originally written for Meat Loaf, but he had that bad throat year and this was another casualty. In many ways, I find it hard to believe that this was a Number One single, since it's so ridiculously over the top, I'm surprised it connected with such a large audience. Then again, look at Bohemian Rhapsody. It's a song about yearning and desperation, those are the best words I can find. And it contain another quintessentially Steinman line...
We're living in a powder keg and giving off sparks
(At this point, I should mention one of the other big Steinman tunes that Bonnie brought to life, another great duet with frequent Steinman collaborator and BOOH producer Todd Rundgren, Loving You's a Dirty Job but Somebody's Gotta Do It. It wasn't a hit, but damn, it should have been.)
*Above, while writing about Dead Ringer, I placed an asterisk next to the phrase "the ultimate rock n roll duet*", because... well, there's this. It is a duet, with Ellen Foley giving as good as she gets from Meat (although it's Karla DeVito in the video), but it's much more besides. The term "rock opera" gets thrown around far too liberally, but this is the real deal. Like many Steinman songs, it veers dangerously towards the ten minute mark, but there's so much going on in its three act structure, it's hard to get bored... or even catch a breath. Boy meets girl. Boy tries to get girl to go all the way. Girl says she will if he promises to love her forever. They go back and forth on this until the boy is whipped up into such a frenzy that he'd agree to anything... and then immediately wishes he hadn't. Classic Steinman twist, made even more exciting through the use of a metaphorical baseball game to symbolise the consummation.
Frankly, if you don't love this record, you don't love life.
What is there to say about Bat Out Of Hell that hasn't already been said? (Other than why isn't it Number One?) The only thing I will say is that you should never, ever, ever listen to the radio edit. It is pure blasphemy... and also a pretty shocking edit that even I, with my crude music editing skills, could have done a better hack job on.
No, you really need the full 9 minutes and 52 seconds to appreciate this tune in all its pomp and glory.
1. More Than You Deserve
Probably the least known track on this list, and you probably think I'm being all muso for putting it at Number One, but More Than You Deserve has long had a special place in my heart. I knew I'd written about it before, but I had to dig into the archive of my old blog to find what I wrote. Excuse the youthful exuberance...
I swear that in the future, there will come a critical reappraisal of the songwriting genius of Jim Steinman, and I will be vindicated. As with every subject Steinman tackles, this is infidelity turned up to eleven - hell, twelve! - and only the melodramatic madness of vintage Loaf could do it justice. The song begins with a simple betrayal...
From the very first moment I saw you,
I knew our love would be so strong
And the very first moment I kissed you,
I knew our joy would last so long
And then I saw you making love to my best friend,
I didn't know whatever to say
I saw you making love to my best friend
So I looked him right in his eyes and I said - listen boy...
Won't you take some more, it's what you came for
And don't mind me, I won't throw you no curves
Have yourself a ball with my good woman
Won't you take some more boy, it's more than you deserve!
But of course, in Steinman world everything is always louder than everything else, and so by the end of the song things are so much worse...
Now I think I'm gonna have to leave you
Because I'm feeling much too weak to share
And the pie, oh it's cut in too many pieces
The flavour that I crave is no longer there
Then I saw you making love to two of my best friends
I didn't know whatever to say
I saw you making love to a group of my best friends
So I looked them right in their eyes and I said - listen here, group!
Won't you take some more boys, it's more than you deserve!
Nothing succeeds like excess!
Oh, and I'd forgotten the video too. The video is an absolute hoot...
This is the first Top Ten I've ever written without having to listen to any of the songs. So indelibly ingrained into my subconscious are they. Rest in peace, Jim, buddy. I think somebody somewhere must be tolling a bell...
Another Thursday, another Guest Post. And we welcome back George, who's getting all mushy on us...
George's Top Ten Heart Songs
Rol made the huge mistake of saying I would be welcome to do
another piece for his blog.
And I have chosen My Top Ten Heart songs so I could shoehorn
in one of My Favourite Songs Of All Time, brought to me by Andy Kershaw many
many years ago. I was thinking originally of a Top Ten Meal songs but that led
to me that huge pile of old pish Breakfast In America, which would never ever
be included in such a list but I had to banish that song from my mind. And
instead we have this top ten. Spoiler alert: No Supertramp. Actually, that’s hardly
a spoiler, but hopefully you get the point.
That’s a picture of a cow’s heart. Something I have cooked up for the dogs and cats, who could not scoff it quickly enough. When I told Talho Jorge that I was vegetarian it caused great amusement. We used to get a great slab of heart-and-lung (different butcher) which I just could not deal with. Enough of this offal talk. On with the music:
A Top Ten Heart Songs has to have this in it. Peerless. Well, almost.
(George has now redeemed himself for dissing Ms. Tyler & Mr. Steinman. That is one of my all time favourite songs, as featured here many times before. - Rol.)
I was something of a Hendrix obsessive in my youth, amassing 26 albums by the age of 19. This is from the Royal Albert concert of 1969, on the same day as Denis Law’s 29th birthday:
It’s amazing how clean that guitar sounds, and how all you need for a fantastic blues song are three people. No embellishments, just Hendrix playing the blues, bass and drums.
There might be one or two people reading who don’t actually
own Feast Of Wire. You really should catch yourselves on and rectify that right
now. It is frequently considered The Best Album Ever Made In The Entirety of Recorded
Music. That title has also been bestowed upon ABC, Rod Stewart, and The
Turbines. At the momentum it belongs again to Calexico. And this song replaced
a Clyde McPhatter and The Drifters song, THAT is how good it is:, it’s the
slow, sweeping orchestration, the almost tortured painful vocal, it’s a
glorious and dark, dark song...
It’s after this track that the realisation dawns that the entire album is something special.
Now for some, this song might have been rather spoiled by the bloody ghastly ITV programme of a few years ago, but listen to it now, it’s a fantastic, simple love song, beautifully played and sung, 2 minutes and 7 seconds of pure pop perfection. Come on, who amongst you will not sing the “piddle dee pat” bits. And the rest of it???
This song is from the completely over the top and self-indulgent double album Wheels of Fire album (one track involves an especially tedious Ginger Baker drum solo), but this a great psychedelic/rock song, showing what a great vocalist Jack Bruce was, really powerful, there’s no unending guitar noodling from Clapton, just a brief interlude, and those huge thumping drums of Ginger Baker.
I love how that song seems to begin with Jack Bruce launching into the vocal and Clapton and Baker are almost caught unawares.
I was thinking about not including this, because the singer appeared in my previous outing here. I played it again and thought that if this is to be a Top Ten and not just Ten Songs with Heart In The Title, then it would be ridiculous to exclude it.
(Agreed. - Rol.)
It’s a tremendous song, but remarkably not his best! Another song that can move me to tears. If you don’t like this, you’ve got no heart...
And here’s the shoehorn - I jettisoned the Top Ten Meals Songs idea for the rather easier Heart Songs just so I could include this song. Well, it has been one of my (and I suspect Charity Chic’s) Favourite Songs Of All Time since first heard 30 or so years ago. Like the Dwight song above (OK, I know that’s a cover) I can sing along, or “sing” along, to this word-perfectly. Almost word-perfectly. It’s meant to be sad but it always makes me smile, the cheery music just does not go with the sentiment of the song. Now THIS is a peerless song...
Two minutes and 50 seconds of country music genius. You’ll not hear a better song today.
“I opened up my sack, and lord there it was, my baby’s goodbye note, heartaches for lunch”
“Teardrops change the flavour of things I loved once”
Where else but in country music do you get such great lines??
So, no Jayhawks (Two Hearts) which was briefly a contender. No Joy Division (very very briefly a contender, but not as strong as The Jayhawks). No Bruce Springsteen, obviously.
There might, just possibly, be something that I missed, but looking at the list the only tracks that could possibly be replaced are the Neil Young and Cream songs, the others are nailed on surefire bets for being in any Top Ten Heart Songs.
And thanks to Rol for allowing me again to pollute his pages.
No, thank you, George. For anyone who's interested, I did a Top Ten Breakfast Menu Songs back in 2013... and promised I would include Supertramp in a future Top Ten that never materialised. One day, Supertramp fans, one day. Now I never even thought of tackling a Top Ten Heart Songs because there are so many available options. George did nail a couple of my favourites above... but if he missed out any of yours, feel free to contribute a list of your own for a future instalment of Guest Post Thursday.
To South Wales today, for our final entry in the United Kingdom of Song this year. The first place in the country to be designated as an Area of Outstanding Natural Beauty, way back in 1956. It looks pretty damned beautiful to me.
Bonnie Tyler was born a few miles away in the village of Skewen, but now lives right on the edge of Gower in the charmingly-named coastal town of Mumbles.
Lyrically, I could only find one mention of the Gower Peninsula in song, but as it comes from a favourite of mine, one is all I needed. Here's the amazing Richard Thompson (watch those fingers on that guitar!) with the tale of a lost love he just couldn't keep hold of...
Well, I think I actually won a couple this week. There were some stinkers though, so congrats for getting the ones you did...
As usual, I highly recommend giving the songs a listen if you don't know them. They're chosen because they're good ones!
10. Hatless, eyeless Mitchell, could be a Beach Boy... insists on keeping the central heating off.
Yes, as Lynchie points out, it does look a bit like "the late, great John Martyn after he's had a long weekend on the booze" (most weekends, then?) but it's not...
Hatless = Hats off... to Larry
Eyeless Mitchell = Joni without the i (well done, C)
Beach Boys = Wilson
Keeping the central heating on...?
Charity Chic got there in the end (with a little help from C), as I knew he would.
The one nobody got, which is a shame... but hardly surprising. The clues were pretty easy if you knew the band / track. But not many people do. More on that tomorrow...
