Snapshots #235: A Top Ten Shakespeare Songs

Is this a dagger I see before me? No, it's the answers to this week's Saturday Snapshots. Ten songs named after some of William Shakespeare's finest plays...

10. I'm Ross Rye.

Anagram - and a slight misreading of the play...

Morrissey - King Leer

9. Malfoy.

Harry Potter fans will know that Malfoy's first name was Lucius.

Lucius - (The) Tempest

8. The first man has gotta have it.

Adam was the first man. And you gotta have Faith. 

Adam Faith - As You Like It

7. Mafia Moggie.

The Mafia is the Family. A moggie is a cat.

The Family Cat - Hamlet For Now

6. Hello, this is Phil. Or Grant.

Hello, this is Joanie.

Phil & Grant Mitchell. (Bear in mind that I haven't watched Eastenders in at least 30 years.)

Joni Mitchell - A Midsummer Night's Dream

Quite a rarity that, but it's a lovely little tune.

5. Curly cabbage.

Curly kale, I was thinking of.

John Cale - Macbeth

4. Yes, sex is important. But it's not everything.

David Essex - A Winter's Tale

Out of season, but still applicable.

3. Roman General wins two points.

One point for title, one for artist.

Titus Andronicus - Richard II Or Extraordinary Popular Dimensions And The Madness Of Crowds (Responsible Hate Anthem)

2. Sparse rugs.

Anagram!

Supergrass - Richard III

1. Are you attired, Sir?

"Attired, Sir" was another anagram.

Great song. Terrible video, in which they choose to represent the lyrics literally, from exploding die to gold and silver chains. Clearly directed by a 6th Former.

Dire Straits - Romeo & Juliet

To be or not to be more Snapshots? That is the question that will be answered next Saturday.

Snapshots #181 - A Top Ten Silver Songs

Yesterday's link was Silver Songs... so here's Phil!

And here are the answers...

10. Total Landscaping.

Frankie Valli & The Four Seasons - Silver Star

9. The only way.

...is Essex, apparently.

David Essex - Silver Dream Machine

8. Rock hard.

Diamonds are very hard rocks.

Jim Diamond - Hi Ho Silver

7. Risk getting muddled up twice when the offers are on.

Muddle up risk and you get Kris, twice, with the Offers On.

Kris Kristofferson - The Silver-Tongued Devil & I

6. Lil' Yorkie.

Anagram for...

Rilo Kiley - Silver Lining

5. Con charm.

Another anagram...

Marc Cohn - Silver Thunderbird

4. I was born pretty much slap bang in the middle...

According to the interweb, to be part of Generation X, you must have been born between 1965 and 1980. 1972 is pretty much slap bang in the middle of that.

Generation X - The Prime of Kenny Silvers, Pt.1 & 2 

3. Where Band Aid came from.

From the First Aid Kit, of course!

First Aid Kit - My Silver Lining

That is gorgeous.

2. Once upon a time, a home for rabbits.

Once upon a time, he was Hutch. (Not Warren.)

David Soul - Silver Lady

1. Donnie's Frank. (Frank, Frank.)

This is Frank, from the movie Donnie Darko. (Is there an echo in here?)

More next week.

Seasonal Snapshots III - The Answers

IT'S ANSWERS!!!

Thanks for keeping this nonsense going all this year. It's been a useful distraction from the real world for me...


25. Used by Native American cultures in sacred ceremonies: Scottish trolley for people with weak leg joints.

Mc - cart - knee.

Not bloody Step Into Christmas, you will surely be glad to know.

Paul McCartney - Pipes Of Peace

24. Two articles on better breathing for fish. Not Buddy's ...the day.

The & a are two articles. I am reusing a few old clues this week, with no apologies.

Fish might breathe better if they had more gills.

Buddy Holly sand That'll Be The Day.

Thea Gilmore - That'll Be Christmas

23. T-mas left after dire traffic jam.

If Chris leaves Christmas, you're left with tmas.

Dire... erm... well, not Straits. (Yes, I know that's not how you spell "diarrhoea").

Chris Rea - Driving Home For Christmas

22. What Santa needs... a double homicide.

Double homicide: Slay & The Killers.

Santa needs a great big sleigh.

The Killers - A Great Big Sleigh

21. OHHHHHHH! Wrapping.

The Big O.

Roy Orbison - Pretty Paper

20. Predictions of misery from your flat screen TV & stereo.

LCD Sound System - Christmas Will Break Your Heart

19. Remain in that postcode for at least 24 more hours.

East 17 - Stay Another Day

This is a good song. But they look extremely silly, both in the picture above and in the video.

18. Move over... Jesus was one too.

Move over, darling.

Jesus was a carpenter.

The Carpenters - Merry Christmas, Darling

17. Common sense list for America or Jack?

Captain America... or Captain Jack? (Billy Joel, not Johnny Depp.)

That sounds sensible.

Captain Sensible - One Christmas Catalogue

16. Gargled harem hopes to last to the end of the month.

"Gargled harem" was an anagram.

Merle Haggard - If We Make It Through December

15. A short, painful New Year for Shaky... and what came before that wasn't the best either.

Suffering, shortened, becomes Suf. January, shortened, becomes Jan.

Shaking Stevens.

Sufjan Stevens - That Was The Worst Christmas Ever

14. Get... Clemons! No chimney, obviously.

Get Carter!

Clarence Clemons.

If there was no chimney, Santa would have to use the back door.

Clarence Carter - Back Door Santa

13. Da do ones kill Andy Bell.

Da do ron ron... slays Ride.

The Ronettes - Sleigh Ride

12. The story of snow in Chelmsford or Saffron Walden.

They're in Essex.

David Essex - A Winter's Tale

11. Kids hanging around a barber's shop on the zebra crossing.

Outside an American barber's shop, there used to be a candy cane pole.

Zebra crossings have white stripes. I've probably used that before. but it worked again here.

The White Stripes - Candy Cane Children

10. The opposite of a Silent Night... with added bloodshed.

The opposite of a Silent Night...? A loud one!

Loudon Wainwright III - I'll Be Killing You This Christmas

9. My average sucks... and I always get miserable around now.

"My average sucks" is an anagram.

Kacey Musgraves - Christmas Makes Me Cry

8. Dinosaur punch goes straight to your head.

A bop to the head?

T-Rexmas!

T-Rex - Christmas Bop

7. Small Buddy Hollies jingle.

Buddy sang Rave On...

The Raveonettes - Christmas Song

6. Don't forget snarly rhinos!

Longtime readers will remember that I've used the "snarly rhinos" anagram before.

Harry Nilsson - Remember (Christmas)

5. "Two weeks off work." That's amazing!

A wonder is amazing.

"Two weeks off work." That's what Christmas means to me!

Stevie Wonder - What Christmas Means To Me

4. American sums found in delivery ward.

American sums are Maths.

So... Math is (in the room) when a child is born.

Johnny Mathis - When A Child Is Born

3. I'm not even going to write a clue for this one. Everything you need is in the picture.

Eels - Christmas Is Going To The Dogs

2. Home of Kemp, King and Scorsese... on the road, darling.

Martin Kemp, Martin Luther King and Martin Scorcese would live in a house...martins.

Caravans are homes that go on the road, love.

The Housemartins - Caravan of Love

1.  My way to wish you all yuletide greetings.

At last, the end is near...



Have yourselves a merry little Christmas!

My Top Ten Rock Star Songs

The perils and pleasures of life as a rock 'n' roll star... in ten easy-to-singalong songs.


10. Ben Folds - Rock Star

You're a slave to these people who
Don't even know you
You think they adore you
They do
Then they throw you away

9. Oasis - Rock 'n' Roll Star

No other song sums up the best... and worst... of Oasis. If only they hadn't tried so very, very hard to live up to it.

Louise just walked in and gave me a really strange look. "Are you listening to Oasis!?!"

I live to surprise and confound.

8. David Essex - Gonna Make You A Star

"I don't think so."

7. Nickelback - Rockstar

Yes, yes, I know. You're far too cool to like Nickelback. Screw you.

6. Everclear - Rock Star

 Kind of like the Nickelback it's almost OK to like.

Everybody everywhere wants to be famous
And everybody everywhere wishes they could tell
Everybody everywhere to go to hell

5. Bill Wyman - (Si Si) Je Suis Un Rock Star

Bill Wyman may have been the most boring man in the Rolling Stones, but I always thought that was rather an unfair contest when you consider the competition. Still, this may well be his finest moment. It proves what a wag he really was. The video's hilarious too. 

Je suis un rock star
Je avais un residence
Je habiter la
A la south of France
Voulez vous
Partir with me?
And come and rester la
With me in France

4. The Byrds - So You Want To Be A Rock 'n' Roll Star

Actually, no, I never did. I always wanted to be a writer. Pretty much missed the boat on that one.

3. Pink - So What

Pink's purest moment of petulant punk-pop in which she gives her ex the finger, because, "So what? I'm still a rock star!" The hilariously cartoon video positions Pink as a 21st Century Billy Idol, with added irony. What's not to love?

2. The Buggles - Video Killed The Radio Star

Would have been Number One if it actually mentioned a Rock Star. Still... Trevor Horn's finest moment. And that's saying something, from the man who produced Owner Of A Lonely Heart.

1. Amanda Palmer - Do It With A Rockstar

What helps AFP stand triumphant over the many fine records below is that this epic is quite unique among rock stars songs, presenting as it does the tale of a needy, neurotic rockstar begging a groupie to stay the night. The honesty of her true intentions...

I don't want your body
Just a part to listen to INXS
All the practice in the world
Won't get me good at loneliness-ness
Loneliless-ness

...are beautifully contrasted by her more desperately persuasive "do you really wanna miss this chance?" chat up routine...

Do you wanna go back home?
Your animals are all alone
Oh, there's a chicken waiting on the stove
And your cousin left his DVD of swinging in the '70s
Or do you wanna go back home
Check your messages and charge your phone?
Oh, are you really sure
You wanna go
When you could
Do it with a rock star?

The video, entertaining though it is in a NSFW way, doesn't really do that dichotomy justice. But it's a wonderful track, and like Pink's song above, a record I just couldn't stop hitting "replay" on when I first got it. God knows what Neil Gaiman thinks, if AFP's actually like this in real life though...




Which one would you throw out the hotel window?