Following on from Monday's post, I started reading one of the books Ben recommended. Much of this post comes from Don't Feed The Monkey Mind by Jennifer Shannon, although it's my own interpretation of her writing, coupled with some other bits I've dug up on the interweb.
Oh, I've been working
Working myself up to the fact
That my best days are behind me
And the road up ahead will be filled with looking back
And the road up ahead will be filled with looking back
Will I look back with regret, with moments to forget
Or will I love what I see?
And the memories will surround me like a warm bubble bath
That's why I'm doing this series. Because I want more warm bubble bath memories to look back on in my dotage, rather than regret.
Why do we get stressed in the first place?
According to the scientists, it’s all down to two little almonds in our brain. Yes, our brains contain nuts. And these nuts are in control of our emotions! As soon as I read this, I felt a lot better about my stress, anxiety, lack of self-esteem and overall miserableness. It’s all just nuts!
The nuts in question are amygdala – although because there’s two of them, there’s some debate about whether the plural should be amygdalas or amygdalae. As it’s a word I find difficult to pronounce anyway, I’m going to stick with the singular. Amygdala. Anyway, the word comes from the Greek amygdalē, which translates as either ‘tonsil’ or ‘almond’. I bet that caused some confusion in Greek hospitals whenever anyone turned up with tonsillitis… or was it just an almond stuck in their throat? Obviously, I’m going with the almond translation because… nuts!
Although they’re a tiny part of our overall brain, the amygdala have a huge job to do. Scientists believe they’re in charge of learning and memory, behaviour, decision making and – perhaps most importantly of all – emotions. Actually, I’m not really sure what else is left for the rest of the brain to do. I reckon it just stares out of the window and tries to work out what your favourite Supertramp song is, or who was Number One on your 16th birthday.
(In case you're wondering, I had no memory of that at all, so I had to look it up. And I bought that record too. I very quickly came to despite Stock, Aitken & Waterman, but I was a big fan of Neighbours - and Kylie in particular - at this time and I was 16, so what do you want from me?)
The amygdala’s main job would appear to be assessing danger. Everything we see, smell, hear, taste, touch, feel or think passes through the amygdala, and the amygdala screens it all for threats. It’s like a particularly thorough airport security check… or, the way I prefer to think about it, it’s our spider-sense.
Whenever the amygdala senses any kind of threat – from a bus about to run us over in the street to somebody gossiping about us behind our back in the office – it sets off our spider-sense, various hormonal and neurological warning signals that in turn cause us to feel the symptoms of stress. These will vary depending on the individual and the situation, but they include all the old favourites – physical stuff such as increased heart rate, changes to breathing, hot or cold sweat, and mental reactions such as fear, anger and shame. Stress hormones basically prepare us to fight the threat or flee from the danger: fight or flight. But they often override our normal, logical human brain, and let our monkey brain take over. And what do monkeys love? Nuts! That’s why we sometimes do crazy things when we’re stressed, like shouting at people we love, eating a whole chocolate cake in one go, or punching the wall with exasperation.
(Kommode are from Norway. You'll be pleased to learn that a Kommode in Norwegian is a chest of drawers, not a water closet.)
When the amygdala goes into overdrive, it can cause all kinds of mental health problems, including chronic anxiety, depression, self-harm, eating disorders, bi-polar disorder, and PTSD. It can affect our appetite, our sleep, our self-image, our enjoyment of life… pretty much everything. All that from two little almonds in our brain. Nuts.
So... what do we do about it? Well, I certainly don’t claim to have a magic wand. (Not yet, anyway.) But the first step in dealing with any problem is understanding the problem. Understanding why we feel the way we do in any given situation, and what’s going on in our brains and our bodies that creates those feelings. Recognising that negative thoughts are just thoughts, and that negative feelings are just chemical and neurological responses.
I'd like to help you, doctor
Yes I really, really would
But the din in my head
It's too much and it's no good
I'm standing in a windy tunnel
Shouting through the roar
And I'd like to give the information
You're asking for
But blood makes noise
It's a ringing in my ear
Blood makes noise
And I can't really hear you in the thickening of fear
And if that doesn’t calm you down, try thinking about the monkey throwing nuts around as soon as it senses danger. Saying, “shut up, monkey!” whenever your head fills up with negative thoughts might seem like an overly simplistic way of dealing with the situation, but it’s a clear reminder of what’s going on in your brain, and that’s a good start.
Ben: This came up on my Google news feed. I really don't understand this. What were they expecting with that road being so close?
There's a really really nice house near us that we keep seeing but it's next door to a pub. When restrictions are lifted, that is going to be very noisy because I know it is next to a pub.
Rol: I like the sound of the double-deckers going past out house. Especially at night.
The busses that used to go past my old place I liked. It kept the timing of things. But if you buy a new build that is clearly next to an A road. Surely. Surely. You know what you're in for.
Having lived in a new build (albeit one that someone else had lived in for 18 months from new and we then lived in for 18 months and I suspect the new people won't last that long), I can confirm that nobody should ever buy a new built because the companies that build them don't give a shit about quality, durability, location et al. Bunch of crooks.
Even though we don't really speak or have much affinity, my dad is a joiner and a bloody good one. I used to labour during summers from uni for him and his crew. Quantity surveyors don't even bother checking his roofs, they just trust him. I remember times as a kid where he wasn't happy with stuff and went back out, like a time I was 8 and he went back out at 9pm because he'd done something slightly wrong at a property and it ate at him so he went back to fix it before it had time to set. And he hates the idea of new builds because of the people who work on them.
My dad was a joiner too. You speak to the older generation of tradesmen and they are shocked by what goes on these days. No integrity.
It's almost like things were better in the past...
Ben sends this in reply...
I don't like it when I'm photographed without my consent.
That's why I recorded you instead.
You used the magic camera box. Probably stole my soul while you were at it.
I tried but nothing came out.
It's long gone.
Ben replies with a link to this video...
Relevance?
That's you and your soul duetting.
My soul is Mel C?
No.
You're Mel C.
Surely I'm crinkly old Bryan. I don't feel like Mel C. I've never once been sporty.
And neither has my soul.
I can't help the truth. This is the way.
Mel C was always my favourite Spice Girl. She was the most real, least cartoon.
These guys?They're not really cartoons but I can see your mix-up.
The punchline to that should have been, "No, that was All Saints."
All Saints were something special. They made a RHCP song sound good.
I thought I'd share my tea with you. Made a wild mushroom bulgogi.
With pickled cucumber.
Well, not quite a bulgogi as I used gochujang as the base sauce.
That looks like something out of the food section of the Grauniad, which Louise has quit reading in horror.
I'll buy in some chicken dippers and oven chips for tomorrow.
Send you a picture of them.
And before you say, yes, they do vegan ones.
My sister has some vegan chickens. They won't even eat worms.
That's a Tim Vine style joke. I'm very disappointed.
It's a true statement. I can't help if it offends your Ben Elton right on alt-comedy sensibilities.
Alright, Lee Mack.
I like Lee Mack. He's old school without being old school. And very sharp.
I knew you wouldn't like him though.
Little bit of politics, as Ben Elton used to say.
Everything is politics.
Name me something, I'll show you the politics.
Snails.
Ben sends me a 21 page report entitled "Snails, Mining & Climate Change: The Politics of Biodiversity In New Zealand". (I'll spare you the link.)
"Name me something, I'll show you something you're totally not interested in. 21 pages of it."
It's not an area I'm familiar with but the underlying argument is that politics encompasses everything in its exploitation. Also, whilst I'm boring you, in relation to our conversation the other day, Springer released this a few years ago and it was very good. Crude for academia but a good read and outlines why I am not neoliberal.
Is that Frank Springer?
Simon Springer.
And his amazing dancing bear.
Sadly, they broke up.
Political differences, I bet.
I always smile when I remember Paul Heaton saying The Beautiful South broke up because of musical similarities.
I like Paul Heaton.
Well, of course. He's a Marxist. He made sure every member of the band got equal royalties.
I like that he still lives in a terraced house.
And didn't he buy the whole street and give away the rest of the houses?
I'm not sure on that, I just know about having a house. He lived round the corner from some mates at uni. And he writes a cracking pop song.
No argument there. Though he's gone off the boil a bit lately.
Every time my phone buzzes with a text, I think it's you with another Marxist rant.
I think I've only ever done two or three Marxist rants at you. To be critical of the state isn't exclusively a Marxist endeavour.
Are you still putting my witticisms on your blog? Do you call it "Rol over Benthoven"? That's very bad if you do and I'd expect better wordplay from you.
I call it Conversations With Ben. Like Conversations With God, the dark side.
Most people seem to believe I make you up.
By most people, I mean 3 out of the 4 people in the world with nothing better to do with their lives.
I think we've covered the fact that I am definitely a person you manifested into existence to cope with COVID. You did know a Ben in Barnsley but he died 30 years ago.
And only I know where the body is.
Now you're beginning to remember.
I need a Sharpie to write it on my arm so I don't forget again.
When you're doing a PhD you get people try and impress you at weddings and other places of bigger gatherings.
Like they're trying to prove their intelligence and interests to you.
But it's like, I like comics and watching cartoons.
Mainly from older people as well.
Weird you should say that, because I was just typing that the older I get, the less time I have for intellectual snobbery.
But then I guess I've never been an intellectual.
Most of the time it's ok as I try to instantly move onto hobbies instead to steer it away but then sometimes you get those "university of life, me, mate" people.
The last 60 seconds of this is my answer to anyone who claims high art is better than dumb fun... I can't believe they edited it from the single version. It's the best 60 seconds Jon Bon Jovi ever recorded.
(Sometimes Ben's silence speaks volumes.)
I don't care your education level, I can still talk to you, They try and like prove themselves, like Ricky Gervais and his best mate in the Office.
Ricky Gervais is actually like that in real life though.
Start reeling off facts. Like, why would I give a shit about the capital cities of the world or the scientific name of something? It has very little relation to anything in my life. I'm awful at geography and I'm comfortable and happy to say that.
It's OK if you're a 7 year old. Sam knows all the capital cities. But he'll grow out of it.
Then again, what about pop trivia...?
I know what I know, pop trivia wise.
It doesn't make me better or worse in intelligence but there's a lot of people out there who think that's a marker of intelligence.
I'm not sure. I think they cling to it because they don't know much else. I certainly do.
