I forgot all about this feature last week. Probably a sign that I have too many series on the go. Or that the old memory cells are dying off a little quicker now that I'm rapidly approaching the big 5-0.
We had Ofsted in this week. At The Bad Place, that would have been like the Four Horsemen riding in... but at the new place, it was all very calm and civilized.
In the end, the inspector who was supposed to be coming to see us tested positive for Covid, so our side of the service never even got a visit. Somebody high up in a fancy office somewhere lamented the fact that we must all be terribly disappointed...
Gloria Gaynor's glorious empowerment anthem is a peerless disco classic. (Could I get any more superlatives into that sentence?) There are some mighty fine covers of it too, including Cake and REM (although Michael appears to only know half of the lyrics). Gloria is none too fond of them herself though.
Art Brut's entirely different song of the same name really doesn't bear comparison. And Art Brut are such an acquired taste, I hesitate to even mention it. But I love Eddie Argos, so I can forgive him anything... and you can't copyright a title, even if it's iconic.
I'm young and nothing can harm me
I've sold all my records to pay for a party
I'm still drunk, but that's alright
I've been staying out every night
You're always welcome to crash on my floor
There's no key or lock for the door
I'm ignoring my grown-up problems as
I've got no idea how to solve them
If you don't care for that, you could always try the completely unrelated I Will Survive by Mötley Crüe. Horses for courses...
This is my last week off with Sam (after a few days back in purgatory last week) before the hard slog through till November (when I finally start my new job). So a few more days out have been planned... and a few more middle-aged King Cnut mumbles have been expressed.
Last week I spoke (at length) about how They are slowly trying to phase out real money in favour of digital / card spending, something that C agreed with greatly (pointing us all towards this article which shows that it isn't just middle-aged Cnuts fearing the end of money). Well, here's the latest chapter in that tale of woe... car parks.
A number of city centre car parks I've encnutered over the past few weeks have refused to let me pay for my parking with coins. The machines are taped up with bin bags, forcing us instead to use their parking apps. Occasional signs describe this as a covid measure, while others say nothing, which implies this is the future.
Like a true King Cnut, I refuse to use parking apps. I've tried and the hoops to jump through are just too many. I want to put a few coins in a slot, grab my ticket for the dashboard, and go. If I have to put my registration number into the machine (to stop me sharing a ticket with another driver... remember how nice it was in the good old days when someone offered you their unused parking ticket?), that's about as far as I'll go. But I'm not logging into one of the three dozen possible parking apps and giving them my life story (not to mention bank details) just to leave my car for a couple of hours on a piece of scraggy wasteland. I'll drive on and find another car park, thanks.
But I know my days of doing that are numbered. The faceless oligarchs who own our car parks don't want to pay attendants any more, and they certainly don't want the hassle of sending someone round to empty the ticket machine, count up all the coins, and take them to the bank... not when they can get us to shoot our digital cash straight into their veins. And I'll tell you who I feel sorry for the most. This guy...
Here's ten songs about parking and parking lots. Because song writers prefer to use the Americanism (I couldn't find any car park songs)... probably because most of these guys are Americans (apart from the ones who sing about valet parking - Brits with too much money, obviously!).
Gloria Gaynor's disco hit I Will Survive was originally seen as a female empowerment anthem, although in recent years it has also been embraced by the LGBT community for its message of not giving up even when it seems like the whole world's against you. Apparently the American Library of Congress selected it to be included in the National Re cording Registry as a track that is "culturally, historically, or artistically significant". And who am I to argue with any of that? It's a fine song...
There are plenty of interesting cover version around though, which take the song way beyond its disco roots. For example, there's the country version...
And this, which is apparently Gloria Gaynor's least favourite version, because it's a bit too sweary (edited here to make it more radio friendly). I was always very fond of this cover though...
If you've got the Hair Like Brian May Blues this Sunday morning, don't feel Under Pressure. Here are the answers to the 100th edition of Saturday Snapshots to Keep Yourself Alive.
As I write this, nobody had spotted the Extra Special Bonus Mystery which connected 10 of the songs on this list... but I guess you'd have to be pretty sad to do that. (No offence to Alyson who came close to working it out.) Different photos, different clues and different songs, but the odd-numbered artists in this list all appeared in Saturday Snapshots #1, way back in September 2017.
I think Alyson just pipped Rigid Digit to the crown this week. I was intending to work out a league table of winners from the past 100 editions, but as you probably have realised by now, my time is rather restricted at the moment. Thanks for playing along as always, everybody. Remember: this quiz is Driven By You.
20. Lennie's pal in dire circumstance. I guess Tony must have shown him the way.
George & Lennie, as anybody who's done an English exam at school in the last 50 years will know, were the unlucky duo from Of Mice & Men.
Well, two of Donald's nephews. Dewey must have been sick that day.
Still one of the greatest pop songs ever recorded...
Well, that's it, folks. 100 seems a pretty good number to bow out on, don't you think? Time to call it a day on Saturday Snapshots, maybe? Give you all a lie in next Saturday morning?
We lost a true genius yesterday. And I don't mean Jim Bowen. (Still, RIP, Jim. Any other day, I might have done a Bullseye Top Ten.)
I don't pretend to understand most of what Professor Stephen Hawkings wrote... but I'm glad he was writing it. Here are ten songs to mark his passing...
The theme tune to the sitcom The Big Bang Theory seems an appropriate track to begin with... especially since Stephen Hawking was a guest star on that show.
Our whole universe was in a hot, dense state Then nearly fourteen billion years ago expansion started, wait The earth began to cool, the autotrophs began to drool Neanderthals developed tools We built a wall (we built the pyramids) Math, science, history, unraveling the mysteries That all started with the big bang! Hey!
Personally, I think this is as close as the Manics ever got to writing a nonsense song. Professor Hawking was renowned for his sense of humour though, so he'd probably appreciate that.
Overjoyed, me and Stephen Hawking, we laugh We missed the sex revolution When we failed the physical
For a time, some people believed that the robotic vocals on this track from OK Computer(scientifically proven to be Radiohead's best album) were delivered by Stephen Hawking himself. Others believed it was just Thom Yorke speaking through a voice synthesizer to make him sound a little warmer and more human than usual. Turns out the former is closer to the truth: the vocals were actually delivered by Fred Cooper, the man who gave voice to Apple's voice synthesizing programme... the one that became most famous as the voice of Professor Hawking.
1. Soundgarden - Black Hole Sun
The first song that occurred to me when I thought about doing this Top Ten is probably the one that has least to do with Professor Stephen Hawking... but it's still a tremendous noise.
Provide A Brief History of Your Suggestions in the comments, please.
If you're wondering why things are quieter round here than usual, the simple truth is that I'm exhausted. I haven't had a proper break since the beginning of August and it's been a very tough few months at work. The more you give, the more they expect. I'm struggling to keep my head above water at the moment. I can't imagine doing this job for another 20 (or 25!) years...
Sometimes we feel like giving up. About letting the water pull us under. But Cake understand why we carry on...
People you love will turn their backs on you / You'll lose your hair, your teeth, your knife will fall out of its sheath / But you still don't like to leave before the end of the movie
People you hate will get their hooks into you / They'll get you down, you'll frown, they'll tar you and drag you through town / But you still don't like to leave before the end of the movie / No, you still don't like to leave before the end of the show. If they'd added an extra verse about keeping going for your children, because they need you and the idea of letting them down is worse than anything else you could imagine... well, Cake would have nailed my world-view right now.
As you've guessed all the answers, I figured I might as well play the tunes now rather than wait another week...
Points were awarded in the comments. Totting them up here would take too long, but you're all winners in my book. I might have to make it a little harder next week...
4. Always shelling out, never picking up rice in the church.
Yes, I did change the clue. Originally I'd put "always winning the race", until I remembered that it was the tortoise that won the race, not the turtle. D'oh. The new clue wasn't as good, I admit. As for picking up rice in the church - well, Eleanor Rigby did that. But this was definitely a different girl. She didn't even spell her name the same way.
Huey sued Ray Parker Jr. when he heard the Ghostbusters theme. There are some similarities. They settled out of court and signed a condfidentiality agreement to never speak about it in public. A few years later, Huey did an interview with VH1 in which he mentioned it. Ray sued him back.
2. After the cremation, there was hardly anything left.
Who knew there were so many Ash songs that would have fit this clue. And I thought I'd chosen the most obvious!
1. A bunch of absolute good-for-nothings who hate sleeping policemen.
What did Edwin Starr say War was good for?
Yes, I boo-booed with the inclusion of Eric Burdon, who it seems wasn't in War when they recorded this track. But this was the best photo of the band I could find on t'internet.
Always start with the obvious one. Bobby Darin is seen as the safe side of rock 'n' roll, and most of his tracks do have all the rough edges filed off. But if you're a fan of the era (as I am), it's still fun to give songs like this a spin every now and then.
Ah, the arrogance of youth, perfectly expressed by Doc Watson, covering an old Merle Travis song from the 40s with his son, also called Merle.
I'm three times seven and I do as I doggone pleaseThere ain't no woman this side of heaven gonna get me on my kneesI'm three times seven, gals, and that makes twenty oneLord, I just won't tame, I'm gonna be the same 'till I'm three times twenty one
Mr. Hudson & The Library were guilty of that aggravating mix of beats and guitars I tired of very soon in the decade they will forever refer to as The Noughties (even though there was very little naughtiness involved). They redeemed themselves through evocative lyrics: 2x2 is a fine example of this. I understand Mr. Hudson himself is still in the go, but sadly the Library closed down. Sign of the times...
Where shoe-gazing meets power-pop. Ride split in the late 90s but reformed recently to ride (punintended) the seemingly bottomless wave of nostalgia tours catering to middle-aged men desperate to recapture their misspent youth for at least one night a week... of which I would surely be a part if I had the time or the money.
Cake's cover of the George Jones / Melba Montgomery country song was renamed to include 'Subtract One Love' in the title, so feasibly I could have included it in last week's chart. I stuck with the original name so we don't confuse our budding musical mathematicians.
Hard to believe Cake have been baking up tracks like this for over 20 years now, and they're still going... though there hasn't been a new album since 2011.
Definitely one to irk the musos due to its sheer ubiquity. I don't listen to Steve Wright's Sunday Love Songs, but I'd be disappointed if I turned him on and he wasn't playing this. However, as monumental über-ballads go, this one is in a class of its own and Lionel Ritchie is a legend.
If it's still too soppy for you, you might try the Cobra Starship version... but that only really works if you appreciate the original.
James Broad's Silver Sun were one of my favourite bands of the Britpop era - although they weren't Britpop at all. Pure power-pop mixed with Beach Boys harmonies and James's angelic lead vocals; guitars so chunky they give Yorkies a run for their money. 17 Times is a b-side but it doesn't deviate from the template one jot. Like the Ramones, most Silver Sun songs sound exactly the same... but it's such a great song, who cares?
The 7x ingredients for Coca-Cola were a closely guarded secret, although the formula was allegedly revealed a few years ago.
Only David Gedge could use the Coca-Cola formula as a metaphor for a mysterious lady who won't talk to him anymore...
"It's 7X," and that's all that they'll say about Coke And you're just as circumspect and I didn't mean that as a joke Because I know everybody's got a secret deep inside But you, oh you must be quite unique, the things you hide
Schoolhouse Rock was a series of educational songs that ran in and amongst Saturday morning kids shows on American TV in the 70s. These included a song for each of the times tables up to 12, the most famous of which was Bob Dorough's Three Is A Magic Number. This has been covered by a variety of pop and rock acts over the years, most notably Blind Melon, Jeff Buckley and Embrace. They're all fine versions (I'm particularly fond of the Embrace one), but they all stick very closely to Dorough's original. De La Soul, on the other hand, took the basic track and made it their own.
Hola, amigos, gringos and muchachos... and other stereotypical Mexican greetings. This week, in lieu of anything resembling a decent summer in the UK, I thought I'd go somewhere hot...
Always keen to sieze the role of the underdog, Moz finds empathy for Mex when he senses "the hate from the Lone Star State". (As we'll see later, not all Texans are enemies of Texas.)
It seems if you're rich and you're white You think you're so right I just don't see why this should be so
Sometimes I think he writes songs like this just to confuse the NME.
I don't know much about Cinco De Mayo I'm never sure, what it's all about But I say I want you and you don't believe me You say you want me but I've got my doubts
Apparently, Cinco De Mayo is the day the Mexican army thrashed the French. Seems reason enough to celebrate to me. (Only kidding, French readers.)
I'm often vocal in my defence of contemporary country against naysayers who claim it's cheesy, overblown, jingoistic nonsense.
I will stand up and make a claim for the best of the genre representing the kind of classic storytelling guitar pop Squeeze, Kirsty MacColl or Pulp once brought into the UK charts: the kind of songs you might think nobody writes anymore.
Toby Keith is an interesting case though. At times he commits all the crimes named in that first paragraph - sometimes egregiously. He has neither the wit nor the smarts of Brad Paisley nor the sincere pop cool of Blake Shelton. But on occasion, he writes a clever, amusing ditty like this one that I just can't get out of my head. It's about a couple of strangers who meet in a Mexican bar. Both are married, but not to each other...
One more tequila And they were falling in love One more is never enough...
I was amused by a review quoted on iffypedia saying the song was "great until you process the depth of its immorality; then, you’re just sick to your stomach." Yeah, like nobody's ever written a pop song glorifying infidelity before...
Guy Garvey wishes a love rival dead... if only he was tough enough to take some kind of action...
Your sweet reassurances don't change the fact
That he's better looking than me
Yet he'd look ideal 'neath the wheels of a car
Oh, Mexican standoff, I wish I was hard
One of the best lines in the second series of True Detective came from Vince Vaughan...
"That's one off my bucket list: a Mexican standoff with actual Mexicans..."
Love the Fountains - surprised they don't show up here more often. This is from the excellent album Welcome, Interstate Managers (one of their best) and it showcases their always entertaining mix of power pop guitars and Douglas Coupland-esque lyrics...
He was killed by a cellular phone explosion
They scattered his ashes across the ocean
The water was used to make baby lotion
The wheels of promotion were set into motion
1. Blake Shelton - Playboys Of The Southwestern World
A few weeks back I was singing the praises of Shelton's Austin, but here we go a little bit further south as he and his old buddy John Roy take a Mexican vacation and end up with "a little change of plans... like when Paul McCartney got busted in Japan". With a little help from Van Morrison's Brown-Eyed Girl along the way (I love the way Shelton sings those sha-la-las kinda out of tune, like a couple of drunk mates would). A great song about friendship, with a wicked sense of humour and a wonderfully flawed narrator too.
Ah we're still best friends (Temporary cell mates...)
Look, I don't mind if you skip this one. It's 10 and a half minutes long. According to the lyrics, it does apparently feature a rather amusing version of The Lord Is My Shepherd in which the sheep wreak their revenge through karate "and make the bugger's eyes water"... but you have to listen VERY carefully. I certainly couldn't hear it.
Being an Australian sheep seems a hell of a lot more dangerous than being a British sheep. Having to worry about crocodiles, poisonous spiders and Nick Cave... brr!
In which Kate falls asleep counting sheep and listening to the shipping forecast.
Ooh, their breath is warm And they smell like sleep, And they say they take me home.
If anyone else sang those lyrics, I'd snigger. Kate makes them magical.
1. The Housemartins - Sheep
You're right, of course, sometimes the only reason I compile these charts is to give me the opportunity to proclaim the supreme majesty of records such as this one.
By my calculation, Paul Heaton and Norman Cook were in their early 20s when they filmed this video... even though they both look about 12. Heaton still dresses like your grandad though.
Those were my sheep songs - no room for Woolly Bully, but that had its day in my Top Ten Knitwear Songs.
Planning a Top Ten Frankenstein songs for Halloween, I was amazed to see how many great records there were about people called Frank. In fact, I could easily have filled a Top 20. The Monster will have to wait...
It's a shame that the Longpigs are mostly remembered these days as "the band Richard Hawley played guitar in". They deserve far more recognition. Although god knows what's going on in this rather X-rated promo...
Thanks to the kind person who posted this on youtube, I've just discovered the "true" (?) story behind this song. Apparently it was Paul Simon's farewell to Art Garfunkel (himself an architecture major at university).
So long, Frank Lloyd Wright All of the night we've harmonised till dawn I've never laughed so long
Another Brooklyn resident, this Frank was in consideration for that Top Ten too. A cover, it turns out, of a song from the musical Hair.
He has golden chains on his leather jacket,
and on the back, are written the names Mary and Mom and Hell's Angels.
I would gratefully appreciate it if you see him,
tell him
I am in the park with my girlfriend,
and please tell him Angela and I
don't want the two dollars back, just him.
In any other Top Ten, Bruce's tragic tale of two brothers on opposite sides of the law (one of whom is called Frank) would have been number one. See also Frankie.
1. Tom Waits - Frank's Wild Years
My favourite Tom Waits "song". If you've never heard it before, please take 1 minute 48 seconds to discover why Tom Waits is one of the best storytellers in the music industry...
Let's be Frank... what's your favourite Frank song?
