I think I've smoked about three cigarettes in my life, and each time was to impress a girl. The same girl. I suppose I kind of liked the buzz, but not enough (thankfully) to become addicted or have any desire to spend any of my own hard-earned cash on the things. How many fewer CDs would have I have been able to afford, if I'd developed a habit? How many comics would I not have been able to buy?
My dad smoked cigars when I was a kid, and I always loved the smell of them. As he got older, and had less money, he switched to a pipe and tobacco. I've probably mentioned this before, but one day in his early 60s, a doctor told him, "you keep smoking that pipe and you won't be here in ten years time". So my dad quit, cold turkey, and lived another 30 years... although arguably some damage had already been done, and he struggled with emphysema and other bronchial disorders, and (old age aside), those were probably what got him in the end.
My Mum only smoked the occasional cigarette, at parties. Whenever I saw her with one in her hand, I became upset. I grew up watching some pretty graphic smoking ads on TV... from an early age, I was pretty well indoctrinated against fags... unless I thought I might use one to get a girl to like me.
It's hard to believe now just how much the smell of cigarette smoke used to be everywhere when we were teenagers... and how rare it is to smell them these days. It's all bloody vapes with the kids these days. Horrible things, with their claggy, artificial scents. Makes me feel a certain nostalgia for fag smoke... and definitely for cigars.
While writing last week's post about my love of a good old cup of Joe, I realised that I have hundreds of tunes in my library about said beverage... any excuse for another occasional series! This one will just be a chat, like we're sitting in a coffee shop together, shooting the breeze, maybe talking about the songs they're playing in the background, maybe ignoring them and talking random shit instead. And for those of you who don't like coffee (like Martin), I'll make sure other popular beverages are available too...
Is there a better one minute song than that? Seriously, if there is, I want to know about it. I mean - look at the way it builds! I can think of 8 minute album track epics that don't develop as well as that does... and then it's gone. It's perfect... although I can't help but wonder if it would have been better if it had carried on... or if the effect would have been lost with the addition of another three verses.
Louise left her scarf at the cinema during half term, so Sam and I called back there on Saturday morning to see if they had it.
"Hi," I asked the happy chappy checking e-tickets on mobile phones, "do you have a lost and found?"
"Yeah," said Stephen Patrick Morrissey's slightly less affable younger brother, "but you'll have to wait till I've checked all these people in to their films."
There weren't really any people waiting, just a couple going through the options on the automated booking screen. Eventually they finished buying their tickets and strolled over in a leisurely fashion to be checked in.
"I suppose you better come with me then," said the gushing usher, leading us through to a dingy corridor and a door with a security code lock on it. When he opened it, we could just about make out a huge pile of coats, bags and other misplaced miscellany dumped on the floor in the corner of what looked like a cleaner's closet. "You can have a look in there, if you want."
"Is there a light?"
"No."
And so we began to rumble through the jumble. Every time we found something that might have been vaguely scarf shaped, we had to hold it out into the corridor where there was just enough light to discern vaguely recognisable details. Eventually we found the right one and went home.
"Thanks so much," I said as we left, "you're a life-saver!"
There was no reply as the gloomy flunkey shuffled back to his post.
One final thing before I leave you to your day - what the hell have they done with Google Maps?
They've changed the look so you can now see individual buildings, tiny little house and office shapes rather than just the blocked out areas of grey that used to represent buildings. It's very distracting when you're driving (and I rely on Google Maps far more than I used to, purely because I'm often on a tight schedule to get to and from work after dropping Sam off or picking him up from wraparound club).
Now I find my attention drawn not to the blue line representing my route, but to all the little shapes - is that really the shape of that house I'm driving past? Is their garden really so big? Is there a block to represent their garden shed? Does the new housing estate they're building show up, or is it still a field? If I have a crash sometime in the next few weeks, I'm telling my insurance company to call Google for compensation.
It makes me wonder about the future too... how much more detail can they add to these apps? Will we soon have live satellite surveillance zapped into our phones? Will we be able to see people walking down the streets, stray dogs cocking a leg at tiny lamp posts, our own car pootling down the road, as seen from above? How much of it do we actually really need? I'm not so much of a luddite that I can't admit to finding Google Maps more useful than my trusty yet tattered old Road Atlas... but where does it all end?
When I started this series, Lee Remick was the obvious contender.
What do I know about Lee Remick?
Lee Remick's eyes sparkled that brilliant blue...
Her hair was just long enough so it bounced upon her shoulders...
And that's the less obvious stuff...
What do I really know about Lee Remick?
She comes from Ireland
She's very beautiful
And most of all...
She was in The Omen with Gregory Peck
She got killed, what the heck!?
I think it's fair to say that everything I know about Lee Remick, I learned from these two songs. (Oh, and the Wannadies cover version of the Go-Betweens song.)
I can't find any other songs that mention her name, even in passing. But just one of the above would be a worthy tribute. Together, they cement her status as a legend.
There was a time I might have claimed to be into The Wu Tang Clan in order to pretend to be down wi' da kidz. Considering that this band came together in the early 90s though... and that's getting on for 30 years ago, in case you need that mortality check... well, I doubt da kidz have a clue who they are anymore.
Today's cover isn't by (or originally by) The Wu Tang Clan though. It's a song called The Wu Tang Clan, originally recorded by The French. I have to admit that I'd never heard of The French before, despite being a fan of Hefner. Apparently The French was a side project back in the early noughties for Hefner's Darren Hayman and John Morrison.
I probably wouldn't even known that this song was a cover... had it not come from something called The Covers EP. The covering band are Allo Darlin', and London-based indie group with an Australian singer who released three pretty cool albums a few years back, and then, I'm guessing, called it a day.
And I thought Jimmy spent all his time messing about on boats. Turns out he also hangs around in libraries, looking for love...
She gathered her books, walked while she read Words never spoken but so much was said You can read all you want into this rendezvous But it's safer than most things that lovers can do
He started to woo her in the most peculiar way The librarian's dress was a fawner shade of grey The books he was to borrow he would surely never read They had an intellectual calibre he hoped that she would see
Daddy drives the mobile library. He works peripatetically. He doesn't get much time to play with us So we just read and make up stuff. And it drives him round the bend, Me and my imaginary friend.
You can search the whole library for another song that features the word "peripatetically"... good luck in finding one.
Tuesday she works in the library uptown Some useful knowledge can always be found Don't burn the library till you've read all the books Sometimes in life you get a second look
Not a band that were known for their great literary offerings, but they sure could bang out a tune.
1. Nick Cave - There She Goes, My Beautiful World
Name-dropping the most famous librarian ever and notorious parent-abuser...
While Philip Larkin, he stuck it out
In a library in Hull
Any librarians filed in your stacks? Dewey decimal placings will be required.
Anyway, a full scale scrum took place yesterday morning just after 8.30 with Charity Chic, Lynchie, C - and even George (welcome back, George) fighting to see who could type their answers fastest. No, sorry, FBCB, there are no marks for neatness in the game... although I'm pretty sure you clinched the victory this week anyway. Alyson deserves credit for working out this week's stinkers - number 9 - a song I doubt anyone remembered (even I'd forgotten it) and number 3 (Martin or The Swede might have got that, but I seriously doubt it's in Alyson's record collection). Well done to you all, and thanks for playing as always...
10. Clashing with the cops... even though one of them was a cop - completely!
Clashing with the cops would be fighting with the law. Clashing because the Clash covered this song.
I'm going to have to stop using the police clue for Bobby after today... but it made more sense here than most times I've used it.
A Jamaican cooking pot / pan is called a Dutchie. This song was originally about drugs, but when this bunch covered it, they changed the lyrics so that it was about food instead. (Ironically, Dutchie then came to be drugs slang as a result.)
Babies would represent youth. Singed is a bad pun for musical AND burned.
This generation... rules de nation... with version!
2. Why stand on the Big Bad when you could be going on David Copperfield's rug?
Why step on a big bad wolf when you could be riding on a magic carpet? (Originally I wanted to make that Paul Daniels' rug, because that would have been funnier, but I didn't know how well he'd be known internationally.)
Martin did a post recently about music videos that stop the music unexpectedly half way through. There's a great example here, courtesy of Mr. Leonard Nimoy...
I did quite like that back in 2001 - enough to swipe it from the chuck-out box, anyway - but listening back it all seems very polished and I don't particularly take to Mayer's voice anymore. Plus, Mayer appears to be a bit of a dick, having given some supremely dodgy interviews in his day. And obviously, I will not stand behind any artist who says stupid, inflammatory things in interviews.
The Swede dropped by to offer Magdalena 83 by Alan Vega - which I'm sure is pretty good since I do like a bit of Suicide every now and then... but as I couldn't find it anywhere on t'internet, and it doesn't (yet) feature in my record collection, I had to give it a pass.
Martin suggested Wafia - 83 Days, which to be fair he caveated with "don't like very much" (alongside John Mayer... which made me question the darker crevices of Martin's record collection as much as I sometimes do my own) but then he redeemed himself slightly by offering Major Tom (Coming Home) by German Bowie obsessive Peter Schilling. That doesn't actually mention 83 at all in title or lyrics, but Martin offered the following defence: "(a) it was used as the theme for the excellent Deutschland 83 and (b) is actually quite good", which would generally be enough for me... although I haven't seen the show myself.
The only other song I'm aware of with 83 in the title comes from the soundtrack of Flashdance... but it's hardly What A Feeling!
All of which led me to search for lyrical references to the number 83, most of which revolved around the year... but rules are meant to be broken in times of desperation. So, here's My Top Ten 83 Songs... leading up to this week's winner:
It was summertime in '83 We were burnin' out at the rubber tree Wonderin' what in the world Would make all this worthwhile And if I knew then I was older then Would I see regret to the last mile?
It was back in the summer of '83 There's a reason I remember it well I was slipping and sliding, drinkin' and drivin' Bringin' me closer to Hell
And the Devil sat in the passenger's side Of Delorean's automobile He said, "Hey Frehley, Frehley let's not be silly There's a life out there to steal!"
I got a couple of rods; they got tape where they broke I got a bobber, some sinkers and two packs of smokes I got the sun goin' down and the moon comin' out And it's 83 degrees and I'm pissin' in the river
Well, it's a fiddler from Kentucky Who swears he's 83 And he's fiddled every contest From here to Cripple Creek And it's old ones and it's young ones And it's plain they half agreed That it's country music in the park As far as they can see
You were standing next to me, In '82 and '83, In all that time I barely proved I love you Well there's nothing wrong but the wrong in me You were everything you were meant to be
Well my body sank below the ground It became as black as night, Overhead the sounds of horses hooves, People fighting for their lives. Some joker in a headband was still Getting chicks for free. And Big Brother was still watching you Back in the days of '83.
1. Amy Rigby - The Summer of My Wasted Youth
Summertime in '83 I didn't need a j-o-b Cause unemployment kept me free To study country harmony And find somebody with a car Drink cheap beer in the Polish bar Take photos in the photo booth The summer of my wasted youth
So, lyrics will be allowed for 82... as will years. Unless you have an amazing title suggestion. These are the toughest numbers. They will get easier.
This is Millie, the new addition to our family. Too soon? I did think so... but I've been proved wrong. A welcome blast of sunshine and fun in these darkest of times...
The big problem with songs about kittens is that they're rarely actually about kittens. Kitten, is seems, is a popular metaphorical term of endearment, and just about the only song on this list which appears to be about an actual kitten is about a dead one. So I'm not dedicating any of these to Millie. Ten great songs, nevertheless...
The thing about Whitesnake was, around about the time this came out, they were showing their kitten side more than their claws. Power ballads had taken them into the charts and their metal beginnings were all but forgotten. This was them showing they still had their claws. You won't like it, it ain't cool, but it did the job for teenage rock fans back in the mid 80s.
Can you believe this is the first time Whitesnake have featured on this blog? I can't.
Dark and creepy - Nick Cave would be proud. From Lily's debut record, available on The Indelicates' Corporate Records label. Since then she's gone on to form the band Fightmilk: also worthy of your attention.
Don't forget that little kittens have the sharpest claws!
I guess that should be **** Me, Kitten... or @%$# Me, Kitten. It's one of those songs that sounds beautiful, but if you study the lyrics you'll choke on the metaphors. Of course, you could also scare yourself half to death with the REM & William S. Burroughs version...
Forgotten noughties indie from half of The Lovely Eggs. Indie-girly-pop loveliness with a sting in the tail.
1. Little Willie John - Leave My Kitten Alone
"Laying in the back seat, listening to Little Willie John..."
Yes, it was Elvis Costello who introduced this song to me... but it was Robbie Robertson who introduced me to Little Willie. And the original has added meows!
I came across a good haul of Charlatans CDs in a local charity shop recently and was able to stock up my collection beyond the obvious titles. This is from their 2004 album Up At The Lake, apparently the only Charlies album never to receive an American release (not sure why, but whenever they do release records in the US they have to stick a UK on the end of their name because of an obscure American band from the 60s). Iffypedia tells me this particular song was only available on the UK release of the album - again, not sure why, it's a perfectly decent laid-back, Stonesy groove.
I originally came across this song on Harry Nilsson's album Pandemonium Shadow Show but I hadn't listened to that in years, so it took me a while when I heard Don Henley's version (on last year's Cass County) to work out where I knew it from. It was originally written by Jesse Lee Kincaid, a member of 60s folk-rock band Rising Sons along with Ry Cooder and Taj Mahal.
I've listened to the lyrics of this song a lot trying to work out what they're all about... there's a spooky, otherworldly quality to them. The People Who Are strike me as the sort you don't want to mess with.
Two contrasting hymns from The King Is Dead album (Colin Meloy was always a huge Smiths fan). The first is an ode to shovelling snow, the second a celebration of pegging out your washing. Ironically, it's the latter which appears to steal its chords from Simon & Garfunkel's I Am A Rock (y'know, the one that begins 'A winter's day, In a deep and dark December...')
Aztec Camera were a brilliant band, but I sometimes feel Roddy Frame has done better work since he packed in his famous job and turned solo. In the one-man-and-a-guitar stakes, he takes some beating.
No, I like The Magic Numbers. This is from their first album, when they showed the most promise. You have to wonder if, in our looks-obsessed culture, lead singer Romeo Stoddard's Steven Toast meets Giant Haystacks image prevented the band from getting on any magazine covers. Shame...
Of course, this wasn't the most famous song with that awful pun-title. I'm presuming Romeo stole it from the band at #3.
Hefner have written more hymns than Charles Wesley or Isaac Watts (look: if I can google them, you can). See also The Hymn For Alcohol, The Hymn For Coffee, The Hymn For The Things We Didn't Do, etc. etc. This one's my favourite. Although I've never been a smoker, I like the way Darren Hayman pays tribute to all his favourite cigarette brands, but mostly I like it because it contains one of the greastest questions in the history of pop...
Written by Chrissie's old school pal, Meg Keene, this is as close as The Pretenders ever got to becoming Fleetwood Mac. Apparently there are pagan themes to the lyrics, which would have fit the White Witch, Stevie Nicks, very well. Chrissie even sounds like Stevie on this.
Before she became famous, Chrissie Hynde worked for the NME. Among others, she interviewed Brian Eno, Tim Buckley and David Cassidy. Not Nicks though... I wonder if she was a Mac fan?
From their second EP, released in 1985 (their first record was out in '83!). It's still a pretty powerful mission statement from a band just starting out...
This song's made up, made second rate Cosmetic music, powderpuff Pop tunes, false rhymes, all lightweight bluffs Second-hand ideas, no soul, no hate Wasn't mean to be Built on complacency The nightmares ride away When you refuse to play Oh go and read a book It's so much more worth while Being a song-smith crook Study death in style Death in style
And thirty years later, they're still at it. Their 14th album, Girl At The End of the World, will be out in March.
1. Fleet Foxes - White Winter Hymnal
I bang on a lot on this site about how much I love storytelling songs and how important lyrics are to me, but I have to confess I've never really paid much attention to the lyrics of White Winter Hymnal. I know it's about something, and there's some wonderful imagery, but the effect the song has on me is purely down to the sound: the harmonies and the canon effect work together to make this a mesmerising piece of music. When something sounds this good, I don't need to know what it's all about.
As we move house next week, I'd be thankful if the white winter can stay away this year, please.
There are, of course, thousands of pop songs about love of money. They deserve, at least, a Top Ten of their own. There are also about a hundred different versions of this song, originally written and recorded by the mighty Barrett Strong back in 1959. But I love this version more than any other because it's truly unique... and because the video is like 1979 in a bottle.
Poor old Roddy, he didn't quite get it all. Although going from the video, he must have been about 12 when he recorded this, so he did pretty well for such a young 'un.
.jpg)
