Snapshots #465: Train Songs

This is Pat Monahan, lead singer of the band Train.

And here are some songs loosely connected with choo choos...

15. Chased a bandit with Dick Grayson's lad... and made cod in breadcrumbs for everyone.

Smokey chased the Bandit. With Robin's son. Performing miracles.

Smokey Robinson & The Miracles - The Tracks Of My Tears

14. They say that when AI takes all our jobs, we will become...

The Leisure Society - The Sleeper

13. Panic on the streets outside Hotel California.

Where The Eagles meet The Smiths...

Fred Eaglesmith - Freight Train 

Or you could have...

Fred Eaglesmith - I Like Trains

12. Found with Julia's Squash.

Julia Donaldson (of Gruffalo fame / fortune) also wrote a book called The Squash & The Squeeze...

Squeeze - Up The Junction

11. Another suitcase full of baby-teething biscuits in another hall.

Barbara Dickson sang Another Suitcase In Another Hall. I'm not sure whether her suitcase had a Rusk in.

Barbara Ruskin - Euston Station

10. Competition to find Messrs Cave and Lowe on a football pitch. 

Remember Spot The Ball? This is Spot the Nick!

The Spotnicks - The Rocket Man

Do I need to explain why there's a Rocket in here?

9. James went there from Eden, to find Frankie's Opus.

James Dean went East of Eden. Frankie Valli sang Opus 17

East 17 - Steam

8. Often mistaken for Dennis's dog.

Dennis The Menace has a dog called Gnasher. G-Nash?

Graham Nash - On The Line

7. After leaving Eastenders, Susan set up a shop for people who like to make things.

Susan Tully was in Eastenders (after being in Grange Hill, of course). I doubt Brian would get that clue, but I imagine he might recognise the picture.

Tullycraft - The Railway Prince Hotel

6. Lava everywhere.

Eruption - One Way Ticket

5. The paella truck spilt its load.

"Paella truck" was an anagram.

Petula Clark - Don't Sleep In The Subway

4. Former puppet, pawn and patsy.

He used to be a Stooge.

Iggy Pop - The Passenger

3. Boy from the Greta Garbo Home swallows his biro.

My Name Is Jack, lived in the Greta Garbo Home for Wayward Boys & Girls. Did he eat his pen too?

Jack Peñate - Torn On The Platform

2. The Archies meet Daryl Hannah. 

The Archies made Bubblegum pop. Daryll was in Splash.

Bubblegum Splash - 18:10 To Yeovil Junction

1. Sadly, she's never been to me.

Charlene sang I've never been to me. This lady used to be called Charlene.

Kylie Minogue - The Loco-Motion

Little Eva would have been too obvious.

Catch the train to more Snapshots at 8:30 sharp next Saturday morning...

My Top 24 of 2024 (#6 - 4)

Wolves of Glendale - Loud Ass Car

More aurally pulchritudinous delights from the year they insisted on naming after Jack Bauer's missions...

6. Orville Peck - Stampede

He dresses like the Lone Ranger and has the singing chops of Johnny Cash and Chris Isaak. But who is that masked man?

South African (now living in the US) alt-country star Orville Peck is a riddle wrapped in a mystery inside a pair of cowboy boots. He's not afraid to push boundaries and buttons, sometimes using country music to champion gay rights (pretty ballsy considering America's current swing back to conservatism, as mentioned by John Grant earlier in this list), but he's equally good at playing it "straight" musically, in terms of genre. His third album is a collaborative duets effort, on which Orville manages to drag in an impressive array of confederates, from Willie Nelson, Margo Price and Beck to Elton and Kylie, making each artists' contribution true to their own musical background. Or, as he puts it...

"I wanted to make sure that every single song on the album felt like a true 50/50 collaboration of me and the other artists' style and sound and genre. I didn't want to just feel like a bunch of Orville Peck songs that feature verses from other artists. I wanted each one to be an actual collaboration. Every single song on the album is entirely its own thing, dependent on who the artist is. It's a really fun journey. It's definitely the most adventurous I've ever been in terms of genre. It's some of the most country songs I've ever done on this album and some of the least country songs I've ever done on this album."

A large number of these tracks have become essential companions this year (even the more obvious covers like Saturday Night's Alright For Fighting and Rhinestone Cowboy), but the record's so diverse I'm struggling to choose the best song... or even most representative. 

This?

Orville Peck & Willie Nelson - Cowboys Are Frequently Secretly Fond Of Each Other

Or this?

Orville Peck & Kylie Minogue - Midnight Ride

Or this?

Look, I don't care if it was forty years ago
When you won high school spelling bee
What are you even talking about?
Not everybody can spell hippopotamus
And that's at least something you can hang on to
I can't even understand you with that thing on your face
Margo, you sure take the O out of country
And you put the L in stupid

Orville Peck & Margo Price - You're an Asshole, I Can't Stand You (and I Want a Divorce)

In the end, I'm settling for this purely on the basis of the video...

5. English Teacher - This Could Be Texas

The last time I included a Mercury Prize winner in my personal list of the year's best albums was way back in 2011 (PJ Harvey, to save you the googling). That's how unhip I am. And yet, for some strange reason, I was ahead of the curve when it came to English Teacher. Could be that I was simply taken by the band name? Or the fact that they hail from my neck of the woods (lead singer Lily Fontaine was born in Huddersfield and grew up just over the Pennines in Colne, and the record made waves for being the first Mercury winner in 9 years not to come from London)?

Musically, the indie-art-punk twanging isn't a million miles away from Florence Shaw and Dry Cleaning, but the lyrics are much more personal, dealing with questions of cultural identity in a touching, honest and humorous fashion.  

I am the world's biggest paving slab
But no one can walk over me
I am the Pendle Witches, John Simm
And I am Lee Ingleby
I am the Bank of Dave, Golden Postbox
And the festival of R&B
I'm not the terrorist of Talbot Street
But I have apocalyptic dreams

You should see my armoury

4. Wolves Of Glendale - Wolves Of Glendale

From the sublime then, to the ridiculous. I challenge you to scour the whole of the blogosphere and find anyone else who has included Wolves of Glendale in their year end countdown. 

I offer no defence except that this record made me grin like nothing else this year, and I listened to it for far longer than I probably should have...

If you're in any way appreciative of that, it might be worth pointing you towards a new song they put out a little while back... hopefully a taster for album 2.

Wolves of Glendale - Ricky

 

Coffee Break #5: Free Coffee!

Ben Folds - Free Coffee Town

Towards the end of Half Term, we had a few days away in Pickering. It's becoming a preferred holiday destination: not too crowded, close enough to the coast if we want to see the sea, but with lots of nice countrysidey things to do, particularly the wonderful Dalby Forest, just around the corner.

Jason Falkner - Holiday

Sam and I also enjoy the Pickering Museum, one of those places that offers a time capsule trip into the past, to a world that looked like this...

A far more civilised, genteel and altogether less horrible time like this...

And for those of you who occasionally like to frequent a local hostelry or two, a world where you didn't need a second mortgage before setting foot over the threshold...

Kylie Minogue - Step Back In Time

Personally, I haven't been in a public house for quite some time, though we did stop off at one for a family meal recently, and after buying a glass of wine and two soft drinks, I was horrified at how little change I got from twenty quid. I don't know how you regulars cope - I'd just be thinking how many CDs I could buy instead...

Leo Sayer - HOW Much, Love?

Possibly the most exciting thing about Pickering Museum though was the sign which read "Free Coffee". Wow - two of my favourite words combined... it doesn't get any better than this, surely? 

Joni Mitchell - For Free

(I remember back in 1994, when Nelson Mandela spoke to the US Congress, quoting the end of Martin Luther King's most famous speech: "Free at last, free at last, thank God Almighty we are free at last!" The radio was on in the background, but when I heard those words, I turned it up to see if I could catch which shop he was talking about.)

Al Green - Free At Last

The Free Coffee sign was next to the exit, but that was OK. The promise kept me buzzing all the way around the museum. It would be the perfect climax to our visit!

"But you just had a coffee before we came in here," Sam said.

Brook Benton - Another Cup Of Coffee

Ah, the young. "Imagine if the sign said 'Free Football Cards'," I told him, "and I said to you, 'but you just bought some football card before we came in here..."

"That's different," he said. And he was right. Football cards offer a transitory pleasure, at best. While coffee is the gift that keeps on giving.

Dantalian's Chariot - Coffee Song

As is so often the case though, the reality rarely lives up to the dream. (Just ask Martin Luther King.) The free coffee was dispensed by a 40 year old Klix machine (a true museum-piece), a mixture of hot water and undissolved granules that tasted like... well, I'm not sure the words have been invented. I poured it away after the first mouthful. There's no such thing as a free coffee.

Snapshots #343: A Top Ten Songs With French Titles

French actress Catherine Deneuve welcomes you to ten songs with French titles. She will provide the translations, since I gave up French in the Third Year...

10. Lucky x 4.

She should be so lucky. Lucky, lucky, lucky.

Kylie Minogue - Je Ne Sais Pas Pourquoi 

"I do not know why" Kylie was always so lucky.

9. Puppy Love for Shakespearean wife.

Donny Osmond sang Puppy Love. Shakespeare's wife was Anne Hathaway.

Donny Hathaway - Je Vous Aime

"I love you," Donny.

8. Big end.

That would be one Mega Death.

Megadeth - A Tout Le Monde

"To everybody", from Megadeth.

7. One quarter committed. 

A quarter is 25%. If you're committed, you are sectioned.

Section 25 - Je Veux Ton Amour

"I want your love", but not your money, honey.

6. I'd like a picture of the Empire State Building on my T-shirt, please.

Can you do me a Manhattan transfer?

Manhattan Transfer - Chanson d'Amour

"Love Song..." a ratty tatty tat.

5. Mr. Rigby. 

Amy Rigby is his better half.

Wreckless Eric - Reconnez Chérie

Did you "Recognise, honey...?" 

4. Psychics look for the answer within.

Psychics...

Chic - Le Freak

Not much to translate there... "the freak".

3. Gav - accept Elmo, then we can undo this puzzle.

"Gav - accept Elmo" was an anagram...

Campag Velocet - Bon Chic Bon Genre

Google translate tells me that the translation of that whole phrase is "preppy"... or "good style, good gender", one word at a time.

2. Look at me, I'm on half a Hawaiian beach. 

Look at me, I'm Sandra Dee, from Waikiki...

Kiki Dee - Amoureuse

Were you "in love" with Kiki?

1. Good looking bloke with hazel peepers.

He's a brown-eyed, handsome man... with very recognisable feet.

"That's life"... it goes to show, you never can tell.

Chuck Berry - C'est La Vie

Les instantanés seront de retour Samedi prochain...

Celebrity Jukebox #114: Sean Connery

It's Half Term, so no time for any Cynical Self Help this week. Instead, here's a Celebrity Jukebox I've been meaning to run for the last few weeks, but people keep dying and overshadowing it. 

He might not be my favourite Bond, but he's certainly the best Dad Indiana Jones could have had. And he was the best Russian submarine captain with a Scottish accent I've ever seen at the cinema. When Sean Connery left us in 2020, he left a legendary legacy of roles that went far beyond Bond... The Untouchables, The Name Of The Rose, The Rock, Highlander... and let's not forget the fashion faux pas of Zardoz. 

But how does the Celebrity Jukebox remember the Man Who Would Be King? Predictably, with lots of rappers claiming to be as cool as he was. Hell, even Robbie Williams tries to get in on that act...

I'm an honorary Sean Connery, born '74

There's only one of me

Single-handedly raising the economy

Ain't no chance of the record company dropping me

Robbie Williams & Kylie Minogue - Kids

I bet Sir Sean loved that one.

Not that Robbie was the first to rhyme Connery with economy...

Drink responsibly or drink constantly

Be who you wanna be in this economy

Drunk as Sean Connery at the finery

Can't throw me out, motherfucker, I'm the honoree

Ice Cube - No Country For Young Men

And if that wasn't enough to get 007 shaken but not stirred, here's Adam Ant doing his best Sean Connery impershonashion.

Any messages Miss Moneypenny?

They tried so hard

But there will never be

There will never be

Another Connery

Adam Ant - Darlin' Boy

(At least, I think that's what he was trying to do.)

Allez Allez were a Belgian funk band in the early 80s whose debut album was produced by Martyn Ware of Heaven 17 and the Human League. Singer Sarah Osborne then married Glenn Gregory and the band went their separate ways. However, as the law states that all 80s bands must reform at some point in the 21st Century, Allez Allez came back in 2019 with this. It's great, but one has to wonder if it was the final nail in the Connery coffin...

Allez Allez - Sean Connery

 

And here's a few more bands making the most of Sean's good name...

The Landys - Sean Connery

Half Past Two - Sean Connery

The Nut Sockets - Sean Connery

The Allstonians - Sean Connery

King Leo & The Growling Dogs - Sean Connery

Vike - Sean Connery

Ghostmouth - Sean Connery

Man, Bro, Dude - Sean Connery Saying Sean Connery

Bang Lassi - You Only Get One Go (Sean Connery)

The Tartan Specials - Sean Connery For President

And here's a band from Sheffield who appear to have some inside information...

Sean Connery's Sex Games - Broca's Aphasia

Meanwhile, the Toy Dolls find their way onto this blog far more than I'm comfortable with...

James Bond lives down our street

Jimmy's a spy but both you and I know

Sean Connery or Roger Moore, that I'm not quite sure

But what I know is James Bond...

The Toy Dolls - James Bond Lives Down Our Street

And Mark E. Smith mumbles the first Bond's name here...

The Fall - Spencer Must Die

In truth, it's not the best batch of songs this feature has ever thrown up. In fact, I was getting ready to close with this, from a 90s George Martin Tribute album I got as a promo copy back when I worked in radio...

Sean Connery - In My Life

Yes, that is Sir Sean himself, doing one of the better Beatles songs in his own inimitable sh-tyle.

Fortunately, the day was saved, not by James Bond, but by The James Dean Driving Experience, a short-lived band (fondly remembered in some dusty corners of the interweb) from the late 80s. This was their final single, from 1990, which pedants will argue was still the late 80s...

 

Self-Help For Cynics #7: Nuts!

Following on from Monday's post, I started reading one of the books Ben recommended. Much of this post comes from Don't Feed The Monkey Mind by Jennifer Shannon, although it's my own interpretation of her writing, coupled with some other bits I've dug up on the interweb. 

Oh, I've been working

Working myself up to the fact 

That my best days are behind me

And the road up ahead will be filled with looking back

And the road up ahead will be filled with looking back

Will I look back with regret, with moments to forget

Or will I love what I see?

And the memories will surround me like a warm bubble bath

Like a warm bubble bath

Tim Heidecker - I’ve Been Losing

That's why I'm doing this series. Because I want more warm bubble bath memories to look back on in my dotage, rather than regret.

Why do we get stressed in the first place?

According to the scientists, it’s all down to two little almonds in our brain. Yes, our brains contain nuts. And these nuts are in control of our emotions! As soon as I read this, I felt a lot better about my stress, anxiety, lack of self-esteem and overall miserableness. It’s all just nuts!

Jim Capaldi - Anxiety

The nuts in question are amygdala – although because there’s two of them, there’s some debate about whether the plural should be amygdalas or amygdalae. As it’s a word I find difficult to pronounce anyway, I’m going to stick with the singular. Amygdala. Anyway, the word comes from the Greek amygdalē, which translates as either ‘tonsil’ or ‘almond’. I bet that caused some confusion in Greek hospitals whenever anyone turned up with tonsillitis… or was it just an almond stuck in their throat? Obviously, I’m going with the almond translation because… nuts!

Nick Lowe - Nutted By Reality

Although they’re a tiny part of our overall brain, the amygdala have a huge job to do. Scientists believe they’re in charge of learning and memory, behaviour, decision making and – perhaps most importantly of all – emotions. Actually, I’m not really sure what else is left for the rest of the brain to do. I reckon it just stares out of the window and tries to work out what your favourite Supertramp song is, or who was Number One on your 16th birthday. 

Kylie Minogue - I Should Be So Lucky

(In case you're wondering, I had no memory of that at all, so I had to look it up. And I bought that record too. I very quickly came to despite Stock, Aitken & Waterman, but I was a big fan of Neighbours - and Kylie in particular - at this time and I was 16, so what do you want from me?)

The Housemartins - Anxious

(That would have been a more appropriate Number One, but sadly it came out two years earlier and wasn't even released as a single.) 

For Against - Get On With It

Quite.

The amygdala’s main job would appear to be assessing danger. Everything we see, smell, hear, taste, touch, feel or think passes through the amygdala, and the amygdala screens it all for threats. It’s like a particularly thorough airport security check… or, the way I prefer to think about it, it’s our spider-sense.

I've got nothing to worry about

So I worry about nothing

I think I've got fleas or some tropical disease

And my spider-sense is tingling

I've got nothing to panic about

So I panic about nothing

I won't buy grapes, I check the 'sell by' dates

And I only eat fruit out of tins

The Boy Least Likely To - I See Spiders When I Close My Eyes

Whenever the amygdala senses any kind of threat – from a bus about to run us over in the street to somebody gossiping about us behind our back in the office – it sets off our spider-sense, various hormonal and neurological warning signals that in turn cause us to feel the symptoms of stress. These will vary depending on the individual and the situation, but they include all the old favourites – physical stuff such as increased heart rate, changes to breathing, hot or cold sweat, and mental reactions such as fear, anger and shame. Stress hormones basically prepare us to fight the threat or flee from the danger: fight or flight. But they often override our normal, logical human brain, and let our monkey brain take over. And what do monkeys love? Nuts! That’s why we sometimes do crazy things when we’re stressed, like shouting at people we love, eating a whole chocolate cake in one go, or punching the wall with exasperation. 

It's written in the veins

The rules of what we've never seen before

The breathing learned to stop

Our body froze the moment you said run

What we feel is old

Messages from when the world was young

Kommode - Fight or Flight or Dance All Night

(Kommode are from Norway. You'll be pleased to learn that a Kommode in Norwegian is a chest of drawers, not a water closet.)

When the amygdala goes into overdrive, it can cause all kinds of mental health problems, including chronic anxiety, depression, self-harm, eating disorders, bi-polar disorder, and PTSD. It can affect our appetite, our sleep, our self-image, our enjoyment of life… pretty much everything. All that from two little almonds in our brain. Nuts.

I have got anxiety

It has got the best of me

Satisfaction guaranteed

Anxiety

Idles - Anxiety

So... what do we do about it? Well, I certainly don’t claim to have a magic wand. (Not yet, anyway.) But the first step in dealing with any problem is understanding the problem. Understanding why we feel the way we do in any given situation, and what’s going on in our brains and our bodies that creates those feelings. Recognising that negative thoughts are just thoughts, and that negative feelings are just chemical and neurological responses. 

I'd like to help you, doctor

Yes I really, really would

But the din in my head

It's too much and it's no good

I'm standing in a windy tunnel

Shouting through the roar

And I'd like to give the information

You're asking for

But blood makes noise

It's a ringing in my ear

Blood makes noise

And I can't really hear you in the thickening of fear

Suzanne Vega - Blood Makes Noise

And if that doesn’t calm you down, try thinking about the monkey throwing nuts around as soon as it senses danger. Saying, “shut up, monkey!” whenever your head fills up with negative thoughts might seem like an overly simplistic way of dealing with the situation, but it’s a clear reminder of what’s going on in your brain, and that’s a good start.

Sometimes you lie awake at night

Giving yourself a hard time

Sometimes you just can't make it right

There's nothing so cruel as your own mind

So be kind, be kind, be kind

Go easy on yourself

Be kinder than the ones who run you down

Snapshots #233: A Top Ten Devil Songs

I guess I put the clocks way too far forward this week.

The Devil made me do it... 

10. King gets hump at mailman.

I'll let Cliff's biggest fan, Charity Chic, explain this one...

"King Richard had a humpy back and Cliff from Cheers was a mailman."

Cliff Richard - Devil Woman

9. Leo? Gemini? Yuk!

Anagram!

Kylie Minogue - Better The Devil You Know

8. Don't jump these guys, or they'll blow you away.

Don't jump the Gun...

Gun - Race With The Devil

(60s band. Not to be confused with the 90s band of the same name.)

7. Whereas these guys can come true.

Pretty obscure, this bunch, to be fair.

Dreams - Devil Lady

6. When Midge left, he took the Boy's Club with him. 

Take away Ure and the Club from Boy George's band and all you have left is...

The Cult - Lil' Devil

5. Your hair is beautiful, cock.

"Your hair is beautiful" is a line from Atomic.

Atomic Rooster - Devil's Answer

4. Over the top.

INXS - Devil Inside

3. Cover the tea, Enoch.

You cover the tea with a cosy, Enoch Powell.

Cozy Powell - Dance With The Devil

2. Anytime loos.

Anagram!

Alison Moyet - That Ole Devil Called Love

1. Cocaine and Jack.

Cocaine is Charlie, Jack is Daniels.

I'll try to be a bit more organised next week.