Grumpy Old Men Songs #23: Get Your Hedge Cut

Here is a lovely festive greeting we received from one of our neighbours just a few days before Christmas...

A few points of order...

1. They're 10+ feet tall leylandii. Which are rather useful at shielding our garden from the gale force winds that blow almost continually on the mountain top where we currently reside. However, we can't cut them ourselves. We have to get a man in. A man who charges an arm and a leg. And in the current economic climate...

2. They're not "overhanging the pavement by almost half". They're just a little bushy at the top.

3. We walk our dog on that pavement every day and have no difficultly at all. We often pass people with prams, again having no difficulty at all.

4. This letter was not written by a young mum with a pram and a dog. A young mum with a pram and a dog would have gone on Facebook to whinge. This letter was written by a grumpy old sod who lives across the road and doesn't have the guts to come and knock on our door. He did once: to complain that our builder's vans were parking outside his house. They weren't our builders. You can guess the rest. (He's our main suspect, anyway.)

5. "A polite reminder" doesn't then go on to insinuate that by our very presence, we're bringing down the tone of a once respectable neighbourhood. (Don't even start me on the patch of ground at the side of the garage [singular - the second garage belongs to our next door neighbour]). 

6. Louise is currently walking round with a machete. Not to cut down the leylandii.

Various suggestions have already been offered by friends and colleagues about how we respond to the above. My favourite so far involves having a topiarist carve a one-fingered salute into the bushes. Other suggestions are welcome...

In the meantime, there was only one song to play today...