Friday, 10 July 2026
Celebrity Jukebox #80: Bonnie Tyler
Sunday, 31 August 2025
Snapshots #411: Songs About Minor Ailments
15. Flatulent Camberwick Green resident and apocryphal cabin boy.
The flatulent Camberwick Green resident would be Windy Miller. It's an urban legend though that Captain Pugwash had Roger The Cabin Boy in his crew.
Roger Miller - Lou's Got The Flu
14. After The Funeral.
13. Rebellious Jews.
Check your history books.
12. They do not own a copy of that George Michael single.
They are without a copy of Faith.
11. Man with the News: Tickling the ivories leads to the Cure.
Huey Lewis was the man with The News. Robert Smith has The Cure.
Huey 'Piano' Smith - Rockin' Pneumonia And The Boogie Woogie Flu Pt. 1
10. I've a mind to let this group make my decisions for me.
A Hive Mind?
9. ET's friend in a box likes to take long walks with Blind Boy Grunt.
ET's friend was Elliot. Jack in a box. Long walks would be rambling. Blind Boy Grunt was another alias of Robert Zimmerman.
Ramblin' Jack Elliott & Bob Dylan - Acne
8. The entirety & the whole shebang.
Everything Everything - Cough Cough
7. Sue Pollard and tough guy Marvin.
Sue Pollard was Peggy. Lee Marvin was the tough guy.
6. "I'm listening" to the catchiest part of the song.
"I'm listening," was the catchphrase of Dr. Frazier Crane. The catchiest part of the song is usually the chorus.
Frazier Chorus - Born With A Headache
5. Sodding Teri has me all over the place.
"Sodding Teri" was an anagram.
4. Goes with Delaney & The Creator.
Delaney & Bonnie... Tyler The Creator.
Bonnie Tyler - It's A Heartache
3. A bumpy journey through space.
Cosmic Rough Riders - The Pain Inside
2. Two thousand.
CC are the Roman Numerals for 200. Multiply that by 10.
At a pinch, you might have had...
1.Found inside notorious dynamos.
NoTORIous dynAMOS.
Tori Amos - Caught A Light Sneeze
Get well soon - hopefully you'll be back to full health by next Saturday, in time for more of this nonsense.
Friday, 6 September 2024
Mid-Life Crisis Songs #113: Daddy's Speeding
"I am not a blogger - I am a free man!"
I must apologise for being largely absent from the blogosphere over the summer, beyond Snapshots and Namesakes. I've been busy, and even now that I'm back in the normal routine, I'm not sure I have the energy. Bit of an existential blogging crisis. We have them from time to time, don't we?
Last week, we were in Wales, where I received my first speeding ticket in 34 years of driving. This was for going 26 mph in a 20 zone that appeared out of nowhere (the road went from 60mph to 20mph on a country lane with no buildings or pedestrians, just fields on either side of the road). It seems that the Welsh police are out to raise as much money as possible from unsuspecting incomers... but I'm not sure what this will do to the tourism economy. I doubt I'll be speeding to get back there any time soon.
Did have a nice visit to Portmeirion though...
Normal service may or may not be resumed, but in the meantime, here's a few songs about speed...
Alabama 3 - Speed of the Sound of Loneliness
Jason Isbell - Speed Trap Town
Friday, 3 February 2023
Neverending Top Ten #5.8: Pride
Sam had an excellent report at Parents' Evening. He's doing really well in school. He's also really good at sport and regularly scores goals in his football games.
Yet I've rarely been more proud of him than when he heard Air Supply singing Making Love Out Of Nothing At All on the car stereo and said to me, "this sounds like a Meat Loaf song, daddy".
Making Love... was written by Jim Steinman for inclusion on Meat Loaf's third album, Midnight At The Lost And Found. However, the record company refused to pay Jim's going rate, so the songs ended up going to other people. Meat would later record a lot of the tunes Steinman gave to other artists, but sadly never did a version of this one. It remains the best Meat Loaf song that Meat Loaf never sang. Bonnie Tyler did a pretty epic version though, which gives us some clue as to how it might have sounded on a Meat album. The original Steinman demo, with vocals by Rory Dodds, is also worth a listen, for completists.
As for Air Supply... well, their version sounds a bit beefier than their usual melodic soft rock fare. Probably because it's got two E Streeters, Roy Bittan (keyboards) and Max Weinberg (drums) on backing... not to mention a guitar solo from Rick Derringer, formerly of The McCoys, and a frequent collaborator with both Edgar and Johnny Winter. In 1983, Air Supply were held off the Number One position on the Billboard chart for 3 weeks by another Steinman composition some say was originally written for Meat Loaf (though Jim later denied this), Total Eclipse Of The Heart.
Sam might not know any of this just yet, but he was able to spot Jim Steinman's signature sound after only a couple of listens.
Daddy's lessons are paying off.
Tuesday, 27 April 2021
Conversations With Ben #14: Mr. Blobby & The Super Gonorrhea
Rol: One of my greatest musical heroes just died.
Ben: The man who wrote the Mr Blobby song?
Robert Blobbert?
Obviously.
I always imagined it was BBC interns in the Blobby suit that Edmonds played some weird fetish game with by making them wear the suit...
Who was the death?
Jim Steinman.
The Footloose guy? Wasn't that the other day?
I only saw it today. He didn't write Footloose. That was Kenny Loggins. He did write Holding Out For A Hero, but that's a lesser work. He also wrote all the good Meat Loaf songs, plus Total Eclipse of the Heart and some stuff that Celine Dion murdered, but was done far better by others.
Chuck Berry + Phil Spector + Springsteen + Wagner + a shameless sense of melodrama and hyperbole = Jim Steinman.
Wagner as in...?
Or Wagner as in...?
Richard.
Seems like it could be a little of both, actually.
I think that's a fair point.
Did I ever tell you about how one of my old best mate's girlfriend's parents were Rod Stewart and Tina Turner tribute acts? Big ones.
They had a house in Penistone. One of the massive ones on the river.
We used to stay over a lot. They were really nice and loved hosting us all the time. They had a recording studio in their garden where they, and other tribute acts would record.
One of the most surreal moments in my life is waking up, hungover, walking into their kitchen and seeing Rod Stewart, Marc Bolan and Meatloaf smoking weed.
Sounds like that Pulp video...
I don't think I've ever seen the video. I thought it was the video to Disney Time. No idea why.
And now I remember that Disney Time is on Cocker's solo album.
I'd forgotten that track completely.
Some forgettable tunes on that album. Especially when it starts with the swagger of Don't Let Him Waste Your Time. It definitely trails off.
Maybe. I love that final Pulp album though.
It's the one I've listened to the least. Listening priority in order: This Is Hardcore, His N Hers, Different Class, PULP. Does anybody even count the first two?
By Pulp do you mean Intro?
There were 4 albums before Intro / HnH. All contain interesting material, but not up to later standards.
Fairground is a terrible song and that's all I can think about with their old stuff.
Separations is the best of the early albums. Countdown, My Legendary Girlfriend in particular.
For me, We Love Life is the perfect coda to their career. I love TIH (favourite album of 90s) but I prefer that they went out on a happy note.
Scott Walker too. Pop sensibilities SW, not mad old hermit making unlistenable twaddle SW. Quite an achievement.
First text from the boss this morning came through at 6.20.
Tell her to leave you alone. That is not just not on, it's absolutely pathetic.
I have.
Send her an envelope full of flour. Make her think it's ricin or anthrax.
She'd only ring me up and ask her what I thought she should do with it.
Well, this week's Taskmaster should hopefully cheer you up. A very funny one.
One word.
Casserole.
I await the vague upward curl at the edge of my mouth.
In reply, Ben sends the following video...
I think that's the least hip song you've ever sent me. I respect that.
No. That would be this one...
I found this record in a shop years ago. And I'm still not positive that Tennille is not actually attracted to muskrats.
Nah. Captain & Tennille are acceptable kitsch.
That song should never be acceptable. And The Cap is a prick.
*Was* a prick
I didn't realise you knew him.
We used to go to the same milk bar.
I've never been able to hear Secret Smile in the same way since someone told me it was a metaphor for a vagina.
That's uncomfortable.
Maybe you're mixing it up with the film, Teeth?
Was that the Barry Gibb biopic?
That's what I thought I was settling down for...
That film would have been even scarier if her nether regions had Barry Gibb's face. And maybe a big medallion and huge white collars.
That needs to be optioned as soon as possible.
My Saturday night treat this week is my Covid jab.
Well, you're lucky. I'm still here without one.
Just got down to the under 50s. But I thought you might have been fast tracked because of your history.
Nah. That'd involve competence at a national level.
Maybe they have you down as an insurgent. You'll be last on the list, after Putin's undercover agents.
On a more positive side of all that, last year this week I was sat gasping for breath walking up stairs. Today I ran 10k for the first time in my life.
Marathon next?
I think I'm going to try for a half marathon next year. Maybe Manchester, which is flat compared to Sheffield.
Rol replies with the following image... which Ben chooses to ignore.
I wish I could grow a 'tache like that man in the background.
I have a weird obsession with middle age men and moustaches.
My hair is too blonde otherwise I would definitely just have a 'tache.
Has to be like an 80s businessman 'tache, though.
When I was a child, I used to watch the Thin Blue Line. I was too young to understand it but it had Mr Bean and I liked the moustache man.
That's a real generation gap thing. For my generation, Mr Bean was a betrayal of Blackadder, and we never forgave Atkinson.
My early years were spent watching the Three Stooges, Tom and Jerry, Looney Tunes etc, so Mr Bean was right up my alley. As was Baldy Man.
I had to Google Baldy Man. Never knew he had a TV show. I only remember the Hamlet ad.
I don't remember much of it, just that I used to find it hilarious.
I miss the Hamlet ads. When I was a little, my dad smoked cigars. I loved the smell. Eventually he graduated onto pipes. Then one day, in my late teens, the doctor told him: they're killing you. So he quit. Cold Turkey.
That's admirable.
I think I'm too young to remember smoking ads.
I feel like I've seen them but not sure how much of that is due to seeing them on shows later.
I remember the billboard ads for Lambert and Butler.
TV was pretty much all smoking ads and booze ads when I was a kid. And scary ads warning us all not to die or get murdered.
And only one channel could show ads.
Indeed.
Have you seen The Offspring's Covid inspired song? It defies belief.
I last listened to Americana.
I know the singer got his PhD in infectious disease over the past few years though.
That probably explains the covid germs flying around in the video.
Why would anyone want a PhD in infectious diseases?
Dunno. A mate of mine has.
He studies super gonnarhea.
Genuinely what it's called.
But spelt correctly.
Still. Could be worse.
Could have my job.
Or he could have super gonnarhea.
It's a toss up.
Wednesday, 21 April 2021
My Top Ten Jim Steinman Songs
Thursday, 23 July 2020
Guest Post Thursday #7: Top Ten Heart Songs
That’s a picture of a cow’s heart. Something I have cooked up for the dogs and cats, who could not scoff it quickly enough. When I told Talho Jorge that I was vegetarian it caused great amusement. We used to get a great slab of heart-and-lung (different butcher) which I just could not deal with. Enough of this offal talk. On with the music:
A Top Ten Heart Songs has to have this in it. Peerless. Well, almost.
The Isley Brothers - This Old Heart of Mine, which took me longer than I thought to find because I was thinking it was by The Four Tops…
3. The Isley Brothers - This Old Heart of Mine
(George has now redeemed himself for dissing Ms. Tyler & Mr. Steinman. That is one of my all time favourite songs, as featured here many times before. - Rol.)
I was something of a Hendrix obsessive in my youth, amassing 26 albums by the age of 19. This is from the Royal Albert concert of 1969, on the same day as Denis Law’s 29th birthday:
4. The Jimi Hendrix Experience - Bleeding Heart
It’s amazing how clean that guitar sounds, and how all you need for a fantastic blues song are three people. No embellishments, just Hendrix playing the blues, bass and drums.
5. Calexico - Black Heart
Now I never even thought of tackling a Top Ten Heart Songs because there are so many available options. George did nail a couple of my favourites above... but if he missed out any of yours, feel free to contribute a list of your own for a future instalment of Guest Post Thursday.
Next week: more booze!
Friday, 30 November 2018
The United Kingdom of Song #13: The Gower Peninsula
To South Wales today, for our final entry in the United Kingdom of Song this year. The first place in the country to be designated as an Area of Outstanding Natural Beauty, way back in 1956. It looks pretty damned beautiful to me.
Bonnie Tyler was born a few miles away in the village of Skewen, but now lives right on the edge of Gower in the charmingly-named coastal town of Mumbles.
Lyrically, I could only find one mention of the Gower Peninsula in song, but as it comes from a favourite of mine, one is all I needed. Here's the amazing Richard Thompson (watch those fingers on that guitar!) with the tale of a lost love he just couldn't keep hold of...
The United Kingdom of Song will return in 2019...
Sunday, 5 November 2017
Saturday Snapshots #7 - The Answers
Well, I think I actually won a couple this week. There were some stinkers though, so congrats for getting the ones you did...
As usual, I highly recommend giving the songs a listen if you don't know them. They're chosen because they're good ones!
10. Hatless, eyeless Mitchell, could be a Beach Boy... insists on keeping the central heating off.
Yes, as Lynchie points out, it does look a bit like "the late, great John Martyn after he's had a long weekend on the booze" (most weekends, then?) but it's not...
Hatless = Hats off... to Larry
Eyeless Mitchell = Joni without the i (well done, C)
Beach Boys = Wilson
Keeping the central heating on...?
Charity Chic got there in the end (with a little help from C), as I knew he would.
Larry Jon Wilson - Melt Not My Igloo
9. A future resident of Monaco shares Bond's Martini.
Alyson got up extra early to be first to spot this youngster... surely she couldn't possibly remember him when he looked like this?
Monaco = (Princess) Grace-land
Bond's Martini = shaken, not stirred
Elvis Presley - All Shook Up
8. Pretty good at bathroom renovation; will also clean up if she fancies you enough.
Took you a while, and caused much debate over what she was wearing...
Pretty = Bonnie
For your bathroom renovation, I'd recommend a good Tyler
Will clean up...?
Bonnie Tyler - Loving You's A Dirty Job, But Somebody's Got To Do It
The Swede & Alyson tag-teamed this one.
7. Twiddly diddly dee (generic version) have a slow teacher.
Gave Lynchie no problems at all - though CC was kicking himself.
Twiddly diddly dee = Rocking Robin, a more generic version woud be a Rockingbird
A slow teacher would have you Gradually Learning
The Rockingbirds - Gradually Learning
6. Holy Sidekicks, Batman - Gonzales was a mouse!
The one nobody got, which is a shame... but hardly surprising. The clues were pretty easy if you knew the band / track. But not many people do. More on that tomorrow...
Speedy - Boy Wonder
5. Liberal philosophy on the John: it's only a crowded house, geezer.
Big expert on liberal philosophers, me. Apparently, there's one called John Rawls.
The John is also what some people call a Loo.
Crowded House sang It's Only Natural.
A geezer is another name for a man.
Lou Rawls - A Natural Man
Lynchie was first to get Lou; nobody got the song.
4. Scissor Sisters' girl goes off road while eating too many chocolate bars.
The Swede swooped in to take this one.
The Scissor Sisters sang Laura.
If you go off the road, you might veer...
A popular chocolate bar in the UK is a Galaxy.
Laura Viers - Galaxies
3. Herbie & Hutch: THE HORROR!
I thought I was going to beat you with this one until The Swede dug deep...
Herbie was The Love Bug
Hutch was partnred with Starsky
The Amityville Horror was a favourite book and film when I was a teenager.
Lovebug Starski - Amityville (House On The Hill)
2. You've got zero chance of getting off without suffocating.
(Your first guess will probably be wrong.)
I knew this wouldn't trouble Alyson... though it took a while to get to the right song.
If you were suffocating, there might be a problem with your Air Supply.
Getting off is another way of saying "Making Love".
Zero = Nothing
Air Supply - Making Love Out Of Nothing At All
Second Steinman song of the week!
1. Jenny Agutter inspires a Schubert opera.
Took The Swede about five seconds...
The Lilac Time is the British name of Das Dreimäderlhaus, a Schubert light opera.
In the Railway Children, Jenny Agutter waved at trains.
The Lilac Time - The Girl Who Waves At Trains
Thursday, 1 January 2015
My Top Ten Louise Songs
Today isn't New Year's Day here at Top Ten Towers. It's a very special birthday for a very special person. And in celebration... here's ten songs that mention her name...
10. Jona Lewie - Louise (We Get It Right)
See, Jona didn't just stop the cavalry and spend all his time in the kitchen at parties. He was also a whiz on a pair of rollerskates. And, judging from his vocals in the chorus, he was also occasionally possessed by Beelzebub.
9. Bonnie Tyler - Louise
Ah, yes, our Bonnie - a voice that could sink a thousand battleships... as this video ably demonstrates. This isn't her finest hour (it wasn't written by Jim Steinman), but it did knock Neil Diamond - Hey Louise out of my countdown, so you may be grateful for that.
8. Joni Mitchell - Cherokee Louise
Classic Joni storytelling, though the subject matter's a little grim for a birthday party.
7. Ryan Adams - Thank You, Louise
As is this one from Ryan. Lovely song - but really, you guys know how to kill a mood, don't you?
6. Dean Martin - Louise
Now this is more like it!
Every little breeze seems to whisper 'Louise'...At last, one I feel comfortable dedicating to my special lady...
5. Grandaddy - Jeez, Louise
Jason Lytle falls foul of Louise's mother - she always hated him. Fortunately not something I have to worry about as my "mother-in-law" (the law never really got involved) is lovely.
4. Scott Walker - Big Louise
Nobody does heartbreak and loneliness like Big Scott.
3. Orange Juice - Louise Louise
Back to the 80s for my Top Three, kicking off with Edwyn Collins and an appropriate birthday wish...
Have a wonderful birthday, dearAnd I promise, I will try not to do that.
Such a wonderful birthday, dear
It only comes but once a year
I'll spoil your party with a punky sneer
2. The Human League - Louise
Phil Oakey rides around on a barge, singing into a remote control, bemoaning the loss of Louise. Why did she leave him? The clue's in the mullet, Phil. (I should talk - you should see my hair at the moment.)
This is the best song in my collection with Louise in the title. So why isn't it Number One...?
1. Lloyd Cole - Perfect Skin
I choose my friends only far too well...Ha - got you! I never said it had to have Louise in the title. (See also Visions of Johanna by Bob Dylan.) Here's one of Lloyd's finest, and the line "academia blues" seems a pretty accurate description for his songwriting in general. It's about the girl with "cheekbones like geometry and eyes like sin". A lethal combination, but at least she keeps up to date by reading Cosmo. This is a song of contradictions...
Up eight flights of stairs to her basement flatBut if you're looking for a moral... strikes me there never has been one.
Pretty confused huh?
Thank you for everything, Lou. I love you, hon'. Have a great birthday.
Saturday, 15 March 2014
My Top Ten Dirty Songs
Ten songs in need of a good wash.
If you came looking for Christina Aguilera, you'll end up disappointed. She can't even spell 'dirty'...
10. Don Henley - Dirty Laundry
Here's one I haven't listened to in 20 years. A condemnation of TV news sensationalism from Henley's debut solo album.
9. Poison - Talk Dirty To Me
Hair metal at its best. If you believe such a thing is possible.
8. Frank Zappa - Dirty Love
If there's a dragon in your dreams, Frank's here to help... at a price.
7. AC/DC - Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap
Kinda like 118 118 for bastards.
6. The Bastard Fairies - Dirty Sexy Kill Kill
How can you not want to listen to a band called The Bastard Fairies? Especially when they sound like Amanda Palmer backed by the Eels? Get out while you still can!
Last I checked, this was even available for free download from their website.
5. The White Stripes - Dead Leaves And The Dirty Ground
In which the line between Jack White and Johnny Depp blurs imperceptibly, courtesy of director Michel Gondry.
4. Lou Reed - Dirty Blvd.
Lou takes a serious shot at his hometown. Amazing storytelling.
Give me your hungry, your tired, your poor I'll piss on 'em3. The Pogues - Dirty Old Town
That's what the Statue of Bigotry says
Your poor huddled masses
Let's club 'em to death
And get it over with and just dump 'em on the boulevard
Written by Kirsty's dad, back in 1949, but Shane made it his own. You don't hear many opening lines better than this...
I met my girl by the gas works' wall...2. Bonnie Tyler & Todd Rundgren - Loving You Is A Dirty Job But Somebody's Gotta Do It
Written by Jim Steinman, like all the best Bonnie Tyler songs. You could probably guess that from the length of the title and the inclusion of orchestra, 12 sticks of dynamite and kitchen sink in the score.The video is also a work of demented 80s genius... featuring Hywel Bennett in the Todd Rundgren role.
There were times when we fought like tigers1. Steely Dan - Dirty Work
There were times we were damn good liars
There were times we extinguished every
That was burning, burning, burning up each other alive
From the heavens on down to the dives
There were times we lost it all we lost it all
There were times we lost it all we lost it all
I've been listening to this a lot lately since its appearance in my Film of 2014 (so far... but then, I have only seen two), American Hustle. However, over the last few months I've also been listening to a helluva lot more Steely Dan than I ever have before. I am officially middle-aged. (I reach The Meaning of Life, The Universe & Everything this week, folks!)
So I am now at the stage in my life where I'd rather listen to a 42 year-old Steely Dan song (this, from their debut album, is as old as I am) than anything Radio 1 would ever play. These Top Tens used to contain a lot more Cool Young Indie Music and a lot less Sad Old Muso Music. I always dreaded this day... but you know what? It ain't that bad...
Which one would you scrub up for?


































