Snapshots #407: Fifteen Banned Records

Hello! Thank you for joining me. 

This weekend, we had a list of records that were banned from the radio... for one reason or another...

15. Hello In There old lady.

In the John Prine song Hello In There, the old lady is called Loretta.

Loretta Lynn - The Pill

Banned by a lot of US radio stations because it promoted promiscuity (!)

14. Person Wanted: apply within.

Person Wanted

Not quite sure why this one was banned...

NWA - Fuck Da Police

13. Clio: Papa?

Remember the Renault Clio adverts with Papa and Nicole?

Nicole - A Little Peace

One of many, many songs banned by the BBC during The Gulf War because... well, we wouldn't want anyone singing about peace, now would we? 

12. Six topless fools. (What do you mean there's only four?)

"Six topless" was an anagram.

Sex Pistols - God Save The Queen

Sex Pistols - Anarchy In The UK

By banning these two records, the BBC forced John Lydon into a life of poverty that he was only able to claw his way out of by selling butter.

11. Cyclone, Oblivion, Steel Vengeance.

Three famous roller... coasters.

The Coasters - Charlie Brown

Banned in 1959 because it might encourage little kids to throw "spitballs". 

Setting fire to the auditorium was fine though.

10. Former egg yob goes straight.

"Former egg yob" was an anagram for this famous jockey / singer...

George Formby - With My Little Ukulele In My Hand

George Formby - With My Little Stick of Blackpool Rock

Both banned because he was clearly using a euphemism for his penis. 

George Formby - When I'm Cleaning Windows

Also banned, because of some of the things he sees while doing his job.

Naughty, naughty, George - very naughty. To quote another banned record. 

9. "Right! Well, don't say I haven't warned you! I've laid it on the line for you time and time again! Right! So, this is it! I'm gonna give you a damn good thrashing!"

That, of course, was Basil Fawlty taking his frustrations out on his Austin 1100 Countryman.

Rage Against The Machine - Killing In The Name

Banned by the BBC because of the repeated line "Fuck you, I won't do what you tell me". Bruno Brookes then "accidentally" played the whole thing on the chart show. And in November 2008, it was "accidentally" played to shoppers in an Asda supermarket in Preston. Asda apologised.

8. Hooligan deflowers Tokyo... that's very disturbed!

"Hooligan deflowers Tokyo" was an anagram.

Frankie Goes To Hollywood - Relax

Banned by the BBC for its "overtly sexual" lyrics, this became the third biggest selling single of 1984.

7. Quartz has an annoying Paddy.

Paddy is an annoying McGuinness. Flint is a type of quartz.

McGuinness Flint - Let The People Go

Like Paul McCartney's infamous "Give Ireland Back to the Irish", this was banned in 1972 because it referred to the Ulster Crisis in Northern Ireland.

6. Everybody's favourites.

First Choice – Armed and Extremely Dangerous

Another song banned during The Gulf War, along with Sailing by Rod Stewart and In the Air Tonight by Phil Collins. Add your own witty comment here.

5. Atticus's client.

In To Kill A Mockingbird, Atticus is defending Tom Robinson.

Tom Robinson – Glad To Be Gay

What's more shocking, that Tom felt the need to write this protest song in 1978... or that the BBC refused to play it?

4. Bond musician meets Sugartime Sisters.

The Bond composer is John Barry. Sugartime was a hit for The McGuire Sisters.

Barry McGuire - Eve Of Destruction

Another song banned for daring to point out that war is bad, m'kay?

3. Don't wink, Leila... keep it inside!

Twinkle - Terry

Banned because she had an affair and drove her boyfriend to suicide (possibly) in the lyrics.

2. Boots beauty products - made for angels!

Heaven 17 – (We Don't Need This) Fascist Groove Thang

Banned because fascists don't like being called fascists.

1. Whiz kids.

Nope, I'm stumped again.

The Prodigy - Smack My Bitch Up

Don't worry, you have not been banned from playing Snapshots. You are free to join us again next Saturday.

Snapshots #250: A Top Ten Sorry Songs

Saturday is a day for Snapshots... and Sunday is a day for Christians. So here's Christian Slater.

Sorry.

Here are ten sorry songs...

10. Toothless Wookie joins the Republican Army (but not in Ireland). 

If Chewbacca didn't have any teeth, he wouldn't be able to chew, which would make him Bacca + RA.

Baccara - Sorry I'm A Lady

9. On Trial.

In Kafka's The Trial, the main character was Josef K...

Josef K - Sorry For Laughing

8. Haunted Hughes.

If Ted Hughes were HaunTed, he would be a...

Ghostpoet - Sorry My Love, It's You Not Me

7. Lancaster enjoys a Golden Shower.

Burt (Lancaster) likes getting Weedon.

Sorry.

Burt Weedon - Sorry, Robbie

6. Sounds like a cruise with The Doors.

The Doors sailed on The Crystal Ship. Which sounds like...

The Crystal Trip - Sorry

5. Peter and Catherine were great, but Ivan was terrible.

They were all Tsars. Or...

The Czars - Sorry I Made You Cry

John Grant before he was John Grant.

4. Doing well, without trying very hard.

They're just coasting.

The Coasters - Sorry But I'm Going To Have To Pass

3. Come on, feel the Illinoise.

Chicago, Illinois. 

Chicago - Hard To Say I'm Sorry

Peter Cetera's teeth give Donny Osmond a run for his money.

2. It's Clip Tit Trio!

Unfortunate anagram. Sorry again.

Scritti Politti - Oh Patti (Don't Feel Sorry For Loverboy)

1. Most of what's needed to stop a Beatle's pants falling down.

A belt on John would stop his pants falling down. Most of that is...

Elton John - Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word

Hard to find a picture of Elton without his glasses on. Although he doesn't wear them at all in this video...

'Slater, dudes.

Results Day

Unlike the main August GCSE results day, today probably won't be mentioned much in the news... but thousands of students across the country will be collecting their GCSE English & Maths results today having taken the November resits. I predominantly teach adult learners and we don't normally enter them for the November exams (unless they failed last summer), but this year we tried an experiment of entering everybody. Many adults haven't sat a proper exam since they were in school and requested a "trial run" to better prepare them for the real thing in June. Of course, the November exams are genuine exams, so if they've passed they can complete the course today... but I honestly expected only a handful of them to do so after only six weeks of study in the lead up to November.


A third of my adult learners will be collecting a Grade 4 (or higher) pass at GCSE English today.


It's not the ones who've done that in just 6 weeks that I'm really pleased about though. I have three other adult learners who have been trying... and trying... and trying for over two years now. They must have sat 4 or 5 exams, never quite getting the grade they needed. Those three will be all smiles this morning.


We celebrate the good days in this job. They don't come around very often.

Saturday Snapshots #21 - The Answers

Why do I give out the answers to Saturday Snapshots on Sunday morning?

Because the night belongs to lovers...



10. A coyote stuck in a bog leads to evil deeds.

Wile E. Coyote stuck in some peat.

Pete Wylie - Sinful

Martin & The Swede shared this one.

9. A fallen apple gets squeezed by ante meridiem seraphim.

Newton's apple gets juiced.

Juice Newton - Angel of the Morning

After a no-show last week, Alyson got up extra early this week to steal the points.

8. Karma from fresh chemical reactions.

New Radicals - You Get What You Give

Another one for Martin. (I had him pegged for this one.)

7. Nile's band in the past... I didn't even know you were pregnant!

Nile Rodgers' band (well, one of them) was Chic. In the past would be a long time ago.

Chicago - Baby, What A Big Surprise!

Another one for Alyson. CC had an interesting alternative.

6. Crazy (like her dad) in the States.

Yes, that's a very young Kim Wilde... and her dad, Marty.

Kim Wilde - Kids In America

Alyson's old flatmate went to school with Kim Wilde! 

5. Russian revolutionaries sharing a slide.

One of the big Russian Revolutions was the Decembrist revolt.

Decemberists - We All Go Down Together

George & The Swede teamed up for this.

4. Rest your drink on the garrulous bison.

The Coasters - Yakety Yak

Alyson again.

3. New York to L.A. with half of Mark Twain's finest.

Mark Twain's finest book was Huckleberry Finn. (Sorry, Tom.)

Coast To Coast - Do The Hucklebuck

Charity Chic has no shame. Respect!

2. Anthony the crazy Mexican visits James Brown in a chilly Saudi city.

Tone was loc' (short for loco).

Medina is a city in Saudi Arabia.

Tone Loc - Funky Cold Medina

Another one for Martin, nipping at Alyson's heels.

1. Hug a thug.

Possibly my favourite clue ever.

Martin beat George to it by 3 minutes.

Embrace - Hooligan





I think Alyson just stole this week from Martin, but it was a close-run contest. Thanks, everybody!

More next week, unless Donald has given me my gun by then.

My Top Ten Mexico Songs

Hola, amigos, gringos and muchachos... and other stereotypical Mexican greetings. This week, in lieu of anything resembling a decent summer in the UK, I thought I'd go somewhere hot...




10. Morrissey - Mexico 

Always keen to sieze the role of the underdog, Moz finds empathy for Mex when he senses "the hate from the Lone Star State". (As we'll see later, not all Texans are enemies of Texas.)

It seems if you're rich and you're white
You think you're so right
I just don't see why this should be so

Sometimes I think he writes songs like this just to confuse the NME.

Special mention here to Jose Maldonado, The Mexican Morrissey.

9. Nirvana - Mexican Seafood

Kurt has a yeast infection and it hurts when he pees. No, really.

Originally recorded as part of Nirvana's first ever studio demo - way back in 1988, before Dave Grohl even joined the band.

8. James Taylor - Mexico

The idea of Mexico as an idyllic, take-it-easy getaway is questioned by the king of idyllic, take-it-easy Californian cool.

7. Cake - Mexico

I'll never say no to a slice of Cake.

I don't know much about Cinco De Mayo
I'm never sure, what it's all about
But I say I want you and you don't believe me
You say you want me but I've got my doubts

Apparently, Cinco De Mayo is the day the Mexican army thrashed the French. Seems reason enough to celebrate to me. (Only kidding, French readers.)

6. Toby Keith - Stays In Mexico

I'm often vocal in my defence of contemporary country against naysayers who claim it's cheesy, overblown, jingoistic nonsense.

I will stand up and make a claim for the best of the genre representing the kind of classic storytelling guitar pop Squeeze, Kirsty MacColl or Pulp once brought into the UK charts: the kind of songs you might think nobody writes anymore.

Toby Keith is an interesting case though. At times he commits all the crimes named in that first paragraph - sometimes egregiously. He has neither the wit nor the smarts of Brad Paisley nor the sincere pop cool of Blake Shelton. But on occasion, he writes a clever, amusing ditty like this one that I just can't get out of my head. It's about a couple of strangers who meet in a Mexican bar. Both are married, but not to each other...

One more tequila
And they were falling in love
One more is never enough...

I was amused by a review quoted on iffypedia saying the song was "great until you process the depth of its immorality; then, you’re just sick to your stomach." Yeah, like nobody's ever written a pop song glorifying infidelity before...

5. Frank Sinatra - South of the Border

Originally recorded by "the singing cowboy", Gene Autry, but nobody beats old blue eyes.

4. The Coasters - Down In Mexico

Classic Leiber and Stoller number from 1956, resurrected by Quentin Tarantino in the soundtrack of Death Proof.

3. Elbow - Mexican Standoff

Guy Garvey wishes a love rival dead... if only he was tough enough to take some kind of action... 

Your sweet reassurances don't change the fact
That he's better looking than me
Yet he'd look ideal 'neath the wheels of a car
Oh, Mexican standoff, I wish I was hard

One of the best lines in the second series of True Detective came from Vince Vaughan...

"That's one off my bucket list: a Mexican standoff with actual Mexicans..."

2. Fountains of Wayne - Mexican Wine

Love the Fountains - surprised they don't show up here more often. This is from the excellent album Welcome, Interstate Managers (one of their best) and it showcases their always entertaining mix of power pop guitars and Douglas Coupland-esque lyrics...

He was killed by a cellular phone explosion
They scattered his ashes across the ocean
The water was used to make baby lotion
The wheels of promotion were set into motion

1. Blake Shelton - Playboys Of The Southwestern World

A few weeks back I was singing the praises of Shelton's Austin, but here we go a little bit further south as he and his old buddy John Roy take a Mexican vacation and end up with "a little change of plans... like when Paul McCartney got busted in Japan". With a little help from Van Morrison's Brown-Eyed Girl along the way (I love the way Shelton sings those sha-la-las kinda out of tune, like a couple of drunk mates would). A great song about friendship, with a wicked sense of humour and a wonderfully flawed narrator too.

Ah we're still best friends
(Temporary cell mates...)

Which is your Mexican Hat Dance?

My Top Ten Café / Diner Songs

Fancy coming down the caff?

Specials mentions to Tom Waits's excellent Nighthawks At The Diner (if albums were allowed, as well individual songs, that might have been Number One), Style Council's Café Bleu, and, of course... Sad Café.


10. Saint Etienne - Mario's Café

A cigarette, a cup of tea, a bun... lazy Tuesday mornings spent in cafés, chewing the bacon rind with friends.

9. The Coasters - Smokey Joe's Café

 Lieber & Stoller corker... you better eat up all your beans, boy, and clear right on out!

8. Ryan Adams - Starlite Diner

Ryan Adams arranges a midnight rendezvous at the Starlite Diner (you just wouldn't get a caff staying open that late in the UK)... but will he be stood up?

7.  Hall & Oates - Abandoned Luncheonette

An old couple relive their youth in an abandoned luncheonette. Quietly heartbreaking...

They sat together in the empty diner
Filled with cracked china
Old news was blowing across the filthy floor
And the sign on the door read "this way out", that's all it read
That's all it said...

6. Ray Davies - Working Man's Café

Ray laments the death of olde England now that all our town centres "look like America".

Looking for the working man's café
In the shopping centre of the town
Looking for somewhere to fit in
In among the retail outlets
Bought a pair of new designer pants
Where the fruit and veg man used to stand
I always used to see him there
Selling old apples and pears
Chatting up the pretty girls
With knocked off goods in the van...

5. Keane - Sovereign Light Café

Often damned with faint praise of the "poor man's Coldplay" variety, not helped by the fact that the lead singer looks like a 20 year old David Cameron. But if you can put all that aside, this is a fantastic "you can't go home again" song celebrating the band's hometowns of Battle and Bexhill on Sea, near Hastings. It does, of course, steal all its best ideas from Glory Days era Springsteen, but you won't hear me complaining about that...

Let's go down to the rides on East Parade,
By the lights of the Palace Arcade
And watch night coming down on the Sovereign Light Café

Let's go down to the bandstand on the pier
Watch the drunks and the lovers appear
To take turns as the stars of the Sovereign Light Café

4. Joni Mitchell - Chinese Cafe / Unchained Melody

Joni meets her old friend Carol at the Chinese Café and puts Unchained Melody on repeat play on the jukebox. What an amazing lyricist. This week's contractual "I'm getting older every say" song...

This girl of my childhood games
With kids nearly grown and gone
Grown so fast
Like the turn of a page
We look like our mothers did now
When we were those kids' age
Nothing lasts for long...

3. Suzanne Vega - Tom's Diner

Suzanne's biggest hit, due to the nasty DNA 90s dance-beat remix that took it to the top of the charts. I, naturally, prefer the a capella original... which youtube tells me was used by the developer of the mp3 as his reference track. Making it the first mp3 ever... apparently.If you can believe anything you read on t'internet.

2. Dean Friedman - The Deli Song

Recorded "live" in a genuine New York Deli (or not), where Dean meets the woman of his dreams at 4 in the morning... but gets interrupted quite a lot by the noisy waitresses.

Hey, Louie - there's a weirdo at table four in the back...
He's singing!

1. The Handsome Family - The Snow White Diner

The first Handsome Family track I ever heard (on a free Uncut CD) and still one of my favourites... although they have done many other great records. Creepy Gothic Americana at its finest...

I am eating hash browns in the Snow White Diner
Outside cars are honking, flashing lights on the bridge
They're pulling a car up from the bottom of the frozen lake

A woman drove her Saturn into the black water
Killed herself and her two kids trapped in the backseat
She'd lost her job and didn't want her kids to be poor

The diner is noisy, black coffee and sugar
Baskets of dinner rolls, outside the crowd is growing
Waiting by the drawbridge, hoping to see the dead woman's face...

Which one's on your specials board?

My Top Ten 'Shut Up!' Songs

10. Chas & Dave - Rabbit

Because I promised / threatened Dick Van Dyke.

One thing I never got about this song... when was the last time you saw rabbit in Sainsbury's?

9. The Coasters - Yakety Yak

Clive Anderson, all is forgiven.

8. Transvision Vamp - Tell That Girl To Shut Up

Look, I know you were expecting Shut Up by Madness, but I just didn't have room for it. Call it #11. If you're wondering how this made the chart when that didn't, the simple answer is... I never fancied Suggs when I was 16.

7. Elvis Presley - A Little Less Conversation

No need for the JXL version here when the original has a video (from the movie Live A Little, Love A Little) as groovy as this.

6. Talk Talk - Talk Talk

One day I might compile a list of songs named after the bands that sing them. Will this be Number One... or Living In A Box?

All you do to me is talk talk

5. Squeeze - Trust Me To Open My Mouth

I need a gobstopper to keep my trap shut
Should have kept my nose clean
Why's it me that gets the bad luck?

4. Deep Purple - Hush

Written by Joe 'Games People Play' South and originally recorded by Billy Joe Royal (no, me neither). You may be more familiar with the Kula Shaker version. I won't hold that against you.

3. The Smiths - Bigmouth Strikes Again

The next time Morrissey says something designed to get the collective knickers in a twist, everyone should consider one of his most honest lyrical declarations...

Sweetness, sweetness I was only joking
When I said I'd like to smash every tooth
In your head

Oh ... sweetness, sweetness, I was only joking
When I said by rights you should be
Bludgeoned in your bed

Bigmouth strikes again
And I've got no right to take my place
With the Human race

2. Elvis Costello - Mouth Almighty

One of my favourite Costello songs from his best album, Punch The Clock.

This town belongs to you and your tricks of confidence
All the pavements for miles around are littered with your footprints
Now every girl I get close to seems to be wearing your perfume
And the clock strikes the letters of your name
Both midnight and noon

I wish I'd never opened my mouth almighty...

1. Julian Cope - World, Shut Your Mouth

It may be flying in the face of fashion... but, beat this!



These are the songs I sing when I want someone to pipe down. Which one are you singing back at me right now?