Another Day #21: World Teachers' Day

Today is the 60th anniversary of the official UNESCO World Teacher's Day.

A day to pay tribute to amazing teachers (like Swiss Adam) and wonderful former teachers (like George). I don't consider myself worthy of any accolades since my own teaching these days is far removed from the trenches.

Jim Bob - Mrs Fucking MacMurphy (Teaches Food Technology)

Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young - Teach Your Children

Wide Boy Awake - Slang Teacher

April Stevens - Teach Me, Tiger

Jethro Tull - Teacher

Prince - Teacher Teacher

Rockpile - Teacher Teacher

Leonard Cohen - Teachers

Snapshots #377 - A Top Ten Carry On Songs

We watched the movie Carry On starring Jason Bateman and Elton John over Christmas. It's basically a PG version of Die Hard II. Even worse, there's no sign of Babs, Kenneth, Jim Dale or Sid...

Here are ten Carry On songs... 

10. Disorder in newborns.

Babyshambles - Carry On Up The Morning

9. Superman grew up in a right state.

Superman grew up in Smallville, which is in Kansas...

Kansas - Carry On Wayward Son

8. The Beach Boys sang about them three times.

The Beach Boys sang Fun Fun Fun...

Fun. - Carry On

7. Policeman stuck in a freezing watering hole.

Bobby Caldwell - Carry On

6. The oafish blue tutu is quite baffling.

"The oafish blue tutu" was an anagram...

The Beautiful South - Good As Gold (Carry On Regardless)

5. June and July, in the calendar.

J&J. Cale is in the calendar.

JJ Cale - Carry On

4. Woodhill Bay and Kilkenny Bay.

Woodhill Bay and Kilkenny Bay are also known as Portishead Beach.

Portishead - We Carry On

3. Reed, Sue, Johnny and Ben.

Otherwise known as...

The Fantastic Four - I'm Gonna Carry On

2. Dr. Julius Strangepork.

Piiiiigs in spaaaaace!!!

Spacehog - Carry On

1. Crime Scene: New York.

CS: NY...

Crosby, Stills & Nash - Carry On

OK, you an carry on about your day now.

Snapshots will carry on next Saturday...

Celebrity Jukebox #68: David Crosby

And the requiems keep coming...

David Crosby was, by all accounts, a grumpy old git. But we have no problem with that here at Top Ten Towers. Indeed, we embrace Grumpy Old Gittiness. The best word I could find to describe him online was "ornery", which seems like a fine word to have engraved on your tombstone. Who cares, when you make music as beautiful as this...?

Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young - Almost Cut My Hair

Crosby's refusal to visit the barbers on a regular basis inspired Robyn Hitchcock to pen the following...

You're in funky denim wonderland

You and David Crosby and a bloke with no hand

You've got hair in places

Most people haven't got brains

Robyn Hitchcock - 1974

Frank Zappa's groupie was also fixated with Crosby's hair...

How about David Crosby? 

I mean, he's so... IN, y'know, I...

No, I never...

He's... he just knows, 

I mean, he almost cut his hair, but he didn't, well...

Frank Zappa - The Groupie Routine

Meanwhile, the Dead Milkmen find David a little difficult to swallow...

What do they taste like, some kind a' treat?

How many hippies can this monster eat?

It ate stills and Nash before they could shout

And then it chewed on David Crosby but it spit him out

All the punks are gonna scream, yippee

'Cause it's the thing that only eats hippies

The Dead Milkmen - The Thing that Only Eats Hippies

Slightly more philosophical, here's the wonderfully named Self Saboteur...

Maybe David Crosby was right

And we've all been here before

Maybe my spirit leaves at night

Through a golden astral door

Self Saboteur - The Interpretation of Dreams

While Jake Burns wants to move to Laurel Canyon to hang out with the great man...

Imagine if David Crosby lived next door

He'd be talking 'bout his future summer tour

Telling stories 'bout the Troubadour

The truth that lies beneath the floor

Jake Burns - California Bound

Time for the usual round-up of obscure titular mentions, courtesy of Discogs...

The Saps - David Crosby

David Grisman and Andy Statman – Crosby, Stills & Nash

Lily & Horn Horse - Crosby, Stills & Nash

Sadly, I couldn't find Eugene Chadbourne's song "Lock David Crosby Up!" anywhere online.

Here's a couple that mention Crosby as the letter C, with those other guys...

Oh Mr. Hendrix, how high he could fly

Loved those golden vocals from CSNY

Don Felder - American Rock n Roll

We got this melody

Bringin' the harmonies like CSNY

To write a tune you know will never die

Let's gather round and sing a song

Gang of Rhythm - Walk Off This Earth

(Very entertaining video for that one.)

Almost last word goes to Nigel Blackwell...

If I was in CSNY, I’d be Stephen Stills

Fair enough, Nigel.

Half Man Half Biscuit - Depressed Beyond Tablets

Today's winner though is a delightful new discovery who will be getting further investigation from me. And that is why I do this feature. Take it away, John Craigie...

I don't know how I'm gonna find ya, babe it's hard for me 

You're always 2, 000 miles from wherever I play

And you want some kids, maybe I want em too

Can we get ourselves a old one, maybe 22

Ain't got no college loans, ain't got no other debts too

He could smoke with me, he could drink with you

He could be my drummer, David Crosby does that

He didn't raise his neither, honey, how 'bout that?

RIP, the C in CSNY.

Saturday Snapshots #164 - The Answers

 

So, you think Saturday Snapshots is funny, do ya?

Funny how?

Funny like a clown?

See how funny you find these answers, smart guy...

10. Stringed testament - I'll be fine on my own.

A stringed testament might be a viola will.

Viola Wills - Gonna Get Along Without You Now

9. Ow, baby - it's only a small flight.

The Five Stairsteps - O-o-h Child

8. The cost of a sunbeam that gets out after dark. 

The cost of a sunbeam would be the ray price.

Ray Price - Nightlife

Wonderful late night tune.

7. Crossing the river of glue.

Ferry 'Cross The Mersey?

Bryan Ferry - Let's Stick Together

6. Stan joins the Distinguished Competition! I never thought I'd...

If Stan Lee ever went to join his Distinguished Competition, he would have become DC Lee. (One for the comic fans there. Well, me.)

I never thought I'd see the day...

Dee C. Lee - See The Day 

5. Ratty & Mole's pal keeps his chain moving even though he trips.

Ratty & Mole were friends with Mr. Toad. A sprocket keeps a chain moving.

Toad The Wet Sprocket - Fall Down

4. Dual transformations.

Dual would be a two pack.

Tupac - Changes

With a little help from Bruce Hornsby & The Range, obviously.

3. Lawn display during Cuban Missile Crisis.

A lawn display would be a Grass Show.

The Cuban Missile Crisis happened in 1962.

Grass Show - 1962

Lost classic!

2. Kardashian meets An Ideal Husband for an irregular romance.

Kim Kardashian meets Oscar Wilde for a spot of chequered love...

Kim Wilde - Chequered Love

Steady on, gentlemen of a certain age.

1. Angry insect, brewers, menacing dog & child all live together - it's like madness!

An angry insect would be a cross bee.

Stills are used to brew things.

Dennis The Menace's dog is Gnasher.

A child is young.

Madness sang about living together in Our House.

Don't stay Home Alone next Saturday. Snapshots will always be here to keep you company!

My Top Ten Carry On Songs

I was never a fan of the Carry On films, "Great" British comedy institution though they may be. But there are some blinding Carry On songs...



10. Babyshambles - Carry on Up the Morning

One of the better post-Libertines Pete Doherty songs. There aren't that many.

9. Tim McGraw - Carry On

All those people who think modern country music comes with a big wedge of cheese are mostly wrong. In Tim McGraw's case, however... 

8. Half Man Half Biscuit - Carry on Cremating

The song closest to the true spirit of the Carry On movies... at least in Nigel Blackwell's indefatigable Britishness... and his "tribute" to one of the big Carry On stars of olde...

Oh, they’re still cremating Hattie Jacques, I am not surprised
Come on now, let’s face it, she was fat
It usually takes for ever trying to burn the grossly oversized
Who would ever want to look like that?
She had a face that could launch a thousand dredgers
I could never get her on my portable TV

7. Van Morrison - Carry on Regardless

 There's a tiny part of me thinks all post-70s Van Morrison records sound like someone doing a very good impersonation. Of course, I'd never tell Van The Man that... with his reputation!?

(Plus, I think he nicked some guitars from Lady Madonna here. Shh. Let's pretend we didn't notice.)

6. Portishead - We Carry On

 Creepy and disturbing in the way all the best Portishead records are.

5. Spacehog - Carry On

Leeds band Spacehog had more success in the States than back home. Iffypedia tells me they met in a cafe where one of the band members was working as an exterminator.

4. Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young - Carry On

 Timeless. (This is where Fleet Foxes got their mojo.)

3. Kansas - Carry On, Wayward Son

Pompous prog lyrics saved by a glorious chorus and majestic guitars. Glorious, in its way.

2. Fun. - Carry On

Is it me, or does Nate Ruess look like a young (Marky) Mark Wahlberg? He writes far better songs though. And has more conviction.

Why do I like Fun. so much? They do exactly what it says on the tin. 

1. Beautiful South - Good As Gold (Stupid As Mud)

Yes, my Number One Carry On song doesn't feature the words Carry On in its title. Bite me. They're all over the chorus. One of the Beautiful South's most life-affirming songs, with a video to match in which Heato and the gang go for a bike ride in the countryside... with added elephant.

I want my sun-drenched, wind-swept Ingrid Bergman kiss
Not in the next life
I want it in this

Carry on commenting...

My Top Ten Ohio Songs

Not done one of my US road trip Top Tens for awhile. Wasn't sure I could get a whole post out of songs about the Buckeye State, but it's amazing what you find when you start digging around in your music library...


10. Over The Rhine - Ohio

A native band who take their name from a historic neighbourhood in Cincinnati. Lovely song.

9. The Ohio Players - O.H.I.O.

The funkiest Ohio band ever, these guys were together in one guise or another for over 40 years, scoring a pair of US Number Ones in the mid-70s, Fire and Love Rollercoaster (covered in the 90s by the Red Hot Chilli Peppers who had a minor UK hit with it). O.H.I.O. isn't their greatest moment, but it is the one that spells out their state of origin.

8. Super Furry Animals - Ohio Heat

Sycamore trees blowing green in the distance
She sucked on her thumb in her beautiful jail
A sentence to serve as her dynasty blows up inside her balloon
Salty Maureen had a bun in the oven
The daughters of charity let out a sigh
As she suffered they pleaded for mercy she needed a long time ago

And that is why the SFA are ace.

7. The Melting Ice Caps - Ohio

You have to wonder whether professional British miserablist David Shah has ever set foot in Ohio. Sometimes I wonder if he ever sets foot out of his house. Still, more power to him as long as he keeps recording tunes like this one, free to download from the band's website at the link above.

I also just discovered they released a new album last year - available to buy from the Indelicates' Corporate Records site. I look forward to giving that a spin.

6. The Handsome Family - Banks of the Ohio

A traditional folk song murder ballad covered by everyone from Johnny Cash to Olivia Newton John (in, of all places, a Cliff Richard movie). But the Handsome Family always win in the Murder Ballad Olympics as far as I'm concerned.

5. Bowling For Soup - Ohio (Come Back To Texas)

Bowling For Soup always make me smile.

4. Lambchop - Ohio

A song about Kurt Wagner's childhood paper round. I think. It's too lovely to dwell on the meaning - just enjoy the feeling.

3. Nilsson - Dayton, Ohio 1903

A Randy Newman song (here's the original), but the Harry Nilsson version is preferable... because it's Harry bloody-beautiful Nilsson.

Sing a song of long ago
When things were green and movin' slow
And people'd stop to say hello
Or they'd say "hi" to you
"Would you like to come over for tea
With the missus and me?"
It's a real nice way
To spend the day
In Dayton, Ohio
On a lazy Sunday afternoon in 1903

2. The National - Bloodbuzz Ohio

The National get carried to Ohio in a swarm of bees. Just another day at the office for them guys.

1. Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young - Ohio

Neil Young's scream of protest against the Kent State massacre was banned by American radio for pointing the finger of blame at Richard Nixon. It remains one of the most powerful protest songs ever written.

The Dandy Warhols also did a suitably trippy cover.


Those were my Buckeyed Best... but which is your champion conker*?


(*On investigation, I discovered that the Buckeye is a tree which produces conkers similar to our own Horse Chestnut. See, we're not only about the obscure pop records here.)