Celebrity Jukebox #56: Diane Keaton

Khayem wrote an excellent tribute to Diane Keaton earlier this week, most notably in his revelation that she directed the video to Belinda Carlisle’s Heaven Is A Place On Earth. That’s a class piece of musical trivia.

Khayem also provided a playlist of songs with titles that matched Diane’s most famous movies… so there’s even less for me to add via the Celebrity Jukebox… except a few songs that mention her by name.

We’ll start with this one, as it would have fit perfectly on Khayem’s compilation…

Next, a little offering from Portuguese singer-songwriter JTX, way back in 1982… especially for our Portuguese reader.

JTX – Diane Keaton

Over to Chile next, where we find indie duo Dënver (no longer a duo, it seems, since they split up)…

Dënver – Diane Keaton

From Dënver to Vietnam… or from Chile to Spain, take your pick…

Vietnam – Diane Keaton

Still in Spain, we find a band Montoto and their Spanish Eyes…

Montoto - Ojos de Diane Keaton

Over to Australia now for a Sydney guitar band who might have broken a few copyright laws when making their video… but it’s all in the name of art, so that’s all right.

Weak Boys - Unrequited Diane Keaton

Diane did pretty well in the song titles then… but what about lyrical nods?

Well, here’s one that might have been in contention for the Cancel Culture Club…

Hey yo, I kinda like the musical Rent (no homo)
Man, I can't decide who wore it best (no homo)
But I'm feeling Diane Keaton's vest (No homo)
I admit it I'm a fashionista (No homo)
And I know every line of Mystic Pizza

Lonely Island - No Homo

The interweb, however, tells me this is actually…

“…a critique on homophobia among young, often athletic and/or alpha-type males. It starts off by describing how the phrase “no homo” can be used as a social mechanism to quickly defuse any suspicion of homosexual attraction when giving a fellow male a complement. The examples of usage of the phrase quickly escalate to overtly sexual acts, which nullify any suggestion that they are merely comfortable in their heterosexuality, but are truly giving into their gay urges. This suggests that many homophobes are actually suppressing their closeted homosexual feelings through an exterior of hostility and intolerance.”

And if you’re wondering how that’s relevant today…

“One of Diane Keaton’s most famous roles was in Annie Hall where she dressed in men’s clothes, including vests. Although, Keaton likes to dress in vintage men’s clothes regardless.”

So now you know. No cancellation needed. Apparently.

As we’ve already established, Diane was very popular on the continent, as further evidenced here by this tune from French singer and writer Yves Simon…

Yves Simon - J't'imagine

J't'ai vue un soir sortir d'un music-hall
Comme Diane Keaton d'Annie Hall

Which, clumsily translates as…

I saw you one evening coming out of a music hall
Like Diane Keaton from Annie Hall

Never be afraid to rhyme hall with Hall.

Next, an American indie duo who remind me of The Mountain Goats (never a bad thing). Clearly they’re film buffs as they also have tunes called Peter Bogdanovich Can't Stop Talking About Orson Welles and I Wanna Meet Scarlett Johansson in a Coffeeshop at Three. And I realise I’ll probably be in a lonely minority here, but these guys just went straight on my Further Investigation Required list…

When you were stuck at 2 a.m. I wished you would have called
I would've been there in an instant, we could've rented Annie Hall
And I'd be your Woody Allen, with my witty, subtle quips
And you'd be my Diane Keaton, 'till you gave me the slip

Moe’s Haven – Dig In!

Meanwhile, Merseyside’s Laurie Shaw has appeared on this feature previously… and he’ll probably pop again soon. He’s extremely prolific… and rather interesting too.

Brigitte Bardot's toes
Turning the taps on the bubble bath
Carrie Fisher’s gold bikini
Diane Keaton’s laugh
Audrey Hepburn in her pyjamas
Anne in 'Day of Wrath’

Laurie Shaw – Comparative Essay

I saved this one for last though, because Allo Darlin’ are fabulous.

In the movie of our lives, would Woody Allen write the screenplay?
Not his best era, but certainly not his worst either
But I wouldn't like to be like Diane Keaton in Manhattan
So cerebral was she, runs away from any romance
But though you're neurotic, and a little paranoid
It doesn't make me Annie, it doesn't make you Alvy
Woody Allen couldn't play you
Woody Allen couldn't play you
I know you want him to, but he couldn't play you

Celebrity Jukebox #78: Max Von Sydow

The power of Christ compels me to see what ungodly tunes might have been sung about Carl Adolf von Sydow, an actor about whom we probably don't need to ask "Why'd you change it to Max?" (He stole the name from the star of a Flea Circus he saw while in the army.) 

Von Sydow began his career playing chess with Death in The Seventh Seal, a metaphor which could well be extended to his later roles in The Exorcist and as Ming The Merciless in Flash Gordon. Checkmate finally came in 2020, when Max was 90... no one escapes Death.

Here's a band called Randy. They're big fans of The Exorcist, but not so much the sequel...

Some years went by then came The Heretic: Exorcist 2

Starring Linda Blair and Max Von Sydow too

It had none of the mood or the tension

It was not a worthy continuation, a category B

And a big disappointment for me, oh me

Randy - The Exorcist

Next up, it's Norway's answer to John Denver: Ole Paus, with a song that appears to begin with  a Norwegian politician's response to The Exorcist.

Ungdomssekretæren herr Oddvar Søvik

I den Lutherske Norske Indremisjon

Var på kino en kveld og så Max von Sydow

Og en pike som lå og balet med en forførerisk demon

You'll have to forgive me, my Norwegian is a little rusty.

Now I've heard some pretty odd tunes since I started this feature, but I reckon Jon and Wei Kai might take the biscuit. 

Late last night I was out of my mind

When I learned that Max Von Sydow had died

Jon & Wei Kai - Woke Up This Morning

Here's a band named after Max Von Sydow. There had to be one, didn't there?

Max Von Sydow - Ugly Girls, Ugly Boys

And here's a band called Christ Chopper. It might be better to imagine what they sound like rather than clicking the link. Guess what, you're right!

Christ Chopper - Max von Sydow Takes on the Devil

And here's some Danish rap...

Fede Poul - Max Von Sydow

Fortunately, I only need one good tune to make this feature worthwhile. And one good tune is what we get. Here's a song by the wonderful Allo Darlin' about Woody Allen's movie Hannah & Her Sisters, in which Max played a key role...

In the movie of our lives, would Woody Allen write the screenplay?

Not his best era, but certainly not his worst either

But I wouldn't like to be like Diane Keaton in Manhattan

So cerebral was she, runs away from any romance

Max von Sydow couldn't play you

Max von Sydow couldn't play you

I know you'd want him to

But Max von Sydow couldn't play you

Snapshots #221: A Top Ten New Year Songs

It was hardly the toughest link to work out, but how often does Saturday Snapshots fall on New Year's Day? Here are the Auld Lang Answers...

10. Often mistaken for space aliens.

I was watching a documentary recently where the US government claimed that when people saw UFOs, they were actually seeing U2 spy planes. Which aren't shaped like flying saucers at all. Far more likely they're seeing Bono's halo...

U2 - New Year's Day

9. Half T-Rex, half King.

T-Rex was a Dinosaur... half of that almost gives you Dina.

And then there's Carol King.

Dina Carroll - The Perfect Year

8. Found inside Superb All Boys Club.

SuperB ALL BOYs Club.

Ballboy - Welcome To The New Year

7. A Trifid Skit.

Anagram! (Not a brilliant one, I'll admit.)

First Aid Kit - New Year's Eve

6. Album of the film of the town.

The album of the film is the Motion Picture Soundtrack. These guys are the...

Motion City Soundtrack - Together We'll Ring In The New Year

5. He gets on Agatha's Wick.

John Wick versus Agatha Christie. I'd watch that movie.

John Christie - Here's To Love (Auld Lang Syne)

4. Herr Flick meets Blackadder Captain.

Herr Flick was in Allo Allo. Captain Darling was in Blackadder.

Allo Darlin' - Will You Please Spend New Years Eve With Me?

3. Double Acne.

Anagram!

Deacon Blue - Queen of the New Year

2. Eat brains.

Not an anagram! Zombies eat brains.

The Zombies - This Will Be Our Year

1. Sheep cry out for well-developed stomach muscles.

Abs go Baa. Or Something.

Wishing you all a better year than the last two...

Snapshots #201: A Top Ten Swimming Pool Songs

I hope you're all wearing your swimming costumes for today's Top Ten. 

Time to dive in to the answers...

10. Most of Henry's wives like garlic germ.

Henry was married to 3 Catherines and 2 Annes.

"Garlic germ" was an anagram.

Kate & Anna McGarrigle - The Swimming Song

9. What sharks smell.

Surfer Blood - Swim

8. Pain relief.

Morphine - Like Swimming

7. Stuart has very Little ego.

Stuart Little was a mouse, and at modest one at that.

Modest Mouse - Float On

(Because if you can't swim very well, you need your floats on!)

(And yes, he does look a little too much like Timmy Mallet in that picture.)

6. Spencer sends Thunder God north.

Spencer Tracy + Thor N.

Tracey Thorn - Swimming

5. Red satirist.

Anagram!

Dire Straits - Twisting By The Pool

4. Squeeze through the middle.

The Go-Betweens - Draining The Pool For You

3. Greetings, sweetie.

Allo, Darlin' - Let's Go Swimming

2. Sleepy state.

R.E.M. - Nightswimming

Not strictly in a swimming pool, I guess, but they could have been.

1. CBS gags Oz!

Anagram!

And a Lido is an open air swimming pool, of course.

Time to dry off, but you're welcome to take a dip again next Saturday...

Cover Me Monday #7: The Wu Tang Clan

There was a time I might have claimed to be into The Wu Tang Clan in order to pretend to be down wi' da kidz. Considering that this band came together in the early 90s though... and that's getting on for 30 years ago, in case you need that mortality check... well, I doubt da kidz have a clue who they are anymore.

Today's cover isn't by (or originally by) The Wu Tang Clan though. It's a song called The Wu Tang Clan, originally recorded by The French. I have to admit that I'd never heard of The French before, despite being a fan of Hefner. Apparently The French was a side project back in the early noughties for Hefner's Darren Hayman and John Morrison.

I probably wouldn't even known that this song was a cover... had it not come from something called The Covers EP. The covering band are Allo Darlin', and London-based indie group with an Australian singer who released three pretty cool albums a few years back, and then, I'm guessing, called it a day.

Here's the Casio-flavoured original version of The Wu Tang Clan by The French.

And below, the Allo Darlin' cover, which I find far superior. That said, credit to Darren Hayman for writing this, because lyrically, it's a belter.

She dreams of Staten Island

She never ever dreams of Walthamstow

Her friends are getting married

Getting their haircut like Jill Dando

She hopes that Terry Soanes won't ask her out tonight for the 4th time

She wants to be alone

With the curtains drawn and the stereo on

She swings her hips and dances to the Wu-Tang Clan

And RZA, Ghostface Killah, Inspecta Deck and Golden Arms

Will hold her tight and out of harm in the council flat tonight

And the thought hits her at 105 bpm

That sometimes for a second, she believes that everything will be

Alright